Wonkette

GAYS ALLOWED TO MARRY EACH OTHER IN NEW HEATHEN STATE: Put on your birthday suit, Joe Lieberman, because now you can finally get gay-married to your longtime sexpot, Lindsey Graham! Although he’d have to move to Connecticut! Because that’s where the state Supreme Court today decided that the Gays could get married, just like real humans. Ned Lamont: “This is our Katrina.” [NYT]

• When McCain said he was dropping out of the race to fix the economy, he was really having a filthy swingers orgy, in public, with Joe and Hadassah. [Ben Smith]
• Simulate the retarded, child-like speech patterns of national idiot Sarah Palin, with this fun word-generating internet machine! [Andrew Sullivan]
• Bill Kristol wants McCain to suspend his campaign once more, to go fix the economy all over again. [Weekly Standard]
• Pun abuser Maureen Dowd is BANNED from McCain’s Straight Talk Air. [Howard Kurtz]
• You know what’s also on the verge of collapse? Pakistan. Pakistan has become too big and too expensive for the taxpayers.  [Matthew Yglesias]
• Maybe instead of “bailout” this thing should have been called “Economic Stability Plan” or “Hey Let’s Nuke Iran” and then more Republicans would have gotten behind it. [Politico]

The Federal Reserve Bank and the U.S. Treasury just launched this great new website where you can force the government to buy your worthless old garbage, too! Somebody wants Paulson to buy this “used douche bag,” which is so gross. Wonkette has submitted a request for $1.4 billion dollars to cover an old HP notebook (no hard drive), some restaurant receipts we forgot to write off last year, a scratched-to-hell copy of “Wowee Zowee” that we already replaced with the box-set version, and five old copies of The Economist we found in the side pocket of an old laptop bag. America is BACK. [Buy My Shitpile, Henry!]

Shameful. Poor Joe Lieberman can’t even take a few days to rest at home in his bath of acidic blood-water without the liberal blog photographers staking him out. [NBC5]

Oh ho ho, Joe Lieberman is getting it now! His total divorce with the Democratic party commenced yesterday when his legislative director up and quit on the first working day after the Republican convention, and today we have witnessed SEVERE ESCALATION. In the most “Harry Reidish” move ever, Harry Reid has brutally punished Lieberman by BANNING HIM FROM WEEKLY CAUCUS LUNCHES. Those Democratic leaders, they sure know how to shake a stick. “Now he’ll have to pack his own goddamn lunch,” Reid said, except he didn’t. [Roll Call]

• ENOUGH OF THIS CLOWN: “Joe Lieberman returned to Capitol Hill today — his first day back since speaking at the GOP convention — and was greeted by the resignation of his $120,000-a-year legislative director Joe Goffman.” He probably just got a job offer to do, well, anything else. [The Crypt]

SAY IT AIN’T SO JOE: On November 5, America will drop Joe Lieberman down a sewer pipe of radioactive horror snakes. [Washington Post]

Oh we hate you. We hate you. You are a stinking whining sanctimonious sack of death tampons and pus. You, Joe Lieberman, insult the dignity of roaches. You are a diarrhea diaper. Let’s liveblog your pathetic bullshit. MORE »

Here is the story of how John McCain picked his running mate: after Barack Obama selected Joe Biden instead of Hillary Clinton, McCain went on a six-day Nyquil bender and at the end of it slurred, “Get me one of them wimmins.” He had always had his heart set on another salty warmonger like himself: Joe Lieberman. But conservatives hated Joe Lieberman for being an abortionist, and there just wasn’t enough room on one ticket for such a terrifying abundance of old man cheeks. MORE »

NOVAK IS BACK! After a busy summer of running over a bum and being diagnosed with a brain tumor, Robert Novak quit his regular column gig. But now he’s back with an “occasional” thing saying Vinegar Joe Lieberman would doom the McCain ticket. Don’t listen, Walnuts! Pick Holy Joe! [Bob Novak]

• MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: The filthiest, most repugnant and most accurate thing your associate editor has ever written about an American politician makes its way onto the front page of this lovely New York magazine article about Joe Lieberman. [New York]