Tag: jobs

Dream Job Alert: Ivanka Trump Is In Search Of An Assistant Editor!

Must have the best words!
Clean coal

Republicans’ Awesome Plan For The Economy Basically ‘Hillary Emails’ And Coal

Hey, unemployed takers, were you encouraged by the Make America Work Again plan revealed at the Republican National Convention last night? Turns out that all we really need is a pick, shovel and some gumption, and we'll all be...
Everybody wants prosthetic foreheads on their real heads

Bill O’Reilly Doubles Down On All Those Blacks With Their Tattooed Foreheads

Here is an important thing about Bill O'Reilly: He is never wrong. Oh, sure, he may get some facts a little bit off, like bragging about Inside Edition having won a Peabody award when it actually won a Polk...
Also refuses to take ex-lax

Ted Cruz Wishes Obama And Hillary Would Stop Forcing Him To Be A Dick All The Time

Back in July, it was kind of a big deal when Ted Cruz called Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell a big ol' liar from the tip of his tail to the top of his carapace. This was not only...

Christian Daddy Seeks Godly Young Man To Pry Open Daughter’s Box

This is an ad that appeared in the august pages of Christianity Today: It is no longer there, because Christianity Today has taken the bold stand that it's really gross for daddies to sell their unfucked daughters in the want ads....
It's like a beautiful rusty rainbow!

Don’t Be Jealous Of Flint, America, You Probably Have Poison Water Too!

Almost every time we write about the multiple bureaucratic and political failures that led to the poisoning of Flint, Michigan's water supply with incredible amounts of lead, we pour ourselves a nice cold glass of clean water from our...
"3.50" - the number of decades Exxon knew about climate change

Hall Of Fame Ratf*cker Exxon Probably Knew About Global Warming Before The Rest Of Us

This post supported by a grant from the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair for coverage of oil spills, pipeline disasters, and phony climate research for dumdums. New York investigating whether Exxon knew about the messed up planet we're handing to our sucker grandkids Exxon Mobil Corp is...
Editrix can have Old Handsome Joe Biden, we like Sexy Obama.

How Obama Is Dividing America By Making Things Better: A Wonksplainer

President Obama continues his longstanding tradition of creating jobs to push his partisan agenda of economic recovery, while simultaneously dividing this country by making liars out of Republicans who swear he is ruining America. Candidate Obama promised to bring this country together,...
What, not that Keystone?

President Obama Will Not Be Laying Any Keystone Pipe Today

This post sponsored by a grant from the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair for blogging about oil spills, pipelines, oil industry shenanigans, and the end of civilization as Republicans know it. Beat the drum slowly and play the fife lowly, all...

Look How Obama Ruined The GOP Primaries With All These New Jobs

Well, ferret nuts. Guess the GOP is going to have to figure out another reason to claim President Obama is the worst President Obama who ever presidented like a common Obama. After years of calling Obamacare a "job-killer" and promising that if...
too bad so sad america

Genius Proposal Would Replace Hated IRS With Beloved Private Debt Collectors

In July, before rewarding themselves with more vacation days than you'll get over the next decade, the United States Senate actually addressed a real issue facing the nation. The esteemed legislative body passed a transportation bill in hopes that a bridge won't...
He is an actual, biological tortoise. And NRA stooge.

America All Out Of Workers Because Everyone’s Snorting Food Stamps And Social Security

So, Politico has an exciting (like Jeb!! Bush) new interview with Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, and for the most part it's pretty much what you'd expect: blah blah Barack Obama sucks, Harry Reid sucks, if only we had a...
Or maybe some Foster Friess?

Scott Walker Says Minimum Wage Is ‘Lame,’ Poor People Grody To the Max

Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker wants the electorate to know that he'll be the bestest president ever for workers, because unlike the dumb old Democrats, he refuses to give a shit about the minimum wage, which is barely worth even...
From 'Children's shows we never watched, Volume 3'

Fox Host To Grads: Want To Save The World? Go Work For Big Oil

It's Graduation Season, and time for all kinds of inspiring thoughts from Olds to Youngs, mostly aimed at telling the Youngs to not fuck things up as badly as the Olds did. One exception, of course, was Kurt Vonnegut,...
Don't mind me, I'm just being a complete asshole.

Who’s Winning The ‘F*ck The Poors’ Trophy This Week? It is Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback!

Welfare queens of Kansas, we are very sorry, for your worst nightmares have come true. Your governor, Sam Brownback, has signed HB 2256, which, as we reported earlier in April, makes all the changes to welfare everybody wants, but is...
That bridge sucked anyway.

If Kansas Jumped Off A Bridge, Would Other States Do It Too? Apparently Yes!

You may be familiar with the state of Kansas, where Governor Sam Brownback and the ruling GOP have conducted what Brownback has called a "great experiment" in conservative economics. They've radically slashed income taxes, especially for top earners, on...