jesus

We will admit that there are well-meaning arguments on both sides of the debate about whether it is wise to generously fund America’s space program. On the one hand, ‘Merica needs that relatively tiny amount of money for lots of other things probably. On the other hand, space is pretty fucking dope. You’ll note that […]

We never fail to be amused by WND’s shameless overuse of the word “exclusive” to refer to basically every post on their nonsense site. One of their latest exciting exclusives comes from our old friend Alan Keyes, who wrote an entire post about how one of his imaginary Facebook friends asked him a question, and […]

Hey, y’all hear about this burgeoning crisis of little children sent by their anguished, desperate parents alone to America? If your sole source of news is this here Wonket, you didn’t, because “unaccompanied minors flooding into the nation by the thousands and then getting locked in tiny baby jails” is not easily festooned with dick […]

Remember how back in 2012 or so the Mormons decided to be kinder gentler Mormons, and you had to endure one million of those billboards with a carefully curated racially diverse selection of Mormons? And they had to be racially diverse ads because of that whole thing where Mormons didn’t let black people be priests […]

In virginity news, let us now examine Swedish photographer David Magnusson’s photographs of fathers and virginal daughters at their purity balls. What is a purity ball, you ask? Oh, just a formal ceremony where a daughter pledges not to experience natural, healthy sexual pleasure in any way, shape, or form until she’s married, of course. […]

Like we always do at this time, some Happy Nice Time links to round out your day. John Oliver made us, for a brief shining moment, care about net neutrality. You slept on your chance to buy that house where Cameron accidentally kicked the Ferrari through the big glass window in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. […]

We never remember which Christian sect is which, so we’d lost track of the fact that there’s some Baptists that don’t like demon rum, so much so that a Baptist college fired a dude for having his face and beard grace a beer can. Charleston Southern University associate professor Paul Roof says the school fired […]

The kids are our future, so we should treasure them and take care of each individual precious snowflake child, each of whom is a gift from God or Allah or Spirit Pasta or whatever. But you know what? Skinny snowflakes suck. Don’t you like fat, enormous snowflakes? So do Republicans, which is why they continue […]

We always enjoy a good wingnut-on-wingnut squirmish, and here’s a dandy: “Young-Earth” creationist Ken Ham, the squirrel (or perhaps Cronopio dentiacutus) who “debated” Bill Nye at the Creation Museum a while back, is very, very cross with fellow rightwing Christianist Pat Robertson because Robertson recently said that the Earth is not, in fact, six thousand […]

Guns. Hot damn, if we all don’t want bigger, badder, better guns! Pew! Pew! Pew! America, Fuck Yeah, Second Amendment, NRA, freedoms, and all that jazz! Am I right! And if we occasionally need to feed the Tree Of Liberty with the blood of dozens of schoolchildren, then so be it, because GUNS ARE TEH […]

Hey ladies! How’s it hanging? And by “it,” I mean your engorged clitoris, which you are currently diddling because of Satan and lust and sadness and idolatry and the “void” that is your ginny. Let’s all get out our hand mirrors and hold them up to inspect … OUR SOULS! READ MORE

Sure, there’s your Glenn Becks and your Alex Joneses, but let’s never discount the pure joy of good old-fashioned batshit fundagelical craziness, and by that, we mean Pat Robertson, who 700 Clubbed us Tuesday with the news that any moment now, God may unleash the End of Days by sucker-punching the planet Earth with a […]

Barack Hussein Obama committed the unpardonable sin of mentioning other religions in his Jesus Weed Day message, which was clearly an offense to God and a signal that he is hopelessly out of touch with the true message of Easter, which is that we must hate all Muslims forever. You see, what Obama did was […]

Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” At this the man’s face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth. Jesus looked around and said to […]

Liberals, we need to talk. On our pages, we deride Republicans for being anti-poor just because they are always trying to cut food stamps and deny people health care. But are they really that bad? Gov. Mary Fallin of Oklahoma is trying to show us that Republicans aren’t that bad. They’re worse. Per NewsOK: Cities […]