Sweet Japanese Jesus: "A Japanese civil servant was demoted for logging more than 780,000 hits on pornographic Web sites on his office computer over nine months, an official said Friday." 780,000, divided by nine months, divided by 22 workdays in a month... carry the zero... he looked at four billion Internet pornography boobs a day, every day. [AP/Raw Story]
Hillary Clinton is afraid that Americans are going to start prancing around in knee socks and filming radioactive giant lizard-based horror films, now that we are sinking into a "Japanese-style malaise." But these terrible tragedies can be avoided if we resort to crazy nanny state policies like having the Federal Housing Administration purchase underwater mortgages.
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In the city of Obama, Japan, they are wildly promoting the American candidate-warrior who shares their name. His reputation is legend, like the ancient samurai Tom Cruise! After the jump, watch various small business owners in Obama, Japan declare that “every Tuesday is Super Tuesday,” and other inane crap that they don’t understand.
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Shinzo Abe announced his retirement today as Japan’s least favorite Prime Minister. Try to read this New York Times description without being reminded of someone: “the nationalist leader whose vision of an unapologetic and strong Japan foundered on scandals, incompetence and gaffes…” Nationalistic? Scandal-ridden? Gafes? That’s right, it sounds just like Russian Prime Minister Mikhail Fradkov.
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So one of the two very similar political parties wins control of the Congress again because overwhelming majorities of Americans are sick of killing U.S. kids in Iraq, welfare-state big-government spending, crippling national debt and deficits, and Republican politicians who strangle their prostitutes and have gay sex with children. But what does it all mean?
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Now we’re officially scraping the bottom of the holiday news barrel, because we’re going to invoke that goddamned National Zoo baby panda we hate so much, Sun Myung Moon or whatever it’s called.
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Yeah, while you guys were rebuilding your devastated cities and salvaging your national dignity, we were pretty much doing this. (AP)
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As we’ve said a few times, the rumors of trouble in the Bush marriage are certainly plausible to us, but once you throw a Condi affair into the mix, we don’t buy it. CNN’s online photo editors, though, present a much more convincing case.
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“Ok, now this time, you be Nixon.” (AP)
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In this White House pool report, the President conquers his demons, and gets another scooter out of the White House: The Leader of the Free World did, indeed, hop onto a Segway scooter and cruised for an undetermined distance at the Guest House under the no-doubt admiring gaze of his Japanese host. Duffy, through Carroll, said the new Segway was a gift from the president to the prime minister. One has to use one’s imagination as to how fast the President-guided the Segway or whether he managed a more graceful dismount than the last time he was seen on one of these scooters.We like to think he rode it one handed, whooping, yelling, "Suck on it, Fitzy!!! SUCK IT!" More »
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