Wonkette

Each week, the Comics Curmudgeon helps explain Today’s Cartoons.

Of course, we don’t mind it if political cartoonists take certain … liberties with things. We know that Bill Clinton doesn’t really always have lipstick on his collar, for instance, and that Hillary Clinton doesn’t really wear dominatrix gear, at least not at campaign events. These are less lies than symbolic overrepresentation in the service of a higher truth.

Sometimes, though, political cartoons present us with out-and-out falsehoods, vile lies that subvert the very notion of truth, and this we cannot allow to stand. This week, Cartoon Violence pulls aside the curtain and reveals this fraudulent scribblers for what they are.

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* Heard on the Hill: Marsha Blackburn’s daughter wants to be something called the “Oyster Easter Queen.” … Jon Voight spotted outside the offices of Norm Coleman flossing… House Foreign Affairs Committee craigslist ad: fake! [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Barbara Harrison said “shit” on the tv the other night. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Max Baucus swung into action when a staffer became ill and, uh, helped call 911 and get water and stuff… Borat’s gonna be at WHCA dinner. [Examiner]
* Shenanigans: The Webb gun thing might affect DC voting rights or something… Al Franken needs your money. [Politico]

Aren’t you glad George Allen lost his senate seat for calling Jim Webb’s Indian guy a Tunisian monkey in Italian or something? Yes, Macaca George was a racist dingbat in love with a prop football and slavery, but he wasn’t a heavily armed lunatic.

The emerging and evolving story of Webb’s aide being arrested and jailed for trying to sneak a loaded handgun and tons of ammo into the Russell Senate Office building is starting to sound like a hilarious outtake from “Pulp Fiction.” Yesterday we learned that Webb and his ninja gunmen had sacks of weapons when they showed up at National airport, so Webb was forced to leave his guns with the staffers for his flight to Beirut or wherever, and then there were guns everywhere and nobody was keeping track and next thing you know this former Marine has put one of Webb’s loaded semi-automatic pistols (or maybe even a Micro Uzi) in a briefcase — along with two fully loaded extra magazines — through the X-Ray machine and the Capitol cops lock him up.

Read Webb’s delusional Conrad Burns-esque excuses, after the jump.

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* Gonzo makes it through almost three minutes of questions from the press today. [The Swamp]
* John McCain still proud of McCain-Feingold, can’t remember back any further. [Captain's Quarters]
* National ballistic missile defense made out of sugar cubes. [C&L]
* Al Qaeda’s intellectual property is safe with Google. [Jawa Report]
* Duncan Hunter has someone write a blawg post for him. [Blogs for Bush]
* Jim Webb “was BORN FIGHTING and will CHOKE A BITCH if need be.” [DCeiver]

Yesterday’s anonymous unsubstantiated crazy irresponsible rumor turned out to be 100% true, so let’s go with another one:

Is it true Laura Bush is living part time in the Mayflower Hotel because she cant stand being around George who is drunk all the time?

It would take a federal prosecution to even confirm that Laura Bush is still alive, so this will not be one of those “Jim Webb’s a heavily armed psychotic” things that sort of reveals itself. MORE »

We’ve been waiting for Jim Webb to go crazy in public and start killing his enemies, and it appears the pieces are falling into place. Here’s what we now know about this morning’s arrest: MORE »

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URGENT BREAKING ETC ETC MUST CREDIT ANONYMOUS EMAILER… MORE »

* Jim Webb faces a dilemma — will his new book have as many father/son blowjob scenes as the last one, or does he want to be vice president? [Political Wire]
* Yes. Americans unequivocally have a right to as much porn as they can possibly consume. [Blogs for Bush]
* Voters are already sick of all the actual presidential candidates. [Hit & Run]
* Diplomats in Tehran think the U.S. is just crazy enough to do it. [Jerusalem Post]
* Jon Stewart vs. John Bolton ends in a hit, a palpable hit. [C&L]
* Ohio Governor Ted Strickland loves the sexing. [ Pandagon]
* Norah O’Donnell: so perty yet so braindead. [Think Progress]
* Riding in cars with presidents. [Rude Pundit]

This may be the single worst interactive feature we’ve ever seen on a high-profile Politician’s website. It’s from Jim Webb’s “Born Fighting” PAC, and it seems to be designed for filthy jokes, libel, and anonymous insults — all of which are displayed, continuously updated, on the front page of the website. MORE »