May 23, 2013
Hey friends! Have you been fighting with your fellow commenters, and all your Twitter friends, and every other liberal in the universe over whether ERIC HOLDER NEEDS TO FUCKING GO, or whether if you say the president did a bad thing then you are dumb worse than Mitch McConnell, or whether ERIC HOLDER HAS BEEN [...]
Wingnuts are furious, because … well, we honestly have no idea actually. Joe Biden talked about the movie Deliverance, and how when he asks guys what they would have done if they had been tied to a tree and raped, they don’t say “I would go get the sheriff.” That is because they are embarrassed [...]
So let us guess: people are mad at Joe Biden for yelling at terrorists, right? DON’T BE RIDICULOSE! Of course they are. People are mad because he said “knock-off jihadis” instead of “Islamic jihadists.” Also, he did not say “terrorismalqaeda” three times fast.
As exciting as all this Boston stuff is, somehow sitting in front of our computers waiting for a boy to die does not feel “good.” We thought you could use this. Thank you, “DangerGuerrero,” for your service, and all our Twitter friends for sending it.
You guys, we are sorry to have to report this, but it seems your precious little boyfriend, one “Dumb Stupid Jerk Joe Biden,” has been going on vacation. While the Yahoo commenters among us make do with their Valentine’s dinners of cut up hot dog’s and anniversary gifts of a punch to the nads and [...]
Some time ago — last Thursday? last year? — some “folks” were all HAI WHITE HOUSE WHY COME NO JOE BIDEN TEEVEE KARDASHIAN? Now, the White House has given us all the Biden we could ever want with its web series “Being Biden.”
The sophisticated gentlemens of National Review Online are really, most terribly sorry for maligning our Old Handsome Joe Biden, God Love Him and Keep Him. But why are they sorry? They are sorry they are so bad at Tubechop that it was even clear to BreitbartTV that they had cut him off in the middle [...]
Wonkers, until now were your panties too dry? Well Old Handsome Joe Biden is from the government, and he’s here to help.
WELL WELL WELL, Mean Ugly Joe Biden! Not only have you murdered a Secret Service dog just to watch it die — do you really want to be Hillary Clinton that bad?? — but now you are SCANDALOUSLY ruining small business owners’ parking garage takes during Mardi Gras, by not-actually-closing-down the parking garage at all. [...]
The field’s all yours, Hillary Clinton. Old Handsome Joe Biden will no longer be running for president now that the Drudge Report (and CBS) has explained that he killed this dog. Gail Collins will write 1,452,722 articles about Joe Biden killing this dog. Ghost Andrew Breitbart will produce a cookbook for how to fix the [...]
Here is a photo of Joe Biden getting out of his limousine, looking like a Boss (in point of fact, he is only the boss of the Senate). Sunglasses are a very good look for the VP, whose official Wonkette title is now Old Handsome Joe Biden, God Love Him. (By the end of his [...]
Does anybody here think newly resworn President Barack Hussein Obama is giving it to his beautiful wife like a husband should? (Or like our generous Wonkers would, so selflessly?) Does anybody here think newly resworn President Barack Hussein Obama is, say, puttin’ it to his wife like Old Handsome Joe Biden puts it to Dr. [...]
Oh, hey, Wonkers, Welcome to the end of America! The Kenyan Muslim Usurper is going to announce his plan to take ALL THE GUNS! Let’s listen in!
Sorry to get this to you when it’s almost over, but we could not pull ourselves away long enough to even write a four-sentence post. Old Handsome Joe Biden is swearing in the Senate, and it is MESMERIZING. Crying babies! (Ted Cruz’s daughter, total brat-styley. Joe Biden, compassionately: “It’s a Democrat, I know, it’s okay.”) [...]
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