Tag Archives: jan brewer

  That'll teach you to be poor

It’s Arizona’s Turn To F*ck The Poors, Again

Jesus was a fiscal conservative
Arizona is all out of money, whoops, so the Republicans who control the state have decided, in their fiscally conservative wisdom, to close the $1 billion budget gap by cutting welfare that the federal government pays for. Good plan, guaranteed to work, no? Read more on It’s Arizona’s Turn To F*ck The Poors, Again…
  Nice state you've got there -- shame if something were to happen to it

Corporations And Celebrities Agree: Anti-Gay Indiana Can Get Bent

On Thursday, wingnut Indiana Gov. Mike Pence signed his state’s Fuck The Gays bill into law, which basically says that as long as your religion tells you Jesus’s first and only question on Judgment Day will be “and how many of my gay children did you personally abuse?”, you are free to use those beliefs to deny LGBT people service and accommodations in the forgotten, godforsaken state of Indiana. Gov. Pence did so because apparently the threat of losing tourism dollars and business is less important than making sure nobody forces Aunt Lurlene to bake a pie for a fag. This is called Religious Freedom, and it is somehow what this great nation was founded upon, according to idiots. Read more on Corporations And Celebrities Agree: Anti-Gay Indiana Can Get Bent…
  But in a good way!

Christian Church Will Take Convention To Better State Than Anti-Gay Indiana, For Religious Freedom

The Disciples of Christ denomination's cup runneth over, even for gays!
Yesterday we learned that the organizers of Gen Con, a huge gamer convention that brings about $50 million a year in tourism moneys to Indianapolis, are threatening to pick up and leave Indiana once their contract with the state expires, because Gov. Mike Pence promised to sign a backward bill that says it will guarantee “religious freedom,” but is in a reality a license for the most horrible residents of Indiana to discriminate against LGBT people by denying service, accommodations and whatnot. Gov. Pence has now made good on that promise, signing the bill Thursday morning in a “private ceremony.” Good for the Gen Con folks, because an Indiana with a “Fuck You Gays” bill doesn’t deserve tourism money. But now a true House Of The Lord is ALSO threatening to take their convention to a better state. Yes, you read that right. A Christian denomination, the Disciples Of Christ to be exact, wrote a letter to the governor saying, “Sorry, we follow Jesus,” because apparently a law designed to discriminate against a minority goes against their Sincerely Held Religious Beliefs: Read more on Christian Church Will Take Convention To Better State Than Anti-Gay Indiana, For Religious Freedom…
  Born Arky sneering at you from just the other side of the Mississippi

Arkansas Does Not Need Your Gay Business, Gays!

Oh, we are SNEERING at our home state of Arkansas right now, so hard. You see, we grew up in Little Rock during the days of Bill Clinton, back when Arkansas was Democrat Tuff, in a very blue dog way of course, but never mind. Now it’s been overrun by the same extremist wingnuts who have taken over state legislatures and governors’ mansions all over the South and beyond, with all the stupid that naturally follows those takeovers. Right now, Arkansas is ready to let a horrid, stupid bill become law, SB 202, wherein towns and hamlets and cozy, scenic criks will be banned from passing ordinances protecting LGBT citizens from discrimination. Why this big government intrusion from Little Rock? Because, of course, gays are gross, and we have to protect reg’lar Arkansans from the “chaos” that would ensue if LGBT people were treated equally: Read more on Arkansas Does Not Need Your Gay Business, Gays!…

With No Other Problems In Sight, GOP Will Spend 2015 Fighting Obamacare

Pic via sugarfreeglow Welcome to 2015, Republicans! With the changing of the year, we assume you’ll be turning over a new leaf, looking toward the future and leaving behind the petty bickering and toddler-like tantrums that characterized 2014. Ha ha, just kidding, of course. Read more on With No Other Problems In Sight, GOP Will Spend 2015 Fighting Obamacare…
  All This Fuss Over A Few Clumps Of Words

Arizona Voters Abort Biology-Textbook-Censoring School Board

Grab yer razor blades and white-out!
So here’s one more bit of Election Nice Time: turns out that even in hyper-conservative Gilbert, Arizona, a bedroom community to the Phoenix metro horrorplex, it is in fact possible for a conservative school board to go to far. And it looks like the Gilbert School Board’s decision last week to razor out a page from an Honors Biology textbook in the high school — because it mentions the abortion pill — is what counts as too far: the good people of Gilbert elected two new members and reelected an anti-censorship member, replacing the Tea Party-leaning majority on the board with a new majority that is firmly against slicing out a page from a biology textbook out of fear that high schoolers will learn that abortion exists. There were other tensions between the board and the community, too, but the textbook censorship seems to have been the last straw. Read more on Arizona Voters Abort Biology-Textbook-Censoring School Board…
  Just Cut It Out Like...Like Something That Is Unlike An abortion

Arizona School Board Aborts Pages From Biology Textbook

Fine, whatever, this is Shreveport, Loiusiana, not Gilbert. Fine
Rest easy, innocent children of Gilbert, Arizona: You won’t have to worry about being corrupted by your biology textbooks anymore! The Gilbert School Board voted Tuesday to remove a page from the high school’s honors biology textbook, because they were worried it might be in violation of an Arizona law requiring that all instructional materials promote “childbirth or adoption” instead of abortion. Read more on Arizona School Board Aborts Pages From Biology Textbook…
  Ballot Recital

Latino Guy Delivers Absentee Ballots In Arizona. You’ll Never Guess What Happens Next.

It's almost as if he thought he wasn't breaking the law or something!
Finally, the right has incontrovertible evidence of voting fraud! Democrats say it’s rare, but here is the video that proves just how real and scary it is: “Liberal activist caught on video stuffing hundreds of ballots.” Or, from some of the more responsible rightwing sites who are pretending to hedge a little, “This Video Appears To Show A Guy Stuffing Hundreds Of Ballots Into A Ballot Box.” Read more on Latino Guy Delivers Absentee Ballots In Arizona. You’ll Never Guess What Happens Next….
  dial t for torture

John McCain Being A Big RINO Lib Squish Again, Just Because Arizona Tortured A Guy, Whatever

Hey look! ‘Grumpy dickwad’ John McCain took a break and decided to let ‘maverick-y sane-sounding’ John McCain come out and talk. And he said some things about that botched execution in Arizona, including telling Politico that it was “torture.” Does this mean that Gov. Brewer will get an extended vacation to Gitmo? Hot damn, we actually agree with the senior, very very senior Senator from Arizona! Something something doddering blind squirrel finds a walnut. Let’s sexplore!  Read more on John McCain Being A Big RINO Lib Squish Again, Just Because Arizona Tortured A Guy, Whatever…
  Prove Them Wrong Libruls

Arizona Spokeschick Promises Botched Execution Was Really Kittens’ Whiskers And Unicorn Farts

A hydropmorphone lullaby
Polish up your resumes, Wonketeers, because it looks like the great state of Arizona will soon be in the market for a new press flack! After the AP and the Washington Post reported that the botched execution of convicted murderer Joseph R. Wood III was punctuated by nearly two hours of snorting and gasping, the Arizona Attorney General’s office felt it needed to set the record straight. State officials disputed these accounts, contending that Wood was never in pain and that he was only snoring. “I’m telling you he was snoring,” Stephanie Grisham, spokeswoman for the Arizona attorney general’s office, said in an e-mail to The Washington Post. “There was no gasping or snorting. Nothing. He looked like he was asleep. This was my first execution and I have no reason to minimize this.” It was her first execution, you guys, so why would anyone question her expertise? Read more on Arizona Spokeschick Promises Botched Execution Was Really Kittens’ Whiskers And Unicorn Farts…
  a visit to the goon squad

Bryan Fischer Blessed My Hot Gay Marriage

Yr Wonkette is pleased to bring you a special guest bloogpost by longtime commenter ElviouslyQueer. And congratulations, EQ! What has your intrepid correspondent, the beloved Elviouslyqueer, been up to this weekend? GLAD YOU ASKED! I was in Minnesota, at the Mall of America, getting my very gay ass™ very officially gay married on Saturday (there was a chapel! There were beads! There was booze galore, and delicious cake!). I even rode a mechanical bull, because I am classy and shit. My newly minted hubby and I continued celebrating the next day by going to Twin Cities Pride and laughing at the many, many scantily clad tweens for whom the “Dick Pocket” seemed to be this years’ de rigueur clothing accessory, before heading back to Mississippi. And, you also ask, was there a honeymoon? There was NOT a honeymoon because we are not richer than fuck and cannot afford a two-week long vacay to Mykonos or The Pines or wherever it is where all good gays go (we shopped, also too, so we are now officially the best-dressed poors in the Mid-South). Read more on Bryan Fischer Blessed My Hot Gay Marriage…
  has gila bend frozen over?

With No Reelection Worries, Jan Brewer May Be Going Full Goldwater

Folks, we have been pretty impressed with Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer, who has been acting uncharacteristically sanelike lately. Maybe she was actually sane all along, and then she drank some Tea Party Wacky Juice? In any case, she keeps doing reasonable stuff, like vetoing that horrible Please Discriminate Against Gays bill back in February, and recognizing that it would be a real stretch of the state constitution to try to seek another term. And now, she’s actually sounding a bit like late-career Barry Goldwater, who famously said he didn’t care whether people were gay, and told the Moral Majority it could go get stuffed, and all sorts of fun stuff, because goddammit, there’s getting reelected and there’s being right. And so, in an interview with the Arizona Capitol Times Tuesday, Brewer said that it might darn well be time to think about extending Arizona’s civil rights protections to everybody, even, yes, gay people. Read more on With No Reelection Worries, Jan Brewer May Be Going Full Goldwater… Read more on With No Reelection Worries, Jan Brewer May Be Going Full Goldwater…
  happy trails -- no not in *that* sense

Lending Credence To ‘Back On Meds’ Hypothesis, Jan Brewer Announces She Won’t Seek Illegal Reelection

Jan Brewer announced Wednesday that she will not seek another term as Arizona governor, a move that seems to indicate she is no longer the insane harpy who was mostly known for shaking her finger in Barack Obama’s face and worrying about illegal aliens leaving decapitated corpses all over the desert. Brewer said the usual blandly pleasant things, as one does, and said nothing definite about her future plans: “I’m saddened to be leaving this post next year but I’m proud of the remarkable progress we’ve made for the state,” Brewer said, adding that being governor has been her “proudest role.” “I will continue to champion and cheer Arizona from the sidelines,” she said. Wonkette congratulates Gov. Brewer on her decision to get out while the getting is good, and to avoid the iffy court challenge she’d have to pursue, not to mention the near-certainty of a primary challenge from nutso teabaggers who think she betrayed them, America, and their yellow snake flags. Read more on Lending Credence To ‘Back On Meds’ Hypothesis, Jan Brewer Announces She Won’t Seek Illegal Reelection…
  it's so hard to keep governors in your pocket these days

Guess Who Helped Write The Anti-Gay Bill Jan Brewer Vetoed? No, Guess

Here’s a fun little postscript: Remember that little “Go ahead and discriminate” bill that Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer vetoed a couple weeks back? Turns out that before she signed against it, her office was helping to put it together. It was probably pretty good exercise, playing on both sides of the fence like that. Capitol Media Services reports that in January, aides in Brewer’s office asked for a number of changes in SB 1062, the “religious liberty” bill as it was being drafted by the Center for Arizona Policy (CAP): CAP President Cathi Herrod said her organization made every change sought by the administration to her proposal to expand the existing state Religious Freedom Restoration Act. She said that includes deleting phrases that concerned the governor’s staff and adding provisions designed to narrow who could legally deny services to someone based on a claim of religious freedom. Yet even after all that help, Brewer turned around and vetoed the bill, which either makes Brewer actually smarter and saner than we thought her, or a complete RINO. But we repeat ourselves. Read more on Guess Who Helped Write The Anti-Gay Bill Jan Brewer Vetoed? No, Guess…
  come out wherever you are -- even arizona?

Arizona Legislature Has One More Gay To Discriminate Against

How’s about a round of applause for Arizona state Sen. Steve Gallardo, who was moved by the recent excitement over the state’s discrimination-is-awesome bill to come out as gay today. “I am gay, I am Latino and I’m a state senator,” Gallardo said, explaining that the fight over SB 1062 had been a “game-changer” in deciding to come out. A slightly cynical person might also note that since he announced last week that he was running for the U.S. congressional seat being vacated by retiring Rep. Ed Pastor, Gallardo probably decided it was far better to come out himself than let an opposition researcher leak the news, but we are nowhere near that jaded, we really are not. Now pass us that postcard of Dorothy Parker playing whist with H.L. Mencken, please. Read more on Arizona Legislature Has One More Gay To Discriminate Against…
  penis cakes we like

All These White Dudes Need To Stop Whitesplaining About What ‘Slavery’ Is

So you think you know what slavery is. Maybe you only just realized it was “really really bad.” Or maybe you already knew it was “really really bad,” so anything that you don’t like because it is really really bad is just exactly the same thing. “Ronan Farrow’s new show is slavery.” “That dry overcooked chicken was slavery.” “Being forced to rent hotel rooms to black dudes against my will because the Civil Rights Act demands that if I am the proprietor of a ‘public accommodation,’ or public-facing inn, restaurant, or retail establishment, I may not discriminate on the basis of color, race, religion, or national origin, is slavery.” Luckily, Judson Phillips, president of Tea Party Nation, is here to explain what slavery actually is, and it is being forced to bake cakes shaped like penises, because that is exactly what is going to happen now that Jan Brewer has vetoed the “religious freedom to discriminate” act SB 1062. Let us hear some more. HINT! IF YOU ARE AT WORK! WE WILL NOW SEE CAKES SHAPED LIKE PENISES! TO ILLUSTRATE ‘SLAVERY.’ NOT SAFE FOR WORK! Read more on All These White Dudes Need To Stop Whitesplaining About What ‘Slavery’ Is…
  freedom's just another word for no one left to discriminate against

A Children’s Treasury Of Thoughtful, Measured Reactions To Jan Brewer’s Veto Of SB 1062

Jan Brewer’s uncrazy veto of SB 1062, the “No Dogs or Gays” bill, is not that big a surprise — unless of course you’re certain that your ability to keep God happy depends on being free to tell people to GTFO if you dislike what they do with their mooshy bits. If that’s what you believe, then what Jan Brewer did was to stomp liberty into the ground while wiping her ass with the Constitution and cramming the gay agenda down your throat, because that’s really what this is all about. The implications are chilling — people whose businesses are open for business will actually have to sell stuff to people, regardless of what they think God’s opinion of those people is. Needless to say, freedom is over, as the American Patriarchy Association’s Bryan Fischer correctly tweeted: Bullies and bigots of Big Gay bag another scalp, intimidate Gov. Brewer into trampling on religious liberty. Ah, Bryan. Your tears are just the perfect final ingredient for the Big Gay wedding cake. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Thoughtful, Measured Reactions To Jan Brewer’s Veto Of SB 1062…
  will nobody think of wonkette's children?

Jan Brewer Being Uncrazy Again, Some More (Video)

This is TOTALLY FUCKED, guys. Not only is Jan Brewer, Arizona governatrix, continuing to take her meds, but she apparently has inspired her state’s senators, Herrs McCain and Flake, to pick up some Lithium as well. And now she has come out, looking good, and explaining that she has vetoed SB 1062, the desperately needed bill to protect Arizonans from mean gays suing the fuck out of them if they discriminate in their public accommodations (that means, like, “business”), which has caused fucking idiots like Ben Shapiro to be fucking idiots, again, and whine about the big mean government making them bake gay cakes. (Hint: Harvard Law grad Ben Shapiro is bad at law.) Read more on Jan Brewer Being Uncrazy Again, Some More (Video)…
  Rules For Revanchists

Would It Really Be So Bad If We Repealed All Civil Rights Laws? By Me, Pat Buchanan

How To Be The Absolute Worst, by Pat Buchanan It’s easy to be terrible, but to be the absolute worst — that takes effort. So let me, Pat Buchanan, show you how it’s done. Step 1: take a really important issue that makes people emotional, and make up a disgraceful lie about it, like so: The question Gov. Jan Brewer faces? Should Christians, Muslims, Mormons who refuse, on religious grounds, to serve same-sex couples — that photographer, that florist, that baker, for example — be treated as criminals? This is in reference to the proposed Arizona law that would permit business owners to refuse service to people whose sexual preferences God doesn’t like. But! Do you see what I did there? The bill has nothing to do with treating these business owners “as criminals.” Business owners are already allowed to discriminate against gays in Arizona, and there’s no federal law stopping them, either. So by saying this, I’ve achieved two things: confused people who don’t know what’s going on, and infuriated many that do. Now, if someone wants to argue with me, they have to spend most of their time correcting my strategic idiocy. See how that works? Read more on Would It Really Be So Bad If We Repealed All Civil Rights Laws? By Me, Pat Buchanan…
  losing my religion

Arizona Sees Unlikely Opposition To Anti-Gay Bill: Republicans?!?

You remember all the Bible stories about Jesus hating on the lepers and ostracizing the prostitutes and generally being mean to people not like Him? He was constantly a Divine Dick to all manners of people considered ‘sinners,’ because that’s what religion is all about. The Arizona state legislature has taken those religious lessons to heart and crafted a wonderful bill (SB 1062) that would allow restaurants & businesses to refuse service to gays and anyone else they don’t want to because of their “religious beliefs.” The bill awaits the signature of Gov. Jan Brewer, and no one knows if she will sign or veto. However, it looks like some Republicans are willing to slap religious liberty in the face with their Senator-sized balls: Oh god, our god, why hath they forsaken religion? Let’s wonksplore.  Read more on Arizona Sees Unlikely Opposition To Anti-Gay Bill: Republicans?!?…
  ambition distraction uglification and derision

Arizona State Senator Will Protect Children From Freaky Weird Math That Includes Letters

We just can’t seem to escape rightwing freakouts about the Common Core educational standards, from concerns that Barack Obama is going to tell children that correct answers don’t matter at all in math to Victoria Jackson’s worries about how they will make children see tiny cartoon weenuses. Newest case: Arizona’s Senate Education Committee voted 6-3 last week to prevent the state from implementing the standards. The effort was led by state Sen. Al Melvin, who also just happens to be running for governor, though it would be terribly cynical to suggest that he went after Common Core to buff up his teabagger cred. Melvin said that while the attempt to institute a common but flexible set of educational standards began as a “pretty admirable pursuit by the private sector and governors … [but] it got hijacked by Washington, by the federal government … [so] as a conservative Reagan Republican I’m suspect about the U.S. Department of Education in general, but also any standards that are coming out of that department.” Another member of the panel, Sen. David Bradley, asked Melvin if he’d actually read the Common Core standards at all. “I’ve been exposed to them,” Melvin responded. Pressed by Bradley for specifics, Melvin said he understands “some of the reading material is borderline pornographic.” And he said the program uses “fuzzy math,” substituting letters for numbers in some examples. Substituting letters for numbers? Sounds like some kind of freaky Arab plot, like this “zero” thing that has caused our children to stop using Roman numerals. Thank goodness Melvin paid attention to the briefing memo, “Al Gebra Determined to Strike in U.S.” Read more on Arizona State Senator Will Protect Children From Freaky Weird Math That Includes Letters…
  the moral arc of the universe has a delicious crust

Tucson Pizzeria To Sponsors Of Arizona’s Gay Discrimination Bill: No Pie For You!

Jan Brewer may be back on her meds, but the Arizona Legislature is just as full of scum and villainy as ever. Thursday, the state’s hero lawmakers took a stand for the freedom to be a bigot, passing a law that would allow businesses to refuse service to customers whenever doing so might violate their religious beliefs, essentially inviting discrimination against gays. Now the bill goes to Gov. Brewer, who hasn’t given any indication whether she’ll sign it (she vetoed a similar bill last year). Let’s hope we were right about the meds. Read more on Tucson Pizzeria To Sponsors Of Arizona’s Gay Discrimination Bill: No Pie For You!…