Tag Archives: jeb bush

  Could Someone Please Use A Stalin Analogy For Variety?

Auschwitz Museum To Rename Itself ‘Nothing Compared To Obama’s Iran Deal’ Museum

Don't assume the Iran deal is a Shoah thing
In the days since Mike Huckabee’s fascinating, totally new strategy of calling Barack Obama Hitler for negotiating a freeze on Iran’s nuclear arms program (which can never work because Iran is Nazi Germany), the Republican Party has rediscovered just how heady that metaphor is, with an enthusiasm not seen since the halcyon Teabag Summer of 2009, when Obama was Hitler for making people get health insurance. Only now, as Huckabee himself explained, it’s totally different, because there are Real Jews who will get Holocausted by Iran! And never mind whether actual Jews are offended by the comparison, because after all, the Jews went and let themselves get killed in 1939-1945 anyway, so they probably need a Baptist preacher to explain things for them. It should be no surprise that Republicans are running to jump on the bandwagon — or maybe it’s more of a Panzerkampfwagen — to sagely proclaim that yes indeed, Barack Obama is pretty much Hitler, Chamberlain, or maybe both of them plus Adolf Eichmann, just itching to send all the Jews to Auschwitz, now that he’s given Iran the Sudetenland and the Bomb. Which they were going to get if there hadn’t been a nuke deal, but somehow actually limiting their nuke program is worse. Read more on Auschwitz Museum To Rename Itself ‘Nothing Compared To Obama’s Iran Deal’ Museum…
  Don't vote for him if you like living

Jeb Bush Will Murder Medicare And Your Mee-Maw

Why do nobody think I smarts?
Are you an Old? If so, then this post is not for you, because Jeb Bush doesn’t want to murder your Medicare. But are you a card-carrying member of the Future Olds Of America club? US TOO! Do you want to have healthcare during that time right before you cross the Rainbow Bridge your Golden Years? Well then you don’t want to vote for Jeb Bush, because he wants to murder your Medicare, with fire. Bush was doing one of those campaign events where you suck on the wrinkled penises of the Koch brothers in front of a live audience, and said hey, we should get rid of that thing where the Olds get to go to the doctor and stuff: Read more on Jeb Bush Will Murder Medicare And Your Mee-Maw…
  Breathtaking!

Donald Trump Has YOOOOOOGE, Beautiful Plan To Elect Hillary Clinton President

Now you can have an authentic Donald Trump experience in your own home
Recently, Donald “I am Donald Trump!” Trump had to reassure everyone that no, he is not a secret Democratic operative, playing in the GOP primary for the purposes of making all the other candidates eat each other alive and just look dumb. OR IS HE? Well maybe he has changed his mind on the subject, because the RNC is being mean to him and saying things like “Hey, stop calling the Mexicans rapists, stop punching John McCain in the face, and also you are an asshole,” which is NOT part of Trump’s plan to Make America Great Again, so maybe if they keep being such bitches he’ll run third party: Read more on Donald Trump Has YOOOOOOGE, Beautiful Plan To Elect Hillary Clinton President…
  You're The Real Haters

Donald Trump Winning Because Plenty Of Republicans Like Loudmouthed Dickheads

So McCain was captured. Big deal. So was El Chapo.
Donald Trump is at the very top of the latest Washington Post-ABC News poll, with 24 percent of Republican-leaning voters preferring the rubber-faced buttplug over the other primary candidates. His closest rivals, Scott Walker and Jeb! Bush, are virtually tied with 13 and 12 percent support (and a margin of error of 3 to 5 percentage points). And we know why this is. It is because Republican primary voters are A Idiot, as Sean Hannity astutely observed on his radio program Monday. Read more on Donald Trump Winning Because Plenty Of Republicans Like Loudmouthed Dickheads…
  S-M-R-T plan

President Scott Walker To Bomb Iran, Like, Yesterday

He has ALL the confuse
Check out the giant nutsack on Gov. Scott Walker! (But not in a gay way, that’s bad for the children.) At the Jesuspalooza known as the Family Leadership Summit, in Iowa this weekend, Walker whipped it out for the media and double-dog dared his fellow Republican presidential contenders to do the same, by explaining how he will bomb the ever-lovin’ fuck out of Iran the second after he is sworn in as president: Read more on President Scott Walker To Bomb Iran, Like, Yesterday…
  The dumbest Bush

Jeb Bush Says Gays Can Have Flowers, But Not Gay Flowers

Very few of these going on in Jeb's head.
Jeb Bush is saying words with his mouth again, and as we all know, that doesn’t tend to go well. Speaking at Thumbtack, a start-up in San Francisco, Jeb! attempted to answer the age old question: Should people discriminate against gays by refusing to sell them flowers? Read more on Jeb Bush Says Gays Can Have Flowers, But Not Gay Flowers…
  Him smart

Jeb Bush No Like Big Words

He's just a simple caveman candidate
At long last we have an explanation for why Jeb! Bush fucks it up so bad every time he’s asked to answer a question. BECAUSE WORDS IS HARD AND TOUGH. Big words with syllables are for ineffective fancypants elitists like Barack Obama and John Kerry and Hillary Clinton, whereas little words, like the kinds Jeb! and his brother use, are good. He explained this in the same interview in which he said Americans wouldn’t be so poor if we just worked a million more hours per day: Read more on Jeb Bush No Like Big Words…
  sounds better in the original german

Jeb! Bush To America: Work Makes You Free

what, me work?
Jeb! Bush said a stupid yesterday, because it was a day. And because it was Jeb! Bush, it took a page straight from the Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romneyshire playbook. Let’s go to the tape! Read more on Jeb! Bush To America: Work Makes You Free…
  Peas

Things That Do Not Go In Guacamole

Not in guac you don't.
Bipartisan unity was at last achieved in these United States on Wednesday after the Grey Lady, the paper of record, suggested something so horrifying that every God-fearing, patriotic American recoiled in disgust, fear and also more disgust. The Times suggested that, this 4th Of July weekend, we ought to all be putting PEAS in our guacamole. Read this blasphemous poppycock: Read more on Things That Do Not Go In Guacamole…
  ¡Ay caramba!

Hispanic ¡Jeb! Bush Says Donald Trump Wrong About His People Being Drug-Criming Rapists

Not a current picture of Jeb! Bush.
Jeb! Bush is mildly displeased with Donald Trump. Or rather, ¡Jeb! Bush està ligeramente disgustado over Donald Trump’s contention that Mexican immigrants are rapists and drug crimers. Nicest drug-criming rapists you’ll ever meet, though! As a completely legit Hispanic Mexican immigrant from the “Tanglewood” section of Houston Mexico City, it stands to reason that ¡Jeb! would eventually be outraged, two weeks later, in Spanish: Read more on Hispanic ¡Jeb! Bush Says Donald Trump Wrong About His People Being Drug-Criming Rapists…
  He made it the old fashioned way

Jeb Bush Tax Returns Reveal He’s F*cking Rich

Only in America
There’s one thing Jeb Bush learned real good from Mitt Romney, besides how to flip flop around like a dying fish on even the simplest of questions, and that is: don’t try to hide how rich you are. You are rich, and everyone knows it, so don’t be all mysterious and defensive because you’ll be asked about it for the rest of your life. (We’re still waiting for Mitt to let us see his tax returns so we can calculate approximately how much of his cash is stashed in the Cayman Islands.) Read more on Jeb Bush Tax Returns Reveal He’s F*cking Rich…
  So leadership many bold

Jeb! Bush So Proud He Quietly Hid Confederate Flag, Stuck It To PC Police

Is me the president I have been waiting for?
On a scale of one to potato, exactly how stupid is Jeb Bush? All, yes, eleven, and yams. After ever so timidly suggesting South Carolina might perhaps consider removing the Confederate flag from its state capitol grounds, the way Bush did when he was governor of Florida — quietly removing it over the weekend while no one was looking — Bush is now very proud, and would like ALL THE COOKIES, for standing up to the PC police: Read more on Jeb! Bush So Proud He Quietly Hid Confederate Flag, Stuck It To PC Police…
  So. Many. Idiots.

How GOP ‘Presidents’ Will Fail To Save America From Buttsex-Based Marriage

The spanking, it stung, YAY!
The Republican candidates for 2016 have spoken, and they are not one bit happy with all this gaiety today. Their reactions ranged from sadly resigned to reality, to promises to fight the decision forever — they will fight the gays in the fields and in the streets, fight them in the hills, but not fight them on the beaches because they might see a guy in a speedo and that would simply be too much — to saying nothing at all because they’re too busy crying, apparently. Read more on How GOP ‘Presidents’ Will Fail To Save America From Buttsex-Based Marriage…
  Give them another five years

Every Single GOP Candidate Has A Cunning Plan To Murder Obamacare On Day One

It's like health care only different
The highest court of unelected activist judges in the whole Us of America declared, for the second time, that Obamacare haters need to hush now and take a nap because that shit is kosher, yo. Which does not mean the Republican Party or any of its “presidential” “candidates” are going to do that. The Affordable Care Act may be the super-duper twice-certified constitutional law of the land, but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be repealed and replaced with something even MORE better, dunno what yet, that’s not what matters right now! Read more on Every Single GOP Candidate Has A Cunning Plan To Murder Obamacare On Day One…
  She can't even get 113 percent!

New Poll Finds Hillary Clinton Already President

Up to no good, maybe or maybe not
Try not to get too happy in your privates, but there’s a shiny new poll that shows Hillary Clinton is the winningest presidential candidate right now, by all the points: Basically, all the Democrats are like, “Yeah, we are cool with Hillz,” despite OOOOH SCARY headlines recently that she should be shaking in her pantsuit because Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders (buy your Bernie T-shirts today!) is getting some thumbs ups and big crowds at campaign events. Of course he is, because he says all the good words that make progressives go all swoony, which is why we also too love him. But and however, Clinton has been saying good words as well, which might be part of why 75 percent of Democrats are #ReadyForHillary. That, in case you did not know, is a big number. It’s bigger than the 15 percent who say Bernie is their guy, and it’s a whole lot bigger than the less than 1 percent of people who know who the hell Lincoln Chafee is. Read more on New Poll Finds Hillary Clinton Already President…
  man fuck this guy

Mike Huckabee: Can We Shut Up About Racism And Talk About My Lord And Savior Jesus Christ?

STFU, Huckabee.
When Mike Huckabee was first asked whether the Confederate flag should fly in South Carolina, he said Americans don’t “want [presidential candidates] to weigh in on every little issue in all 50 states that might be an important issue to the people of that state but not on the desk of the president,” because clearly the president of America is not president of the individual states that make up America. He also said you can’t assume, based on the actions of one lunatic, and also the state’s official endorsement of the Confederate flag, that the state is racist. The “lone wolf racist” has nothing to do with the lone racist flag, apparently. Read more on Mike Huckabee: Can We Shut Up About Racism And Talk About My Lord And Savior Jesus Christ?…