japan
Brave Wingnut Crusades Against Creeping Sharia In Alaska
Sarah Palin’s “Alaska” is already gearing up to dismantle all the unions, forever. But what could make this embarrassing ice colony even more American? Probably a law that would prevent Muslims from honor-killing all the delicate white women, legally, in Alaska court! And hooray, this is exactly what some wingnut state representative wants, and he’s [...]
World’s Governments Can’t Decide How Radioactive Everything Is
More happy cherry blossom news from Japan! Extremely radioactive water has been discovered outside one of the Fukushima reactors, which means there’s a good chance that radioactive liquid is seeping into Mother Earth right now as we are typing this. Tepco officials reported that radiation levels at Reactor No. 2 were “10 million times higher [...]
GOP Hack Suggested Using False-Flag Attacks To Discredit WI Unions
Lady Liberty cried quietly in her room with a pint of chocolate ice cream after hearing that an Indiana prosecutor and GOP activist sent USDA certified organic asshole Scott Walker a friendly email, urging him to “employ an associate who pretends to be sympathetic to the unions’ cause to physically attack you (or even use [...]
Nancy Grace Informs Scientist Calif. Will Be Destroyed By Japan Radiation
When your editor was in Japan last week, he was comforted by nuclear experts coming on the CNN International and informing their anchors they were wrong when they said the leaky reactors were going to turn everyone across the country and Pacific Ocean into Giga Pudding. But teevee judge/raging idiot Nancy Grace is not going [...]
Oh Yeah, America’s In Another War Somewhere (Libya?)
Sorry we forgot to post about America getting into a war with Muammar Gaddafi again. What with the radiation cloud headed across the Pacific from some melting nuclear hellscape and the air strikes on Gaddafi’s Libya, we can probably be forgiven for thinking, “Eh, it’s just those incredible mushrooms and also that MDMA and probably [...]
A Fun Japanese Cartoon To Explain the Nuclear Holocaust To Your Kids
It all makes sense now! Uhh, sorry. [YouTube]
Diplomat In Austria Tells AP Japan Radiation Has Reached California
Here’s the latest episode of the never-ending reality series, Why Nobody Trusts the Government: Everybody on the West Coast is freaking out because the radioactive plume is reaching North America today, from the melting nuclear plants in Japan, and everybody would probably really like some comforting, hourly updates along the lines of “Yep, we’re talking [...]
Wonkette’s Jack Stuef Interviewed By Vanity Fair (Former Wonkette Editor) About Tokyo
He doesn’t even answer our emails, and we pay him (a little), but here’s your wayward afternoon guy Jack Stuef doing a Q&A with Juli Weiner because they have Porno Twitters in Brooklyn or something: Are people wearing radiation masks? Do you get a sense for how nervous you’re supposed to be? Many people are [...]
U.S. State Dept. Rescuing Americans In Japan (Regular Bus Fare Applies)
The good news (?) is that the State Department has begun rescuing Americans and their families from the quake/tsunami/radiation-battered northeast coast of Japan. The bad news is that the rescue is just a bus to Tokyo, and you’ll need to sign a form promising to pay the bus fare. Still, rescue! And with some 80,000 [...]
Japan Raises Nuclear Apocalypse Alert Level
Japan raised the nuclear alert level at Fukushima from four to five on a seven-point international scale for atomic incidents, making this nightmare just two “points” away from Chernobyl! (That’s a nice way to imagine it, in “points.” Just like in College Basketball March Madness!) The head of the International Atomic Energy Agency referred to [...]
Nuclear Holocaust May Affect Distant Nation’s Sushi Supply
Everybody suffers in their own way, okay? Don’t judge! Sometimes when somebody loves a fish in a very special way, that person is unhappy when the fish can’t be shipped from Japan, on the other side of the world.
U.S. Evacuating Americans From Tokyo, Death Plume Heads To America
It has been nearly a week now, and the crisis in Japan only seems to be getting more terrible, so it’s time for the world’s religious people to start finding a deity to blame for the devastation in Japan! We long ago figured it was the Irish god, Saint Patrick, because it’s his “Holy Week” [...]
SURPRISE: U.S. Wants More Than Just a No-Fly Zone In Libya!
Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Let’s celebrate by bombing Libya: “The U.S. ambassador to the U.N. raised the possibility of ‘going beyond a no-fly zone,’” but didn’t specify when the United States would save all the oil from oppression — causing major blue balls in diplomatic circles. Remember two days ago when Barack Obama said he [...]
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