Wonkette

Yikes! Deborah Jeane Palfrey, a.k.a. the D.C. Madam who sold whores to David Vitter and other “famous” folks in the Washington area, has “apparently” committed suicide after being convicted of money laundering and racketeering. Police found her dead in her mother’s Tarpon Springs, Florida home today. She had not yet been sentenced. Maybe someone was going for a plea deal? WHAT IS HAPPENING? [Fox 13]

It was quite the star-studded affair in Washington D.C. Saturday evening for the annual White House Correspondents Dinner, perhaps the District’s biggest social night of the year. This is the one where journalists and the politicos they cover congregate in an overt celebration of their inappropriate friendships — you know, the ones that caused the Iraq War. All of America can drink to that! Obviously the public-at-large wouldn’t care about a journalism party — they are not for the soft-at-heart, or people who have lives — if it weren’t for the WHCD’s other strange attraction, the liberal Hollywood Movie Star guests! Your Wonkette’s associate editor and videographer/Polaroidist Liz Glover donned our best church clothes Saturday to witness the proceedings, and all we got were strange memories and a wretched purple umbrella that says “Bloomberg.” The troubling story, below! MORE »

Minnesota’s legislature thinks it’s the bee’s knees these days because it is the first state legislature to pass what is known as a “Hannah Montana bill” in Insider Parlance. The bill — named after potentially whorish “tween-age pop TV icon” Miley Cyrus’ Disney channel character — bans software that enables “vendors to grab up blocks of tickets before much of the public can” and then sell them back online for hundreds of millions of dollars. Apparently many, many people wanted to see this underage gal lip-sync some songs last year but could not. MORE »

People who go to Tanning Salons are poor white trash, according to some dingbat website we’ve never encountered before just now. Elitists say the tanning craze was briefly “in” with the wealthy people in like 1958 and again in spring of 1992, but that was all, ever, and throughout history having a “suntan” just meant you spent all your time outside doing hard labor. “There is no easier way to tell that someone is white trash than by whether he or she has a tan,” some self-proclaimed Beauty Expert told this website. What other ways do poor, bitter people broadcast their socio-economic status to their Elitist Betters? The answers might surprise you! MORE »

This is the thong that Ken Layne wears “to the office” everyday. It features the headcut of Barack Obama and you wear it as underwear beneath your blue jeans. [CafePress]

Last week was fun for Condi fans, but not so much fun for Condoleezza herself. She got dragged around by Bush on his farewell lap around NATO, and she had some laffs with George, but mostly was kind of a fifth wheel. Back home, the rest of us got to enjoy hot new Condicising photos and we finally learned who’s playing Madame Secretary in Oliver Stone’s Bush movie. Find out who the lucky actress is after the jump!

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Here is a photo of France’s new First Lady arriving in England with her midget husband. Her outfit speaks diplomatic volumes: flats, so as not to tower over M. Sarkozy; modest tweed, so as to remind Camilla of her youth back in the Depression. (In turn, Camilla wears a trashy befeathered nightmare hat because she is a tart.) But the real question is, why would a rail-thin former model be sporting a little belly pooch? We smell shotgun wedding. [The Sun]

The April issue of GQ features a delightful profile of Meghan McCain, the 23-year-old daughter of WALNUTS! and famous Blogette. Somehow she procured full access to the McCain campaign, and has done a dutiful job reporting on the minutiae of life on the trail — namely, her favorite songs, what shoes she and her Blogette friends wear to town halls, and which McCain advisers are hot. The lady does not filter, she’s a liberal like her father, and she alternatively makes you hate and love your life. MORE »

A Condoleezza road show is so much fun! Our Condi bounced from Egypt to Ramallah to Tel Aviv to Brussels, enjoying several perfect photo-ops along the way. The only problem was that outside the photo-ops, it was one of the most incriminating Condiweeks EVER, brimming with embarrassments, snubs, that Gaza Strip thing, and OMG, Glenn Kessler! So mean! Let’s all pile on with Glenn after the jump!

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For all of you who wept the day that handsome Tony Parker married that little soap opera tart, it’s time to weep again: for America. Eva Longoria Parker supports Hillary Clinton, and when she explains why you might find yourself wishing she sounded as brilliant as another noteworthy Clinton booster, Paula Abdul. Frightening YouTube footage after the jump. MORE »

Setting aside his inconvenient wife, it’s clear that Barack Obama is America’s coolest bachelor president since James Buchanan. So what’s the best way for his billions of global admirers to charm their way into his fantastically pleated pants? MORE »

Will the shameful photographs of Democrats wearing “race clothing” ever end? Probably not! Here’s a picture of Hillary wearing the traditional Muslim wife’s “hijab,” which is just one letter away from “jihad.” What terrible opponent is leaking this smear photo on the Internets? The William Jefferson Clinton Presidential Library, that’s who! Join us for more shameful pictures of the Clintons in various costumes, after the jump. MORE »

Are you and your mother-in-law still thinking about voting for Hillary Clinton? Well, wake up and smell the Constitution’s great and glorious ball-sack, which tells us explicitly that ladies cannot be elected President. One brave New Hampshire citizen ventures this brilliant legal observation in the Concord Monitor. Read on to discover how Hillary Clinton will never be the president even if everybody votes for her. MORE »

It’s that damnable O.C.S. bug that’s been plaguing Hope everywhere! Barack Obama, King of Hawaii and Kansas and Africa and Illinois and, what else, Spain, has a cold and cannot govern America. MORE »