Tag Archives: jean schmidt

  Triumph des Bachmanns

New Twilight Mashup Features Michele Bachmann and Other Crazy Ladies

Have you pre-ordered your “wet section” box seats for the premiere of Fire from the Heartland: the Awakening of the Conservative Woman, Leni Riefenstahl’s most recent and celebrated film? We assume this documentary is about angry moms who want more wars for their children to die in, but watch the trailer and you shall quickly realize these conservative ladies only want to gossip about how Barack Obama keeps shoving things into their mouth-holes. Ergo: This video is not suitable for work. Read more on New Twilight Mashup Features Michele Bachmann and Other Crazy Ladies…
  heroes of the birther movement

Congresslady Jean Schmidt Secretly Agrees With The Birthers, Except This One Time By Mistake She *Publicly* Agreed With The Birthers

Everyone very warmly congratulate Jean Schmidt (R-OH), who has bravely and accidentally come out as a Birther. Lo! Observe as Jean Schmidt is accosted by a rabid blond female Birther wearing some kind of decorative traditional headdress of war. “Blah blah NOT dog whistle MY muslin president Hussein sdodfgifjsd states’ rights fake something Gerald Ford something something!” shrieks the Birther to Jean Schmidt, to which the latter replies: “I agree with you, but the courts don’t.” Jean Schmidt is finally embracing the real Jean Schmidt, and so should America. [Glenn Thrush] Read more on Congresslady Jean Schmidt Secretly Agrees With The Birthers, Except This One Time By Mistake She *Publicly* Agreed With The Birthers…
 

“He Kind of Snarled Back”

This week, our omnipresent eyes and ears spotted Brit Hume, Jean Schmidt, Tony Snow, Ron Paul, Elvis Costello, Katie Couric, Patrick McHenry, Hillary Clinton, and Tom DeLay, then wrote about spotting them in emails, which they sent to us. And now all those emails are posted after the jump! See someone sorta famous in DC? Tell us all about it in an email with the subject line “Wonk’d” or “sightings.” Read more on “He Kind of Snarled Back”…
 

Rumors On The Internets: Bangin’ in Little Rock

* “Jesus would be happy” if John Edwards became President, says John Edwards. [Beliefnet] * U.S. Attorney and Rove tool-man Tim Griffin loves the Arkansas skanks. [Radar] * Everything Karl Rove knows he learned from Nikita Khrushchev. [Shakespeare’s Sister] * Hillary Clinton fundraiser features many poignant moments, very little food. [Hotline on Call] * Hillary’s Second Life headquarters not worth wasting shittingdicknipples on. [techPresident] * Jean Schmidt is holding her moral ground on the “Walter Reed, it ain’t so bad” issue. [Enquirer] * Tom Lantos’ wife: coming soon to a nightmare near you. [1115] Read more on Rumors On The Internets: Bangin’ in Little Rock…
 

Gossip Roundup: Slipstream

* Heard on the Hill: Folks who drank for free at Tuesday night’s Guinness-sponsored St Patrick’s Day party were cool, but if you tried to take the free cab home, you were in violation of House Ethics rules… Post reporter wanders onto House floor during first day on the job… Everyone loves Stevie Wonder… Senators are not very punctual, find it difficult to make it to the Capitol in time to vote. [Roll Call] * Reliable Source: Chuck Schumer’s “It’s Academic” team reunited. Breaking: Chuck Schumer was a tool in 1967 too… The BBC reported that some fake blog was actually written by Patrick Fitzgerald. [WP] * Yeas and Nays: Rep. Dennis Rehberg admits to being illiterate… Thaddeus McCotter is holding a fundraiser tonight at the Chi-Cha Lounge so that he can smoke. [Examiner] * Under the Dome: Sens. Clinton and Lott barely made it to the Senate in time for for the cloture vote in Iraq… Which Dem lawmaker’s leaked Dave Obey’s made-up info to the press? … José Serrano: funny guy! … Rep. Dutch Ruppersberger: 36th most liked member of congress… Wyclef loves Barry Obama. [The Hill] * Shenanigans: Jean Schmidt slipped and fell on vomit in a Cannon bathroom. Laughing out loud, etc. etc. [Politico] * Rush & Molloy: Senator Arnold Schwarzenegger? God save us all. [NYDN] Read more on Gossip Roundup: Slipstream…
 

Daily Briefing: Just In Time, Baby

* Janet Reno joins Justice Department Officials from Carter, Reagan, and Clinton administrations to issue a letter against indefinite detention of terror suspects. [WP] * Embattled federal family planning programs chief Eric Keroack has previously prescribed actual birth control and not just the trusty “pull out” technique. [WP] * Shattering the myth of government efficiency, contracting procedures at DHS are found to be inconsistent and poorly documented. [WP] * White House appears willing to drop private accounts from Social Security reform package. [WSJ] * Rules of Congressional real estate: location, location, and “mine is bigger than yours” bragging rights. [NYT] * Joe Lieberman hires “Trotskyite Zionist Reaganite” as communications director. [NYT] * Ohio, not wanting Wonkette to be starved for material, puts Jean Schmidt back in office. [AP] Read more on Daily Briefing: Just In Time, Baby…
 

Jean Schmidt Disappoints Us, Nation

Representative Jean Schmidt’s previous public meltdowns have been so comical that it saddens us to see her reduced to mere plagiarism, the hallmark of boring, unimportant people like bloggers, academics, and music writers. Who can forget… Read more on Jean Schmidt Disappoints Us, Nation…
 

Wonk’d: A Supremely Bad Hair Day

Washington people just never quit working. Bill Kristol rises early to have breakfast with congressmen, Michael Chertoff spends Friday nights securing the homeland’s movie theaters, and Valerie Plame reads political non-fiction on street corners cause she can’t get enough. And kindly father Alito (at right — ain’t he loveable?) spends his weekends carting his daughter’s luggage all over 37th street. This plus philandering soccer players, jaywalking TV gangsters, and mustachioed wrestlers, after the jump! Read more on Wonk’d: A Supremely Bad Hair Day…
 

Jean Schmidt’s Evil Twin Wants to Give You $500

As a public service to our readers in Ohio, if your funds are a little low at the moment, you might want to lend a hand to Jennifer Black, better known as Congressthing Jean Schmidt’s evil twin. And it’s easy! All you have to do is find those meanies who keep defacing and/or destroying the pro-life signs on the grounds of the no-doubt ultraswanky Schmidt family farm. Heck, that doesn’t sound very hard: a couple of nights hiding in a field with a shotgun for five franklins? It’s like shooting cultural warrior fish in a barrel. And the opportunity to stand that close to Jean Schmidt’s shared gene pool? Heck, we’d do that for free. Read more on Jean Schmidt’s Evil Twin Wants to Give You $500…
 

Wonkette’s Week in Review

* This is how the world will end, not with a bang, but a clank, and the thump of a pneumatic hammer on an elevator. We’re relieved that no one was hurt, but it sure was exciting covering all the action. Er, whatever it is that passes for action. In the end, the biggest danger of the day was the risk of some soiled gabardine, but even that was averted. Read more on Wonkette’s Week in Review…
 

“Mean Jean” Schmidt: You Can Run, But She Will Catch You

Jean Schmidt (R-OH), our recently crowned champion in Congressional Catfight, is even more formidable than we thought. Several of you pointed out that she’s a veteran marathoner. Now we have the proof, from an Ohio reader: Read more on “Mean Jean” Schmidt: You Can Run, But She Will Catch You…
 

Congressional Catfight: Congratulations to Jean Schmidt!

Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached the end of the road in Congressional Catfight. The competition began two weeks ago, with eight tough contenders, who were later joined by five wild card entries. All in all, 13 fierce fighters. Only one could emerge victorious. Read more on Congressional Catfight: Congratulations to Jean Schmidt!…
 

Congressional Catfight: An Amusing Endorsement

We’re about to close the polls in Congressional Catfight: Harris vs. Schmidt, and it’s looking like curtains for Katherine. “Mean Jean” has a sizable lead at this late hour. For your reading pleasure — and not to influence the vote, which is pretty much over — we direct your attention to this well-researched and humorous endorsement of Katy. Nasty, Brutish & Short, a regular commenter in these pages, parses the term “catfight,” then evaluates the fighters through the prism of “Dynasty.” He concludes that he must vote for Harris (despite being a fan of Schmidt too). Here’s an excerpt: Read more on Congressional Catfight: An Amusing Endorsement…
 

Congressional Catfight: Checking In on the Ladies

The polls are now open in the final round of Congressional Catfight: Katherine Harris versus Jean Schmidt. You can cast your vote by clicking here. How are things looking thus far? Not good for Katy, whose nicely toned butt is getting kicked by “Mean Jean.” Right now, with over 2,200 votes cast, Schmidt has almost two-thirds of the vote. Sentiment among the commenters also favors Schmidt heavily. Read more on Congressional Catfight: Checking In on the Ladies…