Tag: jesus

Pastor’s ‘Christ-Like’ Handjobs GUARANTEED To Make Your Dick Bigger, For A While

How many dick jokes can we fit in one post? HOW MUCH TIME YOU GOT?
Wait, she lets her kid stand WHERE?

Wonkagenda: Friday, October 7, 2016

You get in here and read your news brief, RIGHT NOW!

Louie Gohmert Says It’s Not Christ-like To Make Fun Of ‘Special Needs’ Folks Like Hillary Clinton

Louie Gohmert knows Jesus would NOT make fun of Hillary Clinton. Don't you want to be like Jesus?

Texas Supreme Court Permits Homeschooling Parents To Continue Being Sh*theads

Last year, we wondered at you just how stupid you were legally permitted to be in Texas; now, thanks to the nine (all-Republican!) unelected (?) judges in robe on the Texas Supreme Court, we know the answer: We are...

The Twelve Ways (LIKE APOSTLES!!!) We Are Persecuting Christians In The US of A

Idiot Mississippi governor is caterwauling about being 'crucified' again. Here are some of the many oppressions Christians in the US face.

Gay-Hatin’ Alabama Chief Justice Reckons He Could Use Some Civil Rights Right About Now

Don't you all know Roy Moore is being persecuted by the homosexuals, which is unfair and not at all Christlike?

Louie Gohmert Pretty Sure Space-Queers Wouldn’t Be Very Good At Saving Humanity

Texas Republican Congresshick Louie Gohmert has some thoughts to share about gays, outer space, Matt Damon, and traditional het’rosexual romance!
Let us also assume you're running for Congress. Ah, but I repeat myself.

Obscure Congressional Candidate Shares Porn Habits With World, Finally Gets Noticed

Mike Webb will find the real porners if it's the last thing he does. Also, is definitely not crazy.

Crazy Monster Drink Lady Hopes You Appreciate How Much Your Mom Loves Dick

Did you hug your mom on Mother's Day and thank her for loving penis so much? WHY NOT, YOU UNGRATEFUL BASTARD?

Missouri Just Wants Rape Victims To Be #Blessed With Beautiful Gift Of Forced Pregnancy

Missouri House passes Personhood Bill with no exceptions for rape victims.

Christlike Tow-Truck Driver Leaves Disabled Bernie Supporter On Side Of The Road

Jesus spoke to tow-truck driver Ken Shupe and told him to leave a disabled woman on the side of the road, as he is wont to do.

Jehovah’s Witnesses Will Learn You How To Be The Cutest Lil’ Homophobe EVER

Are you a big fan of Pixar who struggles daily to communicate your homophobic values to your cartoon children? The Jehovah's Witnesses have a solution for you. Do you get squicked out when you find out your daughter's friend...
that's the devil in your pants

Let’s Have Dumb Old Kirk Cameron Tell Us How To Romance Our Christian Wives

Let's get one thing out of the way: Kirk Cameron is cute. This is why it such a screaming shame he fell in with the wrong crowd and became a creationist dickweasel fundamentalist Christian. And he dragged his dumb...

Celebrate The Feast Day Of St. Zita, Patron Saint Of Servers, By Flipping Off A Customer

Did you know today, April 27, is the feast day of St. Zita, Patron Saint of waiters and waitresses? We did not, but let us celebrate it together! Given that I'm Jewish, I had to go look up Catholic traditions...