Tag Archives: jihad

  I really need this job please Allah I need this job

So You Think You Can Be An Al Qaeda? Show Us What You Got.

No, don't apply for jihad, koala bear! Don't do it!
The Obama administration dumped some documents on Wednesday related to the raid in Abbottabad, Pakistan, which SUPPOSEDLY resulted in the many-shots-fired-to-the-face killing of Osama bin Laden, if you’re willing to believe the lamestream media. Seems the administration would like to poke some holes in Seymour Hersh’s fantastical tale about what REALLY happened that night. For instance, Hersh claimed that, despite official reports that the SEALs pilfered a treasure trove of documents from bin Laden’s compound, they really didn’t get much at all, maybe a few issues of Highlights For Children and a scuffed-up copy of the first season of Friends on DVD that the world’s greatest terrorist picked up at the Taliban’s annual yard sale. Read more on So You Think You Can Be An Al Qaeda? Show Us What You Got….
  Guilt By Representation

Muslim Congressman Keith Ellison Obviously Behind Shooting In Texas Because Muslim

Another axe-wielding Minnesota maniac
Dead Breitbart’s Foundation For Frothing Paranoia brought us a whole new frontier in guilt by association Tuesday, revealing the shocking connections between the idiot jihadist-wannabes who tried to shoot up a stupid anti-Islam hatefest in Texas and a Somali radical Islamist who used to live in Minnesota Rep. Keith Ellison’s congressional district. Hey, Keith Ellison, why aren’t you reining in people who once lived in your district, you terrorist sympathizer, you? Read more on Muslim Congressman Keith Ellison Obviously Behind Shooting In Texas Because Muslim…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin So Mad Obama Won’t Stop Murdering The African Christians

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
On this week’s Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker, Sarah Palin provides further evidence that news travels to Alaska via dogsled, paddlewheel steamers, and three-eyed ravens. We simply cannot come up with any other explanation for this bit of Palin-flavored conserva-whining about an al-Shabaab attack in Kenya from early April: Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin So Mad Obama Won’t Stop Murdering The African Christians…
  We Have Some Fun With It

Dana Loesch Has Very Clever, Satirical Humor Thoughts About Dumb Ay-rabs

Dana Loesch, America's greatest living satirist
Move over, Mark Twain, because there’s a new master of English-language political satire, and it is bespectacled she-troll Dana Loesch! It has been a while since Loesch graced us with her signature brand of satire. Thankfully, she is here with a new video to remind us all why conservatives suck at satire and why you avoided on-campus sketch comedy troupes when you were in college. Here’s Dana’s new video called “Jobs for Jihadis,” it is very funny, and we think you will enjoy the film’s high production values and smart writing. We will blockquote some of our favorite dialogue at you, because it is really clever. Read more on Dana Loesch Has Very Clever, Satirical Humor Thoughts About Dumb Ay-rabs…
  Derp Overload

How Are Wingnuts Reacting To Paris Massacre? You’d Be Surprised! (No You Wouldn’t)

And Billo was one of the more restrained ones
While Parisians took to the streets with their “Je Suis Charlie” signs yesterday to quietly express solidarity with the murdered satirists and bystanders at the offices of Charlie Hebdo, the American Wingnut-Industrial Complex was in Full Panic Mode, explaining exactly why we all need to pay attention to this horrific terrorist act by three people that all Muslims bear responsibility for. Fox News’s Bill O’Reilly actually offered one of the tamer bits of stupid on the attack, complaining that when he condemned the murders, Barack Obama was actually downplaying the Muslim threat. The president had expressed confidence that France’s commitment to freedom of speech “is something that can’t be silenced by the senseless violence of the few.” Ah, but Mr. Obama has it all wrong, said O’Reilly: Read more on How Are Wingnuts Reacting To Paris Massacre? You’d Be Surprised! (No You Wouldn’t)…
  It's Jihad All The way Down

Michele Bachmann Has Had It With Obama Supporting Jihad By Bombing ISIS

When in doubt, use this picture
Former Congressidiot Michele Bachmann explained in a recent interview that even when Barack Obama is trying to get one group of Muslims to bomb the hell out of another group of Muslims, he is actually advancing worldwide Islamic jihad, because of course he is. Read more on Michele Bachmann Has Had It With Obama Supporting Jihad By Bombing ISIS…
  Actually It's About Ethics In Mommy Journalism

Sarah Palin So Mad At Barack Obama Murdering All The Stay-At-Home Moms

lol
Sarah Palin treated the world to another of her trademarked stream-of-stupidity FacePlace posts this weekend, pretending that when Barack Obama said women shouldn’t have to choose between a career and staying home with children because they can’t find affordable daycare, he was REALLY saying that women should never choose to stay home with their kids. Read more on Sarah Palin So Mad At Barack Obama Murdering All The Stay-At-Home Moms…
  Another Hotbed Of Extremism (We Mean Breitbart)

Dead Breitbart Outraged Muslims Helped Rebuild Oklahoma After Tornado

Muslim sharks will behead you!
Hey, just how paranoid and crazy is Dead Breitbart today? Well, howzabout this here headline? WHITE HOUSE SENDS ‘THANK YOU’ TO BEHEADER’S OKLAHOMA MOSQUE CONGREGATION Good gracious gravy, why is the White House praising the nest of vipers that spawned Oklahoma beheader man Alton Nolen? After all, as all right-wingers know, Nolen singlehandedly brought Jihad to America a couple weeks back when he cut off a woman’s head in a horrible murder, even though the local DA continues to think, wrongly of course, that Nolen was more motivated by being fired for being a racist than by his religion — probably because, as everyone knows, Oklahoma prosecutors are so notoriously PC. Read more on Dead Breitbart Outraged Muslims Helped Rebuild Oklahoma After Tornado…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Why Aren’t You Cowards Afraid Of Muslims Like You Should Be?

Twilight Sparkle and Rachel Maddow would be buds, for sure.
Time for another visit to the ol’ comment queue, where we find that our coverage of the Scary Muslim Beheading In Oklahoma really set off this one person going by the username”Karolthekafir,” who appears to be inordinately fond of limes. Over the space of a couple days, karolthekafir left just under 20 comments on the one story, and they shared a certain… predictability after a while. Here’s one of karol’s first efforts to educate us poor benighted liberals to the need for immediate panic: Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: Why Aren’t You Cowards Afraid Of Muslims Like You Should Be?…
  Head Games

Oklahoma Jihad Update: Please Be More Afraid. You Are Not Afraid Enough Yet

A sneakiy new tactic to blend in
On Friday, we brought you the story of a horrific murder committed in Moore, Oklahoma. Alton Nolen, a man who was fired from his job at a produce processing plant, killed one woman and injured a second, and now the wingnuttosphere is in a tizzy about jihad in Oklahoma, because Nolen was said by co-workers to have tried, unsuccessfully, to convince others to convert. Therefore, in the minds of top thinkers like Pam Geller and Jim Hoft, the Stupidest Man on the Internet, Nolen’s rampage is the inevitable result of Islam, and anyone who thinks this was merely “workplace violence” is willfully blind to the reality of the Muslim Threat. See, for instance this bit of screaming from Hoft today: Read more on Oklahoma Jihad Update: Please Be More Afraid. You Are Not Afraid Enough Yet…
  clipbait

Jon Stewart Warns ISIS: The Ultimate Terror Lies Ahead, And It Is Bureaucracy (Video)

Activate super suction!
Jon Stewart has this helpful tip for revolutionary Islamist groups: “First rule of Evil: Try not to have your acronym remind people of ’70s live action children’s television shows.” But who are these guys, anyway? If you listen to cable news, they’re pure evil, like a cancer, the worst terrorists ever, and UNSTOPPABLE. But what can we do about them? That’s a gimme: Airstrikes, which are, Stewart says, America’s equivalent of club soda. Something on your shirt? Airstrikes! Terrorist takeover of much of Iraq? You know it. And what else? Wolf Blitzer asks if maybe a secret alliance with Bashar Al Assad might be a good idea, to which Stewart gives the only reasonable reply: “You know, it is shit like this that makes you almost regret us destabilizing the region in the first place.” Funny how that worked out, huh? Read more on Jon Stewart Warns ISIS: The Ultimate Terror Lies Ahead, And It Is Bureaucracy (Video)…
  Why Haven't We Bombed Iran Yet?

Very Sane Reactions To The Murder Of James Foley By The Coward Barack Obama

You've all seen the other pic
American photojournalist James Foley was beheaded Tuesday by the group calling itself The Islamic State (or “ISIS, ISIL — whatever you want to call these guys,” in Lindsey Graham’s memorable phrase). The FBI has announced that it believes that a graphic video of the execution is authentic. In addition to the beheading, the video shows another American journalist, Steven Joel Sotloff, whom the video’s narrator threatened to kill as well if President Obama does not cease airstrikes against the group. Read more on Very Sane Reactions To The Murder Of James Foley By The Coward Barack Obama…
  fox news unamerican committee strikes again

Allen West, Fox & Friends Expose Muslim Plot To Jihad America With Votes

You guys, there is some serious UN-AMERICAN activity happening, and we bet you don’t know about it! According to Allen West on Fox & Friends, there is a secret Muslim plot in America to… wait for it… become politically organized in order to push for policies that are more friendly towards Muslims. Now is the appropriate time to FREAK THE FUCK OUT. Seriously, freak out, dammit. What’s wrong with you? Why aren’t you freaking out! Did you not click on that video? Did you not see the graphic of “Islamic Extremism on the Rise,” with totally not-racist pictures of men in turbans wielding rocket-launchers? This threat will ruin American civilization and likely cause the death of all kittens, because it is THAT BAD. If your hands aren’t shaking too much, let’s scaresplore this threat to life, liberty, and religious freedom the American way.  Read more on Allen West, Fox & Friends Expose Muslim Plot To Jihad America With Votes…
  72 virgins have joined this call

Here Is Your Al Qaeda Conference Call Bingo Card, For Freedom, And Jihad

Click to embiggen. News came today that a terror plot in Yemen — or another terror plot, nobody knows, whatever — may have been foiled when Edward Snowden and Vladimir Putin exposed an Al Qaeda conference call among “dozens” of leaders, we are pretty sure that is how it went down. Read more on Here Is Your Al Qaeda Conference Call Bingo Card, For Freedom, And Jihad…
  Washed in the Blood

Rand Paul Aide Has Cunning Plan To Stop Gay Marriage, Seeks Lions Willing To Devour Him (Updated)

Sometimes, we here at Yr Wonkette poke fun at Christianist America, just for funsies. Any nutjob can believe whatever wackadoodle things floats their boat, and Yr Wonkette would never call for the deaths of Christians. Especially if one of their own is going to do it for us. Ed Brayton is on it like a ravenous jungle beast: David Lane, who is running Rand Paul’s outreach to evangelical voters for his potential presidential run, has a completely unhinged column at the Worldnutdaily calling on Christians to become martyrs in order to stop same-sex marriage — how, exactly? because it will destroy America. The entire article is no longer available because — no lie — it was actually TOO NUTTY for WND. Srsly — here is the link. They took it down. No explanation, but the only thing one can imagine is that David Lane managed to expel such nausea-inducing crazy-talk that was too awful for the Internet’s renowned home for all things awful. And maybe WND thought a call for “martyrdom” might somehow be taken as an invitation for nutbags to strap on explosive vests? Happily, Yr Wonkette and everyone else can read snippets preserved at Dispatches From The Culture Wars and The Immoral Minority, who quoted large sections before it was all gone, like tears in rain, or farts in the wind. Let’s explore! Read more on Rand Paul Aide Has Cunning Plan To Stop Gay Marriage, Seeks Lions Willing To Devour Him (Updated)…
  we're gonna need more dicks

Is Bill O’Reilly A Terrorist? We Are Just Asking Questions

Bill O’Reilly is mad at President Barack Saddam Hussein for calling the Boston Massacre “a tragedy.” Therefore, ergo, ipso facto and Math Science of Words, Bill O’Reilly thinks it was the opposite of a tragedy. Therefore, ergo, ipso facto and Math Science of Words, Bill O’Reilly thinks that hundreds of people being maimed and/or dying, is a joyous event for Bill O’Reilly’s jihad! He has always had a suspicious affinity for Middle Eastern foods and bath accessories. Read more on Is Bill O’Reilly A Terrorist? We Are Just Asking Questions…
  terror threat: terrible

Oklahoma Lady Adds Gays To Her Personal Terrorist Watch List

Do you remember Oklahoma state Rep. Sally Kern? She just loves those gays, if by “loves” we mean, wants to send them to Gitmo, for terrorism. And since it’s almost the Very Special 10th Anniversary of 9/11 and all, it seems she figured this would be a good time to remind America of her cause, which is to explain that the gays are worse than the Muslin terrorists, because gay people are out doing their glitter jihad on Jesus every single day. Read more on Oklahoma Lady Adds Gays To Her Personal Terrorist Watch List…
  humor is a form of terrorism now?

Rick Santorum Whines Gay Terrorists Doing ‘Jihad’ On His Campaign

What’s a good word for when people you constantly talk smack about pull Internet pranks on you all day long to mock you for your delusional bigotry? “Jihad,” according to sad terror victim Rick Santorum, who used this word that normally means “an insane religious justification used by fringe extremist Muslims to murder people they don’t like” to describe the gay community that is always laughing at him online and propagating butt sex jokes about his name. Sure, the homosexual Muslin god of viral Internet humor wants to see Rick Santorum’s name explode in fiery tears across computer screens all the time, but that is just a joke, like Rick Santorum’s candidacy. What part of this comedy can’t Rick Santorum grasp?  Read more on Rick Santorum Whines Gay Terrorists Doing ‘Jihad’ On His Campaign…
  conspiracy loves company

Allen West Hosts Poorly Catered Muslim Conspiracy Party

Where would this country be without Allen West? Exploded to pieces by Muslim terrorists and feminist rage, that’s where! Every single day, Nazis and African-American prison inmates are playing ski-ball in their basements and casually discussing their plans for the Ground Zero Mosque while the rest of America sobs ignorantly over the nation’s economic demise, according to the “defense experts” of Citizens for National Security. Luckily for America, Allen West invited these nuts of the Boca Raton, Florida variety into the Capitol to present a lengthy PowerPoint on the grand conspiracy of the Muslim Brotherhood, among other things. And everyone in the group appears to have earned a Ph.D. in Insanity and Glenn Beck Flow Chart Creation, which are the only prerequisites for becoming official terrorism experts. Read more on Allen West Hosts Poorly Catered Muslim Conspiracy Party…
  rumors on the internets

Why Does Obama Hate America’s Most Patriotic Beverage?

America’s hipsters will soon have a new ironic, chemically aged piss-beer to drink, but only if the bravest beer baron in America successfully sues the federal government for his first amendment right to plaster the American flag all over his fermented garbage. [NewsOK] Read more on Why Does Obama Hate America’s Most Patriotic Beverage?…
  food/booze news!

Cocktail Parties For Both Hipsters & Breast Cancer

Wednesday, October 13: In October we celebrate America’s Favorite Cancer, and women everywhere are lining up for their pink ribbons, hoping that maybe one day they’ll conquer this disease, with ribbons. Bright Pink, a national organization that provides education and support to young women at high risk for breast and ovarian cancer, is hosting a Breast Cancer Awareness month fundraiser tonight at Current Sushi. Suggested donated is $10. [Bright Pink Cocktail Reception] Read more on Cocktail Parties For Both Hipsters & Breast Cancer…