So Blagojevich tried to shake down Jesse Junior for $25K years ago, and Jesse was all, “I don’t think so,” and then Blaggy somehow made Mrs. Jesse Jackson Junior not get some sweet job, and then he was all, “Now you see what $25,000 is worth, you punk,” and Jesse Junior thought this over, for a couple of years, and then went straight to the U.S. Attorney’s office. Illinois is incredible. [CNN]

This is Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr., from Illinois’s 2nd District, killing this dude with his hands. Jackson, who looks about 25 but is apparently 41, is a Martial Arts champion of some kind — a perfectly reasonable and probably even moral hobby for a congressman, and of no interest to us, except that he apparently threatened to kill annoying little fellow congressman Lee Terry. MORE »

Behold Harriet Miers, far from Dorothy, Rose, and Sofia, yet smirking all the way to the hearing room. She’s in today’s Wonk’d, along with Mark Foley in the role of the sassy friend with all the best zingers and Barney Frank playing the lovable dummy. Make the jump for these golden girls, plus Rick Santorum as the hateable dummy, Jesse Jackson, Jr. as “the black one,” and one very hungry Stephanie Herseth.

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* Heard on the Hill: Al Gore: Sinister agent of the Queen of England? … House members outraged over changes to taco salad procedure … Orrin Hatch uses obscure loophole in Mormon doctrine to say “shit” and get away with it. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Bill and Hill drive across the street, gladhand Ellie Smeal, get a table before she does. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Clintons too cheap to feed their followers … People keep buying Thomas Friedman’s damn book for some reason. [Examiner]
* Shenanigans: Jesse Jackson Jr. has a Segway … Chris Shays leaps over a fence for some reason. [Politico]
* Page Six: Eric Bogosian disses Tom DeLay, who is no longer permitted to kill men on a whim. [NYP]

* Heard on the Hill: Rep. Jesse Jackson, Jr. makes every member of his staff turn in their resignation, then wait to be rehired… Rep. Mike Pence wore a flashy new suit! He’s running for Minority Leader, so a second suit can’t hurt… Isaac Hayes was on The Hill lobbying for the recording industry. Also, he’s a Scientologist. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Redskins owner/obvious bastard Dan Snyder will be attending Tom Cruise’s cult wedding… More Shelley Sekula-Gibbs, still no details on just how “mean.” [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: As a publicist has already made sure to alert us, Eva Longoria was in town. She told a few jokes at a luncheon or something… Jim McGreevey might be on Joan Rivers’ new show, the Gay View… Freshmen Senators are stuck in the basements of Dirksen and Hart, Bob Corker and Sherrod Brown forced to share copier. [Examiner]
* Under the Dome: George Allen’s sister Jennifer wrote stories even dirtier than Jim Webb’s… Alan Keyes, Rep. Chip Pickering (R-Miss.) and former Rep. Bob Barr (R-Ga.). are all in Borat… Senators-elect Sherrod Brown and Amy Klobuchar are former students of Joe Lieberman at Yale… Rep. Allyson Schwartz (D-Pa.) reports: Congress is like High School! [The Hill]