Tag Archives: jobs

  a feature not a bug

If Kansas Jumped Off A Bridge, Would Other States Do It Too? Apparently Yes!

That bridge sucked anyway.
You may be familiar with the state of Kansas, where Governor Sam Brownback and the ruling GOP have conducted what Brownback has called a “great experiment” in conservative economics. They’ve radically slashed income taxes, especially for top earners, on the theory that liberating this money will supercharge the economy; businesses will flock in, new jobs will be created, and an orgy of private sector commerce will fill the budget hole caused by the tax cuts. Read more on If Kansas Jumped Off A Bridge, Would Other States Do It Too? Apparently Yes!…
  We Have Some Fun With It

Dana Loesch Has Very Clever, Satirical Humor Thoughts About Dumb Ay-rabs

Dana Loesch, America's greatest living satirist
Move over, Mark Twain, because there’s a new master of English-language political satire, and it is bespectacled she-troll Dana Loesch! It has been a while since Loesch graced us with her signature brand of satire. Thankfully, she is here with a new video to remind us all why conservatives suck at satire and why you avoided on-campus sketch comedy troupes when you were in college. Here’s Dana’s new video called “Jobs for Jihadis,” it is very funny, and we think you will enjoy the film’s high production values and smart writing. We will blockquote some of our favorite dialogue at you, because it is really clever. Read more on Dana Loesch Has Very Clever, Satirical Humor Thoughts About Dumb Ay-rabs…
  Infrastructure Is Sexy

Gas May Be Cheaper, But Congressional Jerk Babies Refuse To Pay For Roads

Hey, House Science and Technology Committee, we found you a new logo!
So now that President Michele Bachmann has fulfilled her campaign promise to bring gas prices down to $2 a gallon, this would be an excellent time to tack a few pennies onto the gas tax to help fix up our crumbling freeways and collapsing bridges, right? Hahaha, what are you, a communist? There is never a good time to actually pay for stuff! There is no way that the Republican majority in Congress would ever dream of paying for stuff we need, because 1) we don’t really need it, 2) taxes are communistical, public roads doubly so, and 3) someday there will be an election where someone will say you voted to raise taxes. Read more on Gas May Be Cheaper, But Congressional Jerk Babies Refuse To Pay For Roads…
  So Very Crude

Barack Obama To Murder Your Keystone XL Oil Pipeline With His Bare Hands

We're betting Barry could win a stare-off with Mitch, unless he starts giggling
This post sponsored by a grant from the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair for Oil Spills, Fracking, Clean Coal, Dirty Lies, and Laying Pipe In keeping with his pledge to focus on “things that both sides can agree on,” brand new Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell is promising that the very first bill to go before the Senate this week will mandate the building of the Keystone XL pipeline, that vitally important project that will employ everyone between Canada and Louisiana and ensure energy independence — and possibly even free gasoline — for the United States. Or maybe it’s a hugely disruptive project that will employ a few thousand people while it’s being built and will move Canadian oil across America so it can be refined in Gulf Coast refineries and then mostly exported. It’s definitely one of those, and the Republicans want it a lot, so now that they have a majority in both chambers of Congress, by god, they’re going to pass it. Read more on Barack Obama To Murder Your Keystone XL Oil Pipeline With His Bare Hands…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: The Economy’s Pretty Good, So Let’s Shut Down The Government

Get it? 'Going up'? Look, they can't all be inspired. -- The Maddow graphics team.
Hey, look! Turns out the economy’s doing pretty well, what with yet another good jobs report and some pretty nice economic growth charts for Democratic presidents — even that Obama fellow, except of course for that unpleasantness in 2009 that started under some other guy: 2014 has seen more jobs created than in any year since 1999, which seems like a pretty compelling reason to fire all the Democrats in Congress last month. But despite their electoral gain, Republicans seem pretty confused about what to do next — so as they are traditionally required to, they are going to war with each other. Read more on Morning Maddow: The Economy’s Pretty Good, So Let’s Shut Down The Government…
  Dupe Dupe Dupe Dupe Of Oil Oil Oil

Dems Reject Mary Landrieu Job Preservation Act, Beautiful Tar Sands Pipeline

Now how can we show our love for the tar sands?
This post made possible by the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair for Clean Gas and Clean Coal and Clean Oil Spills and Clean Tar Sands and Word Salad. In a vote that either killed the economy forever or rescued the environment forever, the U.S. Senate last night fell one vote short of passing a bill calling for immediate approval of the Keystone XL Pipeline. The bill was supposed to magically make Louisiana Republicans like Sen. Mary Landrieu, although it’s not clear how. But Landrieu was not quite able to round up enough Democrats to support the bill, and now she is reduced to hoping that saying nice things about National Adoption Day will get her reelected. Read more on Dems Reject Mary Landrieu Job Preservation Act, Beautiful Tar Sands Pipeline…
  You Can't Make An Omelette Without Fucking That Chicken

GOP’s Awesome Plan To Make America All Better, Starting With Killing A Million Jobs

Thank god somebody has some fresh thinking!
John Boehner and Mitch McConnell have affixed their names to a VERY IMPORTANT op-ed in the Wall Street Journal today,* explaining all the terrific fresh new ideas that they’ll be able to accomplish with their brand-new Republican control of Congress. It’s so fresh and exciting! Just lookie: Read more on GOP’s Awesome Plan To Make America All Better, Starting With Killing A Million Jobs…
  Barack Who?

Bill Maher Right About A Thing

Sure he's a jerk. And he's dead on this time.
Bill Maher can really be a self-important, sanctimonious asshole at times. Thankfully, this is not one of them. On Real Time this week, Maher laid into all the Democrats who have been running as if Barack Obama were the ineffectual dictator Republicans have said he is. Read more on Bill Maher Right About A Thing…
  It's Hard Out There For A Sociopath

George Zimmerman’s Entire Family Oppressed By Internet

Ready for all comers
It’s been a little while since we’ve checked in on the escapades of Completely Innocent Teen-Killer George Zimmerman, at least not since he got fired from his pretend duties as a night watchman at a gun shop that hadn’t invited him to watch it anyway, followed about five seconds later by an alleged incident of gun-waving road rage. Read more on George Zimmerman’s Entire Family Oppressed By Internet…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Labor Day Loonies Edition

Dear Sir or Madame: I am outraged by the lack of variety in the .gifs on this blog!
Happy Labor Day, workers of the world! While you and your grillables marinate in anticipation of the big holiday Bar-B-Q/bonfire, we bring you these offerings from the comments queue. Just be careful not to leave them out too long — like mayonnaise, they go bad in the sun. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: Labor Day Loonies Edition…
  A discussion for quiet wombs

GOP Rep. Goodlatte Knows Where The Jobs Are (They Are In Your Uterus)

Hey, kids, it’s January (really, we checked the Google), so you know what that means, right? Time for Republicans to make their annual attempt to pass a “No Taxpayer Funding For Abortion” bill. But wait, you are saying to yourself, isn’t taxpayer funding for abortion already prohibited? Yes, you are correct, and it has been that way since 1976. Wait some more, you are now saying to yourself, shouldn’t Republicans be focused on actual problems that actually exist? Yes, you are correct again, even though that is utterly beside the point because abortion something unborn children something taxpayers something money is fungible something blah blah something. Here’s your cookie, smartass. Wednesday’s House Judiciary Committee hearing on the bill went exactly according to schedule: All the menfolk talked about how abortion makes them soooooo sad, while all the ladyfolk protested outside the hearing. But there was this little gem that vomited from the mouth of Rep. Bob Badcoffee Goodlatte, who explained that re-restricting funding of abortion IS actually almost as important as investigating Benghazi because JOBS. That’s right, ladies! The clams are in your clam! “I would suggest that it is very much the case that those of us in the majority support this legislation because it is the morally right thing to do, but it is also very very true that having a growing population and having new children brought into the world is not harmful to job creation,” Goodlatte said at the committee mark-up of the bill. “It very much promotes job creation for all the care and services and so on that need to be provided by a lot of people to raise children.” Yes, you read that right. No, we are not making it up. Sure, you can borrow our barf bucket. Want to pretend to take this seriously for a minute and analyze this nonsense like a hungover college freshman struggling through a 10,000-word run-on Faulkner sentence? Tough, we’re going to do it anyway. Read more on GOP Rep. Goodlatte Knows Where The Jobs Are (They Are In Your Uterus)…
  mansions are people my friend

Want To Write About Rich People And Their Rich People Mansions? The Wall Street Journal Wants YOU!

Hey, Serious Journamalists, are you looking for a new challenge? Maybe you’ve done your embedded time in the Iraq or the Afghanistan, and you’ve done your fair share of reporting on blowed up limbs and now you’re like, meh, how can I really push the limits of my reporting skills? Well, polish off that résumé because the Wall Street Journal — our nation’s newspaper of record for people who wake up in the dead of the night cold-sweating about their stock portfolio — has an exciting new opportunity for you to really earn your journamalism stripes: Read more on Want To Write About Rich People And Their Rich People Mansions? The Wall Street Journal Wants YOU!…
  tales from the fainting couch

Conservative Newspaper Editor Fired For Rude Headline About Putting Something In President’s Butt

If someone told you to go “shove it,” you’d think that was pretty cute, right? Maybe you’d come back with a quick “up your nose with a rubber hose” and, tension defused, you’d ask if they got to second base with Mary Sue and how about going to the malt shop and do they really like Ike? This is how we know you are not the Chattanooga Times Free Press, possibly the longest-named newspaper in Tennessee. The Chattanooga Times Free Press thinks that kind of talk is disgusting, and if you use such language in their pages, you’ll be out on your posterior! Sadly not sadly, Drew Johnson, the generically named former editor of that paper’s editorial page, found this out the hard way when he chose the headline “Take your jobs plan and shove it, Mr. President” for a confused and factually challenged wordpoop marking the occasion of Obama’s visit to Chattanooga. But leave it to the lame stream media to miss the REAL STORY here. Read more on Conservative Newspaper Editor Fired For Rude Headline About Putting Something In President’s Butt…
  Invisible hand gives visible finger

Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker Preps For 2016 White House Run By Proving Government Can’t Do Anything Right

Man, anti-union free market capitalism ain’t what it used to be. A few years ago, rightwing hero and prolific union-h8r Scott Walker soared into the governorship of Wisconsin with the slogan, “Wisconsin Is Open for Business.” Within a few months, he was wiping corporate jizz off his chin after ramming through right-to-work legislation and sticking it to the unions. After surviving a recall election, just how is business doing in Wisconsin? Since he [Walker] took office, his state has fallen from 11th to 44th in job creation. What’s the deal, businesses? Didn’t you see the big sign saying Wisconsin was open for business? Why are you all “wham-bam-dick-over-the-unions-thank-you-ma’am” to Scott Walker? But just because Scott Walker will fail miserably at his promise to bring hundreds of thousands of jerbs to Wisconsin doesn’t mean he is a total failure. Surely there is some good news, right?   Read more on Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker Preps For 2016 White House Run By Proving Government Can’t Do Anything Right…
  tragedy

Peggy Noonan Didn’t Like Her Hotel Room. Thanks Obama!

Has there ever been a sadder thing in the history of What We Must Bear than the time Peggy Noonan didn’t like her hotel room? Well, yes! There was also the time the people-movers at the airport didn’t work, and Peggy Noonan had to drag her suitcase along dirty carpet! Let us read of these great horrors, and hold our children close, and kiss them on the tops of their heads, and mutter thankful prayers to whichever G_d we choose that we, too, did not have to suffer the fate that Peggy Noonan did, in the hotel room she did not like, due to “Obama” and “jobs.” Read more on Peggy Noonan Didn’t Like Her Hotel Room. Thanks Obama!…
  biggest loser

Joe Walsh’s Children’s Long National Nightmare Is Over

Bitter defeated one-term congressman and Father of the Millennium Joe Walsh will finally be able to pay his child support again! Because someone is going to pay him whore diamonds to open his singularly mean mouth and vomit “thoughts” and “ideas” and “accusations that his opponent wears ladies underwear” on our nation’s airwaves! HOORAY! Joe Walsh items for yr Wonket today. Joe Walsh items for yr Wonket tomorrow. JOE WALSH ITEMS FOR YR WONKET FOR! EVAR! Read more on Joe Walsh’s Children’s Long National Nightmare Is Over…
  employment is an inside job

Insanely Low New Unemployment Numbers Mean Barack Obama Did 9/11

Good news! The new Bureau of Labor Statistics unemployment report came out, and more Americans are working, the unemployment rate dropped to 7.8%, and jobs numbers were revised upwards in July and August. Of course, Barry Obama had a bad debate on Wednesday, so how could the economy mysteriously be recovering two days after Obama lost the entire election, friends? It’s a CONSPIRACY. At least, that’s what a bunch of Republicans are saying. Ladies and gentlemen, we present to you … BLS Troofers, because of course they are. Unbelievable jobs numbers..these Chicago guys will do anything..can’t debate so change numbers — Jack Welch (@jack_welch) October 5, 2012 Yes. They went in and tinkered a decades-old system to get a possible bump out of a positive jobs report. This is eminently logical. Also, they changed the buttons on Jack Welch’s clicker, because he simply cannot get the channel changed from this gonzo teen porn to the Hallmark Channel. Hahahaha, we kid, Jack Welch is not a pervert, just an insane demagogue. Read more on Insanely Low New Unemployment Numbers Mean Barack Obama Did 9/11…
  supply and demand

New York Times Infotainer: Taking Away Unemployment Insurance Will Make You Look All the More Harder For Those Jobs That Don’t Exist

Oh look, the Paper of Record has employed another typist to explain about bootstraps and whatnot, and give us the cold hard truth about why we are all losers who do not have jobs. Is it because of structural unemployment, or maybe something to do with robots? Ha! Ha! Ha! Of course not, says New York Time Infotainer Casey B. Mulligan, it is because of all of you Poors who collect unemployment, which somehow prevents jobs from materializing out of thin air and offering themselves to you at low wages that would increase or maintain employer profits. DUH. See, this is why we do not type at you from the New York Times’ “Economix” section: it requires the ability to defend trickle-down economics over and over again in spite of overwhelming evidence that it does not work. But we digress! Now we will discuss this horrible supply-sider who writes about trickle-down fairy dust for that liberal rag, the New York Times. Read more on New York Times Infotainer: Taking Away Unemployment Insurance Will Make You Look All the More Harder For Those Jobs That Don’t Exist…
  friday happy post

Forbes Helpfully Explains Why ‘Careers’ Are for Olds

Do you have a career? Because if so, you are probably an Old or a Rich, given that they are not just letting people have careers anymore. See, careers are now for the idle wealthy, and the rest of us people can look forward to a life of hustling from one freelance gig to another, scraping together enough cash to live paycheck to paycheck and maybe even avoid crushing poverty if we’re lucky enough to never get sick or injured or require a sustained amount of medical attention. Doesn’t that sound nice? Here, we will talk about our future as temp workers, using this cheery Forbes article called “Careers are Dead. Welcome to Your Low-Wage Temp-Work Future” as a framework to guide our discussion. Read more on Forbes Helpfully Explains Why ‘Careers’ Are for Olds…
  our flourishing economy

Massive Economic Depression Pushed Back Another Month

America is… back?? If the standard is that job creation barely surpassed population growth for the last month on record, four years into the great Economic Unpleasantness, then you betcha. We’re rich again! Money! Pie! War! The economy added a smashing 163,000 nonfarm payroll jobs in July, while June’s figure was revised down to a mere 64,000. (And keep in mind that this is all seasonally adjusted, so no one actually has any goddamn clue how many jobs were created at any point.) The unemployment rate itself ticked up to 8.3%, as people returned to (or exited? keep reading!) the labor force to not find jobs. As we’ve seen throughout the last year or two, a major lag on job figures (besides “no aggregate demand whatsoever”) comes from the public sector, where everyone has been fired several times. But hey, maybe that’s the best thing that ever happened to them? Read more on Massive Economic Depression Pushed Back Another Month…