There were always two of them, at America’s favorite comedy blog, National Review Online. It was the Rule of the Two, as written by Dark Lord Reagan, on Dagoba. “Kathleen” would be a clever writer and kind of funny and attractive, although still a terrible Fascist, and “Kathryn” would be, well, “K-Lo.” Obviously, the smarter of the two would eventually be forced to admit that Sarah Palin is a dumb cretin. And now this one, Kathleen Parker, is touching herself in a tub of Holy Water, while smoking her last cigarette and laughing at the idiot bible-thumpers who ruined the Republican Party, forever. This is all in the Washington Post! MORE »

Because Rudy Giuliani ended his campaign for America’s terrorism mayor yesterday, and because the kids enjoy top 10 lists (like on the David Letterman show), and because it is the most obvious opportunity to strike since 9/11, here is your list of the best Giuliani references to America’s Holiday in the Sun, 9/11. After this, we hope to never speak about either Rudy Giuliani or 9/11 again. The very existence of Rudy’s campaign, after all, proved that the terrorists had won a long time ago. MORE »

According to the textbook definition of “cultural hegemony,” MTV Arabia launched this weekend in an attempt to show Middle Eastern youths what their American counterparts were watching in 1984. Hopefully the new channel will never syndicate The Hills, because watching Spencer Pratt is known to encourage suicide bombings and other forms of jihad. MORE »

Longtime Denver Broncos kicker Jason Elam is exploring his aesthetic side these days and has penned a new novel in collaboration with his pastor, Steve Yohn. It’s called Ulysses and takes place over the course of a day in Ireland. No no, that’s the other greatest book of all time. Jason Elam’s is called Monday Night Jihad, and it’s a “pro-football-themed spy thriller about fighting terrorists.” Coincidentally, that’s exactly how Fred Thompson is pitching his foreign policy approach. MORE »

Didn’t that fuddy-duddy’s campaign know that in headline speak, a comma separates two direct objects for the same verb? For example: “Mitt Romney sucks at life, non-douchebaggery.” Anyway, watch his stupid new ad (from what appears to be a Cider House Rules deleted scene) here. He brings out the C-word!

“JIHAD”!!!! [MittRomney.com]