Tag Archives: joe biden

  only $7.99!

Wonkette Doesn’t Sell Confederate Flag Apparel, But We Gots Panties With Teeth!

Burning with a desire for reconciliation, these panties are.
June 23, 2015, will go down as the day America’s corporate overlords realized products bearing the symbol of the Confederate battle flag, which commemorates a group of traitors no better than those who leave America to fight alongside ISIS, are BAD. This came after two days of wingnut Republican elected officials coming to Jesus on the subject of the traitor flag, we assume because their internal pollsters told them that the numbers of of Americans horrified by the murder of nine black churchgoers far outweighs the tiny cohort of cousin-humping bubbas who think the flag represents the Real America. Read more on Wonkette Doesn’t Sell Confederate Flag Apparel, But We Gots Panties With Teeth!…
  Ha ... ha ... groan

Ted Cruz Tells Another Appropriate Well-Timed Joke, This Time About Guns Ha Ha Ha

Hoo boy, that Ted Cruz sure is a funny guy. While he is too big a coward to take a position on the Confederate flag and whether it should continue to fly on the grounds of South Carolina’s state capitol (hint: it should not), he’s not at all afraid to crack some “jokes” about gun control at a town hall meeting in Red Oak, Iowa: Read more on Ted Cruz Tells Another Appropriate Well-Timed Joke, This Time About Guns Ha Ha Ha…
  Delete your show

This Is The Worst Thing Pat Robertson Has Ever Said

Televangelist scam artist Pat Robertson has said some horrible, terrible, evil, awful words in his 315 years on this Earth. About how to beat your kids just right, how to pray the gay away, how to doll yourself up so your husband doesn’t cheat on you. Also, some straight-up crazy talk about Satanic vegetables. Usually, we try to find the funny — haha, look what creepy old Uncle Pat said on his show today! — and then we make some jokes about it. But Robertson’s advice to “Jane,” on how to comfort a coworker whose three-year-old died, is So. Fucking. The Worst: Read more on This Is The Worst Thing Pat Robertson Has Ever Said…
  TAKE THAT HITLER-Y

Surprise! Americans Love Socialism, Want To Kiss Bernie Sanders Right On His Man-Lips

Bernie's on yr tits, winning all yr elections.
Is Bernie Sanders going to take away Hillary Clinton’s tiara and crown himself King of America, with votes? MAYBE! It turns out that, unlike the 19 Republicans running (one per Duggar child, as the Bible instructs), Sanders is real serious about his candidacy, and people are really liking what he has to say. Some of his events have even been standing-room only! Read more on Surprise! Americans Love Socialism, Want To Kiss Bernie Sanders Right On His Man-Lips…
  let's gossip about the week's top stories

Megyn Kelly Plays Softball With The Duggar Sisters: Your Weekly Top Ten

Tryin' hard to come up with some more easy questions.
HEY WONKETARIAT, we hope this weekly Top Ten post finds you rested and not too hungover. It’s time for us to look at all the stories that made you laugh and cry and whatever other emotions you feel in response to Wonkette posts, you’re very unpredictable. Guess what? That Duggar story is still going on, but we are happy to report that only HALF of the top ten posts this week are Duggar-related. Read more on Megyn Kelly Plays Softball With The Duggar Sisters: Your Weekly Top Ten…
  Christ what an asshole

Hey Ted Cruz, Why Don’t You Shove Your Joe Biden ‘Jokes’ Right Up Your Bible Hole?

He'll save you, red states!
On Saturday, Vice President Joe Biden’s son Beau died of brain cancer. On Wednesday, Ted Cruz decided the vice president, who has not even buried his son yet, had been given enough time to grieve the loss of yet another child — Biden’s one-year-old daughter and first wife died in a car accident in 1972 — because Cruz had a real HI-larious side-splitting zinger to deliver at a Republican event in Michigan: Read more on Hey Ted Cruz, Why Don’t You Shove Your Joe Biden ‘Jokes’ Right Up Your Bible Hole?…
  Molotov!

Loretta Lynch Is Finally Your New Attorney General, IMPEACH!

Now the evil scheming begins
Well, that wasn’t so hard! After waiting for a nearly record-setting 166 days to be confirmed, Loretta Lynch was finally sworn in as U.S. Attorney General by Vice President Joe Biden, who presumably saved his congratulatory groping for after the ceremony. Read more on Loretta Lynch Is Finally Your New Attorney General, IMPEACH!…
  Is This Another Caption Contest? You Decide.

Old Handsome Joe Biden, Binky Thief

That babby's binky is a big fuckin' deal
So here, as they say, is a thing that happened: Georgina Bloomberg, daughter of former NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg, posted the above photo to her MyFacePlaceSpace page with the comment, “What’s a boy to do when the Vice President steals your pacifier?” Read more on Old Handsome Joe Biden, Binky Thief…
  Twitter diplomacy

Wait Up, Fellas! Bobby Jindal Wants To Be A Traitorous Senator Too!

Not presidential material. Not Bobby Jindal either.
Louisiana Gov. Bobby Howdy Doody Jindal wants to be president one day. That’s never going to happen, but just in case it does, which it never will, he’s promising not to do a single thing in the second half of his second term, because a REAL president would know better than to act like he’s still the president and, like, get stuff done. Read more on Wait Up, Fellas! Bobby Jindal Wants To Be A Traitorous Senator Too!…
  He's groping for the right words

Joe Biden Literally Cannot Believe What Dicks Republican Senators Are

On Monday we learned about a gang of 47 Senate Republicans who really respect the fuck out of the office of the president, so much so that they sent an “open letter” to “the leaders of the Islamic Republic of Iran,” helpfully hinting that Iran should not even bother negotiating with “President” Obama, because once the GOP gets another white guy in there, they’re going to repeal the bejesus out of Barry H. Bamz’s two terms, including any deals he mistakenly thinks he has the authority to make. Read more on Joe Biden Literally Cannot Believe What Dicks Republican Senators Are…
  God and Jesus are the same people you don't have to say it twice JOE

Handsome Joe Biden Knows How Stupid Ben Carson’s Gay Prison Comments Were, Jesus, God!

Do you all remember last week, when Republican Presidential (Hilariously) Hopeful Ben Carson said that we know that gayness is a choice, due to all these dudes go to prison, and they end up doing Guy Sex while they’re in there? And how when they get out of prison, they never sexxx a lady again, due to they have been cured of their heterosexuality, by the guy who runs the prison gang? (He didn’t say that part, but we’re taking it to its natural conclusion.) Read more on Handsome Joe Biden Knows How Stupid Ben Carson’s Gay Prison Comments Were, Jesus, God!…
  Here have some Nice Time you deserve it

Nice Republicans Demand SCOTUS Give Them All The Gay Marriages

What a silly news day it has been, what with learning that Future Permanent Queen Of America Hillary Clinton still has to load one of those free AOL disks every time she wants to do either diplomacy or lunch with a foreign official, and that awful warmonger, who is not Dick Cheney, talking to Congress about how Iran will destroy Israel on Twitter, we are exhausted. Read more on Nice Republicans Demand SCOTUS Give Them All The Gay Marriages…
  Gonna get me a quick nap and then it's FIREBALL-THIRTY y'all

Best Justice Ever Ruth Bader Ginsburg May Have Been Slightly Drunk At SOTU Address

Just let me nap this out, we should go do shots after.
So, here is a thing for your Friday that will make you giggly happy. Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who is a bad-ass, was caught on camera takin’ a little snooze during Obummer’s State Of The Union address, because who wouldn’t, and she admitted Thursday night that she MAY HAVE BEEN a little bit hammered that night, due to she and the other judges always have dinner before the Big Game, and Anthony Kennedy brought some wine she was NOT about to decline: Read more on Best Justice Ever Ruth Bader Ginsburg May Have Been Slightly Drunk At SOTU Address…
  Since You Went Away

Joe Biden Pretty Sure He’s Not Trying To Become King Of Venezuela

News from Overseas! Or a really long drive South, at least. The White House is categorically denying that Old Handsome Joe Biden tried to overthrow the government of Venezuela, no matter how many sad breakup songs Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro requests the DJ to play. Read more on Joe Biden Pretty Sure He’s Not Trying To Become King Of Venezuela…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Rachel Watches The Joe Biden Senate Show, Because We Forgot To

There were too many 'manic Rachel' images to choose from today
Congress is back in session, and Rachel Maddow couldn’t be more delighted with the first-day weirdness. There’s Joe Biden being the most Joe Biden he ever gets, greeting the new Senate and swearing everybody in. While there was no Ted Cruz’s Jerk Baby this term, Joe did say some completely incomprehensible stuff, and also accidentally spat out the remnants of a mint while talking. Everyone was just adorable. Read more on Morning Maddow: Rachel Watches The Joe Biden Senate Show, Because We Forgot To…
  Glad we solved that problem forever

2014: The Year All Rape Ended Forever Because It Never Existed Obviously

Nope, no rape news this year
In the early days of 2014, the world was a simpler, happier place. Bill Cosby was still a kindly, grandfatherly funnyman and not a horrible monster rapist, and we all enjoyed playfully teasing him about his sweaters and Jell-O Pudding Pops until the joke was entirely played out and stale and not funny anymore, seriously, enough. Read more on 2014: The Year All Rape Ended Forever Because It Never Existed Obviously…
  Hide the children

Obama Will Indoctrinate Your Kids With Non-Biblical Computer Programming

What terrible things is President Obama doing to the children — what are our future — this week? Encouraging them to learn how to do science-y things with computers, which we can all agree is terrible because if God wanted us to know how to use computers, he would have written the Constitution in biblical code. Read more on Obama Will Indoctrinate Your Kids With Non-Biblical Computer Programming…
  Poor Little Prick Boy

Eric Cantor Is America’s Saddest Republican

Scootaloo is too young to understand 'misplaced empathy'
It’s a sad week for Democrats, and a really happy week for Republicans, at least most of them, except maybe for Scott Brown, who’s busy crying bitter tears and checking the real estate listings in Vermont and Maine. Read more on Eric Cantor Is America’s Saddest Republican…
  have fun with that

McConnell Defeats Grimes, On Track To Become Senate’s Top Beleaguered Cat Lady

Somewhere in Washington, DC, there is probably something with the name of every Senate Majority Leader carved on it, like a marble bust or some old Roman Empire shit like that. Tonight, Mitch McConnell just got a lot closer to putting his own name on that hypothetical thing, as the major networks have called him the winner in his race against sexy, flawed Alison Lundergan Grimes. Read more on McConnell Defeats Grimes, On Track To Become Senate’s Top Beleaguered Cat Lady…
  Dude Where's My Czar?

Obama To Fix All The Ebola Now

Rasputin auditions to be held next week
Take a deep breath through your respirator and relax, America! Barack Obama is going to appoint an Ebola Czar to coordinate the government’s response to the not-really-an-outbreak of Ebola in the USA. Read more on Obama To Fix All The Ebola Now…