Tag Archives: jobs

  Gag me with a tax cut

Scott Walker Says Minimum Wage Is ‘Lame,’ Poor People Grody To the Max

Or maybe some Foster Friess?
Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker wants the electorate to know that he’ll be the bestest president ever for workers, because unlike the dumb old Democrats, he refuses to give a shit about the minimum wage, which is barely worth even talking about. Why would anyone want a minimum wage job when they could be rich instead? This is only logical. Speaking with Sean Hannity on Fox shortly after his Great Big Announcement Monday, Walker explained that by gutting unions, he has given workers more choices, and is therefore the real friend of working Americans (just as long as they know their place). Read more on Scott Walker Says Minimum Wage Is ‘Lame,’ Poor People Grody To the Max…
  Save The Drilling Rigs Save The World

Fox Host To Grads: Want To Save The World? Go Work For Big Oil

From 'Children's shows we never watched, Volume 3'
It’s Graduation Season, and time for all kinds of inspiring thoughts from Olds to Youngs, mostly aimed at telling the Youngs to not fuck things up as badly as the Olds did. One exception, of course, was Kurt Vonnegut, who reminded graduates at Bennington in 1970 that they couldn’t possibly hope to save the world because they had no money or power: “You don’t even know how to handle dynamite.” But he nonetheless urged them, once they did gain some money and power, to work for a form of socialist government. That’s still much better advice than the thoughts on success ladled out by two of Fox’s The Five Monday. Read more on Fox Host To Grads: Want To Save The World? Go Work For Big Oil…
  Hey at least the poors are still allowed to buy guns

Who’s Winning The ‘F*ck The Poors’ Trophy This Week? It is Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback!

Don't mind me, I'm just being a complete asshole.
Welfare queens of Kansas, we are very sorry, for your worst nightmares have come true. Your governor, Sam Brownback, has signed HB 2256, which, as we reported earlier in April, makes all the changes to welfare everybody wants, but is too shy to ask for. Yes, Kansas, you shan’t have to worry ever again about those on public assistance spending all of their $429 a month on glamorous Caribbean vacations, on your dime, or on getting their palms read at Psychic Isabella’s in Kansas City. (Which exists.) You won’t have to worry about them outdoing you in the sexxxy lingerie department either! You can rest assured that they will, by law, only be wearing the same granny panties you are currently wearing. Read more on Who’s Winning The ‘F*ck The Poors’ Trophy This Week? It is Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback!…
  a feature not a bug

If Kansas Jumped Off A Bridge, Would Other States Do It Too? Apparently Yes!

That bridge sucked anyway.
You may be familiar with the state of Kansas, where Governor Sam Brownback and the ruling GOP have conducted what Brownback has called a “great experiment” in conservative economics. They’ve radically slashed income taxes, especially for top earners, on the theory that liberating this money will supercharge the economy; businesses will flock in, new jobs will be created, and an orgy of private sector commerce will fill the budget hole caused by the tax cuts. Read more on If Kansas Jumped Off A Bridge, Would Other States Do It Too? Apparently Yes!…
  We Have Some Fun With It

Dana Loesch Has Very Clever, Satirical Humor Thoughts About Dumb Ay-rabs

Dana Loesch, America's greatest living satirist
Move over, Mark Twain, because there’s a new master of English-language political satire, and it is bespectacled she-troll Dana Loesch! It has been a while since Loesch graced us with her signature brand of satire. Thankfully, she is here with a new video to remind us all why conservatives suck at satire and why you avoided on-campus sketch comedy troupes when you were in college. Here’s Dana’s new video called “Jobs for Jihadis,” it is very funny, and we think you will enjoy the film’s high production values and smart writing. We will blockquote some of our favorite dialogue at you, because it is really clever. Read more on Dana Loesch Has Very Clever, Satirical Humor Thoughts About Dumb Ay-rabs…
  Infrastructure Is Sexy

Gas May Be Cheaper, But Congressional Jerk Babies Refuse To Pay For Roads

Hey, House Science and Technology Committee, we found you a new logo!
So now that President Michele Bachmann has fulfilled her campaign promise to bring gas prices down to $2 a gallon, this would be an excellent time to tack a few pennies onto the gas tax to help fix up our crumbling freeways and collapsing bridges, right? Hahaha, what are you, a communist? There is never a good time to actually pay for stuff! There is no way that the Republican majority in Congress would ever dream of paying for stuff we need, because 1) we don’t really need it, 2) taxes are communistical, public roads doubly so, and 3) someday there will be an election where someone will say you voted to raise taxes. Read more on Gas May Be Cheaper, But Congressional Jerk Babies Refuse To Pay For Roads…
  So Very Crude

Barack Obama To Murder Your Keystone XL Oil Pipeline With His Bare Hands

We're betting Barry could win a stare-off with Mitch, unless he starts giggling
This post sponsored by a grant from the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair for Oil Spills, Fracking, Clean Coal, Dirty Lies, and Laying Pipe In keeping with his pledge to focus on “things that both sides can agree on,” brand new Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell is promising that the very first bill to go before the Senate this week will mandate the building of the Keystone XL pipeline, that vitally important project that will employ everyone between Canada and Louisiana and ensure energy independence — and possibly even free gasoline — for the United States. Or maybe it’s a hugely disruptive project that will employ a few thousand people while it’s being built and will move Canadian oil across America so it can be refined in Gulf Coast refineries and then mostly exported. It’s definitely one of those, and the Republicans want it a lot, so now that they have a majority in both chambers of Congress, by god, they’re going to pass it. Read more on Barack Obama To Murder Your Keystone XL Oil Pipeline With His Bare Hands…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: The Economy’s Pretty Good, So Let’s Shut Down The Government

Get it? 'Going up'? Look, they can't all be inspired. -- The Maddow graphics team.
Hey, look! Turns out the economy’s doing pretty well, what with yet another good jobs report and some pretty nice economic growth charts for Democratic presidents — even that Obama fellow, except of course for that unpleasantness in 2009 that started under some other guy: 2014 has seen more jobs created than in any year since 1999, which seems like a pretty compelling reason to fire all the Democrats in Congress last month. But despite their electoral gain, Republicans seem pretty confused about what to do next — so as they are traditionally required to, they are going to war with each other. Read more on Morning Maddow: The Economy’s Pretty Good, So Let’s Shut Down The Government…
  Dupe Dupe Dupe Dupe Of Oil Oil Oil

Dems Reject Mary Landrieu Job Preservation Act, Beautiful Tar Sands Pipeline

Now how can we show our love for the tar sands?
This post made possible by the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair for Clean Gas and Clean Coal and Clean Oil Spills and Clean Tar Sands and Word Salad. In a vote that either killed the economy forever or rescued the environment forever, the U.S. Senate last night fell one vote short of passing a bill calling for immediate approval of the Keystone XL Pipeline. The bill was supposed to magically make Louisiana Republicans like Sen. Mary Landrieu, although it’s not clear how. But Landrieu was not quite able to round up enough Democrats to support the bill, and now she is reduced to hoping that saying nice things about National Adoption Day will get her reelected. Read more on Dems Reject Mary Landrieu Job Preservation Act, Beautiful Tar Sands Pipeline…
  You Can't Make An Omelette Without Fucking That Chicken

GOP’s Awesome Plan To Make America All Better, Starting With Killing A Million Jobs

Thank god somebody has some fresh thinking!
John Boehner and Mitch McConnell have affixed their names to a VERY IMPORTANT op-ed in the Wall Street Journal today,* explaining all the terrific fresh new ideas that they’ll be able to accomplish with their brand-new Republican control of Congress. It’s so fresh and exciting! Just lookie: Read more on GOP’s Awesome Plan To Make America All Better, Starting With Killing A Million Jobs…
  Barack Who?

Bill Maher Right About A Thing

Sure he's a jerk. And he's dead on this time.
Bill Maher can really be a self-important, sanctimonious asshole at times. Thankfully, this is not one of them. On Real Time this week, Maher laid into all the Democrats who have been running as if Barack Obama were the ineffectual dictator Republicans have said he is. Read more on Bill Maher Right About A Thing…
  It's Hard Out There For A Sociopath

George Zimmerman’s Entire Family Oppressed By Internet

Ready for all comers
It’s been a little while since we’ve checked in on the escapades of Completely Innocent Teen-Killer George Zimmerman, at least not since he got fired from his pretend duties as a night watchman at a gun shop that hadn’t invited him to watch it anyway, followed about five seconds later by an alleged incident of gun-waving road rage. Read more on George Zimmerman’s Entire Family Oppressed By Internet…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Labor Day Loonies Edition

Dear Sir or Madame: I am outraged by the lack of variety in the .gifs on this blog!
Happy Labor Day, workers of the world! While you and your grillables marinate in anticipation of the big holiday Bar-B-Q/bonfire, we bring you these offerings from the comments queue. Just be careful not to leave them out too long — like mayonnaise, they go bad in the sun. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: Labor Day Loonies Edition…
  A discussion for quiet wombs

GOP Rep. Goodlatte Knows Where The Jobs Are (They Are In Your Uterus)

Hey, kids, it’s January (really, we checked the Google), so you know what that means, right? Time for Republicans to make their annual attempt to pass a “No Taxpayer Funding For Abortion” bill. But wait, you are saying to yourself, isn’t taxpayer funding for abortion already prohibited? Yes, you are correct, and it has been that way since 1976. Wait some more, you are now saying to yourself, shouldn’t Republicans be focused on actual problems that actually exist? Yes, you are correct again, even though that is utterly beside the point because abortion something unborn children something taxpayers something money is fungible something blah blah something. Here’s your cookie, smartass. Wednesday’s House Judiciary Committee hearing on the bill went exactly according to schedule: All the menfolk talked about how abortion makes them soooooo sad, while all the ladyfolk protested outside the hearing. But there was this little gem that vomited from the mouth of Rep. Bob Badcoffee Goodlatte, who explained that re-restricting funding of abortion IS actually almost as important as investigating Benghazi because JOBS. That’s right, ladies! The clams are in your clam! “I would suggest that it is very much the case that those of us in the majority support this legislation because it is the morally right thing to do, but it is also very very true that having a growing population and having new children brought into the world is not harmful to job creation,” Goodlatte said at the committee mark-up of the bill. “It very much promotes job creation for all the care and services and so on that need to be provided by a lot of people to raise children.” Yes, you read that right. No, we are not making it up. Sure, you can borrow our barf bucket. Want to pretend to take this seriously for a minute and analyze this nonsense like a hungover college freshman struggling through a 10,000-word run-on Faulkner sentence? Tough, we’re going to do it anyway. Read more on GOP Rep. Goodlatte Knows Where The Jobs Are (They Are In Your Uterus)…
  mansions are people my friend

Want To Write About Rich People And Their Rich People Mansions? The Wall Street Journal Wants YOU!

Hey, Serious Journamalists, are you looking for a new challenge? Maybe you’ve done your embedded time in the Iraq or the Afghanistan, and you’ve done your fair share of reporting on blowed up limbs and now you’re like, meh, how can I really push the limits of my reporting skills? Well, polish off that résumé because the Wall Street Journal — our nation’s newspaper of record for people who wake up in the dead of the night cold-sweating about their stock portfolio — has an exciting new opportunity for you to really earn your journamalism stripes: Read more on Want To Write About Rich People And Their Rich People Mansions? The Wall Street Journal Wants YOU!…