Tag Archives: joe the plumber

  rumors on the internets

Puppymilling Is Patriotic

Joe “The Unlicensed Plumber” Wurzelbacher speaks out like MLK against the most crushingly anti-constitooshun special interest group in America, The Humane Society. [Breitbart] The Gaza strip is like Disneyland for Mohammed and friends, but only when Israel is operating the rides. [BareNakedIslam] Read more on Puppymilling Is Patriotic…
  good on her

Joe The Plumber Elected Queen Of England

The results from the rather tasteless British election affair are in, many hours before the Polles commence: Joseph the Plumber of Ohio shall become the new Queen. The Queen’s be-Queening ceremony went like so: “Samuel ‘Joe’ Wurzelbacher, who was hailed by Republican John McCain’s presidential campaign in 2008, won one of nearly 400 seats on the local Republican Party committee in Ohio’s Lucas County.” Enrobeth her, Ohio. Read more on Joe The Plumber Elected Queen Of England…
  best racist of the year

Joe The Plumber Wins Magical Award At Latest Wingnut Conference

Where the dickens is that knavish wingnut reporter Dave Weigel these days? In St. Louis, at the “How to Take Back America Conference,” along with every famous racist worth his or her salt. The hottest panels this weekend focused on: how to kill black people, why black people are worse than white people always, and how do we stop the black people from being alive? Also, this photo (of Dave took many more): “The golden wrench that Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa) and Rep. Tom Price (R-Iowa) presented to Joe the Plumber.” Uhh. [Washington Independent] Read more on Joe The Plumber Wins Magical Award At Latest Wingnut Conference…
  because of racism?

Looks Like Things Didn’t Work Out So Well For Kenneth Gladney

Remember that wingnut Kenneth Gladney, who pretended to get super super beaten up by the Obama’s “union thugs” outside a town hall in St. Louis, and then wanted to make tons of money being half-famous like Joe the Plumber? His lawyer isn’t paying the website bills anymore! Huh. And so, with this, we will now close the very thin file on Kenneth Gladney. [Washington Independent] Read more on Looks Like Things Didn’t Work Out So Well For Kenneth Gladney…
  oh boy

Joe The Plumber Was So Violent At Some Conference!

This guy. Here he is at the 2009 “RightOnline” conference, which took place in Hell over the past weekend. In Joe’s speech, he said that his “size twelves” ensure the edumacation of his children. He stomps on his kids when they get bad grades! He also told an AlterNet reporter that back in the day, when he would run across the likes of Nancy Pelosi, “Those kind of people I usually took behind the woodshed and just beat the livin’ tar out of ’em.” What an unlikely success story! And this concludes your update on Joe the Plumber. [YouTube, Think Progress, AlterNet] Read more on Joe The Plumber Was So Violent At Some Conference!…
  divine intervention

God Told Joe The Plunger Not To Run For Office

Hmm. So maybe there is one of those “God” things after all? When asked if he’d run for political office, unlicensed handyman and Constitutional originalist Joe Wurzelbacher said, “I hope not. You know, I talked to God about that and he was like, ‘No.'” Joe will be in Austin on July 3 to celebrate the day our anti-Communist Founding Fathers signed the Book of Mormon, which explicitly forbids taxation. Everyone’s invited! [WND via Think Progress] Read more on God Told Joe The Plunger Not To Run For Office…
  illiterates

Joe The Plumber Says Founding Fathers Hated Communism, Which Was Invented 60 Years After The Constitution

Well, that’s what this dingus gets for not carrying around a pocket-sized copy of The Communist Manifesto, which was pretty clearly published in 1848, MANY MOONS after the drafting of the Constitution. At a recent appearance in Wausau, Wisconsin, he said that the Founding Fathers “knew socialism doesn’t work. They knew communism doesn’t work.” On the other hand, the Founding Fathers knew two things did work: leeching, and slavery. [Wausau Daily Herald] Read more on Joe The Plumber Says Founding Fathers Hated Communism, Which Was Invented 60 Years After The Constitution…
  we thought he was dead

FINALLY SOME JOE THE PLUMBER NEWS! He spoke somewhere and said hilarious things: “‘This country has been great for over 180 years,’ Wurzelbacher said after urging folks to study the Constitution. It wasn’t clear whether something happened in the late 1820s to make the United States great, but other than a few puzzled glances from the crowd, everyone went with it.” That’s when Ronald Reagan invented Internet pornography, of course. [Colorado Independent via The Plank] Read more on …
  breakups

Now Even Joe The Plumber Hates Republicans

You know your party has hit new lows of odiousness when even a rat-eyed tax-delinquent creep who makes propaganda videos for Pajamas Media wants nothing to do with you. So congratulations, Republicans, Joe the “Plumber” is dumping your ass. Read more on Now Even Joe The Plumber Hates Republicans…
  efficient private sector allocations of wealth

Joe The Plumber Starts New Business: Pay Him Money For Nothing!

Joe the Plumber is so angry about something! Are you angry about something or not? Your opinion counts! Here’s your chance: for just $0.99 (hilarious rationale here) you can “sext” Joe the Plumber either your “yes” or your “no” opinion about whether the IRS should be abolished and replaced with the Fair Tax, which is a *fair* tax — says right there in the name, “Fair Tax” got it? What are you illiterate or something? (No cap gains!) YOU’RE NOT SEXTING FAST ENOUGH. [IRSvote] Read more on Joe The Plumber Starts New Business: Pay Him Money For Nothing!…
  salt of the earth

C’mon Brother, Lay Off Joe The Plumber, Man, C’mon

This is simple enough: Joe The Plumber gets asked about the Employee Free Choice Act — the piece of legislation he is on tour rallying against, for a corporation — and does not know what it is. He tells the cameraman here, “Drop it, brother, drop it. I never said I was an expert, man.” Yeah man he’s just an average guy and stuff. But he is “for America” though, which is better than any of you dirty fucking hippies can say. [Greg Sargent] Read more on C’mon Brother, Lay Off Joe The Plumber, Man, C’mon…
  take that

Joe The Plumber To Persuade Arlen Specter To… Do Something He Already Did

On Tuesday, Arlen Specter shocked America’s unions by switching sides on the Employee Free Choice Act and promising he would vote “no” if it ever came to a vote, on which he may have been the filibuster-breaking vote, thereby most likely killing the legislation for at least this year. In response, Joe the Plumber has organized a “grassroots” tour across Pennsylvania next week in which he will demand Arlen Specter promise to vote “no” on the Employee Free Choice Act. It’s almost as if Joe the Plumber does not follow the news! ALMOST. Read more on Joe The Plumber To Persuade Arlen Specter To… Do Something He Already Did…
 

Joe The Plumber Looks To Bone Someone At Anti-Media Dinner

There seemed to be a hilarious awards ceremony dinner in Washington last night thrown by the Media Research Center, which researches how liberal and gay the media is. It was called the “DisHonor Awards” — see what they did there? — and so a bunch of assholes came to make “Obamessiah” jokes. Joe the Plumber showed up is slob clothes as usual (because that’s his character!) and said, “God, all this love and everything in the room – I’m horny,” which appears to have scarred the entire Washington Post staff. [Washington Post/The Sleuth] Read more on Joe The Plumber Looks To Bone Someone At Anti-Media Dinner…
  rumors on the internets

Sex Is Not Recession-Proof, And Publicly Fan-Mailing Andrew Sullivan Apparently Not Sex-Proof

One of the many, many middle-aged couples who own socialist sex boutiques in LA—a demographic that’s actually the plurality of Andrew Sullivan’s readers—would like a business/pleasure bailout please. [Daily Dish] At this thing called a “Defending the American Dream Summit”, famous bald prostitute Joe the Famous Bald Prostitute criticized Michael Steele, for such is the popular fashion of the times, for trying to make conservatism all about “hip hop,” a black language aphorism which the Politico will translate just in time for AC 360 tonight. [RedState] Read more on Sex Is Not Recession-Proof, And Publicly Fan-Mailing Andrew Sullivan Apparently Not Sex-Proof…
  better sit down for this one

Joe The Plumber Denounces Michael Steele

Nothing’s more exciting on a Monday afternoon than when you’re trolling for another lame Meghan McCain news story and instead find a new instance of feuding between two of the five or six most comical GOP characters. What! Look at this! Joe the Plumber has lashed out at Michael Steele! Jonathan Krohn must be so embarrassed. Read more on Joe The Plumber Denounces Michael Steele…
  aww

Joe The Plumber Sues Ohio For Hurting His Feelings

Joe the goddamn Plumber is suing a few gals in Ohio, state employees to be exact, for cheating with their computers! This latest publicity stunt of a civil action states that these three “violated his privacy when they gathered his personal information in a records search,” which they were not allowed to do. You may remember that this personal information included the revelations that his name was not Joe, that he was not a Plumber, and that he had a tax lien on his house. And it was only after the public learned about this things that Samuel Wurzelbacher really hit Jackpot! Read more on Joe The Plumber Sues Ohio For Hurting His Feelings…
  minor humiliations

Joe The Plumber As Unpopular As Any First-Time Author

Well dammit, it appears Joe the Plumber has successfully metamorphosed from rat-faced creep into literary sad sack in the space of about three months. Not so long ago he was riding high, saying dumb things on all the cable news shows and even going to Israel to lament how nobody censors the press in wartime anymore. But now he’s just another washed-up debut author who can’t move more than 5 books in a reading. Read more on Joe The Plumber As Unpopular As Any First-Time Author…
  still older than bobby jindal

Thirteen-Year-Old Declared New Emperor Of GOP

We know we’re asking a lot here, but as you watch young master Jonathan Krohn address the mouth-breathers at CPAC today, please be… nice… in your comments, as he is only 13 years old. In five years, when he is “legal,” you will be more than welcome to call him, say, a twat? But yes, this is what’s happening to conservatism: a 13-year-old is writing all of its important books and explaining governing philosophy to the adults (in age only). And you better believe that current GOP leader Joe the Plumber feels threatened. [HuffPo, YouTube] Read more on Thirteen-Year-Old Declared New Emperor Of GOP…
  wonkette on the beat

Live From CPAC: Not Even Conservatives Want To See Joe the Plumber

We met our Boston buddy Garrett Quinn at the Republican convention in St. Paul last summer — he was a Ron Paul delegate, for reals! But politics could not get in the way of our mutual love of Guinness and Jameson, which is why young master Quinn is covering CPAC for your Wonkette! We’ve just thrown together this first post from a bunch of amusing emails he’s sending from the proceedings, as we try to figure out how to get pictures from his fucked-up Blackberry to Newell’s fucked-up Blackberry. The Future! Read more on Live From CPAC: Not Even Conservatives Want To See Joe the Plumber…
  rumors on the internets

Joe The Plumber Liked Journalist Camp In Gaza, Except For What He’s Pretty Sure Was Color War

Mexican urban legend Alberto Gonzales is unable to find a job and is comically blaming the recession for this. After Barack Obama redistributes the world’s wealth to atheist hobos, a dog is expected to have eaten Gonzales’ new job. [TPMMuckraker] Read more on Joe The Plumber Liked Journalist Camp In Gaza, Except For What He’s Pretty Sure Was Color War…