Tag Archives: jews

  Profiles in Courage

Donald Trump Takes Bold Stand Against Hitler

Take THAT, Adolf! Would ya check out the big beautiful balls on this guy? No wonder Republicans love Donald Trump for being willing to make with the tough talk that all those other “gutless” candidates are too afraid of: Read more on Donald Trump Takes Bold Stand Against Hitler…
  let's gossip about the week's top stories

Just Biding Our Time Until We Find Josh Duggar’s Grindr At This Point. Your Weekly Top Ten.

Coming soon to a town near you, but Sarah Palin won't be there. OR WILL SHE?
Coming soon to a town near you, but Sarah Palin won’t be there. OR WILL SHE? Hey Wonkers! We had a big week! Did YOU have a big week in your job? Just kidding, this post is not about you. Did you hear the big news about how Editrix Becca invested in a Winnebago for the Wonkette, so we can do onsite “journalism” at the Iowa caucuses and the Republican convention and wherever else news is happening? Or wherever else we decide to do drinky things. We are going to do ALL the activities, and you should be very excited. Read more on Just Biding Our Time Until We Find Josh Duggar’s Grindr At This Point. Your Weekly Top Ten….
  He's equal opportunity

Ben Carson Will Protect Jews, No Matter What Religion They Are

Thinking about how to protect Jewish people.
Protector of the Jews, even if they’re not Jewish. Hey, remember that time “presidential candidate” Ben Carson got all confused about Israel’s system of government, and why don’t they just do a normal Congress with a Senate and a House and a Democrat Party and a Republican Party, like American countries do? Well, why don’t they? Why the Jewishes gotta be all confusing with multiple “parties” and foreign nerd words like “Knesset”? It’s just too much, and Ben Carson did that thing where he separated conjoined twins at the head that one time, so he knows when stuff is TOO complicated. Read more on Ben Carson Will Protect Jews, No Matter What Religion They Are…
  This is not goddamned racial transcendence

Scott Walker Wishes Blacks Would Be Nicer About All This Racism Stuff

nope
Racial transcendence, how does IT work? Republican candidate and Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker attempted to explain it while campaigning in Spartanburg, South Carolina, but he is a Republican, so he did a real bad job. You see, according to Walker, we’re never going to have racial unity if we acknowledge that racial discord exists, and also, it would be nice if blacks would just be sweet and nice and forgiving when their folks get murdered, like they did in Charleston. Unlike those mean Ferguson people, who are probably playing the race card and reverse-racisting America right now. Did Walker say those exact words? Oh heavens no, but yr Wonkette is a very good Wingnut-To-English translator. Here is what exactly he said: Read more on Scott Walker Wishes Blacks Would Be Nicer About All This Racism Stuff…
  tits on the brain

Mike Huckabee Worried All The Military Ladies Will Want Fancy New Sex Boobies Now

Gonna talk about the female anatomy now.
Mike Huckabee took some time out from smuggling the Jews off Barack Obama’s Iranian Auschwitz train this week to make some more weird comments about boobies. He’s worried that if transgenders get to be in the military and go into battle for our fine nation, then the ladies in the military will be like “UNFAIR, I want a boob job, where’s my boob job?” Because that is a thing all women do, when confronted with the reality of the transgender experience. Here are Huckabee’s mouth words: Read more on Mike Huckabee Worried All The Military Ladies Will Want Fancy New Sex Boobies Now…
  Here a Hitler there a Hitler

Verified Jew Person Sarah Silverman Is Biggest Hitler Since Barack Obama

Not what she said exactly but whatever!
So many Hitlers in the news this week, so little time! Barack Obama is doing Hitler stuff by making a deal with Iran to try to keep them from getting a bomb, which is very different from Republicans’ request of can we please just bomb that Muzzie country what scares us so much, and probably set off World War Three in doing so? Either you’re down with that plan or you’re totally Hitler. And now Sarah Silverman, a Twitter-verified Jewish, is one-upping Obama’s Hitler-ness by saying that Planned Parenthood is okay and doesn’t actually sell baby parts, even though it’s obvious that it sells so many baby parts. Coming soon to a mall near you! The Planned Parenthood Baby Parts Store! Right between Claire’s and Wet Seal!  (They do not sell baby parts, and if you believe that you are a fucking dumbshit.) Read more on Verified Jew Person Sarah Silverman Is Biggest Hitler Since Barack Obama…
  Here let me yell at you

Boy Scouts Gay Now, Mormons’ Magic Underpanties All In A Wad

Finally legal
Hurray, the Boy Scouts of America have finally ended years of bigotry — sort of — by lifting the ban on gay adult scout leaders. We say “sort of” because individual church-led chapters still have the authority to decide they don’t wanna play by the rules and can instead continue being small-minded childish bigots, like they were promised by Jesus in the Bible. This came after former Defense Secretary and current BSA president Robert Gates explained how it was just fine for scout leaders to be gay, despite the fact that the very thought of that makes wingnuts like Bryan Fischer quiver in their fearful loin parts about how this is going to immediately lead to a buttsex infestation in an otherwise Christian organization. Read more on Boy Scouts Gay Now, Mormons’ Magic Underpanties All In A Wad…
  Huckabee's Marshall McLuhan Moment

Israel Tells Mike Huckabee To Shut His Stupid Squeal Hole

Time to be quiet now
Rancid dingleberry Mike Huckabee fancies himself a real expert on the Jewishes — he’s been to Israel, you know, and Auschwitz! — and he is NOT SORRY and “will not apologize” for cavalierly warning that Obama is going to burn up all the Israelites in The Ovens, with his Iranian deal. Even though the majority of American Jews support the deal, want Congress to approve the deal, and also think Huckabee is an infectious wank cloth. Read more on Israel Tells Mike Huckabee To Shut His Stupid Squeal Hole…
  you know who else ... ?

Rick Santorum Begs Jews To Hate His Guts Too

Also a schmuck
Look, kids, it’s repugnant fuck-eyed canker blossom Rick Santorum, trying to steal some attention from Mike Huckabee, who is trying to steal some attention from Donald Trump. And also to submit his name for Schmuck of The Year 5775, which we have already given to Huckabee, too bad for always-a-bridesmaid-never-a-bride Santorum. Read more on Rick Santorum Begs Jews To Hate His Guts Too…
  Schmuck Of The Year 5775

Weird, Jews Don’t Accept Mike Huckabee As Lord And Savior Either

Fuck this guy
Oy, there sure has been a lot of blowharding about The Jews lately, eh? Because President Obama made a deal with Iran about its nuclear power program, which equals Hitler and Hitler appeasers too, somehow, plus also now all The Jews are going to be Holocausted. Literally. To death. In the ovens. This, from some Not The Jews, who like to say how much they love The Jews, and they “have a lot of Jewish friends.” But actually, these Not The Jews are anti-Semitic fucknozzles who can hardly wait for The Jews to hurry up and die so the Not The Jews can get raptured up to Heaven and eat all the bacon-wrapped shrimp, with Jesus. Read more on Weird, Jews Don’t Accept Mike Huckabee As Lord And Savior Either…
  When will the gay terrors cease?

Dead Breitbart Real Upset How Gay Rainbow Flag Murdered Those Marines In Chattanooga

The threat is real.
Ever since June 26, the day which will live in infamy, when the Supreme Court gave America the right gay throatcramming she deserved, wingnuts have been observed in various states of utter, pants-shitting meltdown. And much of it, against the backdrop of the death of the Confederate flag, has centered on the gay rainbow, and how it is lynching the good American Christians, and how the White House did a 9/11 to the world when it was lit up in rainbow colors. Truly we are living in tragic days. Read more on Dead Breitbart Real Upset How Gay Rainbow Flag Murdered Those Marines In Chattanooga…
  Hoes 'n Tricks

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Activist Court Says De-Gaying Hot Naked Dudes Is ‘Fraud’ Somehow

Greetings to all you salacious sodomite sinners! Once again we are proud to present your weekly compilation of the latest and greatest in news of the supernatural, the supernormal, and the superdumb. It’s the Snake Oil Bulletin! Read more on The Snake Oil Bulletin: Activist Court Says De-Gaying Hot Naked Dudes Is ‘Fraud’ Somehow…
  this story has a happy ending

High School Principal Will Not Have Graduation Sullied With Gay Valedictorian, No Siree!

All the best people are named Evan.
So here is a story that happened, about an asshole high school principal in Longmont, Colorado, who couldn’t bear to let this year’s class valedictorian — that means “the best student in the class,” FYI — deliver his speech, because the kid wanted to use the speech to come out as gay. The kid’s name is Evan Young, he’s graduating with a 4.5 GPA, and he’s headed to Rutgers on a scholarship. Sounds like a REAL BAD SEED, we’re glad the principal was able to get him under control: Read more on High School Principal Will Not Have Graduation Sullied With Gay Valedictorian, No Siree!…
  America is cancelled

Bill O’Reilly Very Sad Americans Are Divorcing Jesus, Jiving On The Rap Music, And Smoking Crack

Definitely not an NWA fan.
Bill O’Reilly is very upset. A new Pew poll has shown that the super-majority of Americans who identify as Christian is not quite as super as it used to be. Just eight years ago, 78.4 percent of the population was Christian, and now that number is only 70.6 percent, sadface. So who is to blame? Is it the Jooz and the Muslims? MAYBE! Their numbers have grown by a whopping 0.2 percent and 0.5 percent, respectively. They are attacking Americans with their matzoh balls and their Sharia law! But no, the real culprit is the “unaffiliated” lot, who are now a full 22.8 percent of the population. Bill O’Reilly knows what it causing this, and it is rap music: Read more on Bill O’Reilly Very Sad Americans Are Divorcing Jesus, Jiving On The Rap Music, And Smoking Crack…
  weep for the oppressed Christian majority

North Carolina Official Not About To Listen To Ay-Rabs Makin’ Prayers To Allah Or Whoever

If you don't pray in Jesus's name, the big guy in the sky can't hear you.
North Carolina’s Lincoln County doesn’t have any Jewish, Muslim or Hindu houses of worship, but that does not mean the godless liberal Ay-rabs, with their San Francisco Sharia Law values, aren’t currently attacking the poor Christians who populate the rural county. This is why Carrol Mitchem, chairman of the Lincoln County Board of Commissioners, has chosen a particularly stupid passion in life, which is making sure all county meetings start with prayers to Jesus, only Jesus, and definitely none of them Funny Gods from Foreigner-ville: Read more on North Carolina Official Not About To Listen To Ay-Rabs Makin’ Prayers To Allah Or Whoever…
  Daddy issues

Ted Cruz’s Dry-Drunk Daddy Will Save The Jews From Obama, For Jesus

Ted Cruz’s ex-drunk ex-deadbeat dad, Rafael, is a swell guy who loves to spread The Good Word about how God hand-selected his boy Ted to be the next president of the United States of Jesus. And also, of course, the Penultimate Good Word about how Obama sucks, as he did yet again while testifying to a group of Georgia teabaggers. Read more on Ted Cruz’s Dry-Drunk Daddy Will Save The Jews From Obama, For Jesus…