• Seeking 175 ethnic friends to play parachute, wear AIDS ribbons. [Sarcastic and Cynical]

• Dear Lonny Baxter, “Dude, you might have not been playing in the NBA, but you would’ve been making a six figure salary overseas in Italy, not Kazakhstan or some shit. Boo-fucking-hoo.” [The Upstate Life]
• Pedestrians have the greatest rage of all. “What are you looking at, fuckers? Why don’t you get off your asses and try walking to work?” [Tiaras Optional]
• DC’s Trader Joe’s will open September 1st. As in NY, riots expected, Hawaiian shirts shredded. [Free Ride]
• The Hill starts tonight — guaranteed to make you nostalgic for Jessica Cutler. [DCist]

It’s hot as hell on the East Coast, and Brit Hume is hiking around Georgetown and sweating through his super 130’s suits. But Joe Lockhart and Ken Mehlman don’t play that game, they’re all about Air Conditioning and mint juleps. Jessica Cutler, on the other hand, stays cool in a nice pair of booty shorts. MORE »

The link, for the curious, goes to our story yesterday about Mike DeWine’s shittily photoshopped 9/11 ad. MORE »

The last we saw of the google-eyed incumbent Republican senator from Jeffrey Dahmer’s home adopted home state of Ohio, he was giving the bum’s rush to a libidinous junior office worker by the name of…wait, don’t tell us, it’s right on the tip of our tongue, you know the one who wrote the novel and posed for Playboy and is now running a dude ranch in California with the Fonz and Lenny and Squiggy and Josie and the Pussycats. MORE »

• Heard on the Hill: Doug Schoen, pollster for the Gore-Lieberman 2000 presidential campaign and for the abortive 2004 presidential campaign of Sen. Joe Lieberman, donated $2,100 to Lieberman’s primary challenger Ned Lamont. [Roll Call]
• Reliable Sources: Tony Hawk left the Black Cat early last weekend after a friend was ejected for drinking without ID… George Allen’s wife Susan was kicked out of an Alexandria park for campaigning for her husband… Robert Steinbuch has filed another suit against Jessica Cutler, this one in Arkansas. He also filed papers seeking to add Ana Marie Cox as a defendant. [WP]
• Under the Dome: In a letter accidentally sent to constituents, Jim Nussle failed to sound tough enough on immigration… Howard Dean snubbed two Arizona congressional candidates by announcing his desire to elect a woman in that district. [The Hill]
• Page Six: Controversial AIDS writer Celia Farber receives a good review from an AIDS research organization. Page Six prints an unspeakably horrible headline. [NYP]

• Heard on the Hill: Steny Hoyer is unhappy about a Senate candidate’s website, which features of a photo of Hoyer making friendly with the Republican… John Kerry sent out an email blast full of effusive praise for potential ‘08 opponent Al Gore. [Roll Call]
• Reliable Source: Morou Ouattara, former chef at Jack Abramoff’s restaurant “Signatures,” will appear on Iron Chef tonight. He’s also opening his own restaurant… The judge in Steinbuch v. Cutler is considering Jessica Cutler’s motion to dismiss the case. [WP]
• Page Six: A private equity firm established by Bono is investing in a video game dramatizing the assassination of Hugo Chavez. [NYP]

• Attention tourists: the following will vastly cut down on the number of dirty looks you receive per hour of touring. [An OC Girl Living In An Extraordinary World]

• Not included in the guide: how do handle crazed violent psychos on the metro. [ Thoreau's Journal]
• Distinguishing the rapport of a bottle-rocket from a MAC-10 is for more advanced urban tourists. [Cruel Sommer]
• A cell of terrorist haxors has started attacking sites they find while surfing for porn. [The Gentlemen of the CPMC]
• MTV heads to Hawk n’ Dove for the same reason everyone does: hard partying underage interns willing to exploit themselves. [The Hill]

Last month we updated you on the apparent difficulties that Jessica Cutler, a.k.a. Washingtonienne, has been encountering in paying her lawyers. Those difficulties persist.

On Friday, Judge Paul Friedman, who is presiding over the invasion-of-privacy lawsuit against Cutler, ordered the following:

[O]n or before July 7, 2006, defendant Jessica Cutler must personally respond in writing to her counsel’s motion to withdraw and/or advise the Court of her retention of new counsel or her intention to proceed pro se.

The judge issued this order after Cutler failed to respond to her lawyer’s motion to withdraw (for nonpayment of fees). So Jessica, if you’re out there reading this, please get back to the court — ASAP.

Personally, we would give multiple body parts to watch Jessica Cutler represent herself. It would be the greatest pro se performance since Anna Nicole Smith. We suspect Judge Friedman would become very sympathetic to Cutler after having an ex parte conference with her in chambers.

For all you law geeks out there, the text of the full order appears after the jump.

MORE »

Slept with a bunch of people and blogged about it? Actually, no. She’s about to lose the legal services of the attorney representing her in Steinbuch v. Cutler — for the third time.

Back in April, attorney William Bode, who had been representing Jessica Cutler, withdrew (hehe) as her counsel in the case. There was some speculation as to why Bode withdrew, which he denied to the media.

Now Jessica’s latest lawyer, John Umana — who, by the way, is a “leading proponent of intelligent design,” as reported by the Legal Times — wants out. Unlike Bode, Umana has spelled out the reason for his withdrawal, and it’s the oldest reason in the book: nonpayment of fees. (The text of his motion to withdraw, which one of you helpfully forwarded to us, appears after the jump.)

This is not the first time Jessica has had problems paying her lawyers:

Umana, for example, is Cutler’s third attorney in a little more than a year. Her original lawyers, Thomas Wilson and Alexander Vincent of Washington’s Berliner, Corcoran & Rowe, sued Cutler last month in D.C. Superior Court, claiming she owed them $54,271.19. Cutler had already paid $35,000, they said.

Where did all the money go — the Playboy payment, the six-figure book advance, the HBO dough? Jessica’s website, where she solicits PayPal donations, hints at the answer: “Please — I need money for slutty clothes and drugs!”

But even the biggest cokehead/connoisseuse of slutty fashions would have a hard time burning through the cash Jessica has accumulated since she emerged as Washingtonienne. Sounds like someone could use a visit from Suze Orman.

MORE »

Now, courtesy of the Legal Times, a quick update on a case that’s far more interesting than Enron: Steinbuch v. Cutler.

The article speaks for itself — res ipsa loquitur — and it’s well worth reading in its entirety. If you’re wondering about whether Steinbuch has a case and what Jessica’s best defenses are, they’re laid out in the piece, which features analysis from law professor and blogger Daniel Solove (among others).

Here’s our favorite excerpt, proving that truth can be stranger than fiction:

It’s hard to know why anyone would care to set the record straight about whether he is able to ejaculate with or without a condom or whether he likes to spank or be spanked. But [Steinbuch attorney Jonathan] Rosen says that’s exactly what Steinbuch intends to do.

“There are graphic and intimate details which are not true,” he said in a telephone interview. “Those are facts that are going to be litigated.”

To summarize the Legal Times piece: Steinbuch v. Cutler represents Robert Steinbuch’s attempt to clear his name. He wants the world to know that he’s good in bed. Really good.

Very well, Professor Steinbuch: you’re GREAT in bed. There, it’s established. It has been printed. In a blog.

Boy, that was an easy problem to solve. Did you really have to go make a federal case out of it?

A Man Scorned [Legal Times]

(For those of you who can’t get enough of Jessica Cutler, we share a random story about a reading she did last month in New York, after the jump. Note: It’s not for the squeamish.)

MORE »

• Reliable Source: Attorney for Robert Steinbuch threatens to add Ana Marie Cox as a co-defendant in his suit against Jessica Cutler. . . Murdoch will host a summer fundraiser for Hillary. . . Mort Kondracke marries Marguerite Sallee, the CEO of America’s Promise. . . Bush twins are spotted buying vintage clothes. [WP]
• Heard on the Hill: Michael Scanlon will be awarded his diploma from John Hopkins. . . Josh Bolten went to a Nationals game with Bo Derek. . . Woman spotted with Rep. Brad Sherman (D-Calif.) is confirmed to be his girlfriend. . . [Roll Call]
• Under the Dome: Fundraiser for Sen. Max Baucus (D-Mont.) hosted by Mort Zuckerman features Sen. Charles Schumer (D-N.Y.) and former Sen. Al D’Amato (R-N.Y.). . . Wolf Blitzer, Chris Matthews, Petra Nemcova, and Rep. Tom McMillen (D-Md.) showed up for the opening of The Collection at Chevy Chase. . . “Campaign chair” for Rep. Jerry Weller (R-Ill.) caught using a government-issued American Express card at a strip club. [The Hill]