In today’s edition of “Things That Are Impossible To Overstate, According To The News Media,” we return to that years-old question of whether Barack Obama either modestly dislikes women, or hates every single woman’s fucking guts. This was a hot topic last year when Barack Obama defeated a woman in a presidential primary, a heinous display of chauvinism. Why not crap on Susan B. Anthony’s grave and punch Lucretia Mott in the boob, while you’re at it? And now Obama has done something far worse: played various sports with coteries of men, instead of women. This is the very definition of being “pro-life.” MORE »

This is one of those Jake Tapper-esque “Just sayin’, it’s a fact, just sayin’…” style twats from CBS’ Mark Knoller, who probably doesn’t mean to imply anything, but is just sayin’, this is a statistic, just puttin’ it out there, interpret it how you will, just sayin’. [Twitter]

The cold and calculating Barack Obama is acting like just another politician with some grand “political” plan of his, the local toilet paper roll POLITICO tells us. He takes the so-called “powerful opponents” of his agenda out there and tries to weaken them, so as to “pass his agenda.” He is Richard Nixon, minus all of the massive law-breaking. MORE »

The anonymous Internet users of Twitter all responded with a rare “sexual” tone, in their anonymous comments, to the art photo Meghan McCain posted last night of two monstrous boobs reading an Andy Warhol biography together. Meghan was terrified! Had these folks already forgotten the tenets of the Lanny Davis Civility Pledge they were required to take a few weeks ago? At least the ABC News White House correspondent hadn’t. MORE »

It is understandable, of course, that right now everyone’s most immediate concern is protecting Trig Palin from Obama’s Human Productivity Freikorps. There is just no time to worry about specifics like reality. Enter Meg Stapleton, whose job it is as official spokesperson to an unemployed private citizen to concern herself with such horrid, gruesome detail, like how Obama will personally expel Trig to the alabaster, horizonless Alaska of the Sky. See “HR3200 p. 425 see ‘Advance Care Planning Consultation,’” clarifies Stapleton.  Hats off everybody, please—show some respect. MORE »

Here we have excerpted the traditional “red meat” portion of a Barack Obama press conference, in which we hear from all three network news correspondents, consecutively. Why does Obama cave to John McCain and Lindsey Graham and hate Iranian people and lie about other things such as health and money care? Health care and money? Health care and money care and Iran and John McCain and queers? MORE »

Yes, there is a consensus, so it must be true. But who is to BLAME, Tapper? [Twitter via The Awl]

It doesn’t matter whether the National Zoo’s panda’s uterus is half full or half empty—the important thing is how you look at it. [DCist] MORE »

Here is your Robert Gibbs trying to explain to the gotcha media that when Joe Biden said “Anyone in America who goes into any sort of enclosed space will die like hotcakes,” he really meant, “God bless the troops,” because nobody messes with that Joe. (?). This does not satisfy America’s top newsman, Jake Tapper, and everyone laughs at nothing. [Ben Smith]

We were going to give our recap of Barack Obama’s sexy party for mayors today based on this Jake Tapper article, but how lame would that be brosef? “Articles” are for your GRANDFATHER, right, so we’re checking Jake Tapper’s Twitter instead, cuz maybe we’re rad like that? Eh. Mid-major city mayors tend to be too blunt for national politicians, so this event appears to have been somewhat vulgar. Ha ha, they all wanted Ray Nagin to say something, because they knew it would be inappropriate, and it was. [ABC News, Twitter]

Here’s America’s favorite traveling Bob Saget impersonator, ABC News’ Jake Tapper, sort of… yeah… destroying Robert Gibbs with relative ease. Gibbs ends Tapper’s time by ignoring his question, ha. Was “Gibbsy” really the best choice for this job, hmm? Guess we won’t be seeing these two together at the Hawk ‘n’ Dove anymore. [YouTube]