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Posts Tagged ‘joe biden’

VITAL STATE SECRETS

Cheney’s Secret Bunker Was … In His Basement?

Monday, May 18th, 2009

Bunker/abbatoir, actually.Well, this is rather confusing news! Apparently at that Gridiron Club dinner, the one where President Obama “pulled a Cleveland” and didn’t show up, Joe Biden blabbed some thing to his dining companions that he should not have blabbed. Unbelievable, no? MORE »


SAVE OUR MEDIA!

Biden Insults Obama’s Black Dog

Monday, May 11th, 2009

THIS IS OUR 9/11.
If all the newspapers in America disappeared tomorrow — instead of next year, as scheduled, because of Gmail — you would never know about this story. Think about it. [LA Times/Christian Science Monitor]


MEAT IS MURDER

Oh Yes, Uhh, Barack Obama And Joe Biden Ate Hamburgers

Tuesday, May 5th, 2009

The biggest political news of the day is that Barack Obama and Joe Biden made local traffic more miserable than usual because they were stoned (for Cinco de Mayo) and wanted rich-people hamburgers at a gourmet junk food restaurant in Northern Virginia. “Oh my God I love that we have a cool president who just goes out to get a hamburger,” etc. Communist Country operative “Lillian” sends in this photo of the Presidential Limo and saves us all from having to read the necessary Politico analysis: “Our esteemed president was slummin’ it at Ray’s Hell Burgers in Arlington during lunch time this afternoon. This could be a strategic move to offset his recent arugula eating habits at the fancy Citronelle.” But will this be enough to attract the white rural voters who hate him in whatever election? Oh screw it all, the damn Politico video of Barack Obama eating a hamburger is after the jump. MORE »


HE'S ONE TO TALK

Sexist Mitt Romney Calls Sarah Palin ‘Beautiful’

Tuesday, May 5th, 2009

Beautifully influential, that is!Most people, if asked, can say a lot of things about Sarah Palin: she’s snowbilly trash, human garbage, a religious nutball who protects the American airspace from Putin’s rearing head, a fake celebrity, a proudly ignorant “mean girl” who never should have won a promotion beyond head of her local neighborhood association, etc. But most politicians, if asked, cannot say any of these true things, so they fall back on what they believe to be an innocuous remark about her looks. MORE »


AND STAY THERE

Obama To Kick Biden Out Of America

Friday, May 1st, 2009

Barack Obama has had enough of this Joe Biden and his Gaffes about how we will all die if we go indoors, so he’s just cold exilin’ that dingbat to Hell in a couple of weeks: “WASHINGTON (CNN) - Vice President Joe Biden will travel to Bosnia, Herzegovina, Serbia and Kosovo in Southeastern Europe the week of May 18th, the White House announced Friday.” Biden has responded that America, the Balkans, it’s all the same bullshit to him, he just can’t find his goddamn pants right now is the thing. [CNN]


TRANSLATIONS

Robert Gibbs: Joe Biden Meant That You Should Die, Jake Tapper

Thursday, April 30th, 2009

Here is your Robert Gibbs trying to explain to the gotcha media that when Joe Biden said “Anyone in America who goes into any sort of enclosed space will die like hotcakes,” he really meant, “God bless the troops,” because nobody messes with that Joe. (?). This does not satisfy America’s top newsman, Jake Tapper, and everyone laughs at nothing. [Ben Smith]


PIG DEATH FLU FEAR

Travel Industry Wants To Kill Joe Biden

Thursday, April 30th, 2009

But can you get death flu on AMTRAK?Famous talky-mouth Joe Biden is always plotting against us, except for part of this week when he was a Hero for talking so much to Arlen Specter that Specter had enough and said, “Okay, Jesus fucking Christ, Joe, whatever, I’ll be a Democrat. I’ll be a fucking Scientologist Mel-Gibson Catholic Turkish Imam if that’s what it takes for you to shut up.” And then we, as a nation, said, “Well Biden is good for something after all.” But then he spoke today, about something else — PIG DEATH FLU PANDEMICS — and now the travel industry wants him to apologize and then die. MORE »


SEXYTIME

Everyone In DC To Die Of Pig Flu, Too

Thursday, April 30th, 2009

Here’s Joe Biden this morning telling us all that we’re going to die if we travel in confined spaces (2:35 in). Hooray! And better yet, the swine flu has finally “come home” to our nation’s capital, Washington, after some slob at the World Bank (*shakes fist at World Bank*) went to Mexico, fucked a pig, and came back to our fairest city with this Pig AIDS. So hey people in DC, liquidate yr bank accounts and buy booze and we’ll hold a big orgy on the Mall tonight before we all die tomorrow. On the upside, this will fix the economy! The death of all humans, that is. [AP]


SIDEKICKS

60 Minutes Reporter Not Real Thrilled With This Joe Biden Assignment

Tuesday, April 28th, 2009


The chemistry just sort of shoots off the screen, doesn’t it? We have no idea which 60 Minutes correspondent this is supposed to be — Morley Safer? Andy Rooney? — but she is clearly not very happy about this interview. Shouldn’t Joe Biden get one of the young, wacky 60 Minutes reporters? A guy named “Steve” or something? [Daily IQ]


RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

Don’t Be The Last One To Subscribe To htp:financeeconomy.website!

Tuesday, March 31st, 2009
  • Dylan plugs in!: Plot Functions Weekly centerfold Nate Silver is moving to Brooklyn, of all places. [FiveThirtyEight]
  • Obama has a new website, Financialstability.gov, which means Joe Biden will presumably be on the talk show circuit this week, hyping his new daguerreotype flipbook, financeeconomy.website. [The Caucus]
  • What we talk about when we talk about waterboarding: Andrew Sullivan calls out the Washington Post for being the Dick Cheney propaganda organ it really is. [Andrew Sullivan]
  • It appears there is much confusion within Obama’s new defense against the dark arts team over whether they are still allowed to publicly speak of the “global war on terror.” [Ben Smith]
  • New polls, which Nate Silver will now be analyzing from a really chill independent socialist coffee shop, show that for whatever reason, people are feeling better about the economy. [CNN Political Ticker]

FAP FAP FAP

Gridiron Dinner Features Usual Masturbatory Hijinks, Minus The President

Monday, March 23rd, 2009

Grover Cleveland hated this event, too.Barack Obama missed out on the much-ballyhooed Gridiron Dinner this weekend, an event in which journalists and politicians sit around very expensive tables with long white linen tablecloths and quietly give each other handjobs. Instead the president stayed at Camp David with his family, blah. Fortunately, Joe Biden attended the dinner and brought home the larfs. MORE »