During a tour of New Hampshire today, John Edwards unleashed his latest superficial reason to vote for him: He talks like people who have been president before! You know, with one of those “Southern accent” doohickeys that certain Americans have! Specifically, he noted in a put-on twangy hick voice that “the last two Democratic presidents, Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter, both talk like me.” Indeed, and that’s why most Democrats are voting for the former’s wife. [Raw Story]

Politico’s gossip grunt Anne Schroeder reports today that Jimmy Carter was in town at the MPAA to catch the preview of Jonathan Demme’s cinematic blow job to him. And, again, as we said before, we’re having a hard time wrapping our heads around the idea of viewing a movie about a book tour (pandemonium ensues when the tip of Jimmy’s Sharpie gets mushy!) without falling asleep. Surely Demme could have spiced things up a bit by revisiting some of his past triumphs.

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He was a mild-mannered peanut farmer from Georgia with lust in his heart. She was a confused Middle East state violently divided by religion. Together, they dreamed of a better day. Jimmy Carter: The Movie! Coming soon to a theater near you! MORE »

Jimmy Carter says we should not attack Iran. [CBS News]

Jimmy Carter apparently traveled to Sudan recently to meet with President Omar Hassan al-Bashir (isn’t he too old to be traveling so far? Do they have McDonald’s there?) and ask him to please stop killing so many people in Darfur. He went with Nelson Mandela and some other “elder statesmen” and made al-Bashir sign a pledge or something and gave them $300 million to clean everything up. And now Mia Farrow is pissed!

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Former President Jimmy Carter, having apparently succumbed to senility, is now wondering around southwest Virginia going to McDonald’s. Last Thursday, he went to the Hillsville franchise for a quick lunch with his wife Rosalynn — he ordered a salad, a sundae, and coffee. Yesterday afternoon, he went to the McDonald’s at the Lakeside Plaza in Salem, once again with the former First Lady and several mystified Secret Service agents.

If you see Carter at your McDonald’s franchise, you are urged to notify the authorities.

This time, it’s Salem: Jimmy Carter stops at another local McDonald’s [WDBJ]

Back in the late ’70s, two kindly yet inept gentlemen were elected as president and vice president, simply because their names weren’t Nixon, Agnew or Ford. One of those men, former VP and failed 1984 Dem presidential nominee Walter Mondale, now wants you to know that Dick Cheney isn’t the only super-powerful Dr. Evil in recent presidential history. Turns out Walter Mondale kicked a lot of ass back in the day, but he did it with the utmost gentility and old-fashioned midwest manners. MORE »

It has taken nearly two terms to achieve what many considered impossible, but today George W. Bush has approval ratings lower than the all-time lows of Jimmy Carter. MORE »

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Jimmy Carter is serenaded by drunks, Dick Cheney carefully selects which books will be burned in his knowledge destroying ceremony, and Paul Wolfowitz has a hotter, younger girlfriend to take long walks and talk about pillaging the world with.

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Former presidents rarely talk shit about their successors, according to the New York Times, except for when they do, which is kind of often. This is why it was such a shock to hear Jimmy Carter accurately point out how terrible and stupid this current administration is. MORE »