Wonkette

We’ve long argued that the only non-Chevy Chase-related legacy of Ford’s temp-worker presidency was the evil he unleashed upon the world in the form of Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld, a pair of nobody White House factotums who were suddenly elevated to ridiculous levels of power, which they would manage to cling to and abuse for an entire awful generation. MORE »

This does mean they’re going to shoot them, right? It sure looks like last rites. MORE »

Nothing goes better together than gloomy government reports and comic books, which is why Slate’s cartoon version of the 9/11 Commission Report was such a staggering artistic and commercial success that truly marked the fifth anniversary of the terror attacks for all Americans.

Unfortunately, we don’t have five years to pay some second-rate comic inkers to make up “dramatic” visuals for 100+ pages of bureaucratic surrender, so we’ve just slapped some of Baker and Hamilton’s shimmering prose atop Slate’s 9/11 comic.

Join us after the jump for a very special “We give up!”

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It’s really everything we’ve dreamed of: First, it’s a PDF file. Everybody loves PDF files because they crash browsers and load that Adobe whatever. Second, it’s a lot of stuff we’ve known for months, but in official PDF form! MORE »

President Bush got his hard copy of the Iraq Study Group report at 7 a.m., and we, the people, get to see it ourselves at 11. MORE »

Having solved that messy little war problem, the Iraq Study Group is moving on to a more pressing issue: how to dress for success. MORE »

This won’t surprise anyone, but it’s almost official: Bush Family Fixer James Baker III and his bipartisan old-dudes group have come up with an amazing new plan for the U.S. military in Iraq. The plan is called “get out of there,” although the there is intentionally vague. MORE »

James Baker III is a realist, all right. MORE »

Bold facers display their blithe indifference to the common man in this week’s Wonk’d as Alan Greenspan laughs uproariously at the unsuspecting pawns in Borat, Bill Clinton ignores dead bodies in the street, and fey Karl Rove won’t even give a guy a courtesy nod. James Baker still keeps it real by hanging at bars - but only if they’re really classy. At least there’s always Marion Barry, who’s hip to the hot spots, and down with the cool styles. All these celebrity drinking habits, plus Grover Norquist reduced to buying last season’s irregular suits off the rack, after the jump.

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* John Edwards will use his appearance on The Daily Show tonight to grasp at relevance, announce his candidacy for 2008. [Political Wire]
* Joe Lieberman asks Republicans to hurry up and offer him a committee or something so he can switch parties already. [MoJo Blog]
* Bush Co. planning massive conspiracy to get James Baker in place for a presidential run. The “Cheney fakes heart attack” part of the plan to come any minute. [The Corsair]
* Marine Corps refuses Christmas donation of Jesus dolls, accepts holy warrior Jesus action figures with veins-in-his-teeth chomping action. [ Slice of Laodicea]
* Fox News has no balls. [Michelle Malkin]
* Entire Pataki family failures. [The Politicker]

We found this insane story last week about James Baker III shouting down Cheney and Bush 43 (in a fetal position) in some Godfather-style Oval Office takeover meeting right before the election. It was allegedly told by Newsweek’s Richard Wolffe to Chris Matthews during Election Night coverage, live on MSNBC at 4:30 a.m. — of course there are no transcripts, no YouTube evidence, etc.

But now that Newsweek has pretty much confirmed the whole story, we might as well repeat it here, after the jump.

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Carl Levin — incoming chairman of the Senate Armed Services Committee — says we’re starting a “phased withdrawal” within six months. We’d have more details, but CNN decided not to show his press conference. Better to have a reporter pointlessly jabber over the video! MORE »

The “outed” page was spanking not “pranking,” according to his lawyer. MORE »