Remember how you people all hated Hillary Clinton for having the temerity to run against Barack Obama and suggest that he was too busy enjoying sex with his pretty wife to answer phone calls at 3am, unlike Hillary Clinton who never sleeps and stays awake at night seething with rage while her husband picks up fat chicks at the bar that sells frozen mixed drinks out of Slurpee machines? Remember how you people were convinced she would ruin everything and believed that if she said “2 plus 2 equals 4″ you could reasonably conclude they actually equaled 5, because every word out of her mouth was a transparent lie? Well, now Hillary Clinton says she isn’t interested in a Supreme Court appointment and is “probably” not interested in running for president again, which means HOLD ONTO YOUR HAT BAT MAN: MORE »

Look at this heartwarming photo from the Toledo Blade. Some nice lady is “welling up with tears” because she can’t breathe anymore! Someday when she is old and gray, she will tell her grandchildren, “I once had the privilege of being choked to death by America’s first black president.” [Toledo Blade]

In Mitt Romney’s new ad, he tackles that healthy young pup known as the American economy. You can tell he’s talking about the economy because the footage here shows the word “economy” scrolling across a stock ticker. Mitt Romney would never let the economy stop… scrolling! He will fix it with… power! The American… policies of… spirit!

Those damn call center employees in India aren’t just taking away the livelihoods of dozens of flat-voiced Nebraskans away by working for pennies and successfully imitating our accents so callers don’t know that they’re Indian, they’re successfully mimicking American obesity! The Washington Post reports this morning to millions of cookie- and pie-addled readers that Americans aren’t alone in our cheerful and unhealthy fatness anymore, now that Indians sit around all day on their butts in front of their computers talking to us.

MORE »

Republican presidential candidate Tom Tancredo’s new ad ups the ante for him — and this is for a guy who said we should bomb Muslim holy places. Every single word in this ad is funny, and it’s read by some really, really old-sounding guy. DON’T EVER DROP OUT, TOM! WE NEED MORE!

Tancredo… before it’s too late [YouTube]

While not quite as disastrous as Bill Kristol’s suicide bomb of a WaPo Outlook feature, Fox News’ John “War on Christmas” Gibson has these words for us this morning: “I know you don’t want to hear about Iraq, but I’m going to tell you anyway.” Damn him! Must keep reading… despite… hatred… MORE »

• Government & Public Affairs Manager - Society For Neuroscience, Washington, DC
• Communications Assistant - American Rights at Work, Washington, DC
• Director of Foundation Giving - People For the American Way Foundation, Washington, DC
• Your Job Here!

Need a job? But can’t stomach indie movie references from old congresswomen? Here’s one you can look into: the US Armed Forces seem to have an urgent need for 67 “Personel Effects Specialists.” This job is also known as “doing something with all these dead soldiers.” So submit your resume today to work with the US Army Casualty and Morturary Affairs Operations Center at the Joint Personal Effect Depot, at Aberdeen Proving Grounds, the Happiest Place on Earth^TM! “Former military experience preferred, but NOT required.”

NEW! 67 Temp Positions: Personal Effects Specialist (FT Shifts to Aug. 17) [serco]

• Writer - American Rights at Work, Washington, DC
• Environment/Energy Reporter - Capitol News Connection, Washington, DC
• Press Secretary - American Rights at Work, Washington, DC
• Your Job Here!

Rep. Ginny Brown-Waite — a bit of a loon, sure, but more or less harmless for a Florida Republican — apparently is on the market for more than just a roommate. According to an ad at House.gov (via Capitolist): MORE »

* Communications Assistant - American Rights at Work, Washington, DC

* Executive Director - Mautner Project, Washington, DC

* Events Manager - People For the American Way Foundation, Washington, DC

* Your Job Here!