jesus

You remember all the Bible stories about Jesus hating on the lepers and ostracizing the prostitutes and generally being mean to people not like Him? He was constantly a Divine Dick to all manners of people considered ‘sinners,’ because that’s what religion is all about. The Arizona state legislature has taken those religious lessons to […]

We knew it might happen. We hoped for the best. We had a campaign poster contest. And now we have the candidate. The Tennessean reports: Former “Saturday Night Live” cast member Victoria Jackson wants her next act to be as a Williamson County Commissioner. Jackson, who moved to Thompson’s Station last year, is petitioning as […]

Well, here is some happy news for 2014. The GOP is losing another battle in one of it’s ongoing wars. Are we talking about the war on women? No. How about the war on health care? Nope. War on Christmas? No, not that war either (we know — so many wars to keep track of). […]

As a special War On Boxing Day gift, we bring you this Canadian Broadcasting Corp. interview with Yaron Brook, the president and executive director of the Ayn Rand Institute. He was delighted to clear up a few things about Christmas, especially the idea that it’s become “too commercial”: I think the real true meaning of […]

We know everyone is shocked — SHOCKED — that a conservative christian reality teevee star thinks that gays are super-icky because who would want buttsechs in the bumbum when the sweet sweet vajayjay is RIGHT THERE for the taking?!? In fact, we know many women who completely agree that the vajayjay is, indeed, rather awesome. […]

Happy Saturday, Wonquistadores! Every week, our web browsers overflow with a fetid slop of stories that were too stoopid to ignore altogether, but not quite worth full posts of their own. Then we mop up the mess and wring out the smelly excess into a big old bucket we call the Derp Roundup. Add grain […]

You know what sucks about being an American? When the big bad government steps in and says that you have to treat all people the same, even if they are not like you. First, they came for our lunch counters, and now they are coming for our discrimination against gays. Luckily, there are some patriotic […]

Here’s one way to talk about a fictional character: When I was a kid, I knew two different Santa Clauses. The first had a fat belly, rosy cheeks, a long white beard, and skin as pink as bubble gum … Then there was the Santa in my family’s household … A near-carbon copy of the […]

Terrible news from the frontlines of the War on People Who Refuse to Believe There is a War on Christmas Because There Is Not Actually a War on Christmas. Apparently, according to Sarah Palin, who knows all about it because she hired someone to ghostwrite a book for her on this very subject, lawyered-up atheists […]

Great Protector of Christmas Bill O’Reilly has these tidings of comfort and joy for you, America: Yeah, sure, Jesus fed the poor and he wants people to feed the poor. But is that any reason to feed the poor? In a spirited chat with yes-man priest Fr. Gerald Murray (with easily dismissed contributions from token […]

Uh-oh, you guys. It looks like Costco has made White American Jesus shed some tears from his shiny, manly blue eyes. In an obvious move to persecute Christians, Costco set up a lion pit and began throwing Christians into it. Not really, because that would actually be persecution. Rather, Costco accidentally labeled some Bibles as […]

Jerry Boykin is on a mission to rescue Jesus from those faggy Eye-Talian artists that painted him as some kind of wimpy homo ladyboy. The retired lieutenant-general, now executive VP of the Family Research Council, told a Men’s Prayer Breakfast at William Jessup University that we’ve got to stop thinking of Jesus as a skinny […]

Sternums up, everybody! Time to wrap up our visit to the mind of Great American Artist Of America Jon McNaughton, as revealed in his teen novel Knight of the Superstitions. It’s a stirring tale of a young Mary Sue named Josh Knight, who with the help of his guardian angel Nathaniel becomes adept at seeing […]

Hey, whores, good news! You know how we’ve all had a major case of the sads ever since President Obama started personally force-feeding slut pills down our throats and infamying America like 9/11 and Pearl Harbor? Thankfully, the D.C. Court of Appeals has ruled that we don’t need no stinkin’ ladyparts health care after all, […]