Tag: jim demint

Jamie Dimon, Welfare Queen

When we last checked in with Jamie Dimon, he was getting a tongue bath from Jim DeMint (R-Jamie Dimon’s Butt) because Jamie Dimon is a Very Big Man in charge of a Very Big Bank that makes Very Big...

Senate Banking Committee Treats JP Morgan Chief Jamie Dimon to Luxury Tongue Bath

The Senate Banking Committee ordered Wall Street fuck-up and J.P. Morgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon to testify Wednesday on how his bank managed to turn over $2 billion into poop and whether this latest round of derivative market gambles...

It’s Farm Bill Time, And All Amendments Are Perfectly Reasonable & Germane

It's farm bill time in the Senate, with the draft bill out of committee, debate open, and hundreds of amendments pouring in, all lined up just in time beat the June 30 deadline! The way they used to resolve...

Hawt Lindsey Graham-Jim DeMint Smackdown Basically Imminent

Lame non-magical toad wart Jim DeMint just lives to annoy fellow South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham, doesn't he? Jim DeMint ruined Lindsey Graham's dreams of a GOP Senate majority, refused to allocate funding for some local science project that...

Glenn Beck Plots Media Empire, Restores Honor

Glenn Beck's contract with Fox News expires in December, and you know what that means: George Soros is a scheming Puppet Master and/or Jew. Wait, no! It means Glenn Beck's teevee chalkboard lessons and Cash4Gold infomercials will probably be...

Jim DeMint Also May Run For President of Losing To Obama

U.S. Sen. Jim DeMint’s keynote speech next month to an Iowa forum for Republican presidential candidates has fueled hopes among some evangelicals and conservative activists that the South Carolinian will launch a White House run. DeMint, overwhelmingly elected to his...

UPDATED: Jim DeMint Continues Reign As King Obstructionist

Sen. Jim DeMint (R-S.C.) will force readings of both a nuclear arms treaty and $1.1 trillion spending bill that could eat up hours of the remaining lame-duck Congress. DeMint will invoke a senatorial privilege to ask that texts of...

Senate Going To Try To Vote On DADT Today, Or Maybe March 27, 2019

Harry Reid is going to finally try to get a cloture vote passed to be able to repeal Don't Ask, Don't Tell today some day soon, at long last, but there's a very good chance it will fail, because...

America Remembers Handsome, Murdered President

John F. Kennedy was assassinated forty-seven years ago today. Where were you when you read The Warren Report, and then laughed? We will probably never know if H. L. Hunt hired Blackwater to shoot JFK in the head, but...

Everyone In GOP Mad At Jim DeMint For Losing Senate

The Republican Party has taken a step back from their sweeping victory in America's ultimate, #1, super repudiation of big government to wonder why, in fact, they didn't take control of BOTH halves of our two-headed legislative branch; the...

Jim DeMint E-mails Senate Staffs To Let Them Know He Runs Country Now

All legislation must now be cleared with America's Dad Jim DeMint first or else he will shut down the Senate, according to an e-mail sent to Senate chiefs of staff today. And so we have another example of Jim...

Lisa Murkowski Constantly Making Jim DeMint Cry Like a Little Baby

Lisa Murkowski is the world's biggest loser/jerk-off for not volunteering to work fifty hours a week as an unpaid intern for Joe Miller's Senate campaign. And now for some reason Lisa Murkowski gets to keep her seat on her...

Mitch McConnell Announces He Will Be Senate Party Leader 4 Life

HE HAS THE VOTES. In the musical that will be made about Mitch McConnell's life, this will be one of the songs: "He Has the Votes." It will be a neo-Negro-spiritual song. YES, Mitch McConnell said he's already locked...

Alvin Greene Finally Lowers Himself To Your Puny Concept of Campaigning

Jedi master Alvin Greene has destroyed his political opposition by not destroying his political opposition, and has accomplished more by simply sitting in peace and mindfulness than the most powerful campaign machine has accomplished with the usual clumsy blunt...

Finances Have Come To Alvin Greene

The latest fundraising figures are in (and by "in," we mean somebody called Alvin), and it appears a thousand dollars have come to Alvin Greene so far in his lack of a campaign. That's 1/3500 the amount his opponent...

Coming Soon To the American Economic Recovery: Alvin Greene Action Figures

Alvin Greene Mania has swept Britain! Today The Guardian has their very own profile of one British reporter's pilgrimage to the hovel of South Carolina Daoist monk Alvin Greene. It is accompanied by a nice photo of Greene talking...