Tag: jesus

‘Fox & Friends’ Jackholes Know Who Will Pick The Next President And It Is Jesus

One of the most comforting things about America is how multiple times every day, the various chicken-brained dickwhistles who work at Fox News will get on the TV and say something amazingly stupid for us to laugh at. This...
The Yoogest Story Ever Told

Donald Trump Needs Jesus, Dammit

<a href="http://wonkette.com/593464/sarah-palin-knows-donald-trumps-favorite-bible-verse-is-all-of-them-katie"></a>One of the best things about this stupid Republican primary has been Donald J. Trump the New York Values thrice-marryer trying to convince wingnut Christians he's actually one of them. He LOVES going to church and partaking of the wine...

Good Christian Girls Riding Dildos Straight To Hell

Listen, sisters in Christ, we need to talk. Have you thought about, if you were to die right this second, where you would spend eternity? Will you get to sit in Jesus's lap while He tells you all the...
Strange, we keep finding reasons to use this

Mississippi: You Call That A Gay-Hatin’ Bill, North Carolina? THIS Is A Gay-Hatin’ Bill!

Doesn't it feel like we're taking a little bus tour of U.S. America these days, to see the new, enchanted ways everybody's coming up with to screw the gays and the BLTs? Today we are in Mississippi, where Republican Gov....

Mickey Mouse Murders Jesus Christ, Wingnuts Outraged

Well, folks, it's hunting season. In fact, the Christians seem to have overbred this year, and so "They" (AKA big corporations like Disney AKA Mickey Mouse and all his pals) have declared "open season" on Christians. Wait what? That's unpossible! But...
Sarah Palin calculates in her head how many of Bristol's "chances" will turn into out-of-wedlock babies.

Sarah Palin So Happy Donald Trump’s Jewish Grandbaby Born On Easter, Just Like Jesus!

OK SPOILER ALERT, we know Jesus wasn't born on Easter, first of all. But does Sarah Palin know that? Well He sure did something that day, over there in Nazareth, otherwise why did we hide the moose eggs all...

Pope Foot Fetish Can’t Stop Washing Dirty Muslim Feets

It's Holy Week! Easter's coming, the chocolate bunnies are doing fertility to each other's bunny-ginas, the Christs are 'bout to BRB, and Pope Nice-Nice AKA Francis is hunkered over washing up some feet again, like a common Jesus of...

Your Aborted Baby Will Go To Heaven And Play Harps For Huggy Jesus

It must have been tough to make fun of televangelists on the regular back in the day. You could probably only watch three or four of them a weekend, tops, before you'd get blackout drunk or blow your brains...
Troll so hard

Elizabeth Warren Chops Off Donald Trump’s Manhood, Mounts It Above Fireplace

What were we JUST saying about how Republican menfolk are a-scurred of Elizabeth Warren? Oh yeah, it was that thing where a no-name GOP representative from Missouri was sadly wishing somebody would go to the Senate and slice off...

Dumb Duggar Boy Won’t Let Satan Finger His Sisters Again

Hey, Jesus Lovers, OMG OMG OMG, are you so excited about watching TV tonight? No, not the primaries! What are you, some kind of politically minded DORKASS? No, we are talking about the premiere of the new season of "Duggar Diddles...

Stabby Ben Carson Says Violence Is Sometimes The Answer

Everybody is giving Donald Trump SO MUCH grief right now, just because his supporters are a bunch of violent, "poorly educated" thugs who hate everybody who's smarter and less filled with trans fat and bitterness than they are. But...
Which one is the grossest? Yes!

Jesus Sends Josh Duggar’s Penis Home From Sex Rehab With Clean Bill Of Health

Hide your kids, hide your wives, hide your sisters, hide your dogs, hide your other sisters, hide your porn stars, hide your mom, hide your granny, hide your Ashley Madison password, BASICALLY HIDE EVERYTHING that has a vagina or...
Soon, she will be feeding the tree of liberty.

Idaho Defends Crucial Parental Right To Let Own Kids Die For Funsies

Oh, Idaho. Poor, sad, desperately WTF Idaho, the Florida of the part of the country you always forget exists. What the H-E-double hockey sticks are you up to now? Oh, just protecting the right of parents to let their children die,...

Georgia Republican Gov. Nathan Deal Thinks ‘Religious Liberty’ Laws Are Real Dumb, Y’all

Gov. Nathan Deal of Georgia is a Republican. A super Republican. He thinks Syrian refugees are gross, because WWJD, and he wants to make sure that if any of those icky people get into Georgia, they won't be allowed to...

GOP Candidates Pledge To Bend Over For Donald Trump’s Beautiful Penis In November

If you're like many Republicans, you know that Donald J. Trump is NOT going to Make America Great Again, is NOT as tremendous as he thinks he is, and also probably has one of those little tiny penises that looks...
That's his "I'm going to pull over this car!" face.

Speaker Paul Ryan Will Swat Donald Trump On His Bottom For Being Naughty Racist

If there's one thing that makes Republicans say "Oh my stars!" and "Well I never!" it is racism. STOP LAUGHING, we are not done writing this lede yet. As we all know, Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King, Jr....