Tag Archives: james lankford

  he seems nice

James Lankford Is Your New Senator, Oklahoma, Congratulations He Is Terrible

Oklahoma state Senator Connie Johnson may do a POWERFUL Maya Angelou — and she does — but she was no match for the combination of dumb and mean that is one Rep. — and now U.S. Senator-elect — James Lankford, who’ll take over for the retiring Doctor Senator Tom Coburn. Should we learn more about James Lankford? Sigh. Read more on James Lankford Is Your New Senator, Oklahoma, Congratulations He Is Terrible…
  we left out utah and no one will notice

Get Your Hot Fresh Electoral Primary Derp!

Thanks to Snipy staying up late so we could post the results of the one election yesterday that everyone was following (Mississippi: the Old Guy won, the other asshole lost), we are left with tidying up the electoral crumbs from around our great nation. Of course, Chris McDaniel is still making grumpy whining noises about recounts and “the integrity of the vote” and such, so he hasn’t exactly conceded to the critter-fiddler. Or to reality. Now, on to the other primaries of note! Read more on Get Your Hot Fresh Electoral Primary Derp!…
  because that would be racist

Sarah Palin Endorses The Black Guy In Oklahoma Senate Race, But Definitely Not Because He Is Black

Remember James Lankford, from that story Editrix just wrote? Well he is locked in a race for the Republican nomination to succeed Senator Tom Coburn (R-SpackleBrainedDickWeasel), with T.W. Shannon (R-Some of Tea Partiers’ Best Friends Are Black), a former Oklahoma Speaker of the House, a member of the Chickasaw Nation, and also a member of another ethnic group that Cliven Bundy has some thoughts about. T.W. Shannon has garnered the awesome endorsements of Sarah Palin, and Mike Lee, and Canadian anchor babby Ted Cruz! But definitely not because he is black, which would be racist, because that would be affirmative action, which is liberal, who are the real racists. Let Sarah Palin explain just how much her endorsement of T.W. Shannon is Not Because He Is Black: “The Democrats accuse us of not embracing diversity? Oh, my goodness. He is it. He is the whole package. Oklahoma, you’ve been so lucky to have him,” Palin said at the rally, seconds after cracking to awkward laughs: “I still can’t pronounce his name. Ta-herer-wuhn. So I’m glad you go by T.W.” (His full name is Tahrohon Wayne Shannon.) Thank you for that naked tokenism, Sarah Palin! But seriously, Sarah, watch yer back: T.W. Shannon became Oklahoma’s first African-American Speaker of the House on January 8, 2013, and he resigned from the office less than 13 months later, while it took the Grifter Queen of the Northwoods more than two full years to skip out on her elected office. This kid is hungrier* than you, Sarah!  Read more on Sarah Palin Endorses The Black Guy In Oklahoma Senate Race, But Definitely Not Because He Is Black…
  your friends and neighbors

There Will Be Blood: Oklahoma Democrats Will Fight Where They Stand

Oklahoma yellow dogs: Joe Biden, left, and Jerry Brown. Some time during the candidate talent show – an actual talent show, featuring statewide Democrats running for office in blood-red Oklahoma, with the winner chosen by applause for a prize of a $100 donation and one precious hour of old Oklahoma ladies phone banking, courtesy of the Pottawatomie County Dems — I slid from the Tecumseh City Hall auditorium to its little kitchen to get started on the dishes. There were 120 dirty plates, with cutlery and coffee cups. My mother, current chair of the Pott County Democrats, had uncharacteristically permitted plastic cups for water, soda, and sweet tea. I threw them out before she could wander in and start worrying whether we shouldn’t wash and save those too. Environmentalism has its limits. For weeks my mother was absolutely convinced no one would come to the Dems’ big fundraiser for the year, the St. Patrick’s Day commiethon (not really a commiethon). It was raining pretty hard, and the power was out in parts of Tecumseh, or maybe Shawnee. “Don’t worry mama,” I chirped at her annoyingly. “Now they’ll definitely come, because they can’t watch TV!” They had. Every seat was taken – 120 of them — and every plate crusted with the sauce from piles of delicious beef stew prepared by a local woman who raised her own cattle. The lady had donated a few ribeyes for the silent auction as well. My mother was looking at a full house, and piles of money for the Democratic Club it would take us the whole next morning to count. The Pottawatomie County Democrats’ St. Patrick’s Day fundraiser was a smashing success. I was washing all the dishes because I didn’t want my mother’s friends to think she’d raised a daughter – in California, where I doubtless live with my common-law husband, Osama Bin Laden — who saw a pile of dishes and blithely ignored them. Mostly though I’d sneaked off to wash the dishes because one of the candidates – a collection of the kind of human odds and ends who will run for office as Democrats in Oklahoma — was in the middle of a very sub-Al Yankovich spoof of “Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego.” It lasted, literally, 25 minutes. As you can imagine, it was “not” “good.” Other than that, the talent show was pretty outstanding. A candidate for James Lankford’s 5th Congressional District seat played “Fur Elise” on someone’s Casio keyboard, after speaking haltingly of the adoptive parents who had brought him home and loved him forever after his mother abandoned him as a preteen boy. I cried. There were poems, and songs, and dramatic readings, and beef stew. For her talent, state Senator Connie Johnson, running for US Senate against James Lankford, declaimed Maya Angelou’s “Phenomenal Woman.” In the back of the auditorium, we – I and a small group of my mom’s groovy liberal hippie (but now very put-together and blonded) ‘60s friends – hooted and yelled after she’d finished talking about the stride of her step, and the curve of her lip, and something something about her breasts and her hips. From the stage, though, Senator Johnson must have seen some old faces that weren’t beaming like ours were. From the stage, some of those old people looked mad. And horrified. Disgusted, even. After all, she did say “breast.” Fucking Oklahoma. Read more on There Will Be Blood: Oklahoma Democrats Will Fight Where They Stand…
  enigma wrapped in a mystery cloaked in a yawn

‘Crazy,’ ‘Threatening’ Debt Ceiling Emails Coming From Inside The House! A Wonket Mystery Survey

We love a mystery! And this week’s political mystery (apart from the continued popularity of Sarah Palin) is a real head-scratcher: In January, someone sent House Republicans mean anonymous emails promising DEEP HURTING for any any member of the GOP caucus who voted to increase the debt ceiling. So you are probably asking yourself, “So? It’s an email, what’s the big deal?” and also “Where is that large automobile?” Well here is what the big deal is: the spam was sent to the House members’ super-top-secret confidential private House email addresses, the addresses that they only use for correspondence with each other. Buzzfeed’s John Stanton says, Because of the near-secret nature of lawmakers’ internal email addresses, the emails have raised more than a few eyebrows — and the possibility that one of their own was behind, or at least assisting in the attacks. Can you imagine the drama of House Republicans looking suspiciously at each other, wondering who sent the emails or leaked the list to a debt-ceiling reality denier? Must be crazy paranoid over there right now. More than usual, we mean. Read more on ‘Crazy,’ ‘Threatening’ Debt Ceiling Emails Coming From Inside The House! A Wonket Mystery Survey…
  get medieval on their ass

What Can We Learn From This Horrible Story About Mentally Disabled People In Dungeons?

Gawker brings us the second-most horrifying story of the morning — the other one is also from Gawker, about “Cannibal Cop,” so yeah — about mentally disabled people, with average mental ages of 10, being kept in a Philadelphia dungeon so a cabal of really fine people could steal their disability checks and also make them be prostitution whores. Alleged ringleader Linda Weston [who was joined in the scheme by her daughter, among others] found the victims in different ways; one was her niece and another was taken from a street corner near a mental health facility. All of the victims were malnourished and some had been trapped in the basement for as long as 11 years; the two deaths were the result of starvation and bacterial meningitis. Several of the victims, who Memeger said had the mental capacity of an average 10-year-old child, were also forced into prostitution. All told, the scam netted the alleged abductors $212,000 over ten years. How is it that the easiest way to make an illegitimate 20 grand a year is to IMPRISON PEOPLE IN BASEMENTS? Like, have they ever even seen “Breaking Bad”? Maybe they just enjoyed imprisoning people, and the SSI was just icing on the very sick cake? Maybe most of their real income came from selling “Bless This Torture Den” needlepoint on Etsy? Read more on What Can We Learn From This Horrible Story About Mentally Disabled People In Dungeons?…
  guns don't kill people welfare moms do

How Did It Take Five Whole Weeks To Blame These Shootings On Welfare Mom Fraud?

Last week, we listened with interest as Michele Bachmann BFF and teen-girl-cry-maker Bradlee Dean explained that all these shootings we keep having are because of overmedication of children. We were sympathetic to the underlying statement, but somewhat taken aback by his proposed solution: to beat the murder and mental illness out of our children, like God and the Bible intended. Well, luckily, Rep. James Lankford of Oklahoma City has squared the circle. Not only are all these shootings happening because of overmedicating our children, but we are overmedicating our children because single welfare moms want to commit Social Security fraud. So they are doping up their children so they can get bigger checks. Our only question is how on earth did it take five whole weeks after the Newtown massacre for the GOP to blame women on welfare? You’re slipping, Republicans! Read more on How Did It Take Five Whole Weeks To Blame These Shootings On Welfare Mom Fraud?…