jim demint
In Bout Of Not-Affirmative Action, GOP To Promote Party’s Lone Remaining Black Representative
Rep. Tim Scott (R-SC), who is the Other Black House Republican Besides Allen West, is your newest Senator from South Carolina, after Jim Demint left to grift money at the Heritage Foundation! YAY!!! Many people think that Tim Scott is somehow better because he is more moderate than Allen West, which is sort of like a fried [...]
Jim DeMint’s Chosen Successor Maybe Has Had Sex Outside Of Marriage, Burn Him
Oh, you guys think South Carolina freshman Congressman Tim Scott is so great, huh? And that’s why he is awesome dude Jim DeMint’s handpicked successor in the Senate when DeMint goes off to filibuster the Heritage Foundation or whatever? Well what if we told you he might not even be a virgin but might have [...]
Jim DeMint Has Had Enough Of Your Stupid Senate
South Carolina Sen. Jim DeMint (R-R’lyeh) announced that he will resign his U.S. Senate seat in January to become president of the Heritage Foundation. Sen. DeMint, just two years into his second term, will be trading “public service” (i.e., shaping policy to funnel government resources to contributors) for a “position in the private sector” (i.e., [...]
Marco Rubio Becomes 2016 G.O.P. Frontrunner By Being Cuban, An Idiot
In case you missed it, there was an election a few weeks ago, and one of the parties was reaaaaally banking on older white men to vote for them, because that was the only group they had not condemned to hell. This party was called “Republicans,” and they did very poorly, as a great many [...]
Club For Growth Pres Will Now Explain Why Laying Off 47,000 People Will Help The Economy
You know what we DON’T need, especially in this economy? An agency dedicated to spurring economic growth, encouraging exports, and funding investment in local businesses, that’s what. Chris Chocola, a former Republican congressman and current president of the Club For Growth, took to The Hill yesterday to make these and other incoherent arguments about why [...]
Jamie Dimon, Welfare Queen
When we last checked in with Jamie Dimon, he was getting a tongue bath from Jim DeMint (R-Jamie Dimon’s Butt) because Jamie Dimon is a Very Big Man in charge of a Very Big Bank that makes Very Big Profits for Very Big People. As Jim DeMint (R-Jamie Dimon’s Butt) noted, not everyone can do [...]
Senate Banking Committee Treats JP Morgan Chief Jamie Dimon to Luxury Tongue Bath
The Senate Banking Committee ordered Wall Street fuck-up and J.P. Morgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon to testify Wednesday on how his bank managed to turn over $2 billion into poop and whether this latest round of derivative market gambles equivalent to staking money on Peggy Noonan’s sobriety should, in fact, necessitate a few moderate regulations [...]
It’s Farm Bill Time, And All Amendments Are Perfectly Reasonable & Germane
It’s farm bill time in the Senate, with the draft bill out of committee, debate open, and hundreds of amendments pouring in, all lined up just in time beat the June 30 deadline! The way they used to resolve all of these competing amendments and regional interests and endless lobbyist demands in the end was [...]
Hawt Lindsey Graham-Jim DeMint Smackdown Basically Imminent
Lame non-magical toad wart Jim DeMint just lives to annoy fellow South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham, doesn’t he? Jim DeMint ruined Lindsey Graham’s dreams of a GOP Senate majority, refused to allocate funding for some local science project that ol’ Ham Biscuits desperately wanted and then voted against Lindsey’s beloved “China you suck” bill to [...]
Glenn Beck Plots Media Empire, Restores Honor
Glenn Beck’s contract with Fox News expires in December, and you know what that means: George Soros is a scheming Puppet Master and/or Jew. Wait, no! It means Glenn Beck’s teevee chalkboard lessons and Cash4Gold infomercials will probably be canceled, since only the cream of the crazy milk watches his show anymore. But people familiar [...]
Jim DeMint Also May Run For President of Losing To Obama
U.S. Sen. Jim DeMint’s keynote speech next month to an Iowa forum for Republican presidential candidates has fueled hopes among some evangelicals and conservative activists that the South Carolinian will launch a White House run. DeMint, overwhelmingly elected to his second Senate term in November, will deliver the evening banquet address to a dozen GOP [...]
UPDATED: Jim DeMint Continues Reign As King Obstructionist
Sen. Jim DeMint (R-S.C.) will force readings of both a nuclear arms treaty and $1.1 trillion spending bill that could eat up hours of the remaining lame-duck Congress. DeMint will invoke a senatorial privilege to ask that texts of both the New START Treaty and the 2011 omnibus spending bill be read aloud on the [...]
Senate Going To Try To Vote On DADT Today, Or Maybe March 27, 2019
Harry Reid is going to finally try to get a cloture vote passed to be able to repeal Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell today some day soon, at long last, but there’s a very good chance it will fail, because our modern democracy is so advanced that it doesn’t work and can’t rule on matters of [...]
America Remembers Handsome, Murdered President
John F. Kennedy was assassinated forty-seven years ago today. Where were you when you read The Warren Report, and then laughed? We will probably never know if H. L. Hunt hired Blackwater to shoot JFK in the head, but most people reject the Oswald conspiracy theories and have accepted that President Handsomepants’ violent murder was [...]
Everyone In GOP Mad At Jim DeMint For Losing Senate
The Republican Party has taken a step back from their sweeping victory in America’s ultimate, #1, super repudiation of big government to wonder why, in fact, they didn’t take control of BOTH halves of our two-headed legislative branch; the answer to this conundrum can only be that Jim DeMint is a stupid face. Jim DeMint, [...]
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