Tag Archives: joe scarborough

  For his next trick he'll teach high school civics

Sen. Tom Cotton’s Iran Mash Note Not Working Out That Well For Him Actually

Now you listen here Mister Sassy Iranian Foreign Minister!
Sen. Tom Cotton, Arkansas teabagger and the world’s foremost expert on how to win friends and influence people, appeared on “Morning Joe” to explain why he is not a traitor for writing a letter to the leaders of Iran explaining that President Obama doesn’t really have any authority, so ignore him. Read more on Sen. Tom Cotton’s Iran Mash Note Not Working Out That Well For Him Actually…
  More of this please

Badasses Elizabeth Warren And Elijah Cummings Give Joe Scarborough A Talking-To

Call them by their proper titles: Legislative Badasses
What have we here? Oh, just another plan from two of Wonkette’s most favorite legislators, Bestest Senator Ever Elizabeth Warren and Inaugural Legislative Badass award winner Rep. Elijah Cummings, to save the middle class from the Republican plan to destroy it, with a new thing they are calling the Middle Class Prosperity Project. Read more on Badasses Elizabeth Warren And Elijah Cummings Give Joe Scarborough A Talking-To…
  Why aren't the Obamas in bad-parent jail?

Mike Huckabee Can’t Believe Beyonce Still Hasn’t Resigned In Disgrace

Mike Huckabee, perpetual maybe-presidential candidate, wrote a book about what’s wrong with America. Everything, basically, is wrong with America — including the Obamas allowing their daughters to get their hippity-hop on to Beyonce’s whore music. But it’s not as if he wanted anyone to notice that. That anyone in the media is all, “Huh? What?” just proves his point that America is a cesspool of Indecency and Immorality and other I-words. (The Huckster is also fond of the greatest I-word in the Bible, which no Republicans ever talk about, ever, but it rhymes with dimpeachment.) Read more on Mike Huckabee Can’t Believe Beyonce Still Hasn’t Resigned In Disgrace…
  frontier justice

Rick Perry Is The Best Secret Service Agent, Gonna Kill You Real, REAL Dead

Oooh, I hates tyranny, and I hates jackboots, and I hates gubmint!
Yosemite Rick Perry, the rootinest, tootinest governor in all the land, was in NEW YORK CITY today to spend a few minutes making merry with the Zoo Crew on “Morning Joe.” The biggest surprise of the entire interview was that Joe Scarborough managed to resist flinging himself across the table to plant a sloppy, wet kiss on Yosemite Rick. The least surprising part was when Yosemite Rick let everyone know that, unlike those fancy, arugula-eatin’ Secret Service agents what guard that faggy perfesser Barack Obama, his security detail wouldn’t put up with no interlopers in the Texas governor’s mansion, no sir. Read more on Rick Perry Is The Best Secret Service Agent, Gonna Kill You Real, REAL Dead…
  Say It Ain't So Joe! OK: It Ain't So

Joe Scarborough And His Intern Give Old Dead (And Maybe Rapey) Sen. Inouye A Pass

They just know some things
Yesterday, we had a sad because The New York Times reported that the late Sen. Daniel K. Inouye was the unnamed senator who grabbed Kirsten Gillibrand’s stomach and warned her not to lose any more weight, because “I like my girls chubby.” But today, we’re much less worried that the deceased senator from Hawaii and WW II hero was the responsible party. Not because any new information has surfaced, but simply because Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski have decided they just don’t believe it, since Daniel Inouye obviously wouldn’t have done that. Thrill as the two MSNBC morning show hosts sift through the evidence: Read more on Joe Scarborough And His Intern Give Old Dead (And Maybe Rapey) Sen. Inouye A Pass…
  clipbait

You’ll Never Believe Who Jon Stewart Just Endorsed For President! (Video)

yeah, that one hurt
Jon Stewart had some fun with the seemingly eternal pre-campaign campaign season Tuesday, as Hillary Clinton flew to Iowa so she could once again announce that she may soon have an announcement to make about running for president. And now that she’s attended the 37th annual Tom Harkin Steak Fry, the die is cast. Maybe. (Stewart was most surprised to hear that retiring Sen. Harkin has a steak fry at all, especially after “all those years spinning my wheels at Sen. Daniel Patrick Moynihan’s Crawfish Boil.”) Read more on You’ll Never Believe Who Jon Stewart Just Endorsed For President! (Video)…
  first day of school

Chuck Todd Meets The Press, Needs To Improve Listening Skills

Chuck Todd is so excited, you guys! It’s his first week as the new host of Meet the Press. That other guy with two first names failed his way into a $4 million buyout and NBC, looking to bring back the powerhouse once steered by Tim Russert, took the opportunity to slip Tim’s son Luke and Morning Misery Joe Scarborough in along with Chuck to lend the proper gravitas. We couldn’t wait to see Chuck’s debut Sunday morning, by which we mean we slept in and caught the late rerun. Read more on Chuck Todd Meets The Press, Needs To Improve Listening Skills…
  #MadAboutAThing

MSNBC Welcomes Back Hitler Fanboy Racist Piece Of Filth Pat Buchanan Because That’s All Behind Us Now

Every now and then, cable news gets something right. Not often — see, for example, that time CNN reported that the Supreme Court had overturned Obamacare, except it was the opposite of that, or see, for example everything that has ever aired on Fox “News.” But sometimes. Read more on MSNBC Welcomes Back Hitler Fanboy Racist Piece Of Filth Pat Buchanan Because That’s All Behind Us Now…
  reunited and it feels so good

Are You Ready For Make-Up Sex With Mitt Romney, America?

America, are you ready to take a chance again? Are you ready to have the white-hot flames of passion lick at your nether regions? Are you pining for a real man who will sweep you off your feet? Are you wishing you’d never lost that lovin’ feeling? Then America, you are so ready for the Mitt Romney resurgence. Yes, Mitt is back, baby, and he is blander than ever. Read more on Are You Ready For Make-Up Sex With Mitt Romney, America?…
  shhh the adults are talking

Watch Mika Brzezinski Shut Down Joe Scarborough As He Sputters About Climate Change

We do not usually watch “Morning Joe” unless we are looking for tips as to whether to tuck our shirt collar inside our sweaters or not these days, and also too because “Morning Joe” is a monumentally stupid name. However, we will always endure a few minutes of it whenever it involves Mika Brzezinski telling Joe Scarborough to STFU because that is a thing we yell at our teevee every time we are forced to watch Joe Scarborough do anything. Let’s set the stage for the Mika smackdown, shall we? Living breathing receding hairline Marco Rubio showed up on “This Week” on Sunday to explain that he just doesn’t believe in climate change, probably because of Jesus or that his head is too far in the sand, or perhaps just a simple little difference of opinion. Read more on Watch Mika Brzezinski Shut Down Joe Scarborough As He Sputters About Climate Change…
  the democrats have always been at war with the women

Rand Paul, Joe Scarborough: It Is Probably Hillary’s Fault Bill Clinton Got That Beej

In case you missed it because you were sleeping off your Saturday hangover, or had something better to do like watching paint dry, Sen. Rand “Aqua Buddha” Paul mansplained, as only a Republican can, how there isn’t really a war on women, except there is, but Democrats started it. (Also, he’s rubber, you’re glue, and YOUR MOM. Oh SNAP!) Oh, and the war that isn’t a war except it’s a war by Democrats is over now, the women won because his niece goes to Cornell, let us weep for the men. If that sounds like the same old arglebargle we’re always hearing from Republicans, it is. But Paul offered a new twist: The war on women that is not a war on women but is a war on women except that it is over now was started by Bill Clinton getting a blowjob, and that means Hillary cannot be president. WHAT?!? you say. Surely, you must be joking! No, we are not joking, and don’t call us Shirley. He really said it! Read more on Rand Paul, Joe Scarborough: It Is Probably Hillary’s Fault Bill Clinton Got That Beej…
  today in hippies

Uh Oh, Joe Scarborough Is A Communist Now

What even the fuck, “Joe” Scarborough? We thought we could count on you to be our sexy douchey conservadaddy (shut up wonkers), and it turns out you are just another emoprog #Occupy communist pansy whining about income inequality and Warren Buffett’s secretary’s tax rate. First you came to take all our guns and put them in gun jail, then you called Sean Hannity a racist vulture douche (direct quote, we think), and now THIS? Then you look at what doesn’t make sense to I guess 95% of Americans? That the richest Americans, the richest Americans are paying 14, 15, 16% tax rates. While the secretaries are paying twice that much. Why we don’t have a minimum tax rate of 30% is beyond me. And I say that especially because of all the billionaires and gazillionaires. If you’re not getting a paycheck across your desk, chances are good you’re figuring how to pay 16%, 17%. That is obscene. It’s wrong and Americans, 95% of Americans think that’s wrong. And then the same thing with the off shore accounts. You know? My feeling if people want to move their people offshore, they need to move offshore with their money. Seriously. If they want to shield their money from taxes and go offshore, you’re not welcome in the United States of America. Follow your damn money. Just stop right there, you un-American pussy. No, really, stop, or that nice toddler Ben Shapiro will never be able to catch up with you on his little rubber baby legs, and put you UNDER ARREST. Read more on Uh Oh, Joe Scarborough Is A Communist Now…
  Morning Dough

Joe Scarborough Divorce Papers Confirm Joe Scarborough Is A Rich Jerk

Ohey look! Unrepentant sexist bag of douche Joe Scarborough is getting divorced. Awww. Couldn’t happen to a more dickish but VERY occasionally not-dickish guy. Congrats, bro. Cool story: somehow Scarborough is getting away with only paying $30K/month in alimony. Of course, 30 large a month is a problem for the rest of us, but not for Morning Joe because he makes $99,000 per week. PER WEEK. $400K a month. Close to $5 million per…Forgive us if we take a moment to sob uncontrollably in the corner. Read more on Joe Scarborough Divorce Papers Confirm Joe Scarborough Is A Rich Jerk…
  battle of the network stars

Joe Scarborough Says Sean Hannity Is A Racist Vulture Douche

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy Do you watch Morning Joe? We do not watch Morning Joe. Our mom, Commie Mom, watches Morning Joe, for the same reason she listens to Rush Limbaugh: she has dangerously low blood pressure, and without some hypertension SHE WOULD DIE. Read more on Joe Scarborough Says Sean Hannity Is A Racist Vulture Douche…
  cheapskates

Skinflint Obamas Avoid The Taxman By ‘Giving’ All Their Money to ‘Charity’

Skinflint cheapo miser Barack Obama and his dumb “wife” “Michelle” “Obama” are total hypocrites now, as if you did not see that coming, because they only paid 18 percent and change in taxes this year, and they think that just because they gave 25 percent of their income to charity in 2012, that somehow makes it okay. I think we all know the answer to that! Read more on Skinflint Obamas Avoid The Taxman By ‘Giving’ All Their Money to ‘Charity’…
  fuck it we'll do it live!

Retroactively Liveblooging The Paul Krugman-Joe Scarborough Steel Cage Death Match Of Death

It was a Meltdown in Metropolis, a Rumble in the Concrete Jungle on Monday night when Charlie Rose hosted Paul Krugman and Joe Scarborough for a battle royale for the crown of World’s Greatest Economics Expert Guy! Who would win? Would it be the avuncular and learned Dr. Krugman, an Ivy League professor who holds an actual Nobel Prize for Economics, or would it be the failed Congressman from America’s Dingus who most people know these days as “that guy on morning TV whose facial expression makes him look like nothing so much as an angry pit bull that was just neutered”? Your Wonket could not watch this death match live last night, so we will retroactively live-bloog it this afternoon because we woke up feeling dangerously optimistic about the world. Read more on Retroactively Liveblooging The Paul Krugman-Joe Scarborough Steel Cage Death Match Of Death…
  good guys and bad guys with guns

Yeah, No, Seriously, Los Angeles Spree-Killer Cop Is Really, *REALLY* Liberal

We have already read about what made Los Angeles spree-killin’ cop Christopher Dorner go Django on the entire LAPD (and their families). It was LAPD racisms. So we know who (and what) he hates. But who does he love? Just about all your typical libtards, like Hillary Clinton and Larry David and Ellen Degeneres and Anderson Cooper and Joe Scarborough and Chris Christie and Jon Huntsman. What? After the jump, some extensive selections from his manifesto (this one uncensored), which we had kind of stopped reading after we got through the racisms parts, where he espouses best wishes for women in the military, Hillary (or Christie!) 2016, and burning hell for the Westboro Baptist Church and the NRA’s Wayne LaPierre, because nobody (including himself) needs the kind of fucking arsenal with which he is currently terrorizing the country’s second biggest metropolis, and where your Editrix is currently never leaving her apartment again. Read more on Yeah, No, Seriously, Los Angeles Spree-Killer Cop Is Really, *REALLY* Liberal…
  cool scoop bro

FishbowlDC Manages Not To Libel Anyone In Story On Color Of Joe Scarborough’s Sweater

What is hip and happening, FishbowlDC? Any good “DC gossip” you might want to impart? Could you do that without libeling anyone? OK good, just checking! Today, Fishbowl has TWO major scoops on its hands. One is an expose, by guy-getting-sued-for-libel Peter Ogburn, and it is an expose of Jonathan Martin from Politico who is obviously a fucking idiot because he uses the numeral “4” in place of “four,” on Twitter, because if he didn’t his tweets wouldn’t fit. The other is by Eddie Scarry, and it is about Joe Scarborough’s red sweater. Let us read, with wonder and awe, FishbowlDC’s journalism! Read more on FishbowlDC Manages Not To Libel Anyone In Story On Color Of Joe Scarborough’s Sweater…
  the sky is falling

Paul Krugman Brings Facts To Ideology Fight

OK, the bad news is that so in order to watch Paul Krugman, you have to first endure Paul Ryan (R-Pissant) and his smarmy little mug, but don’t worry, the good news is he goes away pretty quickly! But then — and this is more bad news — he is replaced by another idiot (Morning Joe) and Ed Rendell, who we have come not to like so much now that he is chairing the corporate-sponsored “Fix the Debt” campaign. So anyway the video begins with Joe and whatshername asking Paul Krugman what the hell is going on in Spain. No, not as in “why is there 50% youth unemployment” but as in, “why are they buying your book over in Spain and also in Japan?” Important questions indeed. Read more on Paul Krugman Brings Facts To Ideology Fight…
  Odds And Ends...Of America!

A Children’s Treasury Of Inauguration-Day Stupids

So we hear that there was some sort of widely-watched event today that did not involve sports! Above, we have Tweetosphere messages from three people who seem not to understand that everyone can see them saying stuff, and that retweets can be directed to @SecretService (as all of these were, for whatever good it does). Or maybe we could talk about the professional trolls at Fox & Friends, who discovered that today, the third Monday in January, is thought by some to be “the most depressing day of the year,” a story that we are certain has absolutely nothing to do with it also being Barack Obama’s second Inaugural. Really, they don’t say there’s a connection! It is too a legitimate news story, so they brought on a motivational speaker to help Fox viewers cheer the fuck up: Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Inauguration-Day Stupids…
  don't retreat reload

NRA: Why Does Uppity Obama Refuse To Let Sasha And Malia Die From Guns Like Regular American Children?

Here is the latest super smart and with-it ad from the NRA, who are obviously geniuses of social intelligence. We are fairly shocked that in their jeremiad against the president’s having Secret Service protection for his daughters, they did not actually feature pictures of said daughters, and, say, “surveyor’s marks.” (Watch closely for a cameo by David Gregory as a member of the uppity blah ‘lite.) But what do other people think of this dumb fucking thing? Read more on NRA: Why Does Uppity Obama Refuse To Let Sasha And Malia Die From Guns Like Regular American Children?…