Tag: jews

He gets cranky when he has the sniffles

Pussy Donald Trump Already Complaining Debate Was #Rigged

Nobody saw this coming, wait yes we did.
Also, there are some kickass coupons for Sofas & Quills

Wonkagenda: Tuesday, September 20, 2016

You get in here and read your news brief, RIGHT NOW!

Celebrate The Feast Day Of St. Zita, Patron Saint Of Servers, By Flipping Off A Customer

Did you know today, April 27, is the feast day of St. Zita, Patron Saint of waiters and waitresses? We did not, but let us celebrate it together! Given that I'm Jewish, I had to go look up Catholic traditions...

Ted Cruz Narrowly Escapes Jaws Of Muslim Brotherhood

It's a day, so Ted Cruz is being a dick. Monday morning, he told a gay man at a town hall in New York how much he loves religious liberty, and how it applies to EVERYBODY, including Christians, Jews, atheists, and...
Sarah Palin calculates in her head how many of Bristol's "chances" will turn into out-of-wedlock babies.

Sarah Palin So Happy Donald Trump’s Jewish Grandbaby Born On Easter, Just Like Jesus!

OK SPOILER ALERT, we know Jesus wasn't born on Easter, first of all. But does Sarah Palin know that? Well He sure did something that day, over there in Nazareth, otherwise why did we hide the moose eggs all...
What 'hate groups'? Do you have a list?

Trump’s Aryan Supermen Terrified By Obama’s Jewish Supreme Court Nominee

David Duke, the nice former Grand Wazoo of the KKK who Donald Trump eventually decided to disavow, abjure, and wink at seductively, is all kinds of upset by secret Muslim Barack Hussein Obama's nomination of Hebrew Silver Fox Merrick...
Who ya got?

Fox News Dumbass Wishes Y’all Would Stop Victim-Shaming Poor Donald Trump

Rarely is the question asked, "Why is Trump supporters such violent pig-thugs?" JUST KIDDING EVERYBODY IS ASKING THAT RIGHT NOW. As Trump has explained, it is not fair to blame HIM for any of the violence, because he's just...

Donald Trump Didn’t Know Acting Like Hitler Was Going To Be Some Big Problem

Know that thing when you're just going about your daily life, running for president and telling everybody how luxurious your penis is, and you accidentally, with no forethought, Do A Nazi? It's the worst! You were just Making America...
BYE YOU DUGGAR-LOVIN' MOTHERFUCKER

Dearest Mike Huckabee: So Long, Farewell, Aufwiedersehen, Burn In Hell

By now, you may have heard the saddest news ever to come out of the big dumbocrap whatchamahoozit known as the Iowa caucuses: Mike Huckabee will no longer be pretending to "run for president," and will instead have to...
And that's when Noah's stupid gay peace dove got eated by a dinosaur.

Kentucky Gets To Pay Creationists To Dress Up Like Noah’s Ark Bible Dinosaurs, Yippee!

Exciting news, if you're a creationist! If you'll remember, a very weird creationist man named Ken Ham, who literally believes the earth is about five minutes old and all the dinosaurs died like eight seconds ago, is building a...
Wonkette Niece fires Donald Trump RIGHT BACK.

Republicans Are Jackholes And So Are Restaurant Customers. Your Weekly Top Ten

Top o' the Saturday morning to you, Wonkers! We assume you are lounged out in your Hello Kitty snuggie, ready to catch up on your Wonket Top Ten reading list from the week. If you're not, then take care of...
I am the thing American Idiots are afraid of.

Syria To Invade Texas This Week, Bye Texas!

Oh, Texas, it was super nice knowing you and letting you be one of our U.S. American states, but there's an invasion coming, and we don't feel like lifting a solitary finger to save you right now, because you...
Don't tell Sarah Palin they weren't really made out of plastic.

What’s Long And Hard And Screws People Over? U.S. Refugee Policy! A Wonksplainer

Running from war and carnage, leaving everything behind, and literally fleeing for your life sounds pretty awful. But America has a long tradition of making life awfuller for refugees seeking some measure of safety and security. Break out your...

Team Trying To Upgrade Ben Carson’s Brain Admits Operation Has Failed

World-class brilliant neurosurgeon Dr. Ben Carson is having a real hard time understanding foreign stuff. Like, he gets that, "In the United States, we have Republicans, Democrats, and independents." But when it comes to other countries, like Israel, which...
Actual wall will be built even more bigly

Donald Trump Has Exciting New Real Estate Opportunity For You, Syria!

What a time to be a Syrian, eh? Murderous clowns to the left of you, racist jokers to the right. And then there's Donald J. Trump, with a once-in-a-lifetime business opportunity you will not want to miss: Mr. Trump said he would...