Tag: jesus fucking christ

New York Times Breaks Story Of Astonishing New Trend: Women Have Lunch Together, Eat Salads, Discuss Stuff

Oh, New York Times, you never fail to amaze us with your serious investigative journamalism into the strange and mysterious creature that is Woman. How often does Hillary Clinton sleep with her husband? How is being a successful career...

Here’s Some Sex Cartoon of the Devil Boning Rick Santorum Or Something

Those Taiwanese animators are sure having some sexytime fun with Rick Santorum. It is important to wonder if these Taiwanese animators are even American, the way they attack our most precious institutions (Satan, Rick Santorum).

Fancy Old Man In Bejeweled Golden Hat Warns of ‘Christmas Glitter’

A creepy old priest-king clad in Prada slippers, flowing robes of silken embroidery and an enormous bejeweled golden hat warned Christians that the true meaning of Christmas was being lost to a sinful pursuit of "glitter." The man, former...

Michele Bachmann Leaves ‘Gay Marcus’ Out of Family Xmas Video

Oh look, Michele Bachmann doesn't even know the names of the random "children" she assembled to make this dumb Christmas video to remind everyone that her gay husband Marcus is so gay that he's not even allowed in the...

Obama Won’t Veto Law That Turns Military Into ‘Domestic Police Force’

Hooray, the White House now says that President Obama won't veto the National Defense Authorization Act. It flew through the House today and should pass the Senate shortly. Along with the usual gazillion dollars for the Pentagon to buy...

Pat Robertson Mystified By Strange African-American Thanksgiving Ritual

The Pat Robertson teevee show has been desegregated, apparently by force, and now allows a Negress interviewer to interview "her kind" (Condoleezza Rice). What are the mysterious black people up to, this Thanksgiving? The hip-hop? Smokin' crack? Crunking? Voodoo?...

Fox News Names White House Shooting Suspect ‘Occupy Shooter’

Remember yesterday when we were all making satirical jokes about how Fox News would call the angry bum arrested for allegedly shooting at the White House some symbol of the #OccupyWallStreet protests? Well, that happened. Today. The turnaround time...

Child Prodigy At DC Paper Bravely (Cautiously) Mentions Occupy Wall St.

Middle-aged yuppie child Ezra Klein is exactly the sort of youth welcomed at the dying Washington Post. Permanently cautious and nervously polite, quick to distance himself from ancient youthful indiscretion of a couple of years ago, inherently middle of...

BBC Business News Guest Warns of Total World Economic Collapse

Via the Washington journalist Christopher Mims, here's the most terrifying BBC video clip we've seen since those Daleks gobsmacked the Queen Mum. It's worth watching the whole three minutes:

ATF Chief Who Funneled Illegal Arms To Mexico ‘Punished’ By Reassignment To Obama’s Justice Dept.

What happens when the nation's chief of weapons enforcement is caught running an illegal weapons operation that funnels guns to Mexico's murderous drug cartels? He gets reassigned to the Justice Department, hahaha: Reuters has this comical report: The head of the...

Russia and Exxon Make Deal To Carve Up Arctic For Oil

It's a good thing Russia isn't full of Commie Rooskies anymore, and is instead ruled with an iron fist by a fascist kleptocracy -- America's biggest energy company just cut a deal with Russia's state-run oil company to kill...

VIDEO: Idiot Michele Bachmann Asks White People, ‘Who Likes White Wet People?’

Who likes white people? Uhh, everybody except for black people and brown people and yellow people, we guess? Also, many actual white people don't much like white people, having read a history book or two. But Michele Bachmann is...

Michele Bachmann Sucks a Footlong, Is President of Iowa

2012 Fever is on the rise in Iowa, where hollow-eyed pillhead Michele Bachmann easily took the footlong patriotic corndog of freedom and also won the Iowa "Ames Straw Poll." This is great news for America's Comedy Industry, and sad...

Schmaltz Artist Pulls American Jesus Prints From ‘Liberal’ BYU Shop

Did you hear about liberal hate site "Groupon" sponsoring the racist Donald Trump's racism? Groupon, you're fired! What's next? How about those liberals at the Mormon university? Yeah, how about them? A guy who makes prints of Jesus and...

Wingnut Mob Now Boycotting Superman, Because He Hates America

When even the nation's beloved cartoon superheroes are saying "Eh, fuck this place and your loser god," your country might be on the "wrong track." So here's mythical metrosexual King of America and lamestream media reporter Clark "Superman" Kent...

Clarence Thomas Gladly Reads Amoral Decision Against Innocent Black Guy Who Spent 14 Years On Death Row

Fringe-right corporate lackey Clarence Thomas has famously kept his mouth shut during most of his 20 years on the Supreme Court, because how could anyone improve upon Antonin Scalia's insane bullshit? But on Tuesday, Clarence Thomas cheerfully took the...