Wonkette

Ha ha sillies no this billboard isn’t making yet another reference to balls. It comes to you via a religious type in Indiana who’s lodging a bipartisan appeal to crazies on both sides of the aisle, as in, “All the cool kids in Washington are getting down with nutty preachers.” This is true, unless you’re Ron Paul, who gets down with his rocket instead. [copyranter]

Look at this picture. Repeat after the nausea subsides.

“Courtesy” of the Associated Press

Sadly, I was equally excited when I saw that the Washington Post had obtained the late Jerry Falwell’s FBI file. But, they couldn’t find any evidence of him being gay, closeted or otherwise [Ed: cue collective sigh of disappointment]. But, he did get death threats, and those are after the jump.

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“An Alabama minister who died in June of ‘accidental mechanical asphyxia’ was found hogtied and wearing two complete wet suits, including a face mask, diving gloves and slippers, rubberized underwear, and a head mask, according to an autopsy report.” He also had a dildo up his ass, but it was wearing a condom. [Smoking Gun/WSFA]

A 19-year-old student at Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University, apparently in cahoots with a soldier from Fort Benning and a high school student, was caught by authorities in Virginia with “several gasoline-based bombs in his car.” MORE »

The most prominent Republican official to show up at Tubby Falwell’s funeral was the Virginia attorney general — because not even God ‘n Country GOPers want to be associated with somebody as toxic as Revered Jerry, even when he’s dead. There’s a general election coming up in 2008, after all! MORE »

* Ron Paul’s gonna get banned from debates just cause he’s the only one who knows the truth about 9/11. [Election Central]
* Dennis Kucinich is still a “whiny ass motherfucker who stands on a box so he doesn’t look like a little midget.” [PrezVid]
* U.S. Mint knows Americans only like spending money with dead white dudes on it. [Suitably Flip]
* Larry Flynt’s mumbling respect for Jerry Falwell. [YouTube]
* Jenna Jameson endorses Hillary. [LAist]
* John McCain autograph on heavy paper doorstop: $200. [On Call]

We missed Christopher Hitchens pissing on the grave of Jerry Falwell on the Anderson Cooper show, because last night’s GOP debate was all the teevee we can tolerate this week. But it was an entertaining assault on the large, noxious corpse of “The Reverend,” and it’s always fun to see this kind of stuff on CNN: MORE »

Something happened to somebody famous, so guess what happened on Wikipedia … that’s right, the person’s page was comically vandalized!

Nobody ever gets tired of a really good joke.

Well, that didn’t take long. Mitt has put out a statement, and it’s remarkably similar to our speculative statement from the Masshole:

“An American who built and led a movement based on strong principles and strong faith has left us. He will be greatly missed, but the legacy of his important work will continue through his many ministries where he put his faith into action. Ann and I have had the honor to talk and meet with Reverend Falwell and get to know him as a man of deep personal faith and commitment to helping those around him. He will be forever remembered.”

And this was what we figure he’ll say at the debate tonight:

“As a faithful believer in the exact same Jesus that Jerry Falwell so faithfully served as a fellow Christian who believed in the same Jesus all Christians so faithfully believe in, I just want you to know I’m not actually a Scientologist Polygamist Space Monster Frenchman, and Reverend Falwell was, like me, a firm believer in Jesus and the ghost of Jesus, Amen fellow Christians. Y’all.”

Hooray for high-speed-yet-semi-accurate comedy! MORE »