Tag Archives: japan

  This is not goddamned racial transcendence

Scott Walker Wishes Blacks Would Be Nicer About All This Racism Stuff

nope
Racial transcendence, how does IT work? Republican candidate and Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker attempted to explain it while campaigning in Spartanburg, South Carolina, but he is a Republican, so he did a real bad job. You see, according to Walker, we’re never going to have racial unity if we acknowledge that racial discord exists, and also, it would be nice if blacks would just be sweet and nice and forgiving when their folks get murdered, like they did in Charleston. Unlike those mean Ferguson people, who are probably playing the race card and reverse-racisting America right now. Did Walker say those exact words? Oh heavens no, but yr Wonkette is a very good Wingnut-To-English translator. Here is what exactly he said: Read more on Scott Walker Wishes Blacks Would Be Nicer About All This Racism Stuff…
  You're fucked too Portland

Seattle To Be Destroyed By Biggest Earthquake Ever, Bye Seattle!

The comments section at Gawker?
OK, Portland and Seattle Wonkers, this is a public service announcement. We are going to need you to find buddies in the comments section (which does not exist), and beg them to let you crash on their couch, because you guys are going to have a REALLY BIG EARTHQUAKE. Yeah, maybe you already knew that, but the rest of America is finding out now, thanks to a fascinating long-read in The New Yorker on what may end up being the biggest natural disaster in U.S. American history. This isn’t some wussy San Andreas Fault 7-point whatever business, this is more along the lines of the 2011 quake in Tōhoku, Japan, which registered 9.0 on the Richter scale and triggered the tsunami that triggered the Fukushima nuclear reactor meltdowns. This is big shit. Read more on Seattle To Be Destroyed By Biggest Earthquake Ever, Bye Seattle!…
  I see England I see France I can see Russia from my house

Scott Walker Will Be Best President Of America, Because He’s Been To Europe Like Twice

Less charisma than a sleeping basset hound, and nowhere near as cute.
Despite the fact that presidential candidate Carly Fiorina (R-LOL) has explained that going places on airplanes — like that know-nothing Hillary Clinton, who used to be Secretary of State — is not the same thing as actual foreign policy experience, her likely rival for the nomination, Gov. Scott Walker of Wisconsin (R-Zzzzzzz), apparently is not paying attention, because he told Bob Schieffer on Face The Nation that he will be so much better of a president than Hillary Clinton, because the places he went to on airplanes are nice, and the places Hillary Clinton went to on airplanes suckity suck, and are also Benghazi: Read more on Scott Walker Will Be Best President Of America, Because He’s Been To Europe Like Twice…
  the little scan in the boat

Jon Stewart Finally Addresses Japan’s Pussy Boat Crisis (Video)

Jon Stewart brings us the story of Megumi Igarashi, a Japanese artist who was arrested on suspicion of breaking obscenity laws when she tried to sell 3D printouts of her vulva (let’s be precise, OK?) to help crowdsource a project to build a kayak built from a much larger 3D printout of her ladygarden. Why, yes, it IS Friday. Read more on Jon Stewart Finally Addresses Japan’s Pussy Boat Crisis (Video)…
  There's No Need to Fear

Man Time: Cheer for These Underdogs

There are two important underdog stories in sportsball right now, and you should be cheering for these guys before they leave us forever. They come to us from the world of bouncy hoops and golf, and if these stories don’t warm the cockles of your heart, then perhaps you’re an awful person. Read more on Man Time: Cheer for These Underdogs…
  uncanny valley of the dolls

New Japanese Robot Ladies Still Fall Short Of Anime Fantasy, May Nonetheless Kill Us All

Fans of the Uncanny Valley will be delighted to know that roboticists in Japan have taken another giant leap toward creeping us right the fuck out, with two new female-appearing androids that will be interacting with guests at the National Museum of Emerging Science and Innovation in Tokyo. They look pretty darn lifelike in still photos, and considerably less so in video. The goal for these bots is to simulate some human movements smoothly, especially facial expressions; hand and arm movements still look considerably more machine-driven. For now, hu-mons. For now. Read more on New Japanese Robot Ladies Still Fall Short Of Anime Fantasy, May Nonetheless Kill Us All…
  domo arigato

Stupidest Man On Internet Fears Obama’s True Loyalty Is To Mister Roboto

How is Barack Obama insulting America’s dignity today? Jim Hoft, the Stupidest Man on the Internet, reveals that the weak-willed absolute tyrant, whose spineless foreign policy encouraged the Russians to invade Ukraine even as he has dictatorially crammed health insurance down our throats, is now bowing not merely to foreign potentates, but even to foreign robots. Has this man no sense of dignity, no sense of what is just and proper? America bows to no one! Read more on Stupidest Man On Internet Fears Obama’s True Loyalty Is To Mister Roboto…
  heritage not hate

Is This Lawsuit Seeking To Remove Public Art Misguided Or Evil? Why Choose?

The Japanese did awful things in World War II that went above and beyond wartime fun, including mass rape and and forced prostitution. Japanese rightwingers does not like to be reminded of this, so some terrible people are suing Glendale, California, for having the gall to erect a memorial to “comfort women” — the women enslaved by the Japanese as prostitutes for the military. Wait what?? Read more on Is This Lawsuit Seeking To Remove Public Art Misguided Or Evil? Why Choose?…
  praise the ammunition and pass the lord

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Will Live In Infamy

After all those wonderful lies about the Great Depression, it will be nice to get back to something more like reality in our rightwing Christian textbooks for the Christian school/homeschooling market. And so, on with World War II — as we’ve noted, once these guys have an actual shooting war to look at, they tend to tone down the Culture War stuff. And for one of our two texts, the 11th/12th-grade United States History for Christian Schools (Bob Jones University Press, 2001), that’s pretty much the case — there is almost nothing in this textbook’s coverage of WWII that would be out of place in a secular textbook. Happily for our purposes, our other book, A Beka’s eighth-grade America: Land I Love (1994, 2006), is just as full of crazy as ever, and even some of its discussion of the war itself is at best cursory. This is important, because we just aren’t ready to jump straight into the weirdness that is their discussion of the Cold War. (How’s that for a teaser for next week?) Let’s start with the primary causes of World War II: Socialism, spiritual emptiness, and of course, Charles Darwin. Yep, it’s going to be another of those chapters. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Will Live In Infamy…
  articulate and bright and clean

Old Handsome Joe Biden Asks If Japanese Ladies’ Husbands Gave Them Permission To Get Jerbs

Oh, golly, Old Handsome Joe… You know, we get you, but not everybody gets you. You understand we literally love you to death, but sometimes, you sort of literally put your foot in your mouth? Like during this meeting with five women at Japanese internet concern DeNA, where you asked the three married gals, “Do your husbands like you working full time?” We get what you meant, of course — the White House pool report said that the point of the visit was to emphasize “the need to integrate more women in the workforce,” and so the question was aimed at showing that family and work aren’t incompatible, but that’s not how it came out, exactly. Read more on Old Handsome Joe Biden Asks If Japanese Ladies’ Husbands Gave Them Permission To Get Jerbs…
  is our children learning? no

American Kids Not Getting Dumber, But Not Getting More Smarter Either

Hello Americans. Today we are writing very slowly, because we know that you don’t read very fast. Or good. And we promise to stay away from complicated math, simple math, and any scientific theories more complicated than gravity, because apparently our kids isn’t learning very good. At all. According to a test administered to 15-year-olds all over the world, per The Hill, “U.S. students failed to reach the top 20 rankings in math, science or reading, according to the National Center for Education Statistics, which organizes the data.” We’re number 1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1!!! Let’s sexplore what who is more smarter than us.  Read more on American Kids Not Getting Dumber, But Not Getting More Smarter Either…
  i don't want the world -- i just want your half

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Your Homeschooled Imperialist

Welcome back, time-tourists, for another visit to the strange world of the past as viewed through a couple of textbooks for the Christian school market. You might recall that last week, we were genuinely impressed to see that some actual history somehow sneaked into our 11th/12th-grade text, United States History for Christian Schools (Bob Jones University Press, 2001), in its discussion of the USA’s treatment of Native Americans — it was actually critical of U.S. America! (No telling if the editor for that section has since been sent to the re-education camp.) This week, as we discuss turn-of the century imperialism, U.S. History is back to its usual place in this series: the slightly saner older brother to the completely unhinged 8th-grade text from A Beka, America: Land I Love, but still prone to weird proselytizing at the dinner table. Where Land I Love pretty much denies that there was anything “imperialistic” about U.S. expansion beyond North America — because we were just helping, you know — U.S. History at least makes a stab at nuance, acknowledging that “even the history of American imperialism, probably better than average among imperialist nations, has its darker side of acquisition by conquest and duplicity.” But on the whole, both books agree that it was a pretty sweet deal for the places America took over, because we brought those folks the chance to be brought to Jesus and a bunch of other blessings of civilization, even if they were bestowed at the point of a bayonet. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Your Homeschooled Imperialist…
  we want this on a t-shirt please

New Fukishima Mascot, Fukuppy, Is The ‘New Coke’ Of Japanese Rebranding

You have to feel a bit sorry for that smiling little egg guy up there. Here it is, ready to welcome visitors to the website for Fukushima Industries and promise them a happy browsing experience as they look over the company’s fine array of industrial cooling equipment, but it’s saddled with an insufficiently researched name, “Fukuppy.” The company says it had intended to combine the first two syllables of its name with “happy,” but it didn’t consult with any native English speakers before sending the mascot out into the world. (There’s no connection between the corporation and the prefecture where the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plant is located — “Fukushima” just means “lucky island.” Which hasn’t worked out so great either lately.) Read more on New Fukishima Mascot, Fukuppy, Is The ‘New Coke’ Of Japanese Rebranding…
  The Garden of Forking Pathologies

Everything We Know About North Korea Comes From Kim Jong-Il’s Sushi Chef

There is probably a pretty good dissertation to be written on the whole phenomenon of “Murderous Dictators Who Have Wacky Quirks,” like how Moammar Khadafi collected Condi Rice sideboob photos or Uday Hussein’s penchant for taking his pet tigers for a walk around Baghdad, or virtually any factoid about Donald Trump. (Not a murderous dictator, you say? Not YET, we reply.) But the master of the form was the late North Korean Dear Leader, Kim Jong-il, who was born under a double rainbow on a sacred mountaintop, claimed he invented the hamburger, and drank $700,000 of cognac a year. And he had a sushi chef who was the source of virtually everything that western intelligence knew about the Kim family, according to this GQ piece by Adam Johnson. Read the whole thing for the full brain-‘sploding account of wretched dictatorial excess; we can only hope to share some aneurysm-inducing highlights here. Read more on Everything We Know About North Korea Comes From Kim Jong-Il’s Sushi Chef…
  because 'florida'

Customer Stands Pizza Joint’s Ground

Guess where this was. No, guess! Did you guess? YAY you WIN because it was of course in Florida, the state that has decided to outsource the use of lethal force to its people (unless they are wearing hoodies, we assume). Police said the incident unfolded about 4 p.m. inside [a] Little Caesars…after Randall White, 49, got mad about [the] service…This “prompted them to exchange words and it became a shoving match,” said police spokesman Mike Puetz. White raised a fist. Jock, a concealed-weapons permit holder, pulled out a .38 Taurus Ultralight Special Revolver. He fired one round, hitting White in the lower torso. The men grappled and the gun fired again, hitting White in roughly the same spot, police said. Read more on Customer Stands Pizza Joint’s Ground…
  History Is Written by the Whiners

Fun With Christianists: Things You Can Learn in a Christian ‘World History & Cultures’ Textbook (Part 1)

You know the drill by now: Every Sunday, we visit Christianist America, where Jesus delivered the Constitution to George Washington but now Christians are somehow a persecuted minority. This week’s travelogue comes courtesy of World History and Cultures In Christian Perspective, 2nd Ed. (A Beka Book, 1997), a 10th-grade history text which the publisher’s website says “stands on the conviction that God is the Creator of the world and the Controller of history.” You get a good sense of World History’s agenda from the table of contents. “Asia and Africa” are dealt with in the first 6 chapters — “The Middle East” and “Egypt” each merit their own chapter, because Bible, duh. And then the entire history of these two continents, which account for 75% of the planet’s population, is polished off within 40 pages, in chapters imaginatively titled “Other Asian Cultures” and “Other African Cultures” (Actual section heading: The Dark Continent. This is not inside ironic quotes). Most chapters and sections have the bland, utilitarian headings of any high school text — but then there are the subtle reminders that this is a fundamentalist Christian textbook: Rome: Preparation of the World for Christ Unbelief and Revolution in 19th-Century Europe Concepts in History: Why Communism Kills Twentieth-Century Liberalism; Retreat from Authority and Responsibility Concepts in History: Environmental Extremism Read more on Fun With Christianists: Things You Can Learn in a Christian ‘World History & Cultures’ Textbook (Part 1)…