Tag: jake tapper

Joe Walsh Only Fingering His ‘Musket’ Because Thomas Jefferson Told Him To

Sometimes a call to arms is not a call to arms. Or maybe it is.

Wonkagenda: Monday, October 3, 2016

You get in here and read your news brief, RIGHT NOW!

Who Sent The New York Times Donald Trump’s Taxes? We’re Gonna Go With ‘Marla Maples’

Clip and save to refute your idiot Facebook pal who thinks Trump paid property taxes, or real estate taxes, or city and state taxes, or ...
Nothing to see here, g'wan, get him outta here. Get him out!

New York Attorney General Somehow Under Impression Trump Foundation Might Be Kind Of Fishy

New York A.G. Eric Schneiderman is investigating the Trump Foundation just because it may have engaged in some illegal donations. How is that even fair?

Bernie Sanders Endorses Debbie Wasserman Schultz’s Hot Opponent. Weird, So Does Wonkette!

Bernie Sanders DECLARES WAR by endorsing Debbie Wasserman Schultz's congressional primary opponent. We endorsed that dude aaages ago.

Former Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer Has A Message To Share, And It Is #BrosBeforeHos

Oh thank God, former Arizona governor Jan Brewer has crept out of whatever xenophobic dungeon of severed heads and trash she lives in, to comment on the 2016 election. And wouldn't you know, she's just tired of people focusing...

Sarah Palin Endorses Paul Ryan’s Primary Opponent For Maximum Comedic Effect

Sarah Palin is so darn mad at that terrible Paul Ryan for not immediately bowing to Donald Trump that she vowed she will work tirelessly to elect his opponent in the Wisconsin primary, at least until she's distracted by...

Camille Paglia Has Had It UP TO HERE With Hillary’s Gross Wormwood Tits

Boy howdy, it is Friday afternoon, so let's immerse ourselves in the flowery, lady-hating, contrarian bullshit of Camille Paglia. Forsooth, she hath Important Thoughts on Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump, and how they do the things they do because of...

Donald Trump And Paul Ryan, Will You Two Please Just Have Sex And Get It Over With?

There's a battle of halfwits going on right now, Donald Trump and the pinchable face cheeks of House Speaker Paul Ryan.

No, The KKK Is Not And Has Never Been Liberal: A Historysplainer

Of course the Ku Klux Klan was never on the side of liberals and progress. This goes without saying. There can't possibly be anyone who disputes this basic notion, could there? Of course there could. Of fucking course there could....

GOP: Give Us Your Tired And Your Poor And Your Jesus-Lovers Only

Don't you just hate religious radicals who think their god is the best god and everyone else should go away, convert, or die in a fire? They're always trying to wipe out the unbelievers, murder the heathens even in...
RNC Chair Reince Priebus

Dear RNC: Stop Bitching About Last Night’s Debate Questions. You Sound Like A Idiot.

Wednesday night's (very dumb) CNBC Republican debate had barely ended before the RNC and individual campaigns were whining and kvetching -- to reporters, their moms, to Pinterest, and everywhere else -- that the questions were SO MUCH UNFAIRNESS to the brilliant...
Ha ha! Hair gel!

Mitt Romney So Happy He Decided Not To Lose Another Election

Mitt Romney was apparently sitting around in his bathrobe last week, riding up and down his car elevator, when some scheduler from CNN remembered he existed and booked him for Sunday's State of the Union talky program so he...
It was late and it seemed to make sense at the time

Jeb Bush Can’t Win, Settles For Explaining How Dubya Stopped 9/11

We're actually having a difficult time getting our heads around the latest Donald Trump/Jeb Bush spat, which slammed into the 2016 GOP primary contest Friday with the force of a hijacked 767 full of jet fuel, when Trump suggested...
The sleepiest little candidate

Ben Carson Has More Thoughts About Muslims. They Are Dumb, Racist Thoughts.

Last week, Ben Carson, who is currently just about tied with Donald Trump as the frontrunner for the Republican nomination, laid some of his doctorin' knowledge down about how we can't ever elect a Muslim president, because "Constitution" reasons....