Tag Archives: joe biden

  Twitter diplomacy

Wait Up, Fellas! Bobby Jindal Wants To Be A Traitorous Senator Too!

Not presidential material. Not Bobby Jindal either.
Louisiana Gov. Bobby Howdy Doody Jindal wants to be president one day. That’s never going to happen, but just in case it does, which it never will, he’s promising not to do a single thing in the second half of his second term, because a REAL president would know better than to act like he’s still the president and, like, get stuff done. Read more on Wait Up, Fellas! Bobby Jindal Wants To Be A Traitorous Senator Too!…
  He's groping for the right words

Joe Biden Literally Cannot Believe What Dicks Republican Senators Are

On Monday we learned about a gang of 47 Senate Republicans who really respect the fuck out of the office of the president, so much so that they sent an “open letter” to “the leaders of the Islamic Republic of Iran,” helpfully hinting that Iran should not even bother negotiating with “President” Obama, because once the GOP gets another white guy in there, they’re going to repeal the bejesus out of Barry H. Bamz’s two terms, including any deals he mistakenly thinks he has the authority to make. Read more on Joe Biden Literally Cannot Believe What Dicks Republican Senators Are…
  God and Jesus are the same people you don't have to say it twice JOE

Handsome Joe Biden Knows How Stupid Ben Carson’s Gay Prison Comments Were, Jesus, God!

Do you all remember last week, when Republican Presidential (Hilariously) Hopeful Ben Carson said that we know that gayness is a choice, due to all these dudes go to prison, and they end up doing Guy Sex while they’re in there? And how when they get out of prison, they never sexxx a lady again, due to they have been cured of their heterosexuality, by the guy who runs the prison gang? (He didn’t say that part, but we’re taking it to its natural conclusion.) Read more on Handsome Joe Biden Knows How Stupid Ben Carson’s Gay Prison Comments Were, Jesus, God!…
  Here have some Nice Time you deserve it

Nice Republicans Demand SCOTUS Give Them All The Gay Marriages

What a silly news day it has been, what with learning that Future Permanent Queen Of America Hillary Clinton still has to load one of those free AOL disks every time she wants to do either diplomacy or lunch with a foreign official, and that awful warmonger, who is not Dick Cheney, talking to Congress about how Iran will destroy Israel on Twitter, we are exhausted. Read more on Nice Republicans Demand SCOTUS Give Them All The Gay Marriages…
  Gonna get me a quick nap and then it's FIREBALL-THIRTY y'all

Best Justice Ever Ruth Bader Ginsburg May Have Been Slightly Drunk At SOTU Address

Just let me nap this out, we should go do shots after.
So, here is a thing for your Friday that will make you giggly happy. Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who is a bad-ass, was caught on camera takin’ a little snooze during Obummer’s State Of The Union address, because who wouldn’t, and she admitted Thursday night that she MAY HAVE BEEN a little bit hammered that night, due to she and the other judges always have dinner before the Big Game, and Anthony Kennedy brought some wine she was NOT about to decline: Read more on Best Justice Ever Ruth Bader Ginsburg May Have Been Slightly Drunk At SOTU Address…
  Since You Went Away

Joe Biden Pretty Sure He’s Not Trying To Become King Of Venezuela

News from Overseas! Or a really long drive South, at least. The White House is categorically denying that Old Handsome Joe Biden tried to overthrow the government of Venezuela, no matter how many sad breakup songs Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro requests the DJ to play. Read more on Joe Biden Pretty Sure He’s Not Trying To Become King Of Venezuela…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Rachel Watches The Joe Biden Senate Show, Because We Forgot To

There were too many 'manic Rachel' images to choose from today
Congress is back in session, and Rachel Maddow couldn’t be more delighted with the first-day weirdness. There’s Joe Biden being the most Joe Biden he ever gets, greeting the new Senate and swearing everybody in. While there was no Ted Cruz’s Jerk Baby this term, Joe did say some completely incomprehensible stuff, and also accidentally spat out the remnants of a mint while talking. Everyone was just adorable. Read more on Morning Maddow: Rachel Watches The Joe Biden Senate Show, Because We Forgot To…
  Glad we solved that problem forever

2014: The Year All Rape Ended Forever Because It Never Existed Obviously

Our thoughts exactly
In the early days of 2014, the world was a simpler, happier place. Bill Cosby was still a kindly, grandfatherly funnyman and not a horrible monster rapist, and we all enjoyed playfully teasing him about his sweaters and Jell-O Pudding Pops until the joke was entirely played out and stale and not funny anymore, seriously, enough. Read more on 2014: The Year All Rape Ended Forever Because It Never Existed Obviously…
  Hide the children

Obama Will Indoctrinate Your Kids With Non-Biblical Computer Programming

What terrible things is President Obama doing to the children — what are our future — this week? Encouraging them to learn how to do science-y things with computers, which we can all agree is terrible because if God wanted us to know how to use computers, he would have written the Constitution in biblical code. Read more on Obama Will Indoctrinate Your Kids With Non-Biblical Computer Programming…
  Poor Little Prick Boy

Eric Cantor Is America’s Saddest Republican

Scootaloo is too young to understand 'misplaced empathy'
It’s a sad week for Democrats, and a really happy week for Republicans, at least most of them, except maybe for Scott Brown, who’s busy crying bitter tears and checking the real estate listings in Vermont and Maine. Read more on Eric Cantor Is America’s Saddest Republican…
  have fun with that

McConnell Defeats Grimes, On Track To Become Senate’s Top Beleaguered Cat Lady

Somewhere in Washington, DC, there is probably something with the name of every Senate Majority Leader carved on it, like a marble bust or some old Roman Empire shit like that. Tonight, Mitch McConnell just got a lot closer to putting his own name on that hypothetical thing, as the major networks have called him the winner in his race against sexy, flawed Alison Lundergan Grimes. Read more on McConnell Defeats Grimes, On Track To Become Senate’s Top Beleaguered Cat Lady…
  Dude Where's My Czar?

Obama To Fix All The Ebola Now

Rasputin auditions to be held next week
Take a deep breath through your respirator and relax, America! Barack Obama is going to appoint an Ebola Czar to coordinate the government’s response to the not-really-an-outbreak of Ebola in the USA. Read more on Obama To Fix All The Ebola Now…
  Sins Of The Son

Old Handsome Joe Biden’s Son Hoovering Up All The Cocaine

Having the Royal Navy bring him the stuff was probably a mistake on his part
Vice President Joe Biden’s son Hunter was discharged from the Navy Reserve in February of this year after failing a drug test for cocaine, according to the Wall Street Journal. It’s a sad story, and pretty unremarkable, but thank god, the Stupidest Guest Blogger on the Internet, Gateway Pundit’s Kristinn Taylor, was able to find a way to make it a symptom of Joe Biden’s duplicity: Read more on Old Handsome Joe Biden’s Son Hoovering Up All The Cocaine…
  Science: What Has It Done For Us?

Paul Ryan Pretty Sure Scientists Too Dumb To Be Sure about Global Warming

It's Banksy, in a canal, with a spray can.
Paul Ryan one-upped the rest of the Republican Party in a debate against his Democratic challenger Monday night. Most R’s have been content to say that they don’t have to express an opinion on the reality of climate change because “I’m not a scientist.” But Paul Ryan went one better and said that neither are scientists. Read more on Paul Ryan Pretty Sure Scientists Too Dumb To Be Sure about Global Warming…
  If 'Bitch' Is Even A Swear (Which It Isn't)

Old Handsome Joe Biden Said Another Swear!

When caffeine gets drowsy, it takes a little Joe Biden
Prepare for some pissing and moaning, probably, over Old Handsome Joe Biden just being Old Handsome Joe Biden again: Thursday, at a Harvard event, His Handsomeness said a swear, kinda-sorta: “Isn’t it a bitch, I mean … that vice president thing?” Biden joked, as the audience reportedly erupted with laughter. ”I’m joking. I’m joking. I’m joking. The best decision I ever made.” All of which leads one to wonder, once more, what Old Handsome Joe Biden has against dogs, like that time he just cold killed one. (OK, his motorcade did. Still, he’s a monster.) Read more on Old Handsome Joe Biden Said Another Swear!…