Wonkette

In a matter of 24 hours, Sen. Hillary Clinton went from referring to her presidency as done deal to acting like the victim of a schoolyard beat down. She’s kept a low profile since Tuesday night’s trouncing in the debates, where even her closest allies and advisers said she dropped the ball (”As someone who loves her,” said former Clinton adviser James Carville. “This was not her best performance.”). As she regrouped, Clinton went on the offensive (or defensive?) producing a video titled “The Politics of Pile-On.” And honestly, it just doesn’t work.
Clinton Regroups As Rivals Pounce [WP]
The Politics of Pile-On [YouTube]

This week, General Petraeus, James Carville, Wesley Clark, Donald Rumsfeld, Henry Kissinger, Sam Brownback, and Mary Cheney were all spotted being various degrees of famous at various places by our spies and operatives. Voyeuristic fun, as always, is after the jump.

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The Smoking Gun has 30 pages of Scooter Libby mash notes from various Washington bigwigs, from Henry Kissinger to Peter Pace. It’s also something of a rogues gallery of shamed former Bushies who’ve seen better days (Rummy! Feith! Wolfowitz!). Perhaps oddly, there’s no message of support from Dick Cheney. We figured he’d be a shitty boss, but he won’t even write a recommendation? MORE »

White Christian male media elites sure do love that beisbol. Too bad their sporty clothes don’t like them as James Carville’s skinny ass can make a t-shirt look like a poncho, and Tim Russert needs at least an hour in the make-up chair before he stops scaring small children. Oldest fart of them all Mort Kondracke was at the game too. So, you get those plus a couple of minor movie stars and one major, uh, general. Oh, and Jessica Cutler is bankrupt.

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It’s another installment of get-what-you-pay-for Wonk’d featuring James Carville and his incessantly opaque metaphors, Chris Matthews and his inability to dress or eat like a normal person, Newt Gingrich pretending to love all God’s children, and God’s warrior himself, Donald Rumsfeld, fighting like he was in The Warriors — and trying to make it out of New York alive.

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* Funniest man in Washington steals jokes from least funny man in Washington. [Portfolio]
* What the fuck is Carville doing on the “power couples” list again? He doesn’t have a real job. [Washington Monthly (PDF)]
* Dennis Hastert dropped seventy grand on lawyers to keep him out of the Foleygate hot seat. [Political Insider]
* Replacement players now guarding nation’s nukes. [Passport]
* Least likely to vote hate Hillary the most. [Gallup]
* Straight Talk Express gets bent. [Think Progress]
* Abortion ban decision actually good news for those looking to kill something inside them. [The Coffeehouse]

This week Rudy Giuliani proves there’s nothing more American than baseball and S&M while Valerie Plame and Kiefer Sutherland blow their covers, and Tucker Carlson just blows. Plus Joe Scarborough, James Carville and everyone’s favorite tequila slurping laborer.

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Those interested in the commuting, eating, and theater habits of John Bolton , Evan Bayh, Grover Norquist, and Sam Donaldson will find this week’s Wonk’d to their taste. Those more interested in the handjob “Tucker Carlson” got in a KFC bathroom from one of DC’s famous tranny hookers will also be well served by reading on.

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These sightings always bring more questions than answers. Is Tom Vilsack so hard up for publicity that he’ll sit in a window scarfing burgers to get noticed? What makes George Allen think he’s still a member of Congress? Is James Carville sane? Does Donald Rumsfeld need a lawyer for all the reasons we think he does? If Ted Kennedy can get his dog to follow his commands, how come no one else does? Is Chris Matthews sane? Has Norah O’Donnell been watching too much Godfather II? Did Tucker Carlson rub one out to Miss America after their lunch? Keep reading to see what’s making us wonder about this stuff, plus a former congressman who travels with the kind of luggage you don’t carry if you want to get your gayness fixed.

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* The root of Jim Webb’s hatred of Bush? It’s jealousy — he wants the top spot, will run in 2008. [Political Insider]
* Space cadet Joe Biden is running too, or will once he figures out what party he’s in. [TPM Cafe]
* James Carville says, “Ah, fuck it,” throws Al Gore’s hat in the ring. [Hotline on Call]
* Of course the end of Bush means the end of the greatest boon to political jokesters in history. Jon Stewart knows it, plans to leave The Daily Show after the 2008 election. UPDATE: Story totally changed in response to Wonkette linking it. We stand by the original rumor. [The Apiary]
* Illegal aliens in America are some stone cold killers. [WorldNetDaily]
* Until they take the new citizenship exam, after which their murderous urges will be channeled into discourses on the subtle peculiarities of representative government. [Blondesense]
* White House holiday party menu noticeably lacking in shame. [Salon]

* Military continues to rely heavily on “moral waivers” to meet recruitment goals, “If you’re not gay, there’s a way.” [The Carpetbagger Report]
* Barack Obama can sell ice in the winter, sell fire in hell, he’s a hustler baby, he can sell water to a well. [The Swamp]
* James Carville’s nickname changed from “Ragin Cajun” to “Captain Obvious” in light of his 2008 picks. [Political Wire]
* Walnuts McCain: a Machiavellian master, or making it up as he goes along? [Robert Reich]
* Sam “Next to be Outed” Brownback has supporters that are pretty sensitive to the word “theocracy.” [Andrew Sullivan]
* Congressional Republicans take their money and run, leave your money in a disheveled pile on the floor. [TPM]
* “John WATB Harris and Jim ‘Pool Boy’ VandeHei” set to go down in hilarious flames at the hands of their readers, if there are any. [Firedoglake]

* James Carville says of Howard Dean: “I would describe his leadership as Rumsfeldian in its competence.” [Window on Washington]
* Jack Abramoff loved Byron Dorgan and Byron Dorgan loved Jack Abramoff. [Say Anything]
* Fred Thompson should replace John Bolton at the UN. His experience in international diplomacy acquired during The Hunt for Red October and the daring Aces: Iron Eagle III missions will serve him well. [World Wide Standard]
* It happened again: actual White House makes error Bartlet White House made in 2004. [Think Progress]
* Tucker Carlson accuses President Bush of being a lightweight partier, says he can only handle, “like three beers or something.” [Media Matters]
* Somebody paid $2 million to Palestinian militants for the release of kidnapped Fox News reporters. Bill O’Reilly thinks it’s a bargain, as it cost him more than that, “to get that bitch to shut up about the falafel.” [World Net Daily]

Washington people just never quit working. Bill Kristol rises early to have breakfast with congressmen, Michael Chertoff spends Friday nights securing the homeland’s movie theaters, and Valerie Plame reads political non-fiction on street corners cause she can’t get enough. And kindly father Alito (at right — ain’t he loveable?) spends his weekends carting his daughter’s luggage all over 37th street. This plus philandering soccer players, jaywalking TV gangsters, and mustachioed wrestlers, after the jump!

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