Tag Archives: japan

  I see England I see France I can see Russia from my house

Scott Walker Will Be Best President Of America, Because He’s Been To Europe Like Twice

Less charisma than a sleeping basset hound, and nowhere near as cute.
Despite the fact that presidential candidate Carly Fiorina (R-LOL) has explained that going places on airplanes — like that know-nothing Hillary Clinton, who used to be Secretary of State — is not the same thing as actual foreign policy experience, her likely rival for the nomination, Gov. Scott Walker of Wisconsin (R-Zzzzzzz), apparently is not paying attention, because he told Bob Schieffer on Face The Nation that he will be so much better of a president than Hillary Clinton, because the places he went to on airplanes are nice, and the places Hillary Clinton went to on airplanes suckity suck, and are also Benghazi: Read more on Scott Walker Will Be Best President Of America, Because He’s Been To Europe Like Twice…
  the little scan in the boat

Jon Stewart Finally Addresses Japan’s Pussy Boat Crisis (Video)

Jon Stewart brings us the story of Megumi Igarashi, a Japanese artist who was arrested on suspicion of breaking obscenity laws when she tried to sell 3D printouts of her vulva (let’s be precise, OK?) to help crowdsource a project to build a kayak built from a much larger 3D printout of her ladygarden. Why, yes, it IS Friday. Read more on Jon Stewart Finally Addresses Japan’s Pussy Boat Crisis (Video)…
  There's No Need to Fear

Man Time: Cheer for These Underdogs

There are two important underdog stories in sportsball right now, and you should be cheering for these guys before they leave us forever. They come to us from the world of bouncy hoops and golf, and if these stories don’t warm the cockles of your heart, then perhaps you’re an awful person. Read more on Man Time: Cheer for These Underdogs…
  uncanny valley of the dolls

New Japanese Robot Ladies Still Fall Short Of Anime Fantasy, May Nonetheless Kill Us All

Fans of the Uncanny Valley will be delighted to know that roboticists in Japan have taken another giant leap toward creeping us right the fuck out, with two new female-appearing androids that will be interacting with guests at the National Museum of Emerging Science and Innovation in Tokyo. They look pretty darn lifelike in still photos, and considerably less so in video. The goal for these bots is to simulate some human movements smoothly, especially facial expressions; hand and arm movements still look considerably more machine-driven. For now, hu-mons. For now. Read more on New Japanese Robot Ladies Still Fall Short Of Anime Fantasy, May Nonetheless Kill Us All…
  domo arigato

Stupidest Man On Internet Fears Obama’s True Loyalty Is To Mister Roboto

How is Barack Obama insulting America’s dignity today? Jim Hoft, the Stupidest Man on the Internet, reveals that the weak-willed absolute tyrant, whose spineless foreign policy encouraged the Russians to invade Ukraine even as he has dictatorially crammed health insurance down our throats, is now bowing not merely to foreign potentates, but even to foreign robots. Has this man no sense of dignity, no sense of what is just and proper? America bows to no one! Read more on Stupidest Man On Internet Fears Obama’s True Loyalty Is To Mister Roboto…
  heritage not hate

Is This Lawsuit Seeking To Remove Public Art Misguided Or Evil? Why Choose?

The Japanese did awful things in World War II that went above and beyond wartime fun, including mass rape and and forced prostitution. Japanese rightwingers does not like to be reminded of this, so some terrible people are suing Glendale, California, for having the gall to erect a memorial to “comfort women” — the women enslaved by the Japanese as prostitutes for the military. Wait what?? Read more on Is This Lawsuit Seeking To Remove Public Art Misguided Or Evil? Why Choose?…
  praise the ammunition and pass the lord

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Will Live In Infamy

After all those wonderful lies about the Great Depression, it will be nice to get back to something more like reality in our rightwing Christian textbooks for the Christian school/homeschooling market. And so, on with World War II — as we’ve noted, once these guys have an actual shooting war to look at, they tend to tone down the Culture War stuff. And for one of our two texts, the 11th/12th-grade United States History for Christian Schools (Bob Jones University Press, 2001), that’s pretty much the case — there is almost nothing in this textbook’s coverage of WWII that would be out of place in a secular textbook. Happily for our purposes, our other book, A Beka’s eighth-grade America: Land I Love (1994, 2006), is just as full of crazy as ever, and even some of its discussion of the war itself is at best cursory. This is important, because we just aren’t ready to jump straight into the weirdness that is their discussion of the Cold War. (How’s that for a teaser for next week?) Let’s start with the primary causes of World War II: Socialism, spiritual emptiness, and of course, Charles Darwin. Yep, it’s going to be another of those chapters. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Will Live In Infamy…
  articulate and bright and clean

Old Handsome Joe Biden Asks If Japanese Ladies’ Husbands Gave Them Permission To Get Jerbs

Oh, golly, Old Handsome Joe… You know, we get you, but not everybody gets you. You understand we literally love you to death, but sometimes, you sort of literally put your foot in your mouth? Like during this meeting with five women at Japanese internet concern DeNA, where you asked the three married gals, “Do your husbands like you working full time?” We get what you meant, of course — the White House pool report said that the point of the visit was to emphasize “the need to integrate more women in the workforce,” and so the question was aimed at showing that family and work aren’t incompatible, but that’s not how it came out, exactly. Read more on Old Handsome Joe Biden Asks If Japanese Ladies’ Husbands Gave Them Permission To Get Jerbs…
  is our children learning? no

American Kids Not Getting Dumber, But Not Getting More Smarter Either

Hello Americans. Today we are writing very slowly, because we know that you don’t read very fast. Or good. And we promise to stay away from complicated math, simple math, and any scientific theories more complicated than gravity, because apparently our kids isn’t learning very good. At all. According to a test administered to 15-year-olds all over the world, per The Hill, “U.S. students failed to reach the top 20 rankings in math, science or reading, according to the National Center for Education Statistics, which organizes the data.” We’re number 1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1!!! Let’s sexplore what who is more smarter than us.  Read more on American Kids Not Getting Dumber, But Not Getting More Smarter Either…
  i don't want the world -- i just want your half

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Your Homeschooled Imperialist

Welcome back, time-tourists, for another visit to the strange world of the past as viewed through a couple of textbooks for the Christian school market. You might recall that last week, we were genuinely impressed to see that some actual history somehow sneaked into our 11th/12th-grade text, United States History for Christian Schools (Bob Jones University Press, 2001), in its discussion of the USA’s treatment of Native Americans — it was actually critical of U.S. America! (No telling if the editor for that section has since been sent to the re-education camp.) This week, as we discuss turn-of the century imperialism, U.S. History is back to its usual place in this series: the slightly saner older brother to the completely unhinged 8th-grade text from A Beka, America: Land I Love, but still prone to weird proselytizing at the dinner table. Where Land I Love pretty much denies that there was anything “imperialistic” about U.S. expansion beyond North America — because we were just helping, you know — U.S. History at least makes a stab at nuance, acknowledging that “even the history of American imperialism, probably better than average among imperialist nations, has its darker side of acquisition by conquest and duplicity.” But on the whole, both books agree that it was a pretty sweet deal for the places America took over, because we brought those folks the chance to be brought to Jesus and a bunch of other blessings of civilization, even if they were bestowed at the point of a bayonet. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Your Homeschooled Imperialist…
  we want this on a t-shirt please

New Fukishima Mascot, Fukuppy, Is The ‘New Coke’ Of Japanese Rebranding

You have to feel a bit sorry for that smiling little egg guy up there. Here it is, ready to welcome visitors to the website for Fukushima Industries and promise them a happy browsing experience as they look over the company’s fine array of industrial cooling equipment, but it’s saddled with an insufficiently researched name, “Fukuppy.” The company says it had intended to combine the first two syllables of its name with “happy,” but it didn’t consult with any native English speakers before sending the mascot out into the world. (There’s no connection between the corporation and the prefecture where the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plant is located — “Fukushima” just means “lucky island.” Which hasn’t worked out so great either lately.) Read more on New Fukishima Mascot, Fukuppy, Is The ‘New Coke’ Of Japanese Rebranding…
  The Garden of Forking Pathologies

Everything We Know About North Korea Comes From Kim Jong-Il’s Sushi Chef

There is probably a pretty good dissertation to be written on the whole phenomenon of “Murderous Dictators Who Have Wacky Quirks,” like how Moammar Khadafi collected Condi Rice sideboob photos or Uday Hussein’s penchant for taking his pet tigers for a walk around Baghdad, or virtually any factoid about Donald Trump. (Not a murderous dictator, you say? Not YET, we reply.) But the master of the form was the late North Korean Dear Leader, Kim Jong-il, who was born under a double rainbow on a sacred mountaintop, claimed he invented the hamburger, and drank $700,000 of cognac a year. And he had a sushi chef who was the source of virtually everything that western intelligence knew about the Kim family, according to this GQ piece by Adam Johnson. Read the whole thing for the full brain-‘sploding account of wretched dictatorial excess; we can only hope to share some aneurysm-inducing highlights here. Read more on Everything We Know About North Korea Comes From Kim Jong-Il’s Sushi Chef…
  because 'florida'

Customer Stands Pizza Joint’s Ground

Guess where this was. No, guess! Did you guess? YAY you WIN because it was of course in Florida, the state that has decided to outsource the use of lethal force to its people (unless they are wearing hoodies, we assume). Police said the incident unfolded about 4 p.m. inside [a] Little Caesars…after Randall White, 49, got mad about [the] service…This “prompted them to exchange words and it became a shoving match,” said police spokesman Mike Puetz. White raised a fist. Jock, a concealed-weapons permit holder, pulled out a .38 Taurus Ultralight Special Revolver. He fired one round, hitting White in the lower torso. The men grappled and the gun fired again, hitting White in roughly the same spot, police said. Read more on Customer Stands Pizza Joint’s Ground…
  History Is Written by the Whiners

Fun With Christianists: Things You Can Learn in a Christian ‘World History & Cultures’ Textbook (Part 1)

You know the drill by now: Every Sunday, we visit Christianist America, where Jesus delivered the Constitution to George Washington but now Christians are somehow a persecuted minority. This week’s travelogue comes courtesy of World History and Cultures In Christian Perspective, 2nd Ed. (A Beka Book, 1997), a 10th-grade history text which the publisher’s website says “stands on the conviction that God is the Creator of the world and the Controller of history.” You get a good sense of World History’s agenda from the table of contents. “Asia and Africa” are dealt with in the first 6 chapters — “The Middle East” and “Egypt” each merit their own chapter, because Bible, duh. And then the entire history of these two continents, which account for 75% of the planet’s population, is polished off within 40 pages, in chapters imaginatively titled “Other Asian Cultures” and “Other African Cultures” (Actual section heading: The Dark Continent. This is not inside ironic quotes). Most chapters and sections have the bland, utilitarian headings of any high school text — but then there are the subtle reminders that this is a fundamentalist Christian textbook: Rome: Preparation of the World for Christ Unbelief and Revolution in 19th-Century Europe Concepts in History: Why Communism Kills Twentieth-Century Liberalism; Retreat from Authority and Responsibility Concepts in History: Environmental Extremism Read more on Fun With Christianists: Things You Can Learn in a Christian ‘World History & Cultures’ Textbook (Part 1)…
  feces ... it's what's for dinner

Goodbye Anusburger, Hello Fecesburger!

Unsatisfied with a diet of subsidized-corn subsidized-oil subsidized industrial cattle farm e.coli anusburgers? Japan’s wacky scientists have a treat for you! It’s being called the “poop burger”. Japanese scientists have found a way to create artificial meat from sewage containing human feces. Read more on Goodbye Anusburger, Hello Fecesburger!…
  it's morning in america

Mitt Romney Slams Obama By Saying How Great Both Their Health Plans Are

Mitt Romney has a HUGE liability in the Republican presidential race: He once helped people who needed health insurance get it, so their health and finances wouldn’t be ruined simply because their fellow citizens didn’t care if they died. Whoops! Doesn’t he know his party faithful hates protecting the lives of people who aren’t fetuses? Yesterday, he finally tried to defend his plan, but he just made things worse, endorsing the individual mandate and all the other fundamental features that underpin both plans, while paying lip service to disliking Obamacare with a few vague attacks. Mitt Romney has been found out: He’s not strong enough a man to watch and laugh while the health of some unprivileged citizens suffers needlessly. And it’s ruining him. [National Review] Read more on Mitt Romney Slams Obama By Saying How Great Both Their Health Plans Are… Read more on Mitt Romney Slams Obama By Saying How Great Both Their Health Plans Are…
  it's morning in america

Japan Says It’s Okay For Children To Be Exposed To Lots Of Radiation

Good morning, miserable jingoes! Here is your dumb news: The Japanese government has made a few small changes to “nuclear safety standards in schools.” Japanese schoolchildren can now be exposed to twenty times more radiation than was previously allowed! Parents are “furious” for some reason, and have “delivered a bag of radioactive playground earth to education officials in protest.” (Radioactive Playground Earth. That will be the name of our next ska band.) Anyway! Japanese children can now be exposed to twenty millisieverts a year, which is “equivalent to the annual maximum dose for German nuclear workers,” according to this news article. (Oh, crap.) The EPA has already decided that Americans can eat radioactive fruits and vegetables, so we’re not far behind. [The Guardian] Read more on Japan Says It’s Okay For Children To Be Exposed To Lots Of Radiation… Read more on Japan Says It’s Okay For Children To Be Exposed To Lots Of Radiation…
  goodbye humans!

Here Is Your Nuclear Holocaust News Roundup

It’s been an exciting week of “news,” what with Donald Trump releasing his long-form draft card — which proves that Obama never went to Harvard — and blah blah blah. Good grief, we almost forgot that Japan’s crippled nuclear reactors are still leaking all kinds of unspeakable horrors! Even the lamestream media acknowledges that awful things such as plutonium 239 (a scary-ass isotope with a half life of 24,000 years) have been detected in places where they definitely shouldn’t be. How long do Royal Marriages last? Fifteen years, tops? Oh well. We’ll all be inbred mutants in ten years, anyway. Read more on Here Is Your Nuclear Holocaust News Roundup…
  it's morning in america

New Terror Alert System Has Only Two Colors: ‘Elevated’ and ‘Imminent’

Janet Napolitano has had a major breakthrough, people! A few days ago, Janet slipped and hit her head on her bathroom sink while trying to drink out of the toilet like an animal does, and bam!, an image of the flux capacitor a terror alert system with only two terror-colors appeared in her head. It was magic: one color was Elevated, and the other was Imminent. (Janet quickly realized that this new Terror Rainbow would create enough Panic to power her DeLorean torture machine, which she could use to transport Bradley Manning to rape prisons in the future.) Uh. Anyway, new terror alter system, guys! And now there is officially no such thing as a “Low” or “Guarded” Threat Level — these levels are not even remotely possible — since we are going to be fighting imaginary bogeymen until the Earth is gobbled up by a black hole, or a giant radioactive tsunami wipes out the federal government, or maybe both. Ha-ha. Oh crap. [NPR] Read more on New Terror Alert System Has Only Two Colors: ‘Elevated’ and ‘Imminent’… Read more on New Terror Alert System Has Only Two Colors: ‘Elevated’ and ‘Imminent’…
  it's morning in america

Violent Egyptian Military Junta Interrogates Hosni Mubarak

Hey, Hosni Mubarak is “back” — from Comaland? — and has been detained for questioning by the new and terrible Egyptian military regime (which loves murdering demonstrators and throwing helpless bloggers in jail). And now Mubarak will be forced to answer allegations of widespread corruption, abuse of authority and the killing of protesters during his reign. (“So, Mubarak, what’s the best way to kill a protester?”) Mubarak’s sons have also been taken into custody, and are being held at Tora prison in Cairo — which is where lots of former Mubarak cronies are currently imprisoned. Anyway! One violent, corrupt military junta prosecutes another. That Democratic Revolution worked out. Nothing to see here. [McClatchy] Read more on Violent Egyptian Military Junta Interrogates Hosni Mubarak… Read more on Violent Egyptian Military Junta Interrogates Hosni Mubarak…
  hell on earth

Japan Nuke Nightmare Level Raised To ‘Chernobyl Level’

Japan finally acknowledged the full horrors at its Fukushima Dai-Ichi nuclear power plant and raised the “severity rating” to 7, the highest on the accident scale and equivalent to the Chernobyl disaster in Ukraine a quarter-century ago. Each step up the International Nuclear and Radiological Event Scale represents a tenfold increase in danger, with an accident level of 7 indicative of a “major release of radioactive material with widespread health and environmental effects requiring implementation of planned and extended countermeasures.” Read more on Japan Nuke Nightmare Level Raised To ‘Chernobyl Level’…
  it's morning in america

Donald Trump’s Birther Investigation Makes Sarah Palin All Hot & Bothered

What do rich people do with their money, besides using it to pay taxes? (Haha, what taxes?) Well, we know what Donald Trump is wasting his fortune on, since he is a shameless exhibitionist: He has hired a crackerjack team of private investigators to find Barack Obama’s real “bird certificate,” which your Wonkette has had for quite some time now. Sarah Palin has words of encouragement for Donald, obviously: “More power to him. He’s not just throwing stones, you know — from the sidelines. He’s digging in there.” Indeed! And although Palin claims that our president was born right here, in Freedomland, she also hints that Obama is hiding something. Something sinister! That his real father is Malcolm X? Or maybe a Marxist space lizard? Who knows! You would think that Donald Trump would have some sort of duty to his shareholders — you know, to make them money, instead of hiring research interns to browse Geocities-Freeper message boards all day long. (Donald Trump is not your ordinary businessman, since he is actually a business failure who enjoys “roasting” his celebrity clown friends on Comedy Central, or something.) Anyway, Donald Trump is creating jobs. Yay! [The Hill] Read more on Donald Trump’s Birther Investigation Makes Sarah Palin All Hot & Bothered… Read more on Donald Trump’s Birther Investigation Makes Sarah Palin All Hot & Bothered…