“Congratulations,” or whatever the equivalent is in Twitter or Alaskan, are in order to virtuoso grifter Sarah Palin, who has landed herself a prime commercial (”$”, in Twitter) speaking gig! This is not just going to be some low-grade demagoguery on behalf of Christian wolves or whatever. You see, for fees unknown, Palin is going to Asia, the famous continent! MORE »

If you want to weather the recession in style, there’s no better bet than serving our nation’s ever-diminishing population of wingnuts. As more Americans climb aboard B-Rock NObama’s Socialism ‘n’ Poetry Jams Express, frustrated conservatives have flocked to a few of the nation’s last reputable wingnut media outlets for soothing words about how right they still are about everything even if “the news” says they’re wrong. MORE »

• MORE TIME TO READ YOUR WONKETTE! Ooh, they’ve released the March Jobs Report, let’s see whats we gots here… GAHH! It’s terrible. We must be in a recession! 663,000 jobs were slashed last month, and the unemployment rate rose to 8.5% while the secret “real” unemployment rate rose to 15.6%. Weekly initial jobless claims rose from 657,000 to 669,000 in the largest increase since October 1982. [AP, CNN]

Turns out Barack Obama is making some jobs for us, after all! Sure, none of those fancy Obama Administration positions really “trickled down” to you unemployed libtards with the Hope sticker on your MacBook, but that’s okay — the administration is now proposing all kinds of exciting foreign service civilian positions. Sexytime, right?! Romantic café dinners, wine-fueled fucking in the sweet spring grass of the Jardin du Luxembourg, getting high under Karlov Most in the summertime, etc. Well …. MORE »

Bradley Dayspring, remember this guy? Just a few short days ago Eric Cantor’s spokesman was personally writing, producing, directing, acting in, and distributing a propaganda film about AFSCME that featured Jimmy Hoffa extorting money from children so that he could put more dollars in the swear-word jar. Well, Dayspring has reclaimed the moral high ground, boy howdy! He is outraged about a common mathematical practice called “rounding,” which is depriving people of jobs in Wyoming. MORE »

So the Republicans are all for a good Economic Stimulus bill, meaning one that would stop taxing the rich and stop any corporate taxes and also, somehow, further ruin the environment and whatever. As a result of this clear “small government” philosophy the big-spending corporate-welfare closeted homosexuals adopted last week, GOP congressional leaders have found the parts they just can’t tolerate in the Economic Stimulus legislation: the parts that would create jobs and build American infrastructure. Yes we can’t! MORE »

Oh goodness we spent all day yesterday saluting Bill Kristol, who had to leave the New York Times because he was TOO PERFECT TO GO ON, without noticing a gem of a column by his fellow token conservative David Brooks. He wrote about the profound reverence with which we should approach our professions because they are sacred “institutions.” David Brooks comes from a magical time when people could have a single profession or employer for their entire working life, and might feel like their personal sense of self-worth was related to how well they did their jobs. (This was long before the invention of men’s room attendants, debt collectors, and fryolater de-greasers.) MORE »

Guess who wants to work for Barack Obama? Everyone! And maybe in a few years, once he has nationalized the couple of industries that haven’t already been nationalized and formed a WPA for singing madrigals and puppeteers, literally every American citizen will be his employee. But for the time being, most of the THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND people who applied for jobs with the Obama administration will probably not get hired. MORE »

NEW REPORT SAYS NOBODY HAS JOBS ANYMORE: Yoinks, over half a million jobs lost in a month! Our robust American economy shed an additional 533,000 jobs in November and the unemployment rate rose to 6.7 percent. This confirms our suspicion that Wonkette readers, who have performed so gloriously in EcoDriving USA’s marvelous time-suck of a contest, constitute some massive portion of the recently unemployed. [Bureau of Labor Statistics]

Here’s your presidential boyfriend’s weekly “video blog,” which is we guess what we will be seeing for the next 18 years or whenever the world ends (check your bible!). What is this guy going on about, anyway? Jobs! Nobody’s got ‘em, except those who are about to lose ‘em, and that’s why Barack Obama wants everybody to go to his website and apply for a job. More than 200,000 “hopefuls” have already done it! Just please donate some money on your credit card, if you still have one that works, so Barack can have some $$$ to pay these 2.5 million people. Spread the wealth around, etc.!

Hurrah, it is a very short YouTube clip! Joe Biden says the middle class’s biggest problem is a three-letter word: jobs, J-O-B-S. Three letters, literally. Literally. [Joe Biden Can't Count]