Tag Archives: joe biden

  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments: Why Do You Liberals Care If Druggies Die?

Scootaloo is a skateboard punk rocker. Let's hope she ends up saner than Michelle Shocked.
We’ve got a heapin’ helpin’ of hostility for you this week, on any number of topics, so let’s jump right into it with this one-liner from “Boggy,” who posted it this week in reply to our June piece on Ted Cruz’s classy jokes about Joe Biden, four days after the death of Biden’s son Beau: Read more on Deleted Comments: Why Do You Liberals Care If Druggies Die?…
  nice time!

Afternoon Nicest Time: The Time Young Handsome Joe Biden Fell In Love With Gay Marriage

evan hurst. just kidding, it's young handsome joe biden!
Old Handsome Joe Biden gives the best speeches ever. They might even be better than Barack Obama’s! Tough call, but at least we can all agree that they’re better than anything that ever slithered out of a Republican’s thin-lipped maw-hole. Thursday night, Vice President Biden spoke at the Freedom To Marry Celebration Of Victory gala in New York, and hoo boy, it was a doozy. For instance, how did Joe Biden stop worrying and learn to love the gay marriages? Well, it was from his Dad Biden, who was obviously very evolved on these issues! Read more on Afternoon Nicest Time: The Time Young Handsome Joe Biden Fell In Love With Gay Marriage…
  Be still our hearts

Will Old Handsome Joe Biden Be President Of Hillary Clinton? MAYBE!

We wouldn't be opposed to this development.
The Democratic presidential primary might get a little more crowded very soon — like three whole candidates, not counting the ones who don’t count — because SOURCES SAY that Old Handsome Joe Biden is going to declare his intention to rob Hillary Clinton of the crown the ancients prophets said she was to assume as U.S. American president. Are the Sources Who Say correct? Who knows! We should take this with a grain of salt and stuff, because Washington Times, and a lot of media people just generally like to stir shit, but it could happen! Let’s see what the gossip rags have to say: Read more on Will Old Handsome Joe Biden Be President Of Hillary Clinton? MAYBE!…
  only $7.99!

Wonkette Doesn’t Sell Confederate Flag Apparel, But We Gots Panties With Teeth!

Burning with a desire for reconciliation, these panties are.
June 23, 2015, will go down as the day America’s corporate overlords realized products bearing the symbol of the Confederate battle flag, which commemorates a group of traitors no better than those who leave America to fight alongside ISIS, are BAD. This came after two days of wingnut Republican elected officials coming to Jesus on the subject of the traitor flag, we assume because their internal pollsters told them that the numbers of of Americans horrified by the murder of nine black churchgoers far outweighs the tiny cohort of cousin-humping bubbas who think the flag represents the Real America. Read more on Wonkette Doesn’t Sell Confederate Flag Apparel, But We Gots Panties With Teeth!…
  Ha ... ha ... groan

Ted Cruz Tells Another Appropriate Well-Timed Joke, This Time About Guns Ha Ha Ha

Hoo boy, that Ted Cruz sure is a funny guy. While he is too big a coward to take a position on the Confederate flag and whether it should continue to fly on the grounds of South Carolina’s state capitol (hint: it should not), he’s not at all afraid to crack some “jokes” about gun control at a town hall meeting in Red Oak, Iowa: Read more on Ted Cruz Tells Another Appropriate Well-Timed Joke, This Time About Guns Ha Ha Ha…
  Delete your show

This Is The Worst Thing Pat Robertson Has Ever Said

Televangelist scam artist Pat Robertson has said some horrible, terrible, evil, awful words in his 315 years on this Earth. About how to beat your kids just right, how to pray the gay away, how to doll yourself up so your husband doesn’t cheat on you. Also, some straight-up crazy talk about Satanic vegetables. Usually, we try to find the funny — haha, look what creepy old Uncle Pat said on his show today! — and then we make some jokes about it. But Robertson’s advice to “Jane,” on how to comfort a coworker whose three-year-old died, is So. Fucking. The Worst: Read more on This Is The Worst Thing Pat Robertson Has Ever Said…
  TAKE THAT HITLER-Y

Surprise! Americans Love Socialism, Want To Kiss Bernie Sanders Right On His Man-Lips

Bernie's on yr tits, winning all yr elections.
Is Bernie Sanders going to take away Hillary Clinton’s tiara and crown himself King of America, with votes? MAYBE! It turns out that, unlike the 19 Republicans running (one per Duggar child, as the Bible instructs), Sanders is real serious about his candidacy, and people are really liking what he has to say. Some of his events have even been standing-room only! Read more on Surprise! Americans Love Socialism, Want To Kiss Bernie Sanders Right On His Man-Lips…
  let's gossip about the week's top stories

Megyn Kelly Plays Softball With The Duggar Sisters: Your Weekly Top Ten

Tryin' hard to come up with some more easy questions.
HEY WONKETARIAT, we hope this weekly Top Ten post finds you rested and not too hungover. It’s time for us to look at all the stories that made you laugh and cry and whatever other emotions you feel in response to Wonkette posts, you’re very unpredictable. Guess what? That Duggar story is still going on, but we are happy to report that only HALF of the top ten posts this week are Duggar-related. Read more on Megyn Kelly Plays Softball With The Duggar Sisters: Your Weekly Top Ten…
  Christ what an asshole

Hey Ted Cruz, Why Don’t You Shove Your Joe Biden ‘Jokes’ Right Up Your Bible Hole?

He'll save you, red states!
On Saturday, Vice President Joe Biden’s son Beau died of brain cancer. On Wednesday, Ted Cruz decided the vice president, who has not even buried his son yet, had been given enough time to grieve the loss of yet another child — Biden’s one-year-old daughter and first wife died in a car accident in 1972 — because Cruz had a real HI-larious side-splitting zinger to deliver at a Republican event in Michigan: Read more on Hey Ted Cruz, Why Don’t You Shove Your Joe Biden ‘Jokes’ Right Up Your Bible Hole?…
  Molotov!

Loretta Lynch Is Finally Your New Attorney General, IMPEACH!

Now the evil scheming begins
Well, that wasn’t so hard! After waiting for a nearly record-setting 166 days to be confirmed, Loretta Lynch was finally sworn in as U.S. Attorney General by Vice President Joe Biden, who presumably saved his congratulatory groping for after the ceremony. Read more on Loretta Lynch Is Finally Your New Attorney General, IMPEACH!…
  Is This Another Caption Contest? You Decide.

Old Handsome Joe Biden, Binky Thief

That babby's binky is a big fuckin' deal
So here, as they say, is a thing that happened: Georgina Bloomberg, daughter of former NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg, posted the above photo to her MyFacePlaceSpace page with the comment, “What’s a boy to do when the Vice President steals your pacifier?” Read more on Old Handsome Joe Biden, Binky Thief…
  Twitter diplomacy

Wait Up, Fellas! Bobby Jindal Wants To Be A Traitorous Senator Too!

Not presidential material. Not Bobby Jindal either.
Louisiana Gov. Bobby Howdy Doody Jindal wants to be president one day. That’s never going to happen, but just in case it does, which it never will, he’s promising not to do a single thing in the second half of his second term, because a REAL president would know better than to act like he’s still the president and, like, get stuff done. Read more on Wait Up, Fellas! Bobby Jindal Wants To Be A Traitorous Senator Too!…
  He's groping for the right words

Joe Biden Literally Cannot Believe What Dicks Republican Senators Are

On Monday we learned about a gang of 47 Senate Republicans who really respect the fuck out of the office of the president, so much so that they sent an “open letter” to “the leaders of the Islamic Republic of Iran,” helpfully hinting that Iran should not even bother negotiating with “President” Obama, because once the GOP gets another white guy in there, they’re going to repeal the bejesus out of Barry H. Bamz’s two terms, including any deals he mistakenly thinks he has the authority to make. Read more on Joe Biden Literally Cannot Believe What Dicks Republican Senators Are…
  God and Jesus are the same people you don't have to say it twice JOE

Handsome Joe Biden Knows How Stupid Ben Carson’s Gay Prison Comments Were, Jesus, God!

Do you all remember last week, when Republican Presidential (Hilariously) Hopeful Ben Carson said that we know that gayness is a choice, due to all these dudes go to prison, and they end up doing Guy Sex while they’re in there? And how when they get out of prison, they never sexxx a lady again, due to they have been cured of their heterosexuality, by the guy who runs the prison gang? (He didn’t say that part, but we’re taking it to its natural conclusion.) Read more on Handsome Joe Biden Knows How Stupid Ben Carson’s Gay Prison Comments Were, Jesus, God!…