Well, this is rather confusing news! Apparently at that Gridiron Club dinner, the one where President Obama “pulled a Cleveland” and didn’t show up, Joe Biden blabbed some thing to his dining companions that he should not have blabbed. Unbelievable, no? MORE »

If all the newspapers in America disappeared tomorrow — instead of next year, as scheduled, because of Gmail — you would never know about this story. Think about it. [LA Times/Christian Science Monitor]

The biggest political news of the day is that Barack Obama and Joe Biden made local traffic more miserable than usual because they were stoned (for Cinco de Mayo) and wanted rich-people hamburgers at a gourmet junk food restaurant in Northern Virginia. “Oh my God I love that we have a cool president who just goes out to get a hamburger,” etc. Communist Country operative “Lillian” sends in this photo of the Presidential Limo and saves us all from having to read the necessary Politico analysis: “Our esteemed president was slummin’ it at Ray’s Hell Burgers in Arlington during lunch time this afternoon. This could be a strategic move to offset his recent arugula eating habits at the fancy Citronelle.” But will this be enough to attract the white rural voters who hate him in whatever election? Oh screw it all, the damn Politico video of Barack Obama eating a hamburger is after the jump. MORE »

Most people, if asked, can say a lot of things about Sarah Palin: she’s snowbilly trash, human garbage, a religious nutball who protects the American airspace from Putin’s rearing head, a fake celebrity, a proudly ignorant “mean girl” who never should have won a promotion beyond head of her local neighborhood association, etc. But most politicians, if asked, cannot say any of these true things, so they fall back on what they believe to be an innocuous remark about her looks. MORE »

Barack Obama has had enough of this Joe Biden and his Gaffes about how we will all die if we go indoors, so he’s just cold exilin’ that dingbat to Hell in a couple of weeks: “WASHINGTON (CNN) - Vice President Joe Biden will travel to Bosnia, Herzegovina, Serbia and Kosovo in Southeastern Europe the week of May 18th, the White House announced Friday.” Biden has responded that America, the Balkans, it’s all the same bullshit to him, he just can’t find his goddamn pants right now is the thing. [CNN]

Here is your Robert Gibbs trying to explain to the gotcha media that when Joe Biden said “Anyone in America who goes into any sort of enclosed space will die like hotcakes,” he really meant, “God bless the troops,” because nobody messes with that Joe. (?). This does not satisfy America’s top newsman, Jake Tapper, and everyone laughs at nothing. [Ben Smith]

Famous talky-mouth Joe Biden is always plotting against us, except for part of this week when he was a Hero for talking so much to Arlen Specter that Specter had enough and said, “Okay, Jesus fucking Christ, Joe, whatever, I’ll be a Democrat. I’ll be a fucking Scientologist Mel-Gibson Catholic Turkish Imam if that’s what it takes for you to shut up.” And then we, as a nation, said, “Well Biden is good for something after all.” But then he spoke today, about something else — PIG DEATH FLU PANDEMICS — and now the travel industry wants him to apologize and then die. MORE »

Here’s Joe Biden this morning telling us all that we’re going to die if we travel in confined spaces (2:35 in). Hooray! And better yet, the swine flu has finally “come home” to our nation’s capital, Washington, after some slob at the World Bank (*shakes fist at World Bank*) went to Mexico, fucked a pig, and came back to our fairest city with this Pig AIDS. So hey people in DC, liquidate yr bank accounts and buy booze and we’ll hold a big orgy on the Mall tonight before we all die tomorrow. On the upside, this will fix the economy! The death of all humans, that is. [AP]

The chemistry just sort of shoots off the screen, doesn’t it? We have no idea which 60 Minutes correspondent this is supposed to be — Morley Safer? Andy Rooney? — but she is clearly not very happy about this interview. Shouldn’t Joe Biden get one of the young, wacky 60 Minutes reporters? A guy named “Steve” or something? [Daily IQ]

• Dylan plugs in!: Plot Functions Weekly centerfold Nate Silver is moving to Brooklyn, of all places. [FiveThirtyEight]
• Obama has a new website, Financialstability.gov, which means Joe Biden will presumably be on the talk show circuit this week, hyping his new daguerreotype flipbook, financeeconomy.website. [The Caucus]
• What we talk about when we talk about waterboarding: Andrew Sullivan calls out the Washington Post for being the Dick Cheney propaganda organ it really is. [Andrew Sullivan]
• It appears there is much confusion within Obama’s new defense against the dark arts team over whether they are still allowed to publicly speak of the “global war on terror.” [Ben Smith]
• New polls, which Nate Silver will now be analyzing from a really chill independent socialist coffee shop, show that for whatever reason, people are feeling better about the economy. [CNN Political Ticker]

Barack Obama missed out on the much-ballyhooed Gridiron Dinner this weekend, an event in which journalists and politicians sit around very expensive tables with long white linen tablecloths and quietly give each other handjobs. Instead the president stayed at Camp David with his family, blah. Fortunately, Joe Biden attended the dinner and brought home the larfs. MORE »