Japan finally acknowledged the full horrors at its Fukushima Dai-Ichi nuclear power plant and raised the “severity rating” to 7, the highest on the accident scale and equivalent to the Chernobyl disaster in Ukraine a quarter-century ago. Each step up the International Nuclear and Radiological Event Scale represents a tenfold increase in danger, with an […]

What do rich people do with their money, besides using it to pay taxes? (Haha, what taxes?) Well, we know what Donald Trump is wasting his fortune on, since he is a shameless exhibitionist: He has hired a crackerjack team of private investigators to find Barack Obama’s real “bird certificate,” which your Wonkette has had […]

A trade group representing Japanese fishermen (see: scummy fish union) has called TEPCO — the company that owns the nuclear power plant that is currently exploding — incompetent and “unforgivable.” Specifically, the group is less than thrilled about Tokyo Electric and the Japanese government deciding to dump 11,500 tons of radioactive water into the Pacific […]

Yielding to dozens of Surveymonkey petitions, Barack Obama has decided that allowing Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and his merry 9/11 pranksters to be tried in a “normal” court — you know, where torture-induced confessions are not considered “evidence” — would be inappropriate, and that a sensationalized military kangaroo tribunal with a swift verdict would be much […]

Let’s begin with the “funny” news: Transocean awarded its top executives with six figure bonuses, because under their shining leadership the company experienced its “best year in safety performance.” Yes, “safety bonuses” for the executives in charge of the oil rig that exploded and then spilled 200 million gallons of oil into the ocean, killing […]

There are many great things that come with the start of spring, like homeless people returning to Dupont Circle, tourists on Segways, free cone day, and Jesus. Of all the obligatory D.C. spring activities, though, there’s nothing more loved than staring at the cherry blossoms, even if those pretty pink blossoms look exactly the same […]

Conditions at the Fukushima Daiichi plant are worsening by the day, and the general consensus seems to be that the plant’s damaged nuclear reactors are beyond repair. Remember when Japan was dumping helicopter-loads of water on the plant, to “cool down” the reactors? Ha-ha, there’s been a slight change of plans. Officials have requested the […]

Sarah Palin’s “Alaska” is already gearing up to dismantle all the unions, forever. But what could make this embarrassing ice colony even more American? Probably a law that would prevent Muslims from honor-killing all the delicate white women, legally, in Alaska court! And hooray, this is exactly what some wingnut state representative wants, and he’s […]

More happy cherry blossom news from Japan! Extremely radioactive water has been discovered outside one of the Fukushima reactors, which means there’s a good chance that radioactive liquid is seeping into Mother Earth right now as we are typing this. Tepco officials reported that radiation levels at Reactor No. 2 were “10 million times higher […]

Lady Liberty cried quietly in her room with a pint of chocolate ice cream after hearing that an Indiana prosecutor and GOP activist sent USDA certified organic asshole Scott Walker a friendly email, urging him to “employ an associate who pretends to be sympathetic to the unions’ cause to physically attack you (or even use […]

When your editor was in Japan last week, he was comforted by nuclear experts coming on the CNN International and informing their anchors they were wrong when they said the leaky reactors were going to turn everyone across the country and Pacific Ocean into Giga Pudding. But teevee judge/raging idiot Nancy Grace is not going […]

As you know, your editor was in peaceful, relaxing Japan last week for a perfectly-timed vacation. Tokyo was about as normal as one could expect a city to be in such a situation, so we won’t bore you with banal details about what it’s like to now have gills and the ability to shoot laundry […]

Sorry we forgot to post about America getting into a war with Muammar Gaddafi again. What with the radiation cloud headed across the Pacific from some melting nuclear hellscape and the air strikes on Gaddafi’s Libya, we can probably be forgiven for thinking, “Eh, it’s just those incredible mushrooms and also that MDMA and probably […]

It all makes sense now! Uhh, sorry. [YouTube]

Here’s the latest episode of the never-ending reality series, Why Nobody Trusts the Government: Everybody on the West Coast is freaking out because the radioactive plume is reaching North America today, from the melting nuclear plants in Japan, and everybody would probably really like some comforting, hourly updates along the lines of “Yep, we’re talking […]