Tag Archives: jews

  Hoes 'n Tricks

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Activist Court Says De-Gaying Hot Naked Dudes Is ‘Fraud’ Somehow

Greetings to all you salacious sodomite sinners! Once again we are proud to present your weekly compilation of the latest and greatest in news of the supernatural, the supernormal, and the superdumb. It’s the Snake Oil Bulletin! Read more on The Snake Oil Bulletin: Activist Court Says De-Gaying Hot Naked Dudes Is ‘Fraud’ Somehow…
  this story has a happy ending

High School Principal Will Not Have Graduation Sullied With Gay Valedictorian, No Siree!

All the best people are named Evan.
So here is a story that happened, about an asshole high school principal in Longmont, Colorado, who couldn’t bear to let this year’s class valedictorian — that means “the best student in the class,” FYI — deliver his speech, because the kid wanted to use the speech to come out as gay. The kid’s name is Evan Young, he’s graduating with a 4.5 GPA, and he’s headed to Rutgers on a scholarship. Sounds like a REAL BAD SEED, we’re glad the principal was able to get him under control: Read more on High School Principal Will Not Have Graduation Sullied With Gay Valedictorian, No Siree!…
  America is cancelled

Bill O’Reilly Very Sad Americans Are Divorcing Jesus, Jiving On The Rap Music, And Smoking Crack

Definitely not an NWA fan.
Bill O’Reilly is very upset. A new Pew poll has shown that the super-majority of Americans who identify as Christian is not quite as super as it used to be. Just eight years ago, 78.4 percent of the population was Christian, and now that number is only 70.6 percent, sadface. So who is to blame? Is it the Jooz and the Muslims? MAYBE! Their numbers have grown by a whopping 0.2 percent and 0.5 percent, respectively. They are attacking Americans with their matzoh balls and their Sharia law! But no, the real culprit is the “unaffiliated” lot, who are now a full 22.8 percent of the population. Bill O’Reilly knows what it causing this, and it is rap music: Read more on Bill O’Reilly Very Sad Americans Are Divorcing Jesus, Jiving On The Rap Music, And Smoking Crack…
  weep for the oppressed Christian majority

North Carolina Official Not About To Listen To Ay-Rabs Makin’ Prayers To Allah Or Whoever

If you don't pray in Jesus's name, the big guy in the sky can't hear you.
North Carolina’s Lincoln County doesn’t have any Jewish, Muslim or Hindu houses of worship, but that does not mean the godless liberal Ay-rabs, with their San Francisco Sharia Law values, aren’t currently attacking the poor Christians who populate the rural county. This is why Carrol Mitchem, chairman of the Lincoln County Board of Commissioners, has chosen a particularly stupid passion in life, which is making sure all county meetings start with prayers to Jesus, only Jesus, and definitely none of them Funny Gods from Foreigner-ville: Read more on North Carolina Official Not About To Listen To Ay-Rabs Makin’ Prayers To Allah Or Whoever…
  Daddy issues

Ted Cruz’s Dry-Drunk Daddy Will Save The Jews From Obama, For Jesus

Ted Cruz’s ex-drunk ex-deadbeat dad, Rafael, is a swell guy who loves to spread The Good Word about how God hand-selected his boy Ted to be the next president of the United States of Jesus. And also, of course, the Penultimate Good Word about how Obama sucks, as he did yet again while testifying to a group of Georgia teabaggers. Read more on Ted Cruz’s Dry-Drunk Daddy Will Save The Jews From Obama, For Jesus…
  Such a big disappointment to Daddy

Rand Paul’s Terrible Horrible Totally F*cked Up Day

Libertarians don't fuck up, they FREEDOM up.
Today was supposed to be Rand Paul’s Big Day, the one where he was able to say “look at me, DAD, I’m a big kid now, gonna be the president you never got to be!” Instead, he ended up just being Ron Paul’s pud-pulling fuck-up kid again. Let us count the ways Rand Paul is already a failure at running for president. Read more on Rand Paul’s Terrible Horrible Totally F*cked Up Day…
  Here have some news n stuff

The Way Jeb Bush Is F*cking Up, You’d Think He Was Already Running For President

Maybe the not so S-M-R-T one
Jeb Bush — who has got to be tired by now of being laughingly referred to as “the smart one,” but screw him, let’s never stop doing that, he IS supposed to be the smart one, isn’t he? — has had a lot of campaign problems for a guy who hasn’t officially launched his presidential campaign yet. Here’s his latest: Read more on The Way Jeb Bush Is F*cking Up, You’d Think He Was Already Running For President…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Why Are We Being Anti-Semitic To Sarah Palin?

Scootaloo is neither a gun owner nor Jewish, as far as we know. She worships Rainbow Dash
The Deleted Comments Hopper was extra-full this week, largely because we hit on a convergence of topics in one post: we wrote about the Palin family and guns at the same time, and that combination summoned the angerbears from the depths. Also, we suggested that not all American Jews agree with Congressschmuck Steve King, who carries so much water for AIPAC that he has calves the size of challas, and that brought us some real winners too. Heck, we don’t even have room to mention the anti-vaxxer who said that criticizing paranoia about vaccines is the “type of attitude is what forced people into internment camps and concentration camps,” which is really too bad, because we wish we could have mentioned that. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: Why Are We Being Anti-Semitic To Sarah Palin?…
  oy

Congressschmuck Steve King Doesn’t Understand Why American Jews Are So Anti-Semitic

Jesus
Iowa Rep. Steve King is an actual member of Congress, as well as a terrible person on every single issue, from Messicans to homomessicans to light bulbs to dogfighting. In a radio interview on Friday, Steve King demonstrated the depth and breadth of his terribleness by being a terrible person about The Jews, in whom he is Very Disappointed for being such bad The Jews, which is a thing The Jews never EVER tire of hearing, no really, please do go on some more about how The Jews have let down you non-The Jews. Read more on Congressschmuck Steve King Doesn’t Understand Why American Jews Are So Anti-Semitic…
  Can't wait to hear what this dude has to say about Muslims

Lawsuit Alleges Nice California Teacher Taught Students About Racism, By Being Racist

Yes, kiddo, it is.
Racial transcendence is alive and well in Brentwood, California, if the allegations in a new lawsuit are true. The case states that Steven Carnine, an 8th grade history teacher at Paul Revere Charter Middle School and Magnet Center, figured that the best way to teach his kids, several of whom are Not White, about racism, would be just to lob a bunch of racial stereotypes at them: Read more on Lawsuit Alleges Nice California Teacher Taught Students About Racism, By Being Racist…
  Nice time in Europe anyway

Norway’s Muslims Did Not Get Fox News Memo, Will Do Nice Things For Jews

Not EVERYTHING is terrible
We all know that every single Muslim on this planet is personally responsible for terrorism because, FACT, that’s just how it works. The only exception is if Muslims denounce acts of terror carried out in the name of their faith, which they never do except for when they do actually do that — but even then, not really, let’s face it, they’re all terrorists who should go back to their own country (even if it’s America, get out anyway) because Jesus Thomas H. Jefferson didn’t write the First Amendment of the Bible to protect them. Read more on Norway’s Muslims Did Not Get Fox News Memo, Will Do Nice Things For Jews…
  no heart huckabee

Mike Huckabee: Doing The Gay Is Just Like Swearing, Having a Beer

Huckabee preparing to hold a shotgun to the head of a black American.
Dear practitioners of homogay buttsechs, Mike Huckabee — former Arkansas governor, Baptist minister, once and future failed presidential candidate, once and future Fox News host, Ted Nugent’s buddy (which does not at all make him a big ol’ hypocrite, no you shut up), America’s Great Moral Scold — would like you to know that he would just love to be your friend, because he doesn’t discriminate against friends based on their Lifestyle Choice, even if those Lifestyle Choices will condemn them to an eternity of roasting in perdition’s flames. Gosh, some of his friends use naughty words and drink the devil’s liquid, and Mike Huckabee is still their friend, because he is a Nice Guy. Read more on Mike Huckabee: Doing The Gay Is Just Like Swearing, Having a Beer…
  Here have some news n stuff

President Obama Is Totally Into Science, IMPEACH!

Nerrrrrddddddd
Official White House Photo by Pete Souza Like it isn’t bad enough that President Obama believes in things like birth control, evolution, and climate change — now we find out the guy actually really likes science. Like a total geek: Read more on President Obama Is Totally Into Science, IMPEACH!…
  Ted Talks

Ted Cruz Israel Speech Draws Heavenly Hosannas, By Which We Mean A Buncha Ay-rabs Booed Him Offstage

No we cannot all just get along
Photo by Gage Skidmore Wednesday night at a Washington gala dinner, Ted Cruz gave a keynote speech that ended with him getting booed off the stage. The reason? He made the mistake of praising Israel to a room full of Arabs. Whoops. Either someone on Edmonton Ted’s staff fell down on doing the advance work, or Ted himself really does have the brain of an artichoke. Read more on Ted Cruz Israel Speech Draws Heavenly Hosannas, By Which We Mean A Buncha Ay-rabs Booed Him Offstage…
  Oy Gevalt

Can You Even Milk A Jew? They Are Not Cats

But milk the Jew before you throw him down the well
Oh, golly, did Jim Hoft, the Stupidest Man on the Internet, ever get a scoop Wednesday! Well, not a scoop, exactly, but it’s plenty outrageous, as his screaming headline indicates: “Dem 2014 Campaign Strategy Released Online: Milk the Jews.” And mercy, his dudgeon is set at a high level indeed: Read more on Can You Even Milk A Jew? They Are Not Cats…
  thank goodness

Hero Anti-Gay Scouting Group Will Also Save Your Children From Mormons And Jews

You might remember that last year, a bunch of angry conservative Christians decided to take their toys and go home because the Boy Scouts were no longer going to stone gays to death. They created a nonsense organization called Trail Life aka Purity Scouts that promised that instead of cramming the gay down your kids’ throats, they’d shove some good old-fashioned religion all the way down there instead. Oh, except for that part where if your religion is Mormon or Jewish or any other of them funny not-Jesus religions, your throat cannot be rammed full of conservative goodness. Read more on Hero Anti-Gay Scouting Group Will Also Save Your Children From Mormons And Jews…
  #cancelkaili

Republican Goyim Go To Vegas To Dance Hora For Jew Dollars, Hilarity Ensues Oy

In case you missed it because you were taking your bubbe to shul, Republicans gathered in Las Vegas on Saturday to beg Republican Jews — all two and a half of them — to give them Jew dollars for their 2016 presidential aspirations. This is a thing Republicans do sometimes because even though American Jews are overwhelmingly Democrats, and in fact “the most strongly liberal, Democratic groups in U.S. politics,” there is this one Jew and his name is Sheldon Adelson and he has SOOO many Jew dollars and he is not a Democrat. In 2012, he spent eleventy billion trillion and thirteen of his Jew dollars supporting Newt Gingrich, which was a terrific investment for Adelson, since Newt is now our president. So you can see why Republicans think it is very important to woo him. He is also on the board of the Republican Jewish Coalition, which is quite possibly the most meaningless Jewish coalition since Jews for Sarah Palin. (We had a secret Jew meeting a few years back and decided we hate the shit out of Palin. She has failed to endear herself to us since then.) Read more on Republican Goyim Go To Vegas To Dance Hora For Jew Dollars, Hilarity Ensues Oy…
  rapture of the derp

Michele Bachmann So Disappointed American Jews Don’t Recognize That Obama Is The Antichrist

Like a lot of your rightwing fundagelicals, Michele Bachmann is a big believer in the old Chick tract “Support Your Local Jew,” so she knows that the most important country in the world, next to maybe America, is Israel, because that’s where Jesus will come to end the world. And so if Israel is unhappy about an American policy, that’s not just international politics, that’s an affront to God. Which explains why ol’ Crazy Eyes is especially ticked at American Jews for not recognizing the self-evident truth that Barack Obama is bad for the Jews. You see, Obama went and reached a preliminary nuclear deal with Iran, and then he went and manage to convince Congress not to vote for any new sanctions on Iran while negotiators try to reach a permanent deal. This did not sit well with Michele Bachmann, protector of Israel — in fact, it’s a chaleria that so many Jews voted for the gonif. Read more on Michele Bachmann So Disappointed American Jews Don’t Recognize That Obama Is The Antichrist…
  you know who else loved hitler?

Tila Tequila Doesn’t Hate Jews, She Just Loves Hitler And Would Like Some Attention, Is That So Wrong?

Hey man, Tila Tequila (you don’t know her; she’s this girl) does not hate Jews okay, she does not know how many times she has to say it, she is totally cool with Jews and would probably not genocide them or even murder them and this one time she even felt sorry for WWII prisoners of war so obviously she can never be anti-semitic, she is just asking questions, well she is not so Read more on Tila Tequila Doesn’t Hate Jews, She Just Loves Hitler And Would Like Some Attention, Is That So Wrong?…
  Stop aborting plastic Jesus

Sarah Palin Dumbsplains To Lamestream Media That ‘A Plastic Jewish Family’ Is The Reason For The Season

Terrible news from the frontlines of the War on People Who Refuse to Believe There is a War on Christmas Because There Is Not Actually a War on Christmas. Apparently, according to Sarah Palin, who knows all about it because she hired someone to ghostwrite a book for her on this very subject, lawyered-up atheists and the lamestream media are trying to abort Jesus. Plus also too something about Thomas Jefferson: Palin said Jefferson would likely agree that secularists had set their sights on destroying the religious themes in Christmas celebrations. “He would recognize those who would want to try to ignore that Jesus is the reason for the season, those who would want to try to abort Christ from Christmas,” she said. “He would recognize that, for the most part, these are angry atheists armed with an attorney. They are not the majority of Americans.” Palin said there was a double standard that protected atheists at the expense of the religious. “Why is it they get to claim some offense taken when they see a plastic Jewish family on somebody’s lawn — a nativity scene, that’s basically what it is right?” she said. “Oh, they take such offense, though. They say that it physically even can hurt them and mentally it distresses them so they sue, right?” Yup, Thomas Jefferson, “having spent his summers here, having spent influential years here, two miles away from Liberty University,” (founded by Jerry Falwell in 1971, but pffft, details) would probably definitely agree with everything Sarah Palin says. You just can’t argue with an airtight fact like that. Read more on Sarah Palin Dumbsplains To Lamestream Media That ‘A Plastic Jewish Family’ Is The Reason For The Season…