It’s official: Poo poo platter BILL O’REILLY wants to finger-bang the snot out of Minnesota Medusa MICHELE BACHMANN. Say no, Michele! You have a husband, a family — What would your son GRENDEL think? Baby Jesus himself would probably have a hernia. But Bill has a certain charm to him and he’s so soft and warm, like a shard. Temptation! … MORE »

Democrat Jeff Merkley has beaten likable moderate Republican Senator Gordon Smith in Oregon, so Chairman Black Mao is a step closer to the filibuster-proof 60-seat majority that will soon force the conversion of all Americans to gay-married Muslims who work in the poop mines far beneath the Earth, forever. So scary! MORE »

GAHHHH!!! Sweet crickets, Mister “Senator” Gordon Smith, you are scarier than eight Oregon rapists combined with this ad. [WSJ]

Here’s a new ad from Republican Oregon Sen. Gordon Smith, who faces a tough re-election bid this year against Jeff Merkley, the bore who barely defeated that awesome little pirate hobbit in May’s Democratic primary. Smith’s ad here is the latest of his to compare himself to — gasp — Barack Obama and John Kerry! Is Oregon really so liberal that a Republican has to pretend he’s friends with two gay socialists? Anyway, this video is mostly funny because Smith never looks into the camera, and sometimes looks down, and everyone feels awkward. [YouTube]