Tag Archives: joe walsh

  Sooo the next senator from Illinois

Tammy Duckworth Will Kick GOP Ass With Her Robot Feet All The Way To U.S. Senate

Genuine Iraq war hero and super-bad badass Tammy Duckworth, the Democratic Illinois representative who had the distinct pleasure of kicking Deadbeat Loser Joe Walsh’s ass in 2012 — with her robot feet! — officially announced on Monday that she’s ready to do even more ass-kicking to become her state’s next senator. Are we excited? Of course we are, and not just because Deadbeat Joe has been dropping not-so-subtle hints that he just might decide to primary Sen. Mark Kirk, from the teabag wing of the Republican Party, which would mean, awwwwwwww yeah, REMATCH! (Which Duckworth would win, OBVIOUSLY.) Read more on Tammy Duckworth Will Kick GOP Ass With Her Robot Feet All The Way To U.S. Senate…
  He'll free speech you right in the face

Deadbeat Pro-Lifey Loser Ex-Congressjerk Joe Walsh Can’t Wait For Terrorists To Kill Everyone On TV

Joe Walsh (R-Actual Human Scumbag)
For a guy who loves Life and Freedom as much as he supposedly does, the former congressman and forever-scumbag Joe Walsh has a real neat Life-y and Freedom-y suggestion for the terrorists: Read more on Deadbeat Pro-Lifey Loser Ex-Congressjerk Joe Walsh Can’t Wait For Terrorists To Kill Everyone On TV…
  roger ailes on line two

GOP Lady Who Called Obama Daughters Skanks Has Always Had Strong Opinions That Suck

Damn right we're going to wring every page view out of this low-hanging fruit we can.
Man did we have a good laugh the other day at the sordid tale of Elizabeth Lauten, the shitwitted GOP staffer and future crazy cat lady who thought it was a good idea to publicly slut-shame President Obama’s daughters for being teenagers and then needed God and her mommy and daddy to convince her that eh, maybe she should not have done that. Lauten lost her job as a result of her indiscretion and the story should have died right there. We had not counted on the Washington Post deciding to wring every last drop they could out of the smoking ruins of Lauten’s career by assigning a foreign-affairs reporter to drop that important story about international relations and comb through the twit’s Internet history to find some more of her embarrassing maunderings. Read more on GOP Lady Who Called Obama Daughters Skanks Has Always Had Strong Opinions That Suck…
  Here have some news n stuff

NFL Tried So Hard To Get That Video Of Ray Rice Beating His Lady, No Really (Not Really)

Too bad there's no video
The NFL is still trying to convince us that The Big Manly Powers That Be never would have defended Baltimore Ravens sportsball star Ray Rice after he knocked his woman OUT COLD in an elevator, if only they could have seen the video of him doing that. Not the abridged video that shows him dragging her unconscious body out of the elevator after the fact; that was inconclusive, and besides, everyone said they were sorry, so what more could anyone want? Read more on NFL Tried So Hard To Get That Video Of Ray Rice Beating His Lady, No Really (Not Really)…
  the violence inherent in the system

What Is Free Speech Even Coming To When Deadbeat Dad Joe Walsh Can’t Say The N-Word On The Radio?

Former Illinois congresscritter and forever deadbeat dad Joe Walsh was sent home early from his job as a wingnut talk radio host Thursday, because obviously the management of the radio station has no idea how Free Speach* works. See, all he was doing was making a commentary about the controversy over the Washington Redskins’ team name, and to make his point it was very important to him that he actually say other offensive terms on the air, for demonstration purposes. For some reason, his socialist employers at Chicago station WIND-AM didn’t understand the simple logic of this, and yanked him off the air. Happily for the world, he live-tweeted his unfolding beatdown by the forces of oppression. Read more on What Is Free Speech Even Coming To When Deadbeat Dad Joe Walsh Can’t Say The N-Word On The Radio?…
  Trigger warning for Joe Walsh

Deadbeat Dad Joe Walsh Rewrites ‘I Have A Dream’ Speech To Count The Ways Black People Suck

Even the most casual reader of the Intertubes is aware that former Rep. Joe Walsh (R-DEADBEAT) is pretty much one of the worst people in the history of ever. (Yes, yes, we know: Hitler, Stalin, and Dick Cheney are much worse and belong in their own category of Even Worse Than Joe Walsh.) But aside from the perpetrators of genocide and vice presidents who shoot their buddies in the face and then blame the guy’s face for being in the way, Walsh is pretty rotten. He’s a deadbeat dad who thinks gay homosexuals are bad for children. (Oh, and he’ll even threaten to sue anyone who points out the FACT that he’s a deadbeat dad so come at us, Joe!) He hates when veterans who’ve given their limbs to defend his right to be a douchebag go on and on about their service. He refuses to get a real job. He’s even a deadbeat driver. And now, apparently desperate to secure his place in the Shitbag Hall of Fame, he has rewritten Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I have a dream” speech. (He posted it on his own website, but no, we will not provide a link, because fuck that guy.) And oh sweet merciful Zeus is it … well … exactly what you’d expect from a scumsucking piece of bacteria-ridden filth like Joe Walsh. Read more on Deadbeat Dad Joe Walsh Rewrites ‘I Have A Dream’ Speech To Count The Ways Black People Suck…
  Looks like someone's behind on his child support again

Deadbeat Loser Ex-Rep. Joe Walsh Would Like You To Send Him Monies to ‘Grow Up & Be Free’

Have you been wondering what Joe Walsh, deadbeat dad and total loser who hates when veterans go on and on about their military service and all those limbs they sacrificed for America, has been up to ever since he got his Republican butt all kinds of kicked by real American hero and new congresslady Tammy Duckworth and her MECHANICAL FEET? Well, too bad, we are going to tell you anyway. After the voters fired his sorry ass, Deadbeat Joe started A Movement to do freedom or something, because starting movements is much easier than getting a real job, even though he really needs to get a real job because his lawyers said the reason — this time — that he cannot pay his child support obligations to his children, what are our future and what he loves very much and that is why he got awards for his family values and why he also does not like ‘bortions because HE LOVES CHILDREN, GODDAMNIT!, is because he is all out of monies (again): Joe’s employment has been terminated through no voluntary act of his own and he is without sufficient income or assets with which to continue to pay his support obligation,” the filing states. “Due to substantial change of circumstances, Joe requests that his child support obligation be terminated based on his present income and circumstances.” But getting a real job and making real money is HARD! So instead, Joe would like to not get a real job, while YOU go to YOUR real job and make real money, and then please just send that real money to him, okay? Read more on Deadbeat Loser Ex-Rep. Joe Walsh Would Like You To Send Him Monies to ‘Grow Up & Be Free’…
  asphinctersayswhat

Bitter Defeated Ex-Congressman Joe Walsh Explains At Americans That They Are Stupid Losers

Have you missed Joe Walsh (R-Nothing)? No, of course you haven’t, because he is kind of an asshole. But JUST IN CASE someone misses him he has started a group called the “Freedom Movement” and invited people to a townhall meeting so they could watch him wave his arms around and talk about Freedom for a good two hours. Yes, this video is two hours long, and it consists of him a) talking and b) waving his arms around and once in awhile c) consulting his notes. And as it turns out, you can cram an awful lot of stupid into two hours, although our favorite occurs at around 29:00, when he informs his audience that he routinely ignores the advice of political strategists who tell him not to insult the American people, and then goes ahead and insults the American people. Read more on Bitter Defeated Ex-Congressman Joe Walsh Explains At Americans That They Are Stupid Losers…
  biggest loser

Joe Walsh’s Children’s Long National Nightmare Is Over

Bitter defeated one-term congressman and Father of the Millennium Joe Walsh will finally be able to pay his child support again! Because someone is going to pay him whore diamonds to open his singularly mean mouth and vomit “thoughts” and “ideas” and “accusations that his opponent wears ladies underwear” on our nation’s airwaves! HOORAY! Joe Walsh items for yr Wonket today. Joe Walsh items for yr Wonket tomorrow. JOE WALSH ITEMS FOR YR WONKET FOR! EVAR! Read more on Joe Walsh’s Children’s Long National Nightmare Is Over…
  headhunters' korner

Who Should Fox News Hire Next?

First Fox News got rid of some of their underperforming pundits, like Dick Morris and Sarah Palin, and the Internet was Sad. Then they turned around and hired a bunch of new idiots, like Scott Brown and Herman Cain, and the Internet was happy again! (And if you can make “Ken Layne” happy, you can do it to anyone.) But ol’ Herb Cain kind of bores us — YEAH WE SAID IT — and Scott Brown is sort of a big old hairy nothingburger when he is not warning Elizabeth Warren to stop forcing him to shoot a load of racist all over her. So who, if Fox News really wants to keep that sweet, sweet libtard hate-clix-grift rolling in, should they hire next? Read more on Who Should Fox News Hire Next?…
  today in deadbeats

Unemployed Loser Ex-Congressman Joe Walsh Goes Back To What He’s Best At: Not Feeding His Kids

Grow up and send money NOW!
In the case of one dumb, defeated ex-congressman, Joe Walsh, being booted out of office after one term surprisingly did not provoke him into carefully reevaluating his beliefs and approach towards life. Instead, he quadrupled down on what he is best at: being a deadbeat motherfuckin’ dad. Now that he has no job, the former Congressman is without a source of funds to pay his ex-wife the six figures he owes her in Child Support. Yes, it seems the man who frequently accused the President of “bankrupting the country” is having a bit of a cash flow problem: “Joe’s employment has been terminated through no voluntary act of his own and he is without sufficient income or assets with which to continue to pay his support obligation,” the filing states. “Due to substantial change of circumstances, Joe requests that his child support obligation be terminated based on his present income and circumstances.” “At one point, the filing asks to amend his payments to be equal to 20 percent of his income — which presumably is 20 percent of zero.” Read more on Unemployed Loser Ex-Congressman Joe Walsh Goes Back To What He’s Best At: Not Feeding His Kids…
  guns don't kill children children kill children

Idiot Defeated Congressman Joe Walsh: Why Does Michelle Obama Hate Black Kids Who Die By Guns?

Chicago is a mess of kids murdering each other with guns. Hundreds of children, each and every year, and it does not get the attention it should because the murders are of black kids by black kids. We are all aware of this, right? Well idiot defeated congressman Joe Walsh is aware of this too, and he is putting the blame squarely where it belongs: on Michelle Obama. “‘Heartbroken’ Michelle Obama attending funeral of Hadiya Pendleton. I guess the other 553 murder victims didn’t break her heart,” Walsh tweeted Friday. “Most of the 553 Chicago murder victims in 2012 & 2013 were young black males. Is she attending this funeral to make a political point?” Read more on Idiot Defeated Congressman Joe Walsh: Why Does Michelle Obama Hate Black Kids Who Die By Guns?…
  life in the dumb lane

Rove v. Walsh: The Battle To Be the Worstest Loser Begins!

Aren’t wingnut fightsies the best? Watching the GOP internecine (YES WE SAID INTERNECINE BECAUSE IT IS AN AWESOME WORD WE NEVER GET TO USE) post-election struggles is the best liebrul fap material. Today’s fight: Joe Walsh vs. Karl Rove. Remember Joe Walsh? He’s the spectacular specimen of humanity that ran against a double-amputee Iraq war veteran and insisted that she was not a true hero, like Joe Walsh. After he got his ass handed to him in that election, he decided that the best thing Joe Walsh can offer America is more people like Joe Walsh. He decided this so he can have an office to sleep in again. (You probably thought he had a limo and sleeps in the back — he locks the doors in case he’s attacked.) Read more on Rove v. Walsh: The Battle To Be the Worstest Loser Begins!…
  Lies From the Pit Of Hell

Irish Hospital Lets Woman Die Because Her Life Wasn’t ‘Endangered’ Enough For Abortion

We were worried that you, the Wonkette Reader, might not have quite enough rage coursing through you today, and so here is the story, via Dan Savage at The Stranger, of Savita Halappanavar, a 31-year-old woman who died in Galway, Ireland, last month after doctors decided that, although she was already miscarrying and there was no chance her 17-week-old fetus could survive, she didn’t quite qualify to have her life saved because the dying fetus still had a heartbeat. Ireland’s abortion law only allows the procedure when the mother’s life is in danger, just like the “moderate” position that Mitt Romney proposed, and which “pro-life” purists (including the 2012 GOP platform) oppose because, as Congressman Joe Walsh asserted in his final debate before losing his bid for reelection, “pro-life” people believe “There’s no such exception as life of the mother. And as far as health of the mother, same thing, with advances in science and technology, health of the mother has become a tool for abortions anytime under any reason.” And since they are quite sure of this, it is assuredly so. Read more on Irish Hospital Lets Woman Die Because Her Life Wasn’t ‘Endangered’ Enough For Abortion…
  The Walking Dead

Loser Congressman Joe Walsh Predictably Refuses To Go Away, Weighs Run For Senate Or Governor Or DWTS Or Something

Check your betting slips, kids! Who had Joe Walsh (R-Camp Crystal Lake) in the betting pool for “first defeated douchecanoe to announce they’re running again”? The deadbeat dad and shouty pantsload won the honor of leading off our “Pantheon of Fallen Heroes” series last week, and now he’s pursuing the coveted Not Quite Dead status of such legendary comeback kids as Grover Cleveland, Richard Nixon, and Jason Voorhees (only time will tell whether Walsh will ever attain Joker Immunity, however). In fact, within just 12 hours of losing his House race to Tammy Duckworth by a full 10 points, Walsh was speculating that it might be fun to run for Illinois Governor, or maybe for the U.S. Senate. Read more on Loser Congressman Joe Walsh Predictably Refuses To Go Away, Weighs Run For Senate Or Governor Or DWTS Or Something…
  who's the job creator now jerks

A Children’s Treasury Of Job Applications For Defeated GOP Wingnuts

Oh, yeah, sure, say Obama “saved the economy” or whatever, and maybe unemployment is “on the way down,” by and large, if you’re into numbers or blah blah blah, but listen up, little Cleverpants you, because there are people who lost their jobs not two days ago. They are Republicans, booted out the door by an electorate that for some reason has a problem with politicians being completely off their gourds. They were not nice fellows (and yes, they are all fellows), and they had policies that were… not so great. And now they are unemployed, and sad. But this is America, where we encourage people to pull themselves up by their bootstraps! Take personal responsibility for themselves, and not be 47-percenters! We don’t have to worry about Unemployed Mitt Romney, as he can just crawl under his quilt of unreleased tax returns and whistle the days away, collecting dollars, but other Republicans may fall on hard times when their government paychecks don’t show up. We’ve found some jobs for them, to help them out of the slavery of government dependency. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Job Applications For Defeated GOP Wingnuts…
  pantheon of fallen heroes

Pour A Little On The Ground For America’s Greatest Deadbeat Dad, Hero Congressman Joe Walsh

Today we remember our fallen heroes, a pantheon of peerless fighters like Allen West (probably) and some other ones. But first among equals must always be hero congressman and deadbeat dad of the decade one Mr. Joe Walsh. Let us have a moment of silence for the man whose big GOTCHA in his first debate against war hero Tammy Duckworth was that he had spy photos of her wearing women’s clothing. Okay, good silence, you guys! Now let us honor Mr. Former Congressman Walsh with a montage. Read more on Pour A Little On The Ground For America’s Greatest Deadbeat Dad, Hero Congressman Joe Walsh…
  kicking ass with robot feet

Live Blooging The Last Death Rattle Of Illinois Congressman Joe Walsh

Hey, so anybody able to get this fucker to load? No, right? HAHAHA, we just figured it out. Chicago is NOT ON EASTERN TIME MAYBE? So maybe it is one more hour before this bad boy starts? For sweet Jesus crying out loud. This is seriously going to cut into our Pimm’s cup and French dip time at Cole’s, which we’d thoughtfully scheduled for 90 minutes from now. Let’s all go do something else for a while, yes? See you back in like 45. Pfft. 7 PM Whatever time: Are we ready to rumble? NOT ANYMORE. 7:01 PM — So is there a goddamn debate or is this their regular newscast? Anybody else ready to scrape this ridiculous waste of pixels from the Internet? Ooh, a weather report. 7:05 PM — Pretty sure the moderator just described Joe Walsh as a high school dropout. Read more on Live Blooging The Last Death Rattle Of Illinois Congressman Joe Walsh…
  and then we shall weep

Soon We Will Not Have Joe Walsh To Kick Around With Tammy Duckworth’s Mechanical Feet

You know, we were sort of toying with live-blooging the last Duckworth-Walsh Illinois congressional debate, but then we were like, eh, maybe Tammy Duckworth will be kind of boring, and surely Joe Walsh is too much of a pussy to offer her a Purple Heart band-aid for her kickass robot legs to her face? But then Tammy Duckworth was not boring, and the increasingly bizarre (if that were even possible) deadbeat Congressman Joe Walsh waved around a picture proving his opponent wears women’s clothes!!! Well unlike Joe Walsh (hopefully!) we are not about to make the same mistake twice! Join us, and this livestream, at 7 p.m. Eastern as we live-bloog the shit out of whatever oozes from Walsh’s peevish puss. Read more on Soon We Will Not Have Joe Walsh To Kick Around With Tammy Duckworth’s Mechanical Feet…
  but when did she stop beating her wife?

America’s Favoritest Deadbeat Dad Joe Walsh Wins Re-Election With Spy Photo Of Opponent Picking Out Dress

Sorry, guys, but GAME OVER. Illinois Congressman and paragon of personal responsibility Joe Walsh has handily defeated his opponent even with four weeks or whatever left to go. How did he do this? By holding up, during their debate, a photo of his opponent picking out a dress to wear at the Democratic National Convention, where she would be giving a speech. Wait a minute, she? His opponent’s a lady? And his big GOTCHA is that she wore a dress? Do not try to wrap your puny mortal brains around what goes on in the mysterious silence of Joe Walsh’s skull. He’s ineffable, and unknowable, and a crazy motherfucker. Like God! Read more on America’s Favoritest Deadbeat Dad Joe Walsh Wins Re-Election With Spy Photo Of Opponent Picking Out Dress…
  leave todd akin alone!

Rep. Joe Walsh Just Doesn’t Get Why Everyone Slammed Todd Akin Like That

Now that Missouri’s finest reproductive sorcerer Rep. Todd Akin is “in it,” by which we mean his Senate race, so as “to win it,” we should expect to see many on the right to start saying, oh well, maybe we were too hard on the ol’ galoot after all. It was just one sentence, right? These things happen. And Illinois father of the millennium Rep. Joe Walsh is out early to shield his colleague from those who would have his head. “What he said was offensive, insulting and wrong, but I’m bothered by this rush to pile on,” Walsh told a group of Young Republicans yesterday. “And I’m bothered by the silence of members of our own party to stand up for him.” Read more on Rep. Joe Walsh Just Doesn’t Get Why Everyone Slammed Todd Akin Like That…