Tag Archives: joe walsh

  who's the job creator now jerks

A Children’s Treasury Of Job Applications For Defeated GOP Wingnuts

Oh, yeah, sure, say Obama “saved the economy” or whatever, and maybe unemployment is “on the way down,” by and large, if you’re into numbers or blah blah blah, but listen up, little Cleverpants you, because there are people who lost their jobs not two days ago. They are Republicans, booted out the door by an electorate that for some reason has a problem with politicians being completely off their gourds. They were not nice fellows (and yes, they are all fellows), and they had policies that were… not so great. And now they are unemployed, and sad. But this is America, where we encourage people to pull themselves up by their bootstraps! Take personal responsibility for themselves, and not be 47-percenters! We don’t have to worry about Unemployed Mitt Romney, as he can just crawl under his quilt of unreleased tax returns and whistle the days away, collecting dollars, but other Republicans may fall on hard times when their government paychecks don’t show up. We’ve found some jobs for them, to help them out of the slavery of government dependency. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Job Applications For Defeated GOP Wingnuts…
  pantheon of fallen heroes

Pour A Little On The Ground For America’s Greatest Deadbeat Dad, Hero Congressman Joe Walsh

Today we remember our fallen heroes, a pantheon of peerless fighters like Allen West (probably) and some other ones. But first among equals must always be hero congressman and deadbeat dad of the decade one Mr. Joe Walsh. Let us have a moment of silence for the man whose big GOTCHA in his first debate against war hero Tammy Duckworth was that he had spy photos of her wearing women’s clothing. Okay, good silence, you guys! Now let us honor Mr. Former Congressman Walsh with a montage. Read more on Pour A Little On The Ground For America’s Greatest Deadbeat Dad, Hero Congressman Joe Walsh…
  kicking ass with robot feet

Live Blooging The Last Death Rattle Of Illinois Congressman Joe Walsh

Hey, so anybody able to get this fucker to load? No, right? HAHAHA, we just figured it out. Chicago is NOT ON EASTERN TIME MAYBE? So maybe it is one more hour before this bad boy starts? For sweet Jesus crying out loud. This is seriously going to cut into our Pimm’s cup and French dip time at Cole’s, which we’d thoughtfully scheduled for 90 minutes from now. Let’s all go do something else for a while, yes? See you back in like 45. Pfft. 7 PM Whatever time: Are we ready to rumble? NOT ANYMORE. 7:01 PM — So is there a goddamn debate or is this their regular newscast? Anybody else ready to scrape this ridiculous waste of pixels from the Internet? Ooh, a weather report. 7:05 PM — Pretty sure the moderator just described Joe Walsh as a high school dropout. Read more on Live Blooging The Last Death Rattle Of Illinois Congressman Joe Walsh…
  and then we shall weep

Soon We Will Not Have Joe Walsh To Kick Around With Tammy Duckworth’s Mechanical Feet

You know, we were sort of toying with live-blooging the last Duckworth-Walsh Illinois congressional debate, but then we were like, eh, maybe Tammy Duckworth will be kind of boring, and surely Joe Walsh is too much of a pussy to offer her a Purple Heart band-aid for her kickass robot legs to her face? But then Tammy Duckworth was not boring, and the increasingly bizarre (if that were even possible) deadbeat Congressman Joe Walsh waved around a picture proving his opponent wears women’s clothes!!! Well unlike Joe Walsh (hopefully!) we are not about to make the same mistake twice! Join us, and this livestream, at 7 p.m. Eastern as we live-bloog the shit out of whatever oozes from Walsh’s peevish puss. Read more on Soon We Will Not Have Joe Walsh To Kick Around With Tammy Duckworth’s Mechanical Feet…
  but when did she stop beating her wife?

America’s Favoritest Deadbeat Dad Joe Walsh Wins Re-Election With Spy Photo Of Opponent Picking Out Dress

Sorry, guys, but GAME OVER. Illinois Congressman and paragon of personal responsibility Joe Walsh has handily defeated his opponent even with four weeks or whatever left to go. How did he do this? By holding up, during their debate, a photo of his opponent picking out a dress to wear at the Democratic National Convention, where she would be giving a speech. Wait a minute, she? His opponent’s a lady? And his big GOTCHA is that she wore a dress? Do not try to wrap your puny mortal brains around what goes on in the mysterious silence of Joe Walsh’s skull. He’s ineffable, and unknowable, and a crazy motherfucker. Like God! Read more on America’s Favoritest Deadbeat Dad Joe Walsh Wins Re-Election With Spy Photo Of Opponent Picking Out Dress…
  leave todd akin alone!

Rep. Joe Walsh Just Doesn’t Get Why Everyone Slammed Todd Akin Like That

Now that Missouri’s finest reproductive sorcerer Rep. Todd Akin is “in it,” by which we mean his Senate race, so as “to win it,” we should expect to see many on the right to start saying, oh well, maybe we were too hard on the ol’ galoot after all. It was just one sentence, right? These things happen. And Illinois father of the millennium Rep. Joe Walsh is out early to shield his colleague from those who would have his head. “What he said was offensive, insulting and wrong, but I’m bothered by this rush to pile on,” Walsh told a group of Young Republicans yesterday. “And I’m bothered by the silence of members of our own party to stand up for him.” Read more on Rep. Joe Walsh Just Doesn’t Get Why Everyone Slammed Todd Akin Like That…
  this guy

America’s Dad, Joe Walsh, Has Some Fatherly Advice For Barack Obama

Ahh, so now we know how Joe Walsh breaks the news to junior that’s he’s going to have to procure his own bread, perhaps from the trash can, because daddy’s vacation ran a little over-budget. And Joe Walsh, being Joe Walsh, would display his masterful paternalistic skill set in a way that involved referring to the President of the United States as “son.” Rep. Joe Walsh, who is several months younger than Barack Obama, wants to pat him on the head and call him son and tell him to get a job working for someone. The liberals (****SIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGHHHHHH*****) will take issue with this, since they don’t appreciate the truth. Read more on America’s Dad, Joe Walsh, Has Some Fatherly Advice For Barack Obama…
  sitcom?

Watch Joe Walsh Shout ‘Ashleigh’ At Ashleigh Banfield Ten Billion Times

Charming Illinois Rep. Joe Walsh went on CNN today for an interview with anchor Ashleigh Banfield, of “getting demoted for criticizing network news coverage in the build-up to the Iraq War” fame. The subject was Walsh’s very mild recent comments about how double-amputee Iraq veteran and congressional candidate Tammy Duckworth won’t shut her dang mouth about her service, and therefore isn’t a Real Hero. What’s the problem, Banfield? And then she destroys him while he shouts her name for a number of minutes. We’re gonna miss Joe Walsh in January. Read more on Watch Joe Walsh Shout ‘Ashleigh’ At Ashleigh Banfield Ten Billion Times…
  we can be heroes

Deadbeat Congressman Joe Walsh’s Simply Cannot Stop Mocking Double Amputee Tammy Duckworth’s Military Service

Oh yeah, he’s at it again. At what again? Paying his rent? Or his child support? HAHA DON’T BE RIDICULOSE! No, deadbeat congressman Joe Walsh is once again sneering at his opponent, Tammy Duckworth, who lost both her legs flying a helicopter in Iraq and now works in Veterans Affairs. Here’s what Walsh said last time: “She’s been the one working in Washington. She’s a bureaucrat. I’m a fighter. […] I have so much respect for what she did in the fact that she sacrificed her body for this country,” said Walsh, simultaneously lowering his voice as he leaned forward before pausing for dramatic effect. “Ehhh. Now let’s move on.” But has Walsh taken his own impeccable advice? Maybe no! Read more on Deadbeat Congressman Joe Walsh’s Simply Cannot Stop Mocking Double Amputee Tammy Duckworth’s Military Service…
  oafs of office

Thoughtful Gentleman Rep. Joe Walsh Impugns Intellect Of Poopy-Head President

Your Wonket cannot get enough of one Mr. Congressman Joe Walsh (R-Collections). Every time he goes out in public — and with apologies to Dan Savage and the Portland, Oregon, Police Bureau — it gets better. He’s always all “Iraq veteran and septuple amputee Tammy Duckworth is a coward” this, and “I have to live in my office because I’m such a fucking deadbeat” that. He also loves to scream “shut up!” at his constituents, and is just constantly suing his ex-wife for wanting the child support he owes her. Why anyone besides the “fathers’ rights” dudes would ever actually vote for this terrifying pile of rage hormones is anyone’s guess, but it’s America. You can vote however you like! Read more on Thoughtful Gentleman Rep. Joe Walsh Impugns Intellect Of Poopy-Head President…
  the sound of one man clapping

Joe Walsh: Electing a Black President Made Us ‘Feel Good About’ Ourselves

Over the weekend in Wheeling, Illinois, to a raucous crowd of eight to nine undecided voters, Representative Joe Walsh, avid Tea Partier, said a very cordial thing about the President: he’s only in the position that he’s in so that we, America, could finally say that we aren’t racist (“One of my presidents is black”). Walsh said Obama “was a historic figure” and “our first African-American president. The country voted for him because of that. It made us feel good about [our]self.” Also, the only other reason Obama won is because John McCain is old, old, OLD! “About 142 years old,” Walsh says. Read more on Joe Walsh: Electing a Black President Made Us ‘Feel Good About’ Ourselves…
  gopsies tramps and thieves

MN GOP Takes Fiscal Conservatism To Logical Conclusion, Is Evicted For Not Paying Rent

One thing we at Wonkette HQ don’t “get” is the inescapable conclusion in American life that being “fiscally conservative” is somehow synonymous with being “fiscally prudent.” Case in point numero one: deadbeat Tea Party Congressman Joe Walsh, who is so fiscally conservative he lives in his office and refuses to pay child support! Case in point numero zwei: check-kiting gypsy Newt Gingrich buying his special lady so many whore diamonds and then stiffing that poor Las Vegas businessman (and everyone else) on his bills. Case in point all of the others: cutting taxes in the middle of two wars and conducting them off-book; threatening to default on our national debt by not raising the debt ceiling; and pretty much every other thing they have done since maybe Eisenhower. But the Minnesota GOP is something special in this regard: they are being evicted from their headquarters for owing almost $100 large in back rent! Read more on MN GOP Takes Fiscal Conservatism To Logical Conclusion, Is Evicted For Not Paying Rent…
  ehhhh

Deadbeat Tea Party Congressman Joe Walsh Has Purple Heart Band-Aid For Tammy Duckworth’s Missing Legs

Were you guys aware that deadbeat Tea Party Congressman Joe Walsh, running against Iraq veteran, former Blackhawk helicopter pilot, double-amputee, and assistant secretary for Veterans Affairs Tammy Duckworth, is the real fighter? You are now! “In many ways, I’m the challenger. I’m the guy who sleeps in my office, I’m the guy who goes at the establishment on both sides. Turned down my benefits. She’s been the one working in Washington. She’s a bureaucrat. I’m a fighter.” Well, dude’s got big powerful jism-filled balls, that’s for sure. But is there more? Yes, there is more. Read more on Deadbeat Tea Party Congressman Joe Walsh Has Purple Heart Band-Aid For Tammy Duckworth’s Missing Legs…
  constituent services

Joe Walsh Unleashes Stream of Screaming Abuse At Voters (VIDEO)

Joe Walsh has a new Fox News pundit audition tape out! See, Joe has been carefully studying Roger Ailes’ stable of shrieky little porcupines over there during his constant talking head appearances on the channel. So here he is trying out a “full Bill O’Reilly” during a constituent meet-up, by screaming his bloody head off at some poor folks for calmly asking him why the government needs to be full of kleptocrat bank lobbyists who love to murder financial regulations all day long. God, these rational questions really PISS JOE OFF. Read more on Joe Walsh Unleashes Stream of Screaming Abuse At Voters (VIDEO)…
  losers

America’s Most Famous Deadbeat Dad Joe Walsh Given Pro-Family Award

The Family Research Council, Satan’s favorite little pack of square-edged dildo monsters, mysteriously gave screamy attention whore Joe Walsh an award recognizing him as a “pro-family” human despite the fact that Joe Walsh is known back in reality as the worst, most anti-family human in Congress, for cheating his kids out of their little child support dimes for years even as he sues his ex-wife to avoid ever paying them. But still, he votes for things like trying to strip gay people of the chance to ever marry, repealing health care reform and destroying funding for women’s clinics, and…God, what are we saying? Joe Walsh deserves an award for being the guy in Congress you least want near your family. AND YET. Read more on America’s Most Famous Deadbeat Dad Joe Walsh Given Pro-Family Award… Read more on America’s Most Famous Deadbeat Dad Joe Walsh Given Pro-Family Award…