Wonkette

We have been wondering what fantastic campaign stunt John McCain might pull next. Declare war on Iceland? Suspend his campaign for Rosh Hashanah? But clearly we were not thinking big enough. John McCain will announce shortly that he’s such a bipartisan maverick he is switching parties and running for Number Two, because country above self and all that. Plus he hates Joe Biden. [YouTube via Top of the Ticket]

• AND NOW WE ARE ALL DUMBER: The early Nielsen ratings are in for last night’s debate, and they’re a full freaking 42% higher than the ratings from last Friday’s presidential debate, making it the most watched debate since Bush/Clinton/Perot in 1992. Jesus, we are a bizarre country. [The Live Feed]

This is pretty much perfect, except maybe somewhere you could squeeze in, “That Joe person is crying about his dead family?! –> Shout Maverick several times,” which is something that happened. [Adennak via Andrew Sullivan]

By the Comics Curmudgeon
Did you know that there are a full FIVE AND A HALF YEARS WEEKS left until the election? Day after day of nonstop wall-to-wall electioneering and promise-making and shitty-campaign-ad-broadcasting and vote-getting-out and and and AND! Wouldn’t it be easier to bear if we were high? Of course it would! But we here at Wonkette can’t endorse that, because it would be illegal and wrong. And if you need proof of its wrongness, look no further than the following cartoons, which prove that everyone involved in the Politics is in fact high, on drugs. MORE »

Here they are! It is time to tell America what you thought of this special debate. Or, just leave comments. To fuel your “in the tank” fire, here is an article. Here is another. We are watching CNBC Europe right now, and drinking the wine. [Barack Obama's Photostream]

• LIVE HARDBALL ON MSNBC: CNN just went to a repeat of the Palin-Biden debate, which is good to see if you were, say, maniacally liveblogging during the actual event. But Crazy Chris Matthews is live at the university in St. Louis.

This is our Part III, of this painful debate between Gwen Ifill and Joe Biden. Meanwhile, sprightly snow clown Sarah Palin is reciting notes and folkisms from her podium. It is weird. Whether it’s weirder than any other part of this freak two-year-long presidential campaign, we won’t know until … the next freak event. Agh, she can’t pronounce “nuclear” either. Well, hey, our pre-liveblog is here, our Part I liveblog is here, our Part II liveblog is here, and now let’s get to drinkin’, stoppin’ the brains from gettin’ confused with our freedoms, our democracies, and etc. Ugh. MORE »

Trying. To keep. Blood pressure. Down. Musn’t DIE. Watching the lady lie about literally everything. Oh, she has some complete sentences alright. “Congratulations.” You’re still not a human though! STILL NOT THERE! Oh and Joe — less numbers! We realize numbers are your defense mechanism whenever you really want to say “SHUT THE HELL UP FRAUDBOT,” but still. Here’s the pre-blog and part 1. MORE »

Happy Night of the Century, fellow Americans! We have longed for this night, and we have dreaded it. Poor Gwen Ifill was walked to the stage like some dead pope, the contestants are here and ready to go, our drinking game is also ready to go — are you?! And the pre-game liveblog is just a sweet click away. Ready your beverages, people, and let’s do this thing. MORE »

Oh crap they’re showing this on every channel, aren’t they? So that means The Office won’t be on tonight? Goddamnit. We were just going to watch that and make up stuff for the debate liveblogging. Now we will watch the debate and still just make up stuff for the debate liveblogging. Go blogs! Let’s see what the CNN is saying, before the debate. MORE »

Gotta admit, we’re feeling a teeny bit of pressure for tonight’s liveblogging. The last time we remember the comedy stakes being anywhere near as high as this was the GOP YouTube Debate last November. (Memories!) (Sigh.) Come back at 8:30 ET for the pre-game liveblog! Until then, we’ve compiled the last two days’ worth of YouTubes and widgets and websites and assorted Internet junk about Sarah Palin that you people make thousands of each day and then e-mail to us so that Ken can mark them all as spam. Well, here are your links, MERRY CHRISTMAS fuckaz. MORE »

Wonkette Fly-Over Correspondent Stephen Martin is at the scene of tonight’s Palin-Biden debate in St. Louis, trying to find out why Dr. Dean is such a dick: “Just ran into Howard Dean in the campus bookstore at Wash U. I got to know the man relatively well four years ago, had dinner with him, the typical Iowa thing with candidates. Well, I figured I’d go say hi to him. Totally blew me off. It’s not like there was a gaggle or anything. He was getting his picture taken with a couple of campus cuties. I was the only “reporter” in the whole place. But his people saw my red ‘media’ tag, and completely ignored me. I was disappointed. MORE »

What’s even better than watching these terrifying clips of Sarah Palin and Katie Couric every night? Reading our favorite chit-chat blog, National Review’s The Corner, the next morning! The Palin-Couric Sessions have been SO OBJECTIVELY HORRIFYING, and it’s a real hoot watching the Corner bloggers scramble together new Republican make-shift counterpoints each and every time. Today, for example, they argue that Joe Biden’s interview last night about the Supreme Court was worse than Sarah Palin’s, and that the American people will sympathize more with Sarah Palin because oh who the fuck knows. MORE »

Enough with the high-concept drinking games, the fancy prose, and the unrealistic situations — that you are drinking “with friends,” for example. By this time next year, you might be sharing a storage space with your entire extended family, so let’s go ahead and enjoy the luxury of drinking alone and yelling at the teevee, one more time together. Also, we are all poor now, so the beverages will be dramatically simplified. Cheap beer, box wine and a plastic gallon jug of “Vodka City.” MORE »