jan brewer
Hero Arizona Gov Jan Brewer Signs Bill Defending Right To Life Of Poor Defenseless Guns
Earlier this year, we learned of the sad fate of guns turned in at gun buyback programs, where people voluntarily gave up the weapons they had in their homes because they didn’t want them to fall into the hands of criminals or even law-abiding citizens (and toddlers) who might snap one day and “accidentally” shoot [...]
Arizona Fires Veterans’ Administration Secretary Just For Telling Truth About Ladies And The Rag
This fine specimen of Arizonianinity, Terri Proud, knows what is up with ladies on the frontlines, and that is that they get infections in foxholes. Wait, no, that was Newt Gingrich. Right, here is what Terri Proud, executive assistant to the director of Arizona’s Veterans Services department, said: “Women have certain things during the month [...]
You Got Your Government In My God: The Year In Churchstate
Congratulations, U.S. America and such as! You have survived yet another calendar year without the establishment of a theocracy or the utter banishment of religious faith! It was a year in which the most momentous SCOTUS decision on church and state was a fairly narrow (and stupid) ruling that allows churches to ignore fair employment [...]
Arizona National Guard Recruits Unwilling Homeless People Into ‘Most Dangerous Game’
Need a life-affirming bit of sunshine and daisies? Then have we got the opposite of that for a story for you! Arizona National Guard recruiters, it seems, have a long, undisciplined history of taking their sometimes-still-underage prospects around town to get a taste of the excitement of military service, by shooting paintballs at homeless people! [...]
Hero Gov Jan Brewer Protects Arizona From Scourge Of DREAM Act Kids Getting Drivers Licenses
Well HI Arizona, what are you doing to be the greatest state in the union today? In one corner, we have Louisiana, which allows your child to learn about the Loch Ness monster in science class (except if your child is Islamic, and thus doesn’t deserve to learn about the Loch Ness monster), and in another [...]
Arizona Republicans Manage To Combine Wars On Women, Math
Hello Arizona, how many children are you going to save from the whims of their cruel, ignorant, feminist, baby-murdering mothers? Answer: none! Or maybe: a lot! It’s tough to say, because U.S. District Judge James Teilborg is confident that abortion restrictions after 20 weeks of pregnancy will not really lead to less abortions but Maricopa [...]
Arizona: Cutting Domestic Partner Benefits Can’t Be Anti-Gay Because We Hate Straight Unmarrieds Too
When South Carolina defunds services for rape victims, Florida closes its only TB hospital during a TB epidemic, and Pennsylvania says voter suppression is happy news, either Arizona or Texas has to be next in the rotation. No idea what madness Texas will pull today, but Arizona is appealing to the US Supreme Court to [...]
Arizona Governor Jan Brewer Owns Your Vag But Penises Must Run Free
Thank Jeebus that growing (medicinal) pot is legal in Arizona. Because if you have half a brain, you pretty much have to be stoned 24/7 in order to live there. Now, if you happen to be a woman with a brain AND an active libido, you might as well high-tail it right outa Dodge. Because [...]
Arizona Lawmaker Fears Highway Bill Will Lead To One North American Country, Currency Called The ‘Amero’
On Thursday, in the revolutionary desert of this nation, an Arizona lawmaker by the name of David Stevens, a Republican representing Sierra Vista, refused to support a highway bill that would fund the creation of a new highway from Phoenix to Las Vegas (nay, may all roads lead there!) — not because of the gambling [...]
Lucha Libre Wrestler ‘Jan Brewer’s Fake Son’ Will Kick All Messicans Butts Now
Enter the warrior, he’s today’s Tom Sawyer, they call him RJ Brewer and he waves his flag in one hand and a copy of SB1070 in the other. RJ Brewer, being the fake son of Jan Brewer, fake governor of Arizona, enters the ring as if he owns it. Waiting for his opponent, he stops [...]
Arizona Lege Votes to Criminalize ‘Lewd, Offensive’ Electronic Speech, Or ‘Every Wonkette Comment Ever’
Good morning! Did you hear that? That was the Arizona legislature battering down your door, just for being you! What did you do this time? You were your usual profane, annoying, offensive, harrassing, terrifying Wonkette commenter self! Will Jan Brewer sign this inelegant and patently unconstitutional measure? Oh yeah, really no doubt about that. (You [...]
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