Tag Archives: joe the plumber

  welcome back old friend

Joe The Plumber May Become Congressman The Plumber

Before being a “job creator” was even a thing, Joe the Plumber bravely and famously confronted then-Senator Barack Obama to carp about problems from his made-up financial future as one of these as-yet unheard of “job creators.” Now this same angrily prescient heartland shaman is only months away from unfettered bitch session access to his old pal Barack, during which he will get to complain about more fictional concerns, only this time based on America’s made-up financial future! Yes, Joe the Plumber, our favorite unflushable from 2008, successfully completed the difficult transition from child star to adult entertainer, and won last night’s Republican primary in Ohio’s 9th congressional district, using the more matoor-sounding stage name “Joe Wurzelbacher.” JOE THE PLUMBER IS BACK YAY FOR POLITICS! Read more on Joe The Plumber May Become Congressman The Plumber…
  all dead in ohio

Super Tuesday Murdered By Meh Wednesday

What’s up, Cleveland Plain-Dealer? Pretty exciting night, there, yes, with your still hanging chads or somesuch but “advantage Romney,” certainly what ho? So many exciting Politics in O-hi-o, with Elf Queen Consort Dennis Kucinich losing his fabled place in the hearts of Hippie-Americans as Keebler cookie-maker-in-chief to nice lady and new Elvish Queen Marcy Kaptur. Heryn ohtar lalaith! Kaptur will go on to fight Sam “Joe” “The Plumber” Wurzelbacher to the death, in the Capitol, for the glory of the coalminers in District 13. Then also too Mean Jean Schmidt lost the House seat she had defended with Rottweilers, a miniature Pinscher, and “liberal” smearings of American veterans and armed forces, like so: Read more on Super Tuesday Murdered By Meh Wednesday…
  walmerica's greatest heroes

Joe the ‘Plumber’ & Kirk Cameron Plot Moral Crimes At CPAC

What are these two future co-presidents of Walmerica talking about, high above the commoners at CPAC? Nothing that makes any sense, that is for sure! Also is there some sort of Behind the Music style sob story to explain why 1980s teen teevee heartthrob Kirk Cameron is now reduced to hanging out with a spoiled pot roast like Samuel Wurzelbacher? Read more on Joe the ‘Plumber’ & Kirk Cameron Plot Moral Crimes At CPAC…
  joe the dumber

Has-Been Creepazoid ‘Joe The Plumber’ To Run Unsuccessfully For Congress

OH FINALLY:  here is this thing we briefly forgot about but will now post “for comedy” announcing that Samuel “Joe the Grifter Tax-Delinquent Fake Plumber” Wurzelbacher decided he is running as a Republican for a seat in the crappier chamber of Congress even though God begged him not to and Joe hates Republicans. Such a promising start! There are probably many other hundreds of delusional Americans out there running for Congress who have a frosty chance in hell of winning, but this particular washed-up Pajamas Media wingnut sleepover party sex columnist is still fun to mock because he is an actual worse fraud than a Nigerian prince scam email plus Santa Claus put together. Read more on Has-Been Creepazoid ‘Joe The Plumber’ To Run Unsuccessfully For Congress…
  joe the dumber

Dim Beefcake Joe the Plumber Might Run for Congress

The GOP of Ohio was having another one of their weekly “drunk, diapered ‘n dominated!” orgies one night recently, and out of the swirl of morning-after shame and closeted self-loathing they decided they’d order a mindless manly piece of man man to… what, run for Congress? Sure, that about compensates. And that is the only reason why Joe the Plumber is now apparently being pushed by the Ohio GOP to run for Congress: Read more on Dim Beefcake Joe the Plumber Might Run for Congress…
  the forgetables

‘An Evening With the Joe’s': History’s Greatest GOP Meeting of Minds

Tonight, history will be made. “Join the launch of the historic effort to Defeat Barack Obama with America’s most influential and conservative ‘Joe’s’ at the pre-launch party,” says the invitation. “No,” you’re thinking to yourself. “But — it’s impossible, right? They can’t get all three.” OH, BUT THEY CAN. The Tea Party Express’ Our Country Deserves Better PAC is pulling out all the stops and apostrophes for “An Evening With the Joe’s,” featuring Joe Miller, Joe the Plumber, and Sheriff Joe Arpaio. (Apparently McCarthy couldn’t make it.) And according to an e-mail sent out by the Tea Party Express’ Joe Wierzbicki (WE SEE WHAT’S GOING ON HERE!), the librul news media have been mocking them for this event and its “pack of losers,” so if you don’t show up to it Obama will be elected. Is that what you want? Read more on ‘An Evening With the Joe’s': History’s Greatest GOP Meeting of Minds…
  rumors on the internets

Puppymilling Is Patriotic

Joe “The Unlicensed Plumber” Wurzelbacher speaks out like MLK against the most crushingly anti-constitooshun special interest group in America, The Humane Society. [Breitbart] The Gaza strip is like Disneyland for Mohammed and friends, but only when Israel is operating the rides. [BareNakedIslam] Read more on Puppymilling Is Patriotic…
  good on her

Joe The Plumber Elected Queen Of England

The results from the rather tasteless British election affair are in, many hours before the Polles commence: Joseph the Plumber of Ohio shall become the new Queen. The Queen’s be-Queening ceremony went like so: “Samuel ‘Joe’ Wurzelbacher, who was hailed by Republican John McCain’s presidential campaign in 2008, won one of nearly 400 seats on the local Republican Party committee in Ohio’s Lucas County.” Enrobeth her, Ohio. Read more on Joe The Plumber Elected Queen Of England…
  best racist of the year

Joe The Plumber Wins Magical Award At Latest Wingnut Conference

Where the dickens is that knavish wingnut reporter Dave Weigel these days? In St. Louis, at the “How to Take Back America Conference,” along with every famous racist worth his or her salt. The hottest panels this weekend focused on: how to kill black people, why black people are worse than white people always, and how do we stop the black people from being alive? Also, this photo (of Dave took many more): “The golden wrench that Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa) and Rep. Tom Price (R-Iowa) presented to Joe the Plumber.” Uhh. [Washington Independent] Read more on Joe The Plumber Wins Magical Award At Latest Wingnut Conference…
  because of racism?

Looks Like Things Didn’t Work Out So Well For Kenneth Gladney

Remember that wingnut Kenneth Gladney, who pretended to get super super beaten up by the Obama’s “union thugs” outside a town hall in St. Louis, and then wanted to make tons of money being half-famous like Joe the Plumber? His lawyer isn’t paying the website bills anymore! Huh. And so, with this, we will now close the very thin file on Kenneth Gladney. [Washington Independent] Read more on Looks Like Things Didn’t Work Out So Well For Kenneth Gladney…
  oh boy

Joe The Plumber Was So Violent At Some Conference!

This guy. Here he is at the 2009 “RightOnline” conference, which took place in Hell over the past weekend. In Joe’s speech, he said that his “size twelves” ensure the edumacation of his children. He stomps on his kids when they get bad grades! He also told an AlterNet reporter that back in the day, when he would run across the likes of Nancy Pelosi, “Those kind of people I usually took behind the woodshed and just beat the livin’ tar out of ’em.” What an unlikely success story! And this concludes your update on Joe the Plumber. [YouTube, Think Progress, AlterNet] Read more on Joe The Plumber Was So Violent At Some Conference!…
  divine intervention

God Told Joe The Plunger Not To Run For Office

Hmm. So maybe there is one of those “God” things after all? When asked if he’d run for political office, unlicensed handyman and Constitutional originalist Joe Wurzelbacher said, “I hope not. You know, I talked to God about that and he was like, ‘No.'” Joe will be in Austin on July 3 to celebrate the day our anti-Communist Founding Fathers signed the Book of Mormon, which explicitly forbids taxation. Everyone’s invited! [WND via Think Progress] Read more on God Told Joe The Plunger Not To Run For Office…
  illiterates

Joe The Plumber Says Founding Fathers Hated Communism, Which Was Invented 60 Years After The Constitution

Well, that’s what this dingus gets for not carrying around a pocket-sized copy of The Communist Manifesto, which was pretty clearly published in 1848, MANY MOONS after the drafting of the Constitution. At a recent appearance in Wausau, Wisconsin, he said that the Founding Fathers “knew socialism doesn’t work. They knew communism doesn’t work.” On the other hand, the Founding Fathers knew two things did work: leeching, and slavery. [Wausau Daily Herald] Read more on Joe The Plumber Says Founding Fathers Hated Communism, Which Was Invented 60 Years After The Constitution…
  we thought he was dead

FINALLY SOME JOE THE PLUMBER NEWS! He spoke somewhere and said hilarious things: “‘This country has been great for over 180 years,’ Wurzelbacher said after urging folks to study the Constitution. It wasn’t clear whether something happened in the late 1820s to make the United States great, but other than a few puzzled glances from the crowd, everyone went with it.” That’s when Ronald Reagan invented Internet pornography, of course. [Colorado Independent via The Plank] Read more on …