Joe Miller
Joe Miller (Remember Him?) Leading Nevada (?) ‘Stop Romney’ Campaign
Beloved welfare farmer and shaving opponent Joe Miller (R-Loser) finally has a political job! Don’t worry, Ivy League Joe still didn’t get elected to anything. Miller is just the chairman of some new Teabagger group dedicated to defeating the evil Mormon liberal elitist French-speaking Obamacare advocate from Taxachusetts, Mitt Romney. “In a matchup against Obama, [...]
‘An Evening With the Joe’s': History’s Greatest GOP Meeting of Minds
Tonight, history will be made. “Join the launch of the historic effort to Defeat Barack Obama with America’s most influential and conservative ‘Joe’s’ at the pre-launch party,” says the invitation. “No,” you’re thinking to yourself. “But — it’s impossible, right? They can’t get all three.” OH, BUT THEY CAN. The Tea Party Express’ Our Country [...]
Joe Miller’s Alaska Militia Friend Jailed For Trying To Murder Judges
Scruffy-cheeked Ivy League teabagger Joe Miller lost his crazed bid to become a senator last year, but the sore loser still thinks he’s got a place in politics. But will his ambitions survive his friendship with a 26-year-old white trash militia kid arrested for trying to kill a bunch of judges and cops? Who knows, [...]
Hey Look, Joe Miller Finally Quit
Happy New Year! Joe Miller must have had to wait until 2011 to quit being an asshole for tax purposes. Yeah, that’s it. Let’s see how he starts his statement: “In what can only be described as actions that are reckless, irresponsible, and immoral You embarrassed your kids by fighting Lisa Murkowski for months in [...]
Alaska Supreme Court: Joe Miller Is a Huge Loser
Break out your advent calendar and enjoy a delicious chocolate-covered Alaska Supreme Court ruling which states there “are no remaining issues raised by Miller that prevent this election from being certified.” Yay! Blow it out yer butt, Joe Miller, you hairy fraud. Joe will have two days to file “additional complaints,” but it’s unclear what [...]
Joe Miller Still Whining About That Election He Lost 1,000 Years Ago
For the love of Joseph and Mary’s unsullied maidenhead: When will Joe Miller stop smelling his own farts and accept the fact that he is a loser? “Probably never,” according to everyone. “He’s a hopeless dick.” Miller is still peddling the same sad legal argument — “voter intent” is in violation of what Joe Miller [...]
Unemployed Succubus Christine O’Donnell Hates Unemployed People
Outspoken fraud Christine O’Donnell hosted a fabulous Pearl Harbor Party at “a Chinese restaurant in Virginia” last night, and hundreds of white people came to hear her vomit lies and Lo Mein. (Nasty old Teabaggers love this lady, because she makes their penises tingle. And Christine loves them back, because they gave her millions of [...]
Joe Miller Still Suing Alaska For Not Letting Him Win
Lisa Murkowski leads bearded fraud Joe Miller by more than 1,700 votes, and there are still thousands of write-in ballots that haven’t even been counted yet, ergo: Lisa Murkowski totally won, suck a fat one and choke on it, Joe Miller! But facts are stupid things invented by people who didn’t go to Yale Law [...]
Fiscal Commission: Smithsonian, Pandas To Blame For National Deficit
Your Wonkette recently suggested that our new Orange Overlord should privatize the Smithsonian, because that’s what Alexander Hamilton kept blogging about, in the Federalist Papers. Well, good things come to those who wait (for the co-chairs of the National Commission on Fiscal Responsibility and Reform to release their draft proposal)! Yes, this wise bipartisan commission [...]
Famous Lying Dildo Joe Miller Sues Alaska For Using ‘Discretion’
What is the one thing that Joe Miller hates more than anything, besides “Lisa Murkowski”? Discretion. Joe Miller hates discretion, because how can you “discreetly arrest someone for asking a question”? You can’t, QED. So it should come as no surprise that Joe Miller is suing Alaska, in order to “keep the state from using [...]
Government Conspiracy Force-Feeds America Unwanted Cheese (Lard)
Midterm exit polls have shown that a majority of Americans identify as “obese fatsacks.” But there are many millions of Other Americans who identify as “smug young professionals” — these are the jerks who drink “low-fat vegan skim milk” so that they can stay healthy and smug. Obviously this is borderline treason, because it is [...]
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