jim demint
Jim DeMint E-mails Senate Staffs To Let Them Know He Runs Country Now
All legislation must now be cleared with America’s Dad Jim DeMint first or else he will shut down the Senate, according to an e-mail sent to Senate chiefs of staff today. And so we have another example of Jim DeMint trying to out-Republican everyone else, this time in terms of obstructing bills. Senate rules were [...]
Lisa Murkowski Constantly Making Jim DeMint Cry Like a Little Baby
Lisa Murkowski is the world’s biggest loser/jerk-off for not volunteering to work fifty hours a week as an unpaid intern for Joe Miller’s Senate campaign. And now for some reason Lisa Murkowski gets to keep her seat on her important Energy Committee, even though Jim DeMint said she wasn’t allowed to. Aren’t women supposed to [...]
Mitch McConnell Announces He Will Be Senate Party Leader 4 Life
HE HAS THE VOTES. In the musical that will be made about Mitch McConnell’s life, this will be one of the songs: “He Has the Votes.” It will be a neo-Negro-spiritual song. YES, Mitch McConnell said he’s already locked up the votes to keep his minority (MAJORITY?) leader job in the next Congress, so you [...]
Alvin Greene Finally Lowers Himself To Your Puny Concept of Campaigning
Jedi master Alvin Greene has destroyed his political opposition by not destroying his political opposition, and has accomplished more by simply sitting in peace and mindfulness than the most powerful campaign machine has accomplished with the usual clumsy blunt force tactics of “fund raising” and “advertising.” But who is the bigger fool? The fool, or [...]
Finances Have Come To Alvin Greene
The latest fundraising figures are in (and by “in,” we mean somebody called Alvin), and it appears a thousand dollars have come to Alvin Greene so far in his lack of a campaign. That’s 1/3500 the amount his opponent Jim DeMint has actively raised, which is an action out of step with The Way. It’s [...]
Coming Soon To the American Economic Recovery: Alvin Greene Action Figures
Alvin Greene Mania has swept Britain! Today The Guardian has their very own profile of one British reporter’s pilgrimage to the hovel of South Carolina Daoist monk Alvin Greene. It is accompanied by a nice photo of Greene talking on the phone with your Wonkette (probably) while he’s writing koans with a simple pencil. The [...]
THEY CALLED HIM ‘TURTLE’: Your Alvin Greene Roundup For Tuesday, July 6
Today the AP has a story about Greene (who, you will remember, is the South Carolina Democratic candidate for U.S. Senate and a practicing Daoist monk) with the BIG REVEAL that he was nicknamed “Turtle” in high school, according to his tennis coach, because yes, Alvin Greene was the only black kid on the high [...]
Alvin Greene’s Campaign Website: The Review
Earlier this afternoon your next Junior Senator from South Carolina, Alvin Greene, announced right here on Wonkette (EXTRA SUPER EXCLUSIVE MUST CREDIT) that he has made a campaign website, alvingreeneforussenator.com. (Or rather, a campaign website came to be.) Is it “good”? Any political professional would probably say no. Yet the website reflects the candidate: modest, [...]
WONKETTE EXCLUSIVE: The Alvin Greene Interview
Reporters who have made the pilgrimage to the humble home of South Carolina Democratic nominee for U.S. Senate Alvin Greene have noted how often his phone rings. And how often he answers it, even for members of the general public. You, yes you, after doing a simple Google search, can talk to a major party [...]
South Carolina Investigating Alvin Greene Under Assumption He Has Earthly Assets
U.S. Senate candidate Alvin Greene (D-Universe) has come under investigation from the South Carolina Law Enforcement Division (SLED), a fake-sounding state agency, to find out how he came up with the $10,440 filing fee he needed to run for the Democratic nomination for Senate. The agency will “use a new state law that allows the [...]
South Carolina Democratic Party Just Pushes the Button For Alvin Greene
Alvin Greene won yet another landslide victory last night when the executive committee of the South Carolina Democratic Party denied his opponent’s protest and confirmed Greene as their candidate to take on Jim DeMint in November’s U.S. Senate election. Greene didn’t show up to argue his case, remaining cloistered as ever in his father’s house. [...]
Attainer of Ultimate Enlightenment Alvin Greene Amused By Your Expectation That He Campaign
The Chosen One, Democratic Senate candidate Alvin Greene, still hasn’t left his father’s house in the backroads of South Carolina, but that hasn’t stopped curious journalists and admirers from being drawn to him. And what could be more interesting than Alvin Greene? This man is everything a modern politician is not. But still, after achieving [...]
South Carolina Democratic Party’s Rising Star Faces Challenge To His Glorious Primary Result
Charleston City Councilman Vic Rawl announced today that he’s officially filing a protest against the results of last Tuesday’s Democratic U.S. Senate primary in South Carolina, which was a landslide victory for mentally unstable unemployed accused-sex-offender Alvin Greene, who didn’t so much campaign or do fund-raising or have a staff or come up with issue [...]
Meet Alvin Greene, South Carolina’s Democratic Candidate For Senate
KKK prank Alvin Greene gives a painful telephone interview here, and whoa man, now you know what makes South Carolina Republicans laugh. [YouTube via Wonkette operative "Rev. Peter Lemonjello"]
Lindsey Graham Can’t (Politically!) Satisfy His Base
A new poll says that if Lindsey Graham had to run for the Republican primary today, he would either totally or probably lose, which must be so harsh on his self-esteem. In “Lindsey Graham in Trouble with S.C. GOP Faithful” [PDF], a new groundbreaking research paper, the numbers outfit Public Policy Polling says 57% of [...]
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