Wonkette

A senior administration official groping and kissing his gal employees, the chief executive covering the whole thing up, Democrats calling it worse than Watergate, silence payments made from government checking accounts — this would be the greatest scandal of the year, but it’s just some Missouri governor/agriculture director thing.

But just in case it eventually involves a ritual murder (because otherwise this is never going national), we’ve got the creepy rundown … after the jump.

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According to a Wonkette operative who heard this from two different sources, Republican Senator Kit Bond is going to bail on the Hill and become Chief Lord of the University of Missouri.

In a dastardly move that won’t change the Balance of Power (unless it also involves somebody sneaking into Tim Johnson’s hospital room), Republican and Missourah Guv Matt Blunt will do a Dick Cheney and appoint himself to the Senate seat.

More rumors and a funny picture, after the jump.

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The entire Capitol and all the offices are filled with losers needing to clean out their junk, but still hanging out and refusing to leave. Two of those losers are departing Senators Jim Talent and George Allen. How are they coping with life in the private sector? Not particularly well, as two tipsters informed us this afternoon.

First, Senator Talent — a smart man, if a somewhat conspicuous one:

There is a huge tower of boxes in the hallway of the 4th floor of the Russell Senate Office Building labeled “Senator Talent’s Office. Please Shred”.

We like the directness. Anyone manage to snag a picture?

After the jump, a brief George Allen story that will warm the macacockles of your heart.

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New York Times, today: “Bush Stops in Missouri for Embattled Senator” MORE »

Missouri Senator Jim Talent was raised by wolves Jews, according to an anonymous and very poorly sourced email we recently received and didn’t bother to check in to: MORE »

Dear YouTube user ding1999, MORE »

* Reliable Source: Bill Clinton and Alan Greenspan lunched at the Four Seasons. . . Mike McCurry admits apathy on the Tom Cruise-Katie Holmes drama. [WP]
* Under the Dome: Sen. Jim Talent (R-Mo.) turns against his roommate, Sen. Sam Brownback (R-Kan.), over stem cell legislation. . . Rep. John Boehner (R-Ohio) has heard every boner joke. . . Senators to star in “comedic whodunit” production for charity. [The Hill]
* Rush & Molloy: Cheney may have been trying to cover up the presence of Pamela Willeford, ambassador to Switzerland, at the hunt. [NYDN]

America, your lawmakers are bored. MORE »