Jim Ramstad is retiring! Which is the most boring news in the world except for the fact that had he done it a year ago my fucking stepmom would be in Congress right now. Dammit, Jim! That was my chance to finally meet that cute Stephanie Herseth before she got hitched. MORE »

We’ve been wondering just how to cover today’s Times piece on Patrick “Oscar” Kennedy and his sponsor, Jim “Felix” Ramstad all day. Because there are a dozen hilarious pull-quotes in that sucker (”If we could turn Congress into one big A.A. meeting…” “Mr. Ramstad’s hand draped over his colleague’s shoulder…” etc. etc.). Instead of snickering about all the declarations of love, though, we’ll just ask for your best guesses on this apparently sensitive subject: MORE »

• Strategists warn that his stance on treatment of terror suspects might hurt McCain in 2008, the Maverick is unfazed. [WP, LAT]

• False intelligence from Canada led to the abduction and torture of a Muslim-Canadian citizen by the CIA. [WP, NYT]
• Falling gas prices and terror-talk have Bush’s approval rating at 44%, which is a 52-week high. [USAT]
• Al Gore and John Kerry give the speeches about the environment, religion. What year is this? [WP, WP]
• Patrick Kennedy (D-RI) and his AA-sponsor Jim Ramstad (R-MN) say Congressional sobriety, like corruption, is bi-partisan. [NYT]
• Rupert Murdoch’s News Corp. targeting Mel Gibson’s market share with launch of new Christian film studio “FoxFaith.” [LAT]

Politics is 99% image, the other half is kissing babies. Jim Ramstad knows that and his top-down-screaming-out, “money ain’t a thing” lifestyle is letting you know he’s skipping the 8th step — no apologies. Michael Hayden isn’t apologizing either, he likes the European futbol and doesn’t give a damn if it’s the 4th of July. Mike Piazza’s not running for anything but he knows the voters love the Magnum P.I. style, and Bill Bennett’s not running either, but he probably should start, for his health.

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• Heard on the Hill: Patrick Kennedy’s court-ordered treatment includes mandatory weekly urine tests and AA meetings. He’s also considering writing a book about addiction with his sponsor, Representative Jim Ramstad. [Roll Call]
• Under the Dome: The U.S. Capitol Historical Society is going to honor Duke Cunningham, Tom DeLay, others for “hard work, service, time and the sacrifices made in upholding the office with which they were entrusted.” [The Hill]
• Reliable Source: Fat Joe spoke yesterday to the Campus Progress National Student Conference, called women “bitches and hos.” Also, “intelligent, beautiful.” … Al Gore got an Entertainment Weekly cover. [WP]
• Lowdown: Nancy Reagan, like the nation, is still sad that Ronald’s dead. [NYDN]
• Page Six: “Fashion mogul Perry Wolfman” is hosting a fundraiser at his Fire Island mansion for gay marriage opponents Chuck Schumer and Barbara Boxer. [NYP]

Patrick Kennedy spoke yesterday before a group of mental health specialists at Brown University (and the assembled press). Now he’s heading back to Congress, where he’ll join the rest of the burnouts to bicker about homos and wetbacks. We’re not sure why people keep saying he’s unfit to be a Congressman, he’s like the platonic ideal of a member of the House. Dumb as a brick, a few too many generations removed from greatness, able to skirt any kind of serious trouble with connections and occasional mea cuplas, and locked into his seat for life. MORE »

• Reliable Source: Prince Charles and Camilla determined the guest list for tonight’s reception at the British Embassy. . . Michael Brown called himself a “fashion god” in an email dated Aug. 29th. . . Lewis Libby, like Harriet Miers, failed to pay bar dues. [WP]
• Under the Dome: Congressional candidates’ creative fundraising methods –such as dating for a donation– backfire. . . Rep. Jim Ramstad (R-Minn.) gets married. . . Sen. Ron Wyden (D-Ore.) is not running for president in ‘08: “[S]omeone needs to be the designated driver. I’m in detox.” [The Hill]
• Page Six: Clinton reportedly has two escape clauses from his Harlem lease: “one, if Hillary runs for the Senate and loses, two, if she runs for president and wins.” [NYP]