Tag Archives: jews

  Nice time in Europe anyway

Norway’s Muslims Did Not Get Fox News Memo, Will Do Nice Things For Jews

Not EVERYTHING is terrible
We all know that every single Muslim on this planet is personally responsible for terrorism because, FACT, that’s just how it works. The only exception is if Muslims denounce acts of terror carried out in the name of their faith, which they never do except for when they do actually do that — but even then, not really, let’s face it, they’re all terrorists who should go back to their own country (even if it’s America, get out anyway) because Jesus Thomas H. Jefferson didn’t write the First Amendment of the Bible to protect them. Read more on Norway’s Muslims Did Not Get Fox News Memo, Will Do Nice Things For Jews…
  Nazi is not the new black

Please Stop With The Holocaust Chic, It Is Not Actually A Thing

Maybe they just need some health care?
Sure, some might think this hip new tapestry from Urban Outfitters — yours, for only $69! — might be offensive, but that’s because they just don’t understand fashion. Or maybe they just don’t understand history: Read more on Please Stop With The Holocaust Chic, It Is Not Actually A Thing…
  no heart huckabee

Mike Huckabee: Doing The Gay Is Just Like Swearing, Having a Beer

Huckabee preparing to hold a shotgun to the head of a black American.
Dear practitioners of homogay buttsechs, Mike Huckabee — former Arkansas governor, Baptist minister, once and future failed presidential candidate, once and future Fox News host, Ted Nugent’s buddy (which does not at all make him a big ol’ hypocrite, no you shut up), America’s Great Moral Scold — would like you to know that he would just love to be your friend, because he doesn’t discriminate against friends based on their Lifestyle Choice, even if those Lifestyle Choices will condemn them to an eternity of roasting in perdition’s flames. Gosh, some of his friends use naughty words and drink the devil’s liquid, and Mike Huckabee is still their friend, because he is a Nice Guy. Read more on Mike Huckabee: Doing The Gay Is Just Like Swearing, Having a Beer…
  Here have some news n stuff

President Obama Is Totally Into Science, IMPEACH!

Nerrrrrddddddd
Official White House Photo by Pete Souza Like it isn’t bad enough that President Obama believes in things like birth control, evolution, and climate change — now we find out the guy actually really likes science. Like a total geek: Read more on President Obama Is Totally Into Science, IMPEACH!…
  Ted Talks

Ted Cruz Israel Speech Draws Heavenly Hosannas, By Which We Mean A Buncha Ay-rabs Booed Him Offstage

No we cannot all just get along
Photo by Gage Skidmore Wednesday night at a Washington gala dinner, Ted Cruz gave a keynote speech that ended with him getting booed off the stage. The reason? He made the mistake of praising Israel to a room full of Arabs. Whoops. Either someone on Edmonton Ted’s staff fell down on doing the advance work, or Ted himself really does have the brain of an artichoke. Read more on Ted Cruz Israel Speech Draws Heavenly Hosannas, By Which We Mean A Buncha Ay-rabs Booed Him Offstage…
  Oy Gevalt

Can You Even Milk A Jew? They Are Not Cats

But milk the Jew before you throw him down the well
Oh, golly, did Jim Hoft, the Stupidest Man on the Internet, ever get a scoop Wednesday! Well, not a scoop, exactly, but it’s plenty outrageous, as his screaming headline indicates: “Dem 2014 Campaign Strategy Released Online: Milk the Jews.” And mercy, his dudgeon is set at a high level indeed: Read more on Can You Even Milk A Jew? They Are Not Cats…
  thank goodness

Hero Anti-Gay Scouting Group Will Also Save Your Children From Mormons And Jews

You might remember that last year, a bunch of angry conservative Christians decided to take their toys and go home because the Boy Scouts were no longer going to stone gays to death. They created a nonsense organization called Trail Life aka Purity Scouts that promised that instead of cramming the gay down your kids’ throats, they’d shove some good old-fashioned religion all the way down there instead. Oh, except for that part where if your religion is Mormon or Jewish or any other of them funny not-Jesus religions, your throat cannot be rammed full of conservative goodness. Read more on Hero Anti-Gay Scouting Group Will Also Save Your Children From Mormons And Jews…
  #cancelkaili

Republican Goyim Go To Vegas To Dance Hora For Jew Dollars, Hilarity Ensues Oy

In case you missed it because you were taking your bubbe to shul, Republicans gathered in Las Vegas on Saturday to beg Republican Jews — all two and a half of them — to give them Jew dollars for their 2016 presidential aspirations. This is a thing Republicans do sometimes because even though American Jews are overwhelmingly Democrats, and in fact “the most strongly liberal, Democratic groups in U.S. politics,” there is this one Jew and his name is Sheldon Adelson and he has SOOO many Jew dollars and he is not a Democrat. In 2012, he spent eleventy billion trillion and thirteen of his Jew dollars supporting Newt Gingrich, which was a terrific investment for Adelson, since Newt is now our president. So you can see why Republicans think it is very important to woo him. He is also on the board of the Republican Jewish Coalition, which is quite possibly the most meaningless Jewish coalition since Jews for Sarah Palin. (We had a secret Jew meeting a few years back and decided we hate the shit out of Palin. She has failed to endear herself to us since then.) Read more on Republican Goyim Go To Vegas To Dance Hora For Jew Dollars, Hilarity Ensues Oy…
  rapture of the derp

Michele Bachmann So Disappointed American Jews Don’t Recognize That Obama Is The Antichrist

Like a lot of your rightwing fundagelicals, Michele Bachmann is a big believer in the old Chick tract “Support Your Local Jew,” so she knows that the most important country in the world, next to maybe America, is Israel, because that’s where Jesus will come to end the world. And so if Israel is unhappy about an American policy, that’s not just international politics, that’s an affront to God. Which explains why ol’ Crazy Eyes is especially ticked at American Jews for not recognizing the self-evident truth that Barack Obama is bad for the Jews. You see, Obama went and reached a preliminary nuclear deal with Iran, and then he went and manage to convince Congress not to vote for any new sanctions on Iran while negotiators try to reach a permanent deal. This did not sit well with Michele Bachmann, protector of Israel — in fact, it’s a chaleria that so many Jews voted for the gonif. Read more on Michele Bachmann So Disappointed American Jews Don’t Recognize That Obama Is The Antichrist…
  you know who else loved hitler?

Tila Tequila Doesn’t Hate Jews, She Just Loves Hitler And Would Like Some Attention, Is That So Wrong?

Hey man, Tila Tequila (you don’t know her; she’s this girl) does not hate Jews okay, she does not know how many times she has to say it, she is totally cool with Jews and would probably not genocide them or even murder them and this one time she even felt sorry for WWII prisoners of war so obviously she can never be anti-semitic, she is just asking questions, well she is not so Read more on Tila Tequila Doesn’t Hate Jews, She Just Loves Hitler And Would Like Some Attention, Is That So Wrong?…
  Stop aborting plastic Jesus

Sarah Palin Dumbsplains To Lamestream Media That ‘A Plastic Jewish Family’ Is The Reason For The Season

Terrible news from the frontlines of the War on People Who Refuse to Believe There is a War on Christmas Because There Is Not Actually a War on Christmas. Apparently, according to Sarah Palin, who knows all about it because she hired someone to ghostwrite a book for her on this very subject, lawyered-up atheists and the lamestream media are trying to abort Jesus. Plus also too something about Thomas Jefferson: Palin said Jefferson would likely agree that secularists had set their sights on destroying the religious themes in Christmas celebrations. “He would recognize those who would want to try to ignore that Jesus is the reason for the season, those who would want to try to abort Christ from Christmas,” she said. “He would recognize that, for the most part, these are angry atheists armed with an attorney. They are not the majority of Americans.” Palin said there was a double standard that protected atheists at the expense of the religious. “Why is it they get to claim some offense taken when they see a plastic Jewish family on somebody’s lawn — a nativity scene, that’s basically what it is right?” she said. “Oh, they take such offense, though. They say that it physically even can hurt them and mentally it distresses them so they sue, right?” Yup, Thomas Jefferson, “having spent his summers here, having spent influential years here, two miles away from Liberty University,” (founded by Jerry Falwell in 1971, but pffft, details) would probably definitely agree with everything Sarah Palin says. You just can’t argue with an airtight fact like that. Read more on Sarah Palin Dumbsplains To Lamestream Media That ‘A Plastic Jewish Family’ Is The Reason For The Season…
  why is anti-semitism?

Pine Bush, New York, Jews Forcing Normal Kids To Beat Them Up By Being Jewish

Some Jews in Pine Bush, New York, are really fucking up everything for this one nice school district in their blatant “money grab” (such Jews!) lawsuit just because their kids were constantly getting beaten up for being Jews, and having swastikas drawn on their faces for being Jews, and having coins flung at them for being Jews, and some other totally normal stuff you would do to Jews. After all, it is not the fault of Pine Bush, where nice grown ups just stone cold volunteer to New York Times reporters that all those Jews aren’t wanted there, nor is it the fault of school administrators, who are like, “wouldn’t it be easier if you just moved?” Read more on Pine Bush, New York, Jews Forcing Normal Kids To Beat Them Up By Being Jewish…
  bailout cry-babies

AIG CEO Upset At Being ‘Lynched’ By Taxpayers, With Words

You know what’s hard? Being yelled at for being rich and kinda douchey. Sometimes, wittle fee-fees get boo-boos on them, ginormous egos might get an owwie, and the only thing to cushion the blow is millions of dollars to soak up the tears. For Robert Benmosche, the CEO who took over AIG in 2008 after it helped crash the global economy and then got bailed out by taxpayers, the pain caused by public outrage over HUGE bonuses was more than just hurt feelings. There is only one historical analogy that is appropriate, per WaPo: The uproar over bonuses “was intended to stir public anger, to get everybody out there with their pitchforks and their hangman nooses, and all that — sort of like what we did in the Deep South [decades ago]. And I think it was just as bad and just as wrong.” Yes, we all remember how the KKK gave millions of dollars to all the black folks and then yelled at them for being so incredibly rich. It was a dark, shameful time in American history. Read more on AIG CEO Upset At Being ‘Lynched’ By Taxpayers, With Words…
  Two bigots walked into a bar ...

Virginia Teabagger Tells Hi-larious Joke About How Jews Like Money, Hardy Har Har, Vote For Ken Cuccinelli!

Oh, Virginia, your Republicans are ever so charming. You’ve got state attorney general and wannabe-but-not-gonna-be governor Ken Cuccinelli, hero of the tea party and hater of ladies and the buttsex, and yet somehow, he’s not even the craziest candidate on the ballot. (That distinct honor goes to Ewwwwwwww Jackson, candidate for lieutenant governor.) And then you’ve got this charming fella, one Mr. John Whitbeck, 10th Congressional District Republican Committee chairman, who spoke at a teabagger rally on Tuesday for the Cooch, and regaled the crowd with a HI-larious joke “in which the head of the Jewish religion presented the pope with a long, elaborate document that the Jewish leader said was a bill for the last supper.” HAHAHAHAHA! Good one! But don’t get all politically correct police on him because that joke was not — NOT — anti-Semitic. He said so, ergo, it is true! Read more on Virginia Teabagger Tells Hi-larious Joke About How Jews Like Money, Hardy Har Har, Vote For Ken Cuccinelli!…
  one of these things is not like the other

Pennsylvania GOP Governor Logically Compares Gay People To Dumb Little Children

Pennsylvania Republican Governor Tom Corbett is not a happy man. He is bound and determined to stop a county-level municipal employee from spreading human rights and dignity, because that is not appropriate on Corbett’s watch. Since July 24, a Montgomery County official, D. Bruce Hanes, has been issuing marriage licenses to any old Adam and Steve who apply — and has issued 154 marriage licenses to sodomites and lesbomites since then. Gov. Corbett knows that ya gotta keep a close eye on that shit, or pretty soon traditional marriage will be destroyed, which would force cows and goats to marry pineapples, obviously. Gov. Corbett’s administration is not taking this promotion of basic decency sitting down — they are fighting it in court, per Philly.com: In a brief Wednesday, state attorneys said those marriage licenses were never valid, and compared gay and lesbian couples to “12-year-olds” who are also barred from marrying under state law. Come on, 12-year-olds… everyone knows you need to go to Alabama. But while you work on getting those parental consent forms, let’s wonksplore this Pennsylvania issue some more.  Read more on Pennsylvania GOP Governor Logically Compares Gay People To Dumb Little Children…
  sneaky radical leftist jews and you

Larry Klayman Continues Clogging Legal System Toilets With His Own Digestive Expulsions

Remember that episode of “Litigious Larry Klayman’s Legal Wonderland Fun Times” last summer when we told you about allegations, made by Klayman’s ex-wife during a custody battle over their kids, that Litigious Larry had maybe touched his children inappropriately in their swimsuit areas? And how the magistrate in the original hearing said that although there was no evidence of sexual abuse, he believed that Klayman had behaved in “a grossly inappropriate manner” with the children? And then he took away Klayman’s visitation rights and made Larry pay his ex-wife a boatload of money? And then Larry appealed, and the judge who heard the appeal slapped him down, and the Ohio Supreme Court refused to order those lower courts to reverse their decisions, and one would think that was the end of the road. After all, Litigious Larry is a busy guy, what with all the other lawsuits he is always filing and losing and the citizens’ grand juries he is always empaneling to indict Obama for doing something or other. But not our hero, Litigious Larry, who will never stop fighting until everyone knows just how much of an asshole he truly is. While waiting for the Ohio Supreme Court to smack him around, he sued every news organization under the sun except Your Wonkette for reporting on the original sexual abuse allegations. A couple of weeks ago the news organizations responded by filing a motion to dismiss saying, in essence, that the one statement that Larry was upset about with his original suit is an accurate summation of the findings of both the magistrate and the appeals court that upheld his original decision. So how is Litigious Larry responding  to this outrageous truth-based defense? By suing for defamation the magistrate who ruled against him in the first place. Whew, are you as tired of reading that explanation as we are of writing it? Read more on Larry Klayman Continues Clogging Legal System Toilets With His Own Digestive Expulsions…
  when you're a jew you're a jew all the way

Larry Klayman: That Judge Was A Jew!

Earlier this week, we brought you the Happy Funtimes Leagle Beagle News that open suer Larry Klayman, famous in the olden days for subpoenaing Bill Clinton’s penis like three times a day (and also Dick Cheney’s Energy Task Force records, because “nonpartisan” or something) and famous recently for representing twin Lights Bradlee Dean and Sheriff Joe Arpaio, had filed a $1.4 million lawsuit against Village Voice Media, CityPages, the Phoenix New Times, and pretty much everyone who wasn’t Your Wonket, for saying he might have touched his children in their swimsuit area. How, we keened, was this even fair??? Well, it turned out we weaseled out of a lawsuit the old-fashioned way: by pointing out in our story that just because a magistrate found evidence of “grossly inappropriate” touching, and just because the appeals judge let the magistrate’s finding stand despite Klayman’s objections, and just because Klayman constantly pleaded the Fifth in his civil divorce case regarding same, did not mean he was actually guilty of it. (We pointed this out because we are liberals and also because — STOP LAUGHING — we are “fair.”) But it seems we might have bitched about being left out too soon! Because we finally read the complaint, and buried in there is a lil’ poop nugget about how the complaint might get amended to sue us, eventually, by name! Also buried in there, but not as buried, is the reason Klayman is able to assert malice and negligence on the part of CityPages, New Times, VVM, et al.: because when they reported on this official court finding via an official court document, they did not point out that the judge was biased against Larry Klayman because that judge was a Jew. Read more on Larry Klayman: That Judge Was A Jew!…
  letters of note

Black Guy Writes Pretty Awesome Letter About Jews

Thomas Lopez-Pierre, who is running for the New York City Council, has done wrote a doozy of a letter about how he loves boning Jewesses (he doesn’t say so, but it is totally because we got boobs), and once tried to slash the throats of some other black kids (with a broken bottle!) who were beating up some young Hasids and trying to steal off with their hats, and would like to remind us all that Jewishes have fought and died alongside African Americans for civil rights, and tons of other stuff! He just doesn’t like it when we are greedy. Who can blame him? We do not like slumlords either, but that is usually because they are slumlords, not so much because “Jew.” Let us travel through Thomas Lopez-Pierre’s brain, because that place is Party Central Celebrate Good Times Come On! Read more on Black Guy Writes Pretty Awesome Letter About Jews…
  i remember zion

‘The New Republic’ Singularly Unsuccessful At Purging Its Jews

If there’s one place that Jewish people are overrepresented vis a vis their share of the population, it is in banking Hollywood the Bilderberg Group magazines and the Internet. You cannot swing a dead cat without hitting a woman named, like, “Rebecca Schoenkopf” or “Sarah Steinberg” or “Rachel Schoenkopf Steinberg” or whatnot. But we have bad news, Jews! Word comes this morning that The New Republic is purging all its Jews! Why? Because the Washington Free Beacon says so! Let us examine the first and then the second-to-last paragraphs of the Free Beacon’s journalism, and see what we might find! The New Republic has quietly dropped at least five prominent Jewish writers from its masthead in a move that may signal the publication’s continued drift away from a staunchly pro-Israel standpoint. [Snip!] Seven additional writers have been dropped from the newly redesigned masthead. Huh. Well. Er? Good story, Washington Free Beacon! Definitely bringing needed attention to … something! Read more on ‘The New Republic’ Singularly Unsuccessful At Purging Its Jews…
  why are the sources of anti-semitism

Things We Learned From Our Neighbor Last Night, About ‘The Jews’

The Jews funded WWI so they could spread out. The Jews took advantage of Germany and took all its wealth and if they hadn’t, how would one maniac be able to convince an entire country to kill them? We wouldn’t have a problem with race in this country if the Media (Jews) did/did not point out that armed robbers are black. Every Jew our neighbor has ever met was a cool dude. He’s just asking questions, bro. He’s just asking questions! Like why does everyone hate the Jews if they aren’t stirring shit up? Global warming is caused by the sun. There is a race of blue-eyed, blond-haired tall aliens in the middle of our hollow earth. Read more on Things We Learned From Our Neighbor Last Night, About ‘The Jews’…
  tits or g.t.f.o.

Pamela Geller: Obama Is Naziest Nazi Who Ever Nazied, Totally Gonna Kill All The Jews

You would think that we could no longer be surprised by either Pamela Geller or WND, but this did set us back on our ripe yet slender haunches: How long do Jews have in Obama’s America? How long before we can’t walk down the street with a kippah or a Star of David? This is already reality for Belgium Jews, Swedish Jews and French Jews. Large portions of Norway are already Judenrein. And why is Obama going to round up the Jews and make them wear yellow stars for the crime of wearing Stars of David? Because … food stamps. Read more on Pamela Geller: Obama Is Naziest Nazi Who Ever Nazied, Totally Gonna Kill All The Jews…