Tag Archives: jesse helms

  great moments in GOP outreach

Ted Cruz’s Teabag Oprah Fantasy: You Get A Jesse Helms, You Get A Jesse Helms, Everybody Gets A Jesse Helms!

If you are a major political party that needs to lash yourself to a lifeboat of minority voters before the demographic tides suck you down to the bottom of the ocean, maybe one easy step would be to stop celebrating the dead racists that led you for many decades. Or you could keep talking about the pile of awesomeness that was fetid swamp creature Jesse Helms, whatever. Yesterday sardine-faced suck bag Ted Cruz traveled o’er hill and dale to the Heritage Foundation to give a talk for the Jesse Helms Lecture Series, because what better name to attach to an event that calls to mind flights of rhetorical fancy and intellectualism than that of a shambling, bloated, flour-white sack of yard waste like the thankfully dead Senator from the insane state of North Carolina? Ostensibly the lecture series is on the subject of foreign policy, which was one of old Jesse’s lifelong interests, seeing as how he spent half his life as one of the Confederacy’s ambassadors to the United States. Read more on Ted Cruz’s Teabag Oprah Fantasy: You Get A Jesse Helms, You Get A Jesse Helms, Everybody Gets A Jesse Helms!…
  Science is not a dirty word

Public Health Hero C. Everett Koop Once Again Puts Biology Above Politics, Dies

C. Everett Koop, the Surgeon General whose anti-abortion stance appeared to be a feather in the Religious Right’s cap when Ronald Reagan appointed him in 1981, but whose subsequent career as a crusader for science-based policy turned out to be a big black eye for the tobacco industry and gay-haters, died yesterday at the age of 96. Let’s take a few minutes to remember a man whose insistence on putting science ahead of ideology surprised the liberals who initially opposed him and flummoxed the Culture Warriors who eventually came to consider him a traitor. Read more on Public Health Hero C. Everett Koop Once Again Puts Biology Above Politics, Dies…
  it's springtime for andrew sullivan

AIDSies Finally Allowed To Fly All Over The Place

Great news, everyone: America is now .0000000001% less insane and bigoted! Barack Obama signed a final administrative repeal today of the Jesse Helms-authored travel and immigration ban on persons with HIV/AIDS. It only took 22 years for our government to realize that the HIV virus is not the very contagious “gay flu.” Read more on AIDSies Finally Allowed To Fly All Over The Place…
  we are shallow

Washington Post’s Anne Kornblut Is Funny, Hot

It’s time for our weekly feature about funny Washington Post reporters who also photograph well. (This is the first and last installment.) Meet Anne “E.” Kornblut, WaPo national politics ace reporter. On that washingtonpost.com chat thing yesterday, she admitted to writing some kind of hilarious fake Bush acceptance speech poem, typed “LOL” in response to a Jesse Helms joke, and said this about Hillary maybe trying to still get the nomination: “She really does seem to have moved on in my view. Her supporters are another matter.” [Washington Post/Fishbowl DC] Read more on Washington Post’s Anne Kornblut Is Funny, Hot…
  funny ideas

Elizabeth Dole Wants To Name AIDS Relief Bill After Heroic AIDS Goblin Jesse Helms

Maybe Senator Elizabeth Dole teaches a community college English class on the side and wants to show her students a cartoonish, real-life example of “irony,” because that’s the only way to explain her current episode of retardation. She has introduced an amendment to the HIV/AIDS/etc. relief bill nearing completion in the Senate that would rename it after dead Senator Jesse Helms, the famous hero who once said, “There is not one single case of AIDS in this country that cannot be traced in origin to sodomy.” This Senate bill, interestingly enough, will probably contain another amendment — this one from John Kerry and Gordon Smith — to remove the HIV travel and immigration ban for foreigners hoping to enter the United States. This ban, of course, began in 1987 and is called the “Helms Amendment.” So basically, Boo Elizabeth Dole! Elizabeth Dole has gonorrhea! [HuffPo] Read more on Elizabeth Dole Wants To Name AIDS Relief Bill After Heroic AIDS Goblin Jesse Helms…
  great role models

Huckabee: Obama Sucks Now Because He’s Not Jesse Helms

Mike Huckabee appeared on Hannity & Colmes last night to weigh in on Barack Obama’s complete move to the center in the last few weeks. Now, we made up our minds about this slimeball Obama after Charles Krauthammer observantly noted that Obama “assiduously obliterates all differences with McCain on national security and social issues” in his positioning these days. If one thing is true in this life, it’s that Charles Krauthammer HAS THE MIND OF TWENTY EINSTEINS. And yet here comes Mike Huckabee, offering yet another take on Obama’s all-encompassing triangulation. Huckabee says everything we’ve always thought but never quite realized: Barack Obama — to his detriment — is becoming less and less like Jesse Helms every single day. Read more on Huckabee: Obama Sucks Now Because He’s Not Jesse Helms…
  scandals

Did Jesse Helms Die On the Unpatriotic THIRD of July?

As we all know, racist old colostomy bag Jesse Helms bravely died on the patriotic anti-gay July 4 day of American Independence … or did he? Our sources in North Carolina say there’s an insane nursing-home cover-up engineered by the Jesse Helms Center’s goons to make gullible racist Americans believe Helms died and went to Hell in the early hours of July 4, when his rancid body actually expired on the night of July 3! Read more on Did Jesse Helms Die On the Unpatriotic THIRD of July?…
  twits

George Bush Heckled At Thomas Jefferson’s Slave Mansion

Hello everyone. How were your Fourth of July weeks? Well that’s wonderful. The worst Fourth of July experience this year was probably that of Jesse Helms, who hilariously died. But important founding father Thomas Jefferson also died on the Fourth of July (five, ten years ago-ish), and that’s why President Bush spent his holiday at Jefferson’s house, Monticello, among the ghosts of his “mocha” bastard slave children. And then RADICAL LEFT protest group Code Pink harassed him a bunch of times, just like they did every day when Jefferson lived his naked life with Sacagawea. [YouTube] Read more on George Bush Heckled At Thomas Jefferson’s Slave Mansion…
  racists

JESSE HELMS: AMERICAN GARBAGE Read your editor’s obituary for Jesse Helms, and let’s all laugh together. [AOL Political Machine]
  see you in hell

Jesse Helms Finally Dead

We interrupt your Fourth of July with some Breaking News: Jesse Helms was apparently still alive, and now he’s dead, hooray! He was a sour troll and a bigot, and it’s a testament to every rotten thing about this country that for a quarter century, he was one of the most powerful people in American politics. [LAT/NYT] Read more on Jesse Helms Finally Dead…
 

Ask a Hill Staffer: Vocabulary Lessons and Intern Abuse

All we can say is that our Anonymous Hill Staffer needs to get laid. There is notable lack of actual sex and a surfeit of the simulated variety this week, as well as a couple lessons in increasing your word power (among other things). AHS also let us know that he’d been drinking less than usual this week, because, apparently, a lot of work has to get done in Congress before everyone skips town on Friday. It’s Jesus’ fault, natch. “It’s his birthday or his anniversary coming up next week, so everyone’s going home to be act like they’re good Jesus-lovers.” On that note, this week’s installment of Ask A Hill Staffer is after the jump. Read more on Ask a Hill Staffer: Vocabulary Lessons and Intern Abuse…
 

Gossip Roundup: ‘Anti-Bush Behavior’

• Reliable Source: Scooter Libby met with lawyers at a cafe near Union Station, openly discussed the leak case, drank diet Dr Pepper, and purchased cookies. . . Bushes have lunch with Rep. John Dingell to celebrate his 50 years in Congress. [WP] • Inside the Beltway: Bono changed Sen. Jesse Helms‘ views on AIDS. . . Terry McAuliffe‘s book is titled “Bring it On!” [WT] • Page Six: Maureen Dowd: “If there had been no Monica Lewinsky, there would have been no Sen. [Hillary] Clinton. She had to run as a victim because she was seen as so controlling”. . . Bill McCuddy of Fox News: “One of our makeup artists got Kofi Annan ready for a TV appearance at the U.N. the other day. Kind of embarrassing, when she told him the makeup was oil-based, out of habit he gave her food.”. . . Karl Rove, dining at 21 with Ken Mehlman, devours beef tenderloin. . . Hillary Clinton‘s deputy state director, Tyson Pratcher, will run for Harold Ford‘s congressional seat [NYP, NYP] • Cindy Adams: Jeanine Pirro expected to run for attorney general instead of the senate. [NYP] • The Scoop: Viggo Mortensen: “I Read more on Gossip Roundup: ‘Anti-Bush Behavior’…
 

Gossip Roundup: ‘A Mouth Like Cheney’

• Names & Faces: Is Lloyd Grove through at the New York Daily News? [WP] • Under the Dome: Hillary roasts Rahm Emanuel: “Republicans may have the Hammer, but we have the Nutcracker! He has calves like Baryshnikov and a mouth like Cheney.”. . . Elizabeth Dole, Richard Burr, Bob Novak, Jerry Falwell, Orrin Hatch attend tribute to Jesse Helms. [The Hill] • Inside the Beltway: Congressional staffers enjoy hemp feast. [WT] • Cindy Adams: Donna Brazile: “I’m an African-American whose life has been a victory. But then came Katrina. . . Right now we need a president who will help. He’s helping. I’m so grateful. Poverty and misery is humbling. I’m humbled to the core that this administration is helping the poorest of the poor. . . I applaud this president for stepping up.” [NYP] • Rush & Molloy: Bette Midler booed at Madison Square Garden Katrina fundraiser for joking, “George Bush likes my music. He came to see me in the ’70s. A coke dealer of mine got him some tickets.” [NYDN] • Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: 9/11 activist mothers call for tough investigation into Katrina response. Kristen Breitweiser: “This time, there’s got to be accountability. If you’re an elected official, you should be inviting accountability for yourself.” [NYDN] Read more on Gossip Roundup: ‘A Mouth Like Cheney’…
 

Daily Briefing: When ‘Lunch is Just a Lunch’

• 53% disapprove of Bush in WP-ABC poll. Two-thirds complain about gas prices and a majority think the administration can reduce them, painting “a portrait of national frustration with the direction and leadership of the country, which, if not reversed in coming months, is likely to color the environment for next year’s midterm elections, putting incumbents in both parties on the defensive.” 52% think Bush should meet with Sheehan; Democrats and independents are disappointed by their leaders. [WP] • Reagan library finds thousands of Roberts-related documents; officials rush to sort them out before next week’s confirmation hearings. [NYT, LAT] • Bush decides to tap oil reserves; returns to Washington to orchestrate response to Hurricane Katrina. [WP, WP] • Oil prices likely to pass $3 a gallon this weekend. [WP] • Incomes have not grown in five years and the poverty rate has increased to 12.7%, the Census Bureau reports. [NYT] • Bush compares Iraq war to WWII: “They will fail, because the terrorists of our century are making the same mistake that the followers of totalitarian ideology made in the last century. They believe that democracies are inherently weak and corrupt and can be brought to their knees.” [WP] • Administration has drafted rules that weaken environmental oversight for power plants, allowing for the release of more pollution. [WP] Read more on Daily Briefing: When ‘Lunch is Just a Lunch’…
 

Daily Briefing: Keep On Working

• White House is willing to open the Strategic Petroleum Reserve if needed in aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. [WSJ, WP] • Bush, in attempt to change topic from Iraq, again calls for overhaul of Social Security and says “there is more we can do” about border security. Bush on Social Security: “I’m going to keep working this issue.”[NYT, WP, USAT] • Roberts argued for a permanent ban of racial quotas in the workplace and against school busing designed to integrate students. [WP] • Roberts advised the Reagan administration not to expand policing powers to government agencies such as the Interior and Agriculture Departments; called “a classic conservative articulation of the individual’s right to be protected from state power.” [NYT] • Leahy gives heads-up to Roberts: expect questions about the “Bybee memo” that defines the legality of torture. [NYT, LAT] • White House official says Republicans have lost their advantage on education; No Child Left Behind is increasingly unpopular among both parties. [WSJ, LAT] Read more on Daily Briefing: Keep On Working…