Tag Archives: jennifer rubin

  It's so crazy it just might work

America’s Worst Lawyer, Larry Klayman, Suing Clintons Again, Totally Gonna Nail ‘Em Now!

Actual pic of Larry Klayman
At last, someone is brave enough to try, for the first hundredth time ever, to hold the Clintons accountable for being the Clintons. And surprise! It’s the conservative group Freedom Watch, the brainfart of Larry Klayman, Esquire JD — famous for such legal victories as having Barack Obama deported for faking his birth certificate and suing Rachel Maddow for defamation, a suit he did not actually win after all, but that’s just because the clearly biased judge was a Jew. And a lady. What a bitch. Read more on America’s Worst Lawyer, Larry Klayman, Suing Clintons Again, Totally Gonna Nail ‘Em Now!…
  Here have some news n stuff

Donald Trump Will Sue The Sh*t Out Of You, All Of You, Everywhere, Shut Up Is Why

Listen up, you Messico losers!
Donald Trump wants ALL the millions of U.S. American dollars because there are airplanes making airplanes noises in the privately owned sky over HIS mansion. True story! CNNMoney reports that Trump has filed a lawsuit against Palm Beach County, as well as Super Meanie Bruce Pelly, the local airport’s director, because Trump and his lawyers think the whole world is against him and he wants $100 million NOW: Read more on Donald Trump Will Sue The Sh*t Out Of You, All Of You, Everywhere, Shut Up Is Why…
  Don't Be Tardy for the Party!

WaPo’s Jennifer Rubin Examines President’s Lateness, Heroically Refrains From Concluding ‘Because He Is Black’

Jennifer Rubin has used her prime journalistic real estate at the Washington Post to examine the top crisis US America faces today: the president is, to all his events, an average of 11 minutes late. Perhaps you too have noticed that one “President” Obama is late a lot. Did you know it is because he is passive-aggressive, thinks he is better than us, disdains candor and openness, has an office staffed with flunkies, cronies, and Valerie Jarrett, is the king, is bad at giving speeches, and is angry, defensive, evasive, and rude? Well now you do, because Jennifer Rubin says so. Read more on WaPo’s Jennifer Rubin Examines President’s Lateness, Heroically Refrains From Concluding ‘Because He Is Black’…
  Up and Down the Memory Hole

Let’s Play This Fun New Jennifer Rubin Game, ‘Game Of Lies’!

Jennifer Rubin, she’s this lady. Writes Mitt Romney fanfic for the Washington Post. Well, she did, anyway. Now she’s been reduced to a cutesy game where she steals the old Newsweek “Conventional Wisdom Watch” feature, with a series of “ups” and “downs,” except for how they’re all Jennifer Rubin reporting from her crotch. For instance, she is like “Up: My boner for Rick Perry,” and “Up: Unemployment rate (to 6.2 percent),” which, wow, that is some fucking balls. Read more on Let’s Play This Fun New Jennifer Rubin Game, ‘Game Of Lies’!…
  if being wrong is wrong she don't wanna be right

John McCain And Jennifer Rubin Sittin’ In A Tree, Being W-R-O-N-G

Oh, golly, John McCain. You probably should have given this a bit more thought, maybe. When Jennifer Rubin says that you and the other two “amigos,” Kelly Ayotte and Martin Short Lindsey Graham, are “distinguished pols of the week,” because she thinks you’ve “been right about a lot of things lately,” that’s not necessarily the kind of achievement you especially want to brag about. Read more on John McCain And Jennifer Rubin Sittin’ In A Tree, Being W-R-O-N-G…
  what if?

What If Jennifer Rubin Starred In An Experimental Science Fiction Short Story From 1968?

JENNIFER RUBIN is so funny, and there are a thousand laughs in store for you in the Washington Post with the new, improved JENNIFER RUBIN. Everyone enjoys a talking JENNIFER RUBIN, from young to old. Taste, see, smell, and “desire to reassert America’s place in the world” with a JENNIFER RUBIN. Experience every emotion known to JENNIFER RUBIN. And if you already have a JENNIFER RUBIN, remember what the Washington Post says: “Two JENNIFER RUBINS are better than one!” Everyone enjoys a talking JENNIFER RUBIN. Every minute is different from the next minute in the incredible thought-chaos of JENNIFER RUBIN. And every single JENNIFER RUBIN is different! Read more on What If Jennifer Rubin Starred In An Experimental Science Fiction Short Story From 1968?…
  thugs

Jennifer Rubin Furious That Obama Administration Finally Doing What Jennifer Rubin Wanted

“Why isn’t Obama talking about black-on-white violence? Why won’t Obama acknowledge that minorities are doing crimes? When will Obama tell young men of color to be responsible and get married and don’t do crimes?” Asking these questions — indignantly and at length — is as close as many commentators on the right will get to the issue of race. Some will get closer, of course (often with appalling and hilarious results), but the default setting of most conservative critics is to broadly blame Obama for failing to create racial harmony because he’s too afraid of taking on minorities. So these folks should love Obama’s new ‘My Brother’s Keeper’ initiative “to bring private businesses, nonprofits and local governments together to intervene in key moments in the lives of young black and Hispanic men to ensure they stay in school and eventually train for and get good jobs.” But GUESS WHAT! They do not love it! They think it is bad, because “Constitution,” and “discrimination,” and “what about white people,” and “the word ‘insipid’ used wrong,” and “Jennifer Rubin.” Hey wait! Where are you going? Jennifer Rubin is so important! She has a column in the Washington Post! She doesn’t know what insipid means! In any event, it’s insipid to suggest one’s “brother” for whom you should look after is defined by skin color or ethnic background. She probably typed “tasteless synonym” into her internet machine and it spit “insipid” back at her, and she was like “ooh, that word sounds like a good word, here I will put it in” and her editor Fred Hiatt said “snooze I am sleeping at my desk, my writers just do whatever the fuck they want and it seems to work good because I still have a job, I’m the best.” Read more on Jennifer Rubin Furious That Obama Administration Finally Doing What Jennifer Rubin Wanted…
  Curse you people with your not electing Mitt and everything

Team Romney Quite Sure You People Must Wish You’d Voted For Mitt By Now. Right? RIGHT?

Remember that time Mitt Romney ran for president? Not that he wanted to, of course — he was against losing a presidential election before he was for it — but the Romney clan figured it was a good way to kill time until their privately hired lobbyist finished pushing the permits through on their beachfront mansion makeover. And Romney would have won, too, if it weren’t for those meddling voters and that gay wizard math and those pesky unskewed polls. Or if he had been Latino. But le sigh. Well, thanks to you people insisting on electing O’Bummer AGAIN, we do not have our capitalist unicorns for everyone, or our two-car elevators in every garage, and those damn Messicans have not self-deported themselves yet, and there is also Obamacare a-comin’ and DON’T YOU PEOPLE WISH YOU HAD VOTED FOR MITT ROMNEY NOW? The Romney team sure thinks so: Read more on Team Romney Quite Sure You People Must Wish You’d Voted For Mitt By Now. Right? RIGHT?…
  are you afraid to die?

Hitherto Undiscovered Wingnut Sarah Hoyt Makes Strong Wonkette Debut With Kirk Douglas Fanfic

Folks, we are pleased as punch to introduce the newest member of yr Wonkette family, a brand new bouncing baby wingnut named Sarah Hoyt. She’s picture perfect right out the gate. Robert Heinlein quote? Check. Distressingly aged homemade website? Check. Self-published science fiction writer? Check. One million word arglebargle post about how we are living in the end times/1984/Obama empire and she will stand for it no longer because she is Spartacus?? Check, check, check and oh HELL YEAH CHECK. Read more on Hitherto Undiscovered Wingnut Sarah Hoyt Makes Strong Wonkette Debut With Kirk Douglas Fanfic…
  blog like nobody's watching

If You Like Dumb Things That Are Wrong, You’ll Love Jennifer Rubin’s Latest Column

It starts with the headline: “A president who pleases no one.” Really, no one at all, not even Michelle? Poor lady, maybe Reggie Love will go straight for her, just this once. But it’s weird, because from here it looks like 44.3% of people are pleased with the president’s constant treason and all the white slavery he does on them. Hey, whatever engorges your genitals! ASIDE: Do we think that Jennifer Rubin cried when her former ombudsman said she was subhuman garbage and the best evidence against the existence of a merciful God (paraphrasing)? Or did she welcome our scorn, sniffing “Let them eat shit!” and then maybe she farted sulfurously? Something else? Read more on If You Like Dumb Things That Are Wrong, You’ll Love Jennifer Rubin’s Latest Column…
  hacks

Will No One Stand Up For WaPo’s Poor Pitiful Jennifer Rubin?

Fellows! To the ramparts! Our own beloved fair maiden of the Washington Post editorial page is under attack most foul, and from the most treacherous quarters! Those treacherous traitors being the former ombudsman of the Washington Post! Dudes, he calls her “ugly”! Look, right there: The Ugly Jennifer Rubin. Sure, it purports to be an open letter to Jeff Bezos or someone about what to do with his new fishwrappy plaything. But it is marked throughout with unkindest cuts! Read more on Will No One Stand Up For WaPo’s Poor Pitiful Jennifer Rubin?…
  everybody's a critic

WaPo’s Jennifer Rubin: John Bolton Is Louis CK And George W. Bush Is Mother Teresa

What is it like to be inside Washington Post columnist Jennifer Rubin’s head? Swimming in that soup of confusion and anger all the time? Living with the pressure of pushing out 6, 7, 8 posts per day about just how everyone is wrong and you are right and Bamz is killing us all with healthcare? Say what you will about Rubin, she is not lazy. She is clocking her perpetual grievances and right-wing takeover fantasies on the regular. She’s a veritable workhorse of wrong, a Clydesdale of rage. We can’t even keep up with all her arglebargle, so we had to just pick a few things at random. How about the incredibly bright political future of John Bolton, or his presidential prospects in 2016? Oh hell yeah we’re gonna talk about that. What’s that you say? She wrote about how George W. is the biggest lifesaver of all time? FUCK YES. Read more on WaPo’s Jennifer Rubin: John Bolton Is Louis CK And George W. Bush Is Mother Teresa…
  step away from the listicles

Jennifer Rubin Tongue-Bathes Liz Cheney, But Not In A Gay Way

You know how when you were a kid and your parents would try to be all hip with the slang, and your dad said something embarrassing and contextually weird like “this steak is tits, man!” Awful, right? Not nearly as awful as Jennifer Rubin, the deeply un-hip, deeply unhappy, deeply disconnected from actual reality WaPo columnist trying to get in on some Buzzfeed-style listicle action. Yes, Jennifer has put together her top ten reasons why horrible nightmare spawn Liz Cheney should run for Senate. We cannot cut and paste all ten, because plagiarism and because don’t want to, but there are some lowlights we should really point out: 1. We need foreign policy experts in the Senate. Not only does Cheney speak and write often on the subject, she was in the State Department for five years in the George W. Bush administration and at the U.S. Agency for International Development for several years before that. Yes, Daddy’s Little Nepotist is sure to bring her extensive policy smarts to the Senate. If there’s one thing the Dubya administration was known for, it was its great foreign policy. Read more on Jennifer Rubin Tongue-Bathes Liz Cheney, But Not In A Gay Way…
  freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose

Crybaby Businesses Throw Tantrum And Turn Blue Until Obama Caves On Health Insurance

Are you guys all sad that Obamacare is dead dead dead? Your precious Kenyan Muslin Messiah has failed you like imaginary President4Life Palin told you he would! How is Bamz fucking up today? By bowing to the pressure of whinging from businesses with 51 or more employees who explained that if they had to give people health insurance, they would just fire people so they didn’t have to give them health insurance. No employer-mandated health care for you yet, you sad bastards: Read more on Crybaby Businesses Throw Tantrum And Turn Blue Until Obama Caves On Health Insurance…
  it is hard to hear you with george bush's dick in your mouth

Jennifer Rubin Makes Strong Case For Third Bush Term

Things we learned from Jennifer Rubin’s commentary in the Washingtonne Poste news-paper, this morning, about the former president George W. Bush, presented without comment. Only 53 percent of the American people disapprove of George W. Bush. That is almost not even a majority! Read more on Jennifer Rubin Makes Strong Case For Third Bush Term…