Wonkette

After an exciting day of voting, the Senate has voted in favor of the new FISA surveillance bill, 69-28, and George Bush will now sign it into law in his secret masturbatorium. MORE »

• JIM WEBB WILL BE VICE PRESIDENT OF NOTHING: Ulster Scot fur-trading frontiersman Sen. Jim Webb has been a frequently mentioned vice presidential possibility for Barack Obama, because he is white and was in the Army for a while. Today, however, he effectively withdrew his name from contention in a statement about how much he luvs the Senate. This means Obama must choose him! [The Page]

For a whole week or two, people have been wondering who Barack Obama might select as his running mate — and for many of you Hollywood Liberal Elites, nothing gets your shorts creamier than the thought of charming southern redneck Jim Webb and all the hilarious “White guy drives like this, black guy drives like this” jokes an Obama/Webb ticket would invite. But now people are waking up and realizing this would be the worst idea ever, second only to the Dallas season 9 cliffhanger and possibly New Coke. MORE »

All you ladies and gents wetting your pants over ginger-topped Appalachian porn scribe Jim Webb maybe becoming America’s next vice president, cross your legs and think on this for a moment: he might have too many desirable qualities to ever take the job. You see, just as Rambo would have made a horrible president on account of his skull-knockin’ tendencies, so would Jim Webb, “the thinking man’s Rambo,” make a horrible vice president. MORE »

CRAZY JIM WEBB WON’T NOT BE VEEP: Gun-nut Senator Jim Webb refuses to refuse accepting a vice-president nomination, presumably from Obama, but possibly from fellow Republican crazy Vietnam vet John McCain. [MTV News]

Senate Demrats are working overtime during Congress’ month-long winter recess, because if they don’t, Bush will appoint all kinds of Crazy to all sorts of important positions sans approval. Not that the fetus-eating Demrats would be celebrating a good Christian holiday like Christmas anyway, so they have plenty of time to go in, bang the gavel, maybe take a shit on paid time, and leave. No, seriously, that’s pretty much what’s happening. MORE »

This week, Chuck Norris, Jim Webb, Karl Rove, David Gregory, and Helen Thomas were all spotted being various degrees of famous at various places by our spies and operatives. Voyeuristic fun, as always, is after the jump.

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Republicans have “re-branded” themselves as the party of simpering pansies, forcing Democrats to sack up and occasionally act like men.

The big scary NFL quarterback on the left is new congressman Heath Shuler, D-Southern football monster, while the chirping dandy on the right is far-right draft-dodging Texas representative Louis Gohmert, who was skipping past Shuler’s offices Wednesday night when he saw something he wanted: a sign illustrating the deficit and how deep we’re all in the hole.

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Armed nut Jim Webb is a senator now, so he basically ignores all laws in DC just like the rest of them. Virginia’s own Charles Bronson finally admitted he owns the gun that one of his mercenary aides tried to sneak inside the Capitol way back in March. But Webb refused to “talk about whether he complies with the District of Columbia handgun ban.” MORE »

LITTLE ROCK, Arkansas — In a desperate and cynical attempt to get some attention for his utterly forgotten campaign for the GOP nomination, former Governor Mike Huckabee pulled a Jim Webb on his own son and sent young David Huckabee through airport security with a LOADED HANDGUN. MORE »