Just because you’re famous, or famous-for-D.C., doesn’t mean you don’t need to buy stuff.

Actually, we take that back; it kinda does! Usually celebrities can have their household help or personal assistants do their shopping for them. But sometimes they buy their own stuff — and when they do, Wonk’d sightings are the hilarious result!

After the jump (click here), live vicariously through your fellow Wonkette readers, as they hit the supermarket with Bill Cosby, shop for electronics with Donna Brazile — and give Dick Cheney the finger.

(And please continue to email us with your sightings, with “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line. Thanks!)

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* Brokeback Mountain fans: sore losers? [HuffPo] MORE »

Okay, we’ll admit it. We fell for this spam email — hook, subject line, and sinker: MORE »

This Sunday night brings us Hollywood’s big mutual masturbation festival, better known as the Academy Awards. In advance of Oscar night, conservative pundits are going through the motions of railing against clueless and/or evil Hollywood liberals. Ann Coulter has done it; and now it’s time for Jeff Gannon to say his piece.

After the jump, our fisking — yes, with a “k” — of Gannon’s column.

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Yesterday we shared with you several sightings of the Bush twins, in the provocatively titled “Wonk’d: Barbara Bush’s Full-Frontal Body Rub.”

Today we bring you sightings of, well, everyone else. You can check them out — including a sweaty Chuck Schumer (don’t say we didn’t warn you!) — after the jump.

Please continue to send us your sightings, by email, with either “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line. Thanks!

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Last night, one of us attended a very fun event with Ana Marie Cox, Wonkette Emerita, at the National Press Club. The Original Wonkette read hilarous excerpts from her novel, took questions from the audience, and signed copies of Dog Days for a crowd of adoring fans. MORE »

Last week, we gave you the inside scoop on Dick Cheney’s “tight hole operations.” And yesterday, we shared with you the ten questions about “tight hole operations” that we submitted to Jeff Gannon. We know that the suspense over what he wrote in response is killing you — so here it is:

Your questions are funnier than any answer I could give. I do appreciate the opportunity, however. Please keep in touch, Jeff Gannon.

Yes, we’re as disappointed as you are by Gannon’s gracious, good-humored, but non-humorous response. What are we going to do now?

We’ll do what we do best here at Wonkette: make stuff up!

After the jump, our manufactured responses to the “tight hole operations” questions we posed to Jeff Gannon.

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Shortly after we issued our initial report on Vice President Dick Cheney’s “tight hole operations,” an irate Wonkette reader emailed us: “You did a story on ‘tight hole operations,’ and you didn’t ask Jeff Gannon for comment! What’s up with that? You guys are no Ana Marie Cox.”

Eager to remedy this journalistic lapse, we emailed Mr. Gannon with ten questions about “tight hole operations” — which you can read for yourself, after the jump.

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Yes, yes, yes, thank you for the numerous emails directing us to Hotline’s uncovering of a POSSIBLE D.C. SEX SCANDAL involving Duke Cunningham’s “co-conspirator No. 1,” Brent Wilkes. See, he maintained a hospitality room. At a hotel. That had bedrooms. Yes, we’re quivering with delight ourselves. We’d say “imagine what could he have been up to,” but the commentators over at Hotline have imagineered a tin-foil hat fantasia that we don’t dare compete with. Liaisons with Jeff Gannon? Check. “Teenage callboys at the White House under George Sr?” Check. Rove “Delaid,” and “Scotter” having a three-way love affair? The Washington press corps covering it up? “Eyes Wide Shut” orgies? Check, check, and check. MORE »

The heh-heh files. Elisabeth Bumiller’s Washington Notebook entry today is, uhm, damp:

Built like the tight end he was in high school, with a gleaming shaved head that sets off his pinstriped suits, Steve Schmidt looks like someone you would not want to bump into in a dark corner of the Eisenhower Executive Office Building, his current lair.

Somewhere in D.C., Jeff Gannon sighs, “Speak for yourself, Liz.” Oh, and like this isn’t a turn-on: Last year, he “stalked through campaign headquarters declaring, ‘Kill, kill, kill.’” MORE »

The idea came to us last week, when paralysis set in at the thought of writing another item about Judy Fucking Miller. There are some people, some ideas, some words that we’ve just had enough of. Already know just about everything one would want or care to know about Patrick Fitzgerald, for instance. And, fuck: Will we ever get out of the “Situation Room”? MORE »