Happy Dead Presidents Day, everybody! Our most beloved non-Reagan dead president, John F. “Jack” Kennedy, was killed by Lyndon Johnson’s Anti-Castro Cuban CIA Mafia Military-Industrial FBI Complex way back in 1963. We still don’t know exactly what happened, because “the government” won’t release the files for another forty or fifty years (or never), but the Dallas Morning News says a weird old transcript proves or doesn’t prove how “lone gunman” Lee Harvey Oswald and mafia-nightclub tough Jack Ruby discussed killing JFK so, uh, the Chicago mob wouldn’t be bothered by Kennedy’s little brother, Bobby Kennedy, who was attorney general back when the attorney general was expected to do anti-crime things rather than just torture innocent foreigners forever, in Cuba. MORE »

A rich and handsome American man in his 40s “bears a striking resemblance to the 35th president of the United States” and could be the illegitimate child of John F. Kennedy. Vanity Fair was supposedly doing a big feature on the guy, but a very powerful somebody killed the story.

I am JFK’s love child, B.C. man says [The Globe and Mail]

ARNOLD ENDORSES McCAIN WHILE ARNOLD’S KENNEDY WIFE ENDORSES OBAMA: The rich really are different — they’re all insane! Schwarzenegger endorsed John McCain last week, after Rudy Giuliani dropped out in disgrace, and after Schwarzenegger weakly claimed he wouldn’t endorse anyone. But at a “surprise appearance” (with Oprah) in Los Angeles on Sunday, Arnold’s trophy-Kennedy wife Maria Shriver said she’s endorsing Barack Obama. WTF? Aren’t the various first couples supposed to at least pretend they’re on the same team? [New York Sun/Baltimore Sun]

CHECK OUT OBAMA’S SECURITY TONIGHT: Did his Secret Service detail just get scarily serious? Yes, that is a big happy crazy crowd — and as “diverse” as Barry claims — but we’ve been watching Obama for a while now, and this is the first time those security dudes looked so sharp and serious. We’re sure it has nothing to do with Caroline Kennedy endorsing Barry today in the NYT, under the headline “A President Like My Father.” [New York Times]

Do you remember the swinging social scene of early-1960s Washington? So many parties with those fun-loving and oft-assassinated Kennedy boys! And then George W. Bush ruined it all when he was appointed president four decades later. That’s the gist of this six-hundred-page Vanity Fair recollection about the glamorous good old days of yesteryear, and it prompted one Washingtonian to pen the following recollection of the glamorous Clinton years.

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So the FEC investigated Arlen Specter and it turns out he broke every single campaign finance rule. When he ran for re-election in 2004, Specter took a million dollars from people who had already maxed out, failed to report hundreds of thousands of dollars from PACs, and missed a reporting deadline before the primary. In his defense though, the rules are complicated and it’s not like the five-term senator has ever run for anything before. MORE »

There’s a lot of hullabaloo on the Internets about Romney posing to look like JFK during his JFK speech yesterday. But that’s impossible, because JFK was a gay liberal baby-killing Demrat (except for the whole hawkishness thing). So we’re taking this question of lookalikes to the polls, and have included a couple more options: Joseph Smith, the Mormon doppelganger candidate, and Ben Johnson, the Beef Jerky And Toiletries doppelganger candidate. Vote (post haste!), after the jump. MORE »

Famed JFK speechwriter and Obama supporter Ted Sorensen has just fetched up a cushy Gotham spread at the Robert A.M. Stern-designed 15 Central Park West for $10.75 million. The massive three-bedroom boasts park views, a wine room, movie theater, health spa and most likely one of those stuffy libraries in which Ted can begin inking Obama speeches.Wine and Views [NYP]

Finally, Donny and Marie Osmond have come out of Utah hills to speak on behalf of Mitt Romney. “I think it’s a bit of a popularity contest,” Donny tells Larry King last night. Insightful! Marie, not dancing and very much conscious, addressed whether or not Romney should deliver a speech about religion like JFK did in 1960, in which he said issues of communism, poverty, education and the space race overshadowed issues of faith. Romney advisers maintain the candidate should NOT deliver the “What’s Wrong With Being A Mormon?” speech, but it has been reported that Mitt has studied the phrasing, punctuation and cadence of Kennedy infamous 1960 speech.

Osmonds on fellow Mormon Mitt Romney [CNN]

Beloved Taxacusetts senator and last-surviving RFK/JFK brother Ted Kennedy is in the hospital today after doctors fixed a clogged artery in his neck. They successfully removed the Jameson bottle and now he’s “resting.” But what’s interesting is why he went to the doctor in the first place: The neck clog was found during an MRI to check on his wrecked back — Ted Kennedy barely survived a terrible plane crash in 1964, just a few months after John Kennedy’s assassination. MORE »

It’s a hallowed Autumn tradition to take the kids to the Corn Maze, but there’s extra fun in store for youngsters at Richland, Michigan’s Gulf Meadows Farms this year, because they’ve based their 2007 Corn Maze design on Gerald Ford’s head. Jerry Ford, of course, was our greatest president and he pardoned Nixon and covered up JFK’s assassination and almost got himself assassinated, twice in 17 days, in California, and bravely fought inflation and was from Michigan.

Gulf Meadows Farms Corn Maze