Democrat Dennis Kucinich recently abandoned his bid for the presidency in order to spend more time in hot threesomes with his nine-foot-tall English wife and a rotating coterie of Hollywood starlets. Understandably, the voters in his Cleveland congressional district are pissed. But will their jealous rage be enough to propel him out of office? MORE »

Dennis and Elizabeth Kucinich have been working really hard to promote his big bid for the Presidency — so hard, in fact, that Dennis has attracted 4 primary challengers for his Congressional reelection campaign. One of them, Joe Cimperman, is apparently after more than just Kucinich’s Congressional seat. On Tuesday night, Cimperman visited the Kuciniches’ home armed with cameras and a basket of sausages. He found only the lovely Elizabeth, who bid him a swift adieu. Silly boy! To think that the lovely maiden’s heart could be won with amateur porn and floppity phalli! The woman has refused to show off her tongue ring and obviously already has all the meat she can handle. [Cleveland Plain Dealer]