Joe Biden, who… as… everyone… is… well aware…??… has been in Eastern Europe for a long time, continues to be amazing: “Mr. Biden shrugged off Mr. Cheney’s point that the old administration left behind a review of Afghanistan. ‘Who cares what —’ he said, and then stopped himself to find another way to put it. (’I can see the headline now,’ said the famously free-wheeling vice president. ‘I’m getting better, guys.’)” The electric dog collar must have gone off. It would have been VERY CONTROVERSIAL for Joe Biden to say, “Who cares what Dick Cheney thinks?” Very Agnewian and enemy-marginalizing, as this week’s news would have it. [NYT]

By the Comics Curmudgeon
America might be a land of shouty illiterate fartsacks who will die of massive Hardees-induced coronaries in filthy hospital waiting rooms while trying to fill out insurance forms with numbing fingers, but at least we aren’t Europeans, am I right? I mean, Jesus, think about the awful nadir of degradation it must be, being one of those people. Wait, what, you don’t think Europeans are terrible mutant monsters? Oh, ho ho, do I have news for you, after the jump. MORE »

• JOE BIDEN WILL THROW DOWN ANYWHERE, ANYTIME: So Barack Obama wanted to get rid of Joe Biden for the day and settled on sending him to Georgia, to say “hi” to the flood victims down there. Immediately after arriving, Joe Biden addressed the local disaster relief officials and proclaimed, “They’re all doing one heck of a job.” Ha! Was he being intentionally ironic? No, because that requires the ability to be intentionally ironic. [Ben Smith]

Here we have a pretty normal news analysis of Joe Biden: he’s described as frank but endearing, a clown but a statesman, maybe less visible than other Obama staffers but nonetheless a valued member of the team, etc etc… SNOOZE. But! “Aides said he might go for the Democratic presidential nomination in 2016. He would be 74 upon taking office, but his staff insists that’s not too old.” Well, shucks! As long as his paid employees give him the (anonymous) go-ahead, then everything should be fine. Remember how America just elected the 72-year-old John McCain its oldest president ever? Exactly. [Los Angeles Times]

• High-frequency trading? Goldman Sachs? Ball’s in your court, Taibbi. [Matt Yglesias]
• “You Want Context? Drudge Will Give You Context.” And brain herpes! [Weekly Standard]
• Joe Biden is such a golly liberal fascist, according to liberal fascist experts. [USA Today]
• The best part of RedState’s furry convention was when Liz Cheney gave everyone an enormous boner — as stiff as a starched collar! Who could resist doe-eyed Liz in that delicious panda bear suit? So soft. [RedState]
• Sean Hannity is now a Texas Kentucky Colonel. [Think Progress]
• CNN took one look at the ad Media Matters wanted to air and said, “What is this? You are not selling pills or automobiles? NO. This will not do. Air your facts on Fox.” [TPM]

Poor Joe Biden has spent his entire term as vice president being privately rebuked and publicly corrected by his boss. Every time Biden gives an interview, Obama comes out a couple days later and says, “I stand behind everything Joe said, except just to clarify, he meant the opposite,” and Biden has to sit in the Naughty Circle for ten minutes. MORE »

Here’s Joe Biden swearing in Al Franken to the Senate today, finally, while failed adult Norm Coleman plays Foosball in his parents’ basement, alone, sobbing. Now the Democrats officially have 60 votes in the Senate! EVERYONE GO GAY-MOLEST A CHILD, NOW. [TPM]

Sprightly silver-painted ex-Newsweek hobbit Richard Wolffe, who is also on the teevee sometimes, talking about politics, has released a new book titled Renegade: The Making of a President. It is supposedly a well-reported account of Life with Obama during the 2008 election, and it’s in bookstores today, so be sure to… not buy it and just spend a few minutes googling around for the key “cocktail party conversation” excerpts! Here’s one: Obama called Bill Clinton a liar! More: Barack and Michelle Obama basically hated each other until recently! MORE: Obama had wanted Hillary for Secretary of State for like 500 years! Thank you for the edifying pornography, Richard Wolffe! Meh. BUT WAIT… What hilarious things did Joe Biden do all the time? MORE »

Well, this is rather confusing news! Apparently at that Gridiron Club dinner, the one where President Obama “pulled a Cleveland” and didn’t show up, Joe Biden blabbed some thing to his dining companions that he should not have blabbed. Unbelievable, no? MORE »

If all the newspapers in America disappeared tomorrow — instead of next year, as scheduled, because of Gmail — you would never know about this story. Think about it. [LA Times/Christian Science Monitor]

The biggest political news of the day is that Barack Obama and Joe Biden made local traffic more miserable than usual because they were stoned (for Cinco de Mayo) and wanted rich-people hamburgers at a gourmet junk food restaurant in Northern Virginia. “Oh my God I love that we have a cool president who just goes out to get a hamburger,” etc. Communist Country operative “Lillian” sends in this photo of the Presidential Limo and saves us all from having to read the necessary Politico analysis: “Our esteemed president was slummin’ it at Ray’s Hell Burgers in Arlington during lunch time this afternoon. This could be a strategic move to offset his recent arugula eating habits at the fancy Citronelle.” But will this be enough to attract the white rural voters who hate him in whatever election? Oh screw it all, the damn Politico video of Barack Obama eating a hamburger is after the jump. MORE »