Tag Archives: joe lieberman

  they see him ridin' they hatin'

President Lindsey Graham Doesn’t Need First Lady, Hos Can Just Take Turns

The Lindsey Graham Sex Game Show, Starring Lindsey Graham
Confirmed bachelor and official ladies’ man Sen. Lindsey Graham, who is under the impression he is running for president, got asked a real tough question Tuesday: Hey, since you don’t have a pretty, doting wife, who will be the First Lady of America when you are president? Graham’s answer was very bad! No for serious, this is what he said, to the Daily Mail: Read more on President Lindsey Graham Doesn’t Need First Lady, Hos Can Just Take Turns…
  war

Lindsey Graham Promises To Be Butchest, Scariest President EVER!

Nope.
Dignified and genteel Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-Other Southern White Guys) announced today that he will be seeking to lose the presidential election to Hillary Clinton, and he has two messages for US Americans: 1. He is the toughest, most badassed dude in the race, and all the foreigns are terrified of him; and 2. He is The Moderate Candidate who will bring Americans together, after our eight-year nightmare with the divisive Kenyan Socialist Commie named B. Hussein Obama. Read more on Lindsey Graham Promises To Be Butchest, Scariest President EVER!…
  Here have some news n stuff

Republican White Guy Real Sorry If Anyone Was Offended By Racist Slur Because It Is A Day

Former Gov. Haley Barbour (R-Sorryville)
Stop us if you’ve heard this one before. (You have, but keep reading.) Some crusty old white guy Republican dude says a racist thing. There’s a good chance he doesn’t even realize it is racist because he is too busy wanting his country back and missing the good old days when it was perfectly A-OK and acceptable among polite society to say racist things. If enough people explain to him that, “Hey, that thing you said is racist, AND THAT’S WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS!” he just might apologize. Not for being racist. Heavens no. Not for saying a racist thing. Certainly not that. But if anyone was offended, well, sorry ’bout that part.Today’s crusty old white guy Republican dude is former Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour. (Yeah, we know you’re shocked.) Read more on Republican White Guy Real Sorry If Anyone Was Offended By Racist Slur Because It Is A Day…
  This will definitely work

President Lindsey Graham Will Be Great For Rich White Men

Here's one idea that will never work
Lindsey Graham, the senator from South Carolina, has always seemed content to be the third wheel, the sidekick, the woman behind behind the man. He was the weakest, most soft-spoken link in the ménage à trois that was John McCain and Joe Lieberman, until Joe was chased from office because even his own party of one, Connecticut for Lieberman, did not like him anymore. Lindsey got himself a slight promotion when newbie Sen. Kelly Ayotte was added to the team, but still, Lindsey’s usually been content to co-sign whatever John McCain says, to nod agreeably in the background, and only very rarely drag his southern charmed self onto the Sunday shows when John’s busy snarling at the kids to get off of one of his seven or eight or however many he has lawns. Read more on President Lindsey Graham Will Be Great For Rich White Men…
  worst farewell concert tour ever

A Wonkette Farewell To Joe Lieberman, With Traditional Advice Re: Door, Ass

Lo, Wonkettians, the day you have either neither dreaded nor anticipated, but instead have felt a collective “meh?” about has finally arrived. Yes, the not-at-all-beloved Joe Lieberman, America’s droopiest senator, after announcing close to two years ago that he would leave the Senate after the 2012 elections, has thank god finally left the Senate. Let’s visit that not-even-remotely-fateful day when Droopy announced his leave-taking, complete with whining about how hard it is out there for a nonpartisan: Read more on A Wonkette Farewell To Joe Lieberman, With Traditional Advice Re: Door, Ass…
  the love that dare not speak its name

When One Senator Loves Two Other Senators Very Much: The Lindsey Graham Story

Guess what? It is a new day, so it is time to talk about Lindsey Graham again. We will get to write about this until the end of time, apparently. This poses a problem for yr Wonkette because there are only so many old-timey gay ads we can use in stories about him. Fortunately, there is no dearth of pictures of Lindsey Graham looking fetchingly butch so we’re OK for a while. (Lowly not-editor’s note: isn’t that picture terrifying at that size???) The Senate’s most macho closeted Southerner went on Piers Morgan last night to talk about gay marriage, along with grumpy old men (and unrequited love interests of Lindsey Graham) John McCain and Joe Lieberman, because why not? We’ve watched all painful five minutes of this Huey, Dewey and Louie show so you don’t have to. Thank us later. Read more on When One Senator Loves Two Other Senators Very Much: The Lindsey Graham Story…
  pretty please

GOP Senators Beg Frugal Pentagon to Request More Expensive War Toys

A group of weepy warlords in the Senate including ol’ Jowls McGoo Joe Lieberman are busily soiling their Depends over a $487 billion planned reduction in defense spending over the next decade that was included in the White House fiscal year 2013 budget. But know who is not having a whiny meltdown over the proposed cuts? The people in charge of the military are not! Because they helped to design the cuts, along with the White House. And this is trying the patience of various Republican Senator humans and Joe Lieberman who refuse to have their naps until everyone goes back to the old system of military appropriations, where the Pentagon sends over its thirty-mile long list of every wish it ever had scribbled in blood collected from Afghan corpses and Congress says sure, the FDA does not really need to screen baby formula for arsenic this year. That system worked so well! Read more on GOP Senators Beg Frugal Pentagon to Request More Expensive War Toys…
  now get ready for dictation

GOP To Ronald Reagan’s Secretary: Pay Those Taxes Harder!

Hey girl. You probably already heard that the GOP blocked the Buffett Rule, the “political” “gimmick” that says millionaires have to pay as much in taxes as Ronald Reagan’s secretary. Everyone knows that making millionaires pay the same rate as losers like you means punishing them for their success. ONLY YOU ARE TO BE PUNISHED, because we know you like it. Pay those taxes! Yeah, yeah, pay ’em harder! Read more on GOP To Ronald Reagan’s Secretary: Pay Those Taxes Harder!…
  oh god here we go

Here Is Your Official Wonkette State of the Union Anti-Sobriety Plan!

YEE-HAW it is time for Barack Obama’s third (and possibly final) State of the Union address! How excited is everyone, to listen to our President describe the many ways in which our country’s problems are mostly the fault of the worst-ever Congress in history that Americans themselves elected, so thanks a lot? He will probably also mention his late-breaking epiphany that ultra-rich people should pay a small amount more in taxes since they seem to be the only ones who’ve managed to crawl out of the hole of the recession, hooray. As for Congress, fewer than 200 of 535 members have agreed to participate in the bipartisan seating plan to Save Decency, probably after hearing some Wall Street Journal maggot declare that sitting next to a member of the opposite political party is a good way to get raped. That last sentence alone is worth a strong starter shot. GIT UR RUM BOTTLES AT THE READY: Read more on Here Is Your Official Wonkette State of the Union Anti-Sobriety Plan!…
  loathsome joe

Internet Seeks ‘Off Switch’ For Joe Lieberman

Fearmongering terror toad Joe Lieberman is the worst person in the Senate — not because he’s the dumbest, or the most personally repulsive, but because he has spent the past decade using his supposed “credibility” as a Democrat senator to wage domestic war against the American People. His latest attempt is an Internet Gulag for anyone who types “like a Muslim.” Vinegar Joe wants some button on every blog so all the assholes like him can “flag” and presumably remove anything on the entire Internet that offends Lieberman’s two interests (invading/destroying Muslim countries and bombing all individual Muslims). Read more on Internet Seeks ‘Off Switch’ For Joe Lieberman…
  never forget

Obama Celebrates Thanksgiving By Reminding America of Its Dysfunction

Aw, Sasha and Malia Obama looked sort of annoyed and bored, like the rest of America, during their dad’s ritual Thanksgiving lecture explaining how it would be impossible for him to do so much as rescue a single freaking turkey from death were this subject to a vote from Congress, even to save “Liberty” and “Peace,” which conveniently happen to be the names of this year’s two officially pardoned fowl. “Civil Rights” and “Economic Security” are currently making their final stops at a slaughterhouse outside of Toledo. It’s an awkward metaphor, see! Read more on Obama Celebrates Thanksgiving By Reminding America of Its Dysfunction…
  stockjobbers

Joe Lieberman Pretends To Care About Insider Trading In Congress

Old persons’ program 60 Minutes is about the only thing on the teevee that occasionally does journalism. So when the nation’s half-dozing seniors saw this report air last Sunday about how the representatives in Washington have turned the Halls of Congress into a Temple of Insider-Trading Whoredom, you knew there would be some serious upheaval, right? Ha ha, just kidding! All that’s happening is Joe Lieberman, winner of the Most Hated Man in Washington Award for 10 years running, is joining forces with unwanted teabagger Scott Brown, along with various other grandstanders who will have Bipartisan meetings to “probe” the situation they all know about and profit from. Read more on Joe Lieberman Pretends To Care About Insider Trading In Congress…
  well that's the end of that

John McCain And Lindsey Graham’s Old BFF Muammar Gaddafi Is Dead

We’ll probably do more on this shortly, but for the moment: one can only imagine the quantity of wet Depends flying around the McLieberHamBiscuits team offices in celebration right now — crazy old murderous dictator Muammar Qaddafi is super duper dead as a door nail after NTC fighters found him hiding in a drainage pipe. Yes, that same dictator that America’s three favoritest “war forever” Senate neocons John McCain, Joe Lieberman and Lindsey Graham once upon a couple years ago loved enough to attend his tea times and urge easing of relations with Libya, that very one! But NATO needed a place to drop its bombs somewhere before they passed their “use before” date or whatever, although according to Walnuts & Co. they still didn’t use nearly enough of them. Now, how about some of that nice refined crude Libya has stashed around as a thank-you present? [The Guardian] Read more on John McCain And Lindsey Graham’s Old BFF Muammar Gaddafi Is Dead…
  this guy again

Lieberman Whines Obama Not Offending Enough Muslims To Win 9/11

America’s most hated sagging senatorial sack of jowls and pus has dug another bilious canto of hate from his decaying bowels to cough into America’s face! Crusader warlord Joe Lieberman, this time: Obama is losing America’s wars on brown people because he refuses to formally call every violent extremist on the planet worth killing an “Islamist,” because extremists cannot be properly identified if they are not called terrible ragheads first. Is that so, O ye aging mass of war-flavored cancer cells? We suspect a decade of bloody conflict and child-murder probably “speaks louder than words” if Lieberman is worried Muslims don’t think America hates their religion, but maybe, says Joe, they are still not truly offended enough? Read more on Lieberman Whines Obama Not Offending Enough Muslims To Win 9/11…
  the forever war

Joe Lieberman Worried Social Security Hurting His Terrorist Murder Budget

America’s ugliest angel of war Joe Lieberman hobbled onto the Senate floor during the debt ceiling debate today to complain about how budget reductions will affect his favorite taxpayer-funded school for disadvantaged children, the Pentagon. Lieberman frames the debate over spending cuts by explaining that we should all begin viewing Social Security and national security as two zero-sum opponents pitting all of the country’s old people against all of its bombs and its torture dungeons. Which of these two things would America rather keep? “Kill Grandma or kill bin Laden’s corpse over and over again,” is Joe Lieberman’s Final Offer to everyone. VIDEO after the jump: Read more on Joe Lieberman Worried Social Security Hurting His Terrorist Murder Budget…
  hawk party!

Recent Gaddafi Fan Lindsey Graham Now Wants Him Dead

Hey look, it’s the three bestest friends ever, John McCain, Lindsey Graham, and Joe Lieberman! Who’s that fourth guy they’re with? Are they looking to add a member to this terrific team of winning policy minds? Oh, it’s Muammar Gaddafi. This must have been taken a million years ago, right, considering all of them now want to bomb this man into oblivion? No, it was 2009. How could they do something so evil? Did the evil dictator tempt Graham with ham biscuits (young cock)? Read more on Recent Gaddafi Fan Lindsey Graham Now Wants Him Dead…
  sore bomberman

Joe Lieberman Already Planning To Invade Syria

Oh, look what you did. You gave Joe Lieberman precedent to invade pretty much any country on the planet under an authoritarian regime. He says it’s “consistent” to invade all these places. Well, he’s not wrong! Lieberman’s days may numbered, and he probably should be ignored by everybody at this point, but somehow we get the feeling he’s about to pull another war out of his jowls of defeat. Read more on Joe Lieberman Already Planning To Invade Syria…
  the fog of joe

Joe Lieberman Learns Lesson From Iraq: We Need To Invade Libya Now

Look, Joe Lieberman knows what we did wrong in Iraq: We didn’t invade soon enough! Mr. Lieberman and others argue that the risks of waiting may be far greater than the risk of an early, decisive military intervention. He acknowledged that as in Iraq, the United States might unleash an uncertain future of tribal rivalry and chaos, in a country that has no institutions prepared to fill the vacuum if Colonel Qaddafi is driven from power. Read more on Joe Lieberman Learns Lesson From Iraq: We Need To Invade Libya Now…
  let's give them a few trillion for our condolences

Defense Contractors Sad Lieberman Won’t Be Giving Them Money Anymore

Tragedy last week: Death-machine makers are losing one of their “friends with benefits,” insufferable phlegmy Senate goblin Joe Lieberman. Making matters worse, the voters of Connecticut have also gotten rid of Chris Dodd, for being terrible. “With both of the state’s senators departing Congress, companies like United Technologies will have to scramble to shore up their support on Capitol Hill,” said some lady from something called the “Lexington Institute,” which must be the part of the war machine that provides Lieberman with a steady supply of rice cakes to keep him happy — rice cakes wrapped inside memos telling him how to give the war people money to provide the world with murder. No! Not companies like United Technologies! Murder corporations are the most important citizens of all! Read more on Defense Contractors Sad Lieberman Won’t Be Giving Them Money Anymore…
  bringing gridlock to the armed forces

Sad Old John McCain Trying To Get Friend Joe Lieberman Job With Obama

Oh for Christ’s sake: “Sen. John McCain, R-AZ, tells CNN he believes his good friend Joe Lieberman would make a good defense secretary for President Obama, calling him ‘one of the most informed members of the Senate on national security issues and homeland security issues.'” How helpful of him! You know, just the other day one of Sasha’s friends was telling Obama he should appoint her to be the princess of America. Obama will take both of these very fine suggestions down on a piece of paper and put them in a sparkly purple box on his desk labeled “THINGS TO CONSIDER VERY CAREFULLY.” Read more on Sad Old John McCain Trying To Get Friend Joe Lieberman Job With Obama…
  joementum joesedive

Great Sighing Warmonger Joe Lieberman To Retire

Sources in Connecticut (people who “read the entrails” by smashing a jelly Dunkin’ Donut in the rocky soil?) are saying that Joe Lieberman is going to announce his retirement tomorrow, seeing as nobody wants to elect that moaning sack of hollow secondhand gypsy mettle anymore. Wow, what a brilliant career! There was that time he hacked up phlegm all over the accomplishments of the Clinton administration in the 2000 presidential election. And then there was the time his hair foamed as he struggled to eke out re-election in 2006. And then there was the time he triple-kissed John McCain and Lindsey Graham daily in the 2008 presidential contest, swapping gross, dusty, fishy saliva with those two other annoying awful senators. That is a whole lot of disgusting old-man face fluid. Read more on Great Sighing Warmonger Joe Lieberman To Retire…
  after 2012 the joe-caucus chair will be manchin

Lieberman Pretty Sure Connecticut Will Elect Him Again

Senator Joe Lieberman says he hasn’t made a decision about seeking re-election in 2012, but he sounds like he might be leaning toward running. During the taping of an interview for this week’s “Face the State with Dennis House,” I asked the 4 term independent if he thinks he could win re-election. The answer: “yes,” while admitting it will be a difficult race. Read more on Lieberman Pretty Sure Connecticut Will Elect Him Again…