Who’s classy now? Florida, again, as always! Here’s the new “vanity plate,” featuring America’s favorite (?) Christian star, Dead Jesus Hanging Off a License Plate With an Orange Behind His Head. This is gonna look sweet with a brass pair of Truck Nutz swingin’ down below. [The Awl]

Oh here’s Mr. Teleprompter Snob, the president, who apparently thinks he’s president or something, the way he is photographed here in a common business suit. But who’s that hovering over his shoulder? Sure, it’s the real president from the 1790s, George Washington. And what is that hippie sort of ghost face on the left? Why that is Jesus Christ. And what in the hell is over Jesus the Christ’s head? Why that is Darth Vader. Barack Obama has no respect for our blurry forefathers, blurry fathers who have gone to the dark side after being chopped up by Obi-Wan Kenobi, and our fading religious figures. [White House/Pete Souza]

Here, once again from our Wonkette operative “Danielle,” is a frightening truckload of Jesus corpses, being delivered to the FCC headquarters. Send your scenes from the office window to tips@wonkette.com, subject line THE HORROR I’VE WITNESSED.

There is no finer Yuletide tradition than kidnapping or decapitating the hated Baby Jesus dolls put out in public at this time of year by the very people who would be most upset by the kidnapping or decapitation of Baby Jesus dolls. It is a terrible outrage, this thing that happens every year, everywhere. Let’s enjoy a Children’s Treasury of 2008 Childish Attacks on U.S. Nativity Scenes. Talk about making the Baby Jesus cry! MORE »

We sort of already mentioned this, but apparently not enough, as every single email tip to Wonkette today is about the Invincible Cone of Silence and how John McCain was in his “straight talk” limo watching porn instead of humbly contemplating the Terrible Mystery of Jebus within Rick Warren’s meth-massage Silence Cone. But how is this Barack Obama’s fault? MORE »

Oh good gravy there is a special election event at the world-famous giant suburban church somewhere. Let us pray about our purpose-driven liveblogging, which could happen, IF THE LORD WILZ IT. Oh it’s starting maybe, let’s find out if it’s on teevee, and who will be president of 22,000 bored people in “Lake Forest, California,” where there’s no lake and no forest. MORE »

Some mega-suburban evangelical church in Southern California will be the scene of the most epic political battle since Jesus took on the Romans: Saturday at 5 p.m. (8 p.m. Eastern), Obama and McCain will be locked in soundproof glass torture chambers while a goateed “powerful evangelical” hobbit will chillingly ask them questions about religions and whatnot. MORE »

Some dingbat state Republican leader says John McCain is “kind of like Jesus.” Because they were both born 2,000 years ago? No! It’s because, according to Georgia Republican Party chairwoman Sue Everhart, John McCain never denounced the United States when he was a war prisoner — just like Christ, when he was in ‘Nam. Ha ha, but McCain did denounce the United States. Explore the idiocy, after the jump. MORE »