jimmy carter
Jimmy Carter Explains All The Awesome Things George W. Bush Did, After Jimmy Carter Asked Him To
First things first: Jimmy Carter is 88 years old. So who was the energetic youngster who just STOLED GEORGE W. BUSH’S LIBERRY CEREMONY? So Jimmy Carter* got up to make a nice speech about George W. Bush, because “civility.” He opened with fond memories of the stolen election of 2000, during which the crowd was [...]
Daily Caller Scoop: Why Are We Paying Literally Hundreds Of Dollars For Bill Clinton’s Soft-Core Porn?
We have rather mixed feelings about this Daily Caller story here. On the one hand, it’s actually doing some interesting journamalism stuff, using a Freedom of Information Act request to examine how former presidents spend some of the money that goes to former Presidents of the United States — a total of $3.7 million in [...]
Jimmy Carter Continues To Be Most Awesome Living Ex-President
All y’all with your Bubba hard-ons can leave right now until the next post comes on. Official Wonkette Editorial Policy proclaims Jimmy Carter the bitchinest, raddest, most fuckin’ greatest of all living ex-presidents and probably the dead ones too. Former President Jimmy Carter said that he favored legalizing marijuana during a panel discussion broadcast on [...]
Virginia Contemplates New Dollar, Porkbelly Futures Skyrocket
The Virginia state legislature is preparing to switch from the U.S. dollar to some sort of nu-currency—salted hams, probably. [WND] Welfare queen Jimmy Carter is living large off of YOUR tax money! Be angry! [Washington Times] Marriage-rape advocate and anti-feminist Phyllis Schlafly says Americans must rise up against the activist judges who would allow gays [...]
China Giving Out Its Own Peace Prize, So There
Chinese dissident Liu Xiaobo is going to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize Friday, because “peace” apparently is now a synonym for “toiling in vain for democracy.” China does not like this very much, as Liu is sitting in one of their prisons, so they decided to make their very own peace prize. According to [...]
Jimmy Carter’s Mutant Rabbit Tell-All
Former president/poetic smut farmer Jimmy Carter writes all kinds of books. In fact, this graphomania has made him the first person in history to turn up in Wonkette’s book review column twice. What kind of sweaty bodice-ripper is he offering us now? Something called White House Diary, which is apparently his White House diary. Exciting, [...]
Jimmy Carter: Jimmy Carter Is The Best Ex-President Ever
America’s most adorable former President, Jimmy Carter, is making the teevee rounds today because he has a new book he wants to sell. But teevee production staffs do not mind all the work they’re going to have to do trying to get that old-peanut stench out of their couches, as Carter seems to have drunk [...]
Terrifying New Pyongyang-Plains Axis Emerges
Is Jimmy Carter the greatest president in history? Not only did he manage to free captured / arrested / kidnapped / whatever American Aijalon Mahli Gomes, but he also managed to get out of North Korea without having to party with the super-awkward Kim Jong-Il the way Bill Clinton did. Plus, he did not succumb [...]
Kim Jong-Il Lets Jimmy Carter Run Country While He’s Away
Oh, Jimmy Carter is in North Korea right now? That’s funny, because Kim Jong-il is in China with his son. Yeah, hope you enjoy talking to a country full of Kim Jong-il’s servants, peanut man, because ol’ Jong face can’t make it in today. Too busy with his gay life partner China. JIMMY CARTER, YOU [...]
Jimmy Carter Arrives In North Korea To Build Peanut Houses of Peace
Oh, thank you, North Korean YouTube, that almost looks like a real news segment! Yes, Kim Jong-il gets to paste together another fun photo collage of him with a former American president, and America gets back one of its citizens. It’s a win-win situation! So Jimmy Carter has arrived, and here he is receiving flowers [...]
Is This The End Of Walnuts? Eh, Probably Not
What are the fun primaries Americans are going to be forced to vote in, today? In Arizona, Walnuts McCain, having dispensed with his few remaining principles, will almost certainly obliterate huckster infomercial man J.D. Hayworth. In Alaska, the Senate primary fight between Lisa Murkowski and Todd Palin’s snowmobiling buddy is secretly a proxy battle between [...]
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