It’s actually here, Labor Day weekend — the dreaded three days that mark the end of summer, the end of fun, the end of all things good. No more outdoor movies, beers on patios, music in the park, free museums, IT’S ALL OVER, and will be replaced by Fall, which, fine, does offer great things like apple picking, beautiful leaves, Halloween, etc. Have the best damn Labor Day by listening to us and doing at least two-thirds of the things on our Labor Day List! MORE »

When you, the constituent, called your local congressperson and were subsequently put on hold sometime in the last three weeks, did you notice anything… offensive? Something syncopated? Something Satan might have on his iPod, in case an attractive woman were to ever browse through said iPod? This is called “jazz” and henceforth it is banned—BANNED—from Congress, definitely for right now, when people are actually calling their representatives, and maybe even forever. MORE »

The demise of Screen on the Green has left many of you distraught, contemplating death and wishing you lived in a world where outdoor movies never even existed in the first place. SUCK IT UP! Things end. It’s a recession. Worse things could have happened: you could have been tortured, Sarah Palin could be the VP right now, or China could stop buying our debt in which case we would REALLY be screwed. But thankfully, not all of our favorite DC summer institutions have fallen victim to the financial crisis. Tomorrow marks the beginning of our beloved Jazz in the Garden. MORE »

Friday, April 3: If you like Justice and Daft Punk, you might be interested in Sebastien Tellier, who also hails from France and is essential to the French dance circuit. He will be bringing his beautiful, piano-laced electro music to the 9:30 Club. 10PM. [MySpace] MORE »

Oh here’s something that’s starting in about, uh, an hour. RUN! MORE »

“NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim June 2008 as Black Music Month. I encourage all Americans to learn more about the history of black music and to enjoy the great contributions of African-American singers, musicians, and composers. MORE »

Some little hipster clarinet player from NYU is claiming the Iraq invasion and occupation was all about securing oil supplies for America. Oh and what is that sticking out of Jazzbo Al’s tattered raincoat? A worn paperback of Ayn Rand’s “Atlas Shrugged,” which he actually first read when she was writing it, when he was screwing some gal in Rand’s “inner circle” and writing angry letters to the New York Times about how “parasites who persistently avoid either purpose or reason perish as they should.” That’s right, we’re talking about former Federal Reserve chairman Alan Greenspan! MORE »

• Rancid has sold out the Black Cat mainstage for the next three nights. We’ll be out front, waiting for our erotic asphyxiation activity partner. [Black Cat]

• Meet the people behind the WP’s Express. It’s their 3-year anniversary party at the Reef. 5-10PM. [WP]
• Quincy Jones and Oliver Nelson with the Smithsonian Jazz Masterworks Orchestra at the Museum of Nat. History’s Baird Auditorium.
  $25 at 7:30PM. [Museum of Nat History]

• Eric Johnson Electric Band at the Birchmere. $30 at 7:30PM. [Birchmere]