So we were flipping through Christianity Today — we read it for the articles! — and saw that the Religious Right doesn’t want to be called the Religious Right anymore, because they are losers, and they have failed, finally. What to call these Trans-fat Taliban of the Unemployed American Heartland? Let’s have a fun poll! MORE »

There were always two of them, at America’s favorite comedy blog, National Review Online. It was the Rule of the Two, as written by Dark Lord Reagan, on Dagoba. “Kathleen” would be a clever writer and kind of funny and attractive, although still a terrible Fascist, and “Kathryn” would be, well, “K-Lo.” Obviously, the smarter of the two would eventually be forced to admit that Sarah Palin is a dumb cretin. And now this one, Kathleen Parker, is touching herself in a tub of Holy Water, while smoking her last cigarette and laughing at the idiot bible-thumpers who ruined the Republican Party, forever. This is all in the Washington Post! MORE »

Times are tough, and nothing is funny, but sometimes the “real” God (the Economy) plays an amusing prank on various fools who bet on the fake god: “Oral Roberts University will lay off about 100 employees, days after it agreed to a near-$450,000 separation agreement with its former president who resigned amid a spending scandal. The layoffs represent roughly 10 percent of the university’s work force.” PS: You don’t really need to go to “university” to be a religious nut, so don’t worry! [Associated Press/NewsOK]

Oh good gravy there is a special election event at the world-famous giant suburban church somewhere. Let us pray about our purpose-driven liveblogging, which could happen, IF THE LORD WILZ IT. Oh it’s starting maybe, let’s find out if it’s on teevee, and who will be president of 22,000 bored people in “Lake Forest, California,” where there’s no lake and no forest. MORE »

When God decided that fundamentalist Christians would have to be poor and obese, he gave them a consolation prize: Their churches could have tacky letterboard signs out front, just like those equipment rental warehouses out on the frontage road or county highway. These signs are used to share comical slogans with the heathens who race by in their fancy foreign cars with “airbags” and “valid registrations.” One such church in South Carolina recently put up this great message: OBAMA OSAMA HUMM ARE THEY BROTHERS, apparently meaning it to say, “Obama and Osama — Hmm, are they brothers?” MORE »

Dingbat diaperman David Vitter caught earmarking a hundred grand for creationist nuts. [NOLA]

* Tony Blair is bigger than a poodle, he’s really much closer to like a Jack Russel Terrier or a Beagle or something. [The Sun]
* And he just got pretty much the shittiest reassignment ever. [LGF]
* Bush has to change his policy on Iraq or else a long time from now there may be enough votes in the Senate to cut off war funding. By then, all of America will speak Spanish and most American cities will be like Houston in the film Rollerball. [Passport]
* It’s sort of sweet that Rudy Guiliani so loves to felate, but he really should take a second to come up for air. [Pandagon]
* Tancredo finds his voice through vegetables. [CNN]
* The sword is in fact mightier than the pen, it turns out. [Iraq Slogger]
* What, so now all of a sudden you believe in science? Nice try, nutcase. [Hot Air]
* Pointing out Mexican inferiority and latent homosexuality is far more constructive a solution to the immigration situation than any fence ever could be. [IMAO]
* Republicans get all misty thinking of the good ol’ days under Bill “Honest Abe ” Frist. [Redstate]
* There are so many successful New York politicians in the race for president, it’s high time to get a couple of failed ones into the mix. [Political Insider]
* The surge is working, depending on what you mean by “surge” and “working.” [WorldWideStandard]

All that hard work, all those years of shaking hands and smiling and writing a picture book about houses or whatever … for nothing! Handsome boy John Edwards blew it by mentioning Israel in a possibly not-100% flattering light at a Hollywood talent agency meet & greet last month. Peter Bart mentioned the incident in a January 19 column on Variety.com, but it took the brave Israel defenders at National Review Online to blog it up today.

Say good-bye to Johny Edwards, after the jump.

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Tennessee Governor Phil Bredesen likes to paint pictures, because many politicians like to make crazy art. Bredesen visited U.S. troops in Afghanistan in March and met a girl who is now allowed to go to school — a welcome bit of good news in our War On Everything. So he painted a picture of the girl for his annual Christmas Card. Hooray for America and the Troops and Afghanistan and Freedom, right?

No, wrong. What are you, a Ku Klux Klan grand lizard who killed Martin Luther King Jr. on Martin Luther King Jr. Day? Let’s get busy with the crazy, after the jump.

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