Tag Archives: jake tapper

  I Don't Like Gundays

Rick Perry Gives Guns In Movie Theaters Two Thumbs Up

In the not-too-distant future
Former Texas Gov. Rick Perry knows there’s no problem that can’t be solved by the addition of more guns, which is why he claimed Sunday that last week’s shooting in a movie theater in Lafayette, Louisiana, probably could have been prevented if only a whole bunch of people in the audience had been armed. Because in the confusion and panic of a dark movie theater, five or six extra people with guns would certainly have been a big improvement. Read more on Rick Perry Gives Guns In Movie Theaters Two Thumbs Up…
  Here To Preserve Disorder

Ferguson Goes Nuts Again, It’s All Jake Tapper’s Fault

Probably a very good reason for all of this
If you were watching cable teevee Monday night around 11 ET, you got to see a completely baffling sight. After several hours of peaceful protests, police suddenly took up defensive positions — “a wall of law enforcement officers 60 wide and five deep,” as NBC News put it — that seemed to come virtually out of nowhere. On CNN, Jake Tapper expressed the basic what-the-fuckness of the situation as well as anyone: Read more on Ferguson Goes Nuts Again, It’s All Jake Tapper’s Fault…
  share and enjoy

Despite ‘Don’t Panic’ Cufflinks, Chris Christie Has No Idea Where His Towel Is

Chris Christie was spotted today by CNN’s Jake Tapper and photographer Eric Marrapodi wearing cufflinks imprinted with “Don’t Panic,” the signature slogan from Douglas Adams’s Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. However, one should not necessarily assume from this that the New Jersey Governor is a hoopy frood or that he has the slightest idea what to do with a pan-galactic gargleblaster. See our shocking photographic evidence after the jump! Read more on Despite ‘Don’t Panic’ Cufflinks, Chris Christie Has No Idea Where His Towel Is…
  new year new you

Jennifer Rubin is Perfect but You Suck

The new year is always a time for reflection. One year ends, another begins. Time to take stock of your life and create new dreams and new resolutions that you can aspire to in the coming year. Perhaps you decide to get more exercise (which you really should, you lazy bastards), or be more present for your family, or to drink less (hahaha we are never resolving to do that. We might resolve to drink more in 2013). Or, you could do what Jennifer Rubin does, and make concern-troll resolutions for other people: Read more on Jennifer Rubin is Perfect but You Suck…
  wonkette teevee

A Children’s Treasury Of Brutal Reviews Of Aaron Sorkin’s Terrible New Show

Is everybody excited to watch the new HBO drama about teevee news from writer Aaron Sorkin, the guy famous for showing a bunch of glib robot character spout out Aaron Sorkin’s glib fantasy political views? Studio 60 and, to a lesser extent, The West Wing were all so unbearably preachy to watch that we didn’t think we’d bother with this new one, but now that every critic has spent the week crapping all over it, we’re excited to check it out simply for laughs. The show tackles the abysmal state of the current news media, but, according to critics, somehow manages to screw this up. And it even stars Jeff Daniels, who is generally great! Why does Aaron Sorkin have to ruin liberal politics and everything else? Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Brutal Reviews Of Aaron Sorkin’s Terrible New Show…
  cannibalism

Media Reporting About Own Fights Over Photo of Obama Drinking Beer

The ever-shrinking Washington Post has a little piece of essential journalism about some inane “reporters versus a bunch of slobs” slapfight happening, where else, on Twitter, over a White House photo of President Obama drinking a beer with a young Marine who received the Medal of Honor. Here is your BREAKING NEWS timeline of this tragic story: several White House journalists tweeted the photo because that’s one of those “easy ones,” then a number of  Twitter lunatics spent actual moments of their brief, earthly lives criticizing the photo (THE MARINES ARE OWNED BY JESUS AND THE REPUBLICANS, OBAMA, NICE TRY), the reporters whined back about Twitter being full of obnoxious idiots, and then, this the only terrible part, the Washington Post declared this a newsworthy “debate” in a headline about this banal nonsense. Read more on Media Reporting About Own Fights Over Photo of Obama Drinking Beer…
  barry can you hear me?

Obama Hits Weird-Japanese-Commercial Portion of Presidency

This week, Barack Obama went over to Asia to see what happens when a model minority owns an entire continent. He obvs already knew, because his hippie mom made him live there in some off-the-grid shack for a hot minute with a foreign non-daddy, but it was worth another look to see if anything had changed, like if a sizable portion of the population had lost or gained an epicanthic fold. Read more on Obama Hits Weird-Japanese-Commercial Portion of Presidency…
  barry can you hear me?

Barry Would Love To See You In September

Vay-cay-shun, all he ever wan-ted! Va-ca-tion, haaaaad to geeet awaaaaay! These are lyrics from an ancient funeral dirge that Barack Obama never sang or thought of while on vacation, probably, even though this was a hit song when he was in high school, in Kenya. Anyway, he’s backsies from the Vineyard just in time for Hurricane Earl to destroy the white-devil holiday isle, so let’s see what our Dear Sexy Leader did this week! In place of our conscience, ABC’s Jake Tapper will be our guide. Read more on Barry Would Love To See You In September…
  barry can you hear me?

During Times Of Trial, It Is Then That Jake Tapper Carries You

Official White House Videographer Arun Chaudhury and I are the Sammi and Ronnie of the Internets. Usually, Arun posts the latest episode of everyone’s most beloved soap opera serial, West Wing Week, at approximately 12:01 a.m. on Friday morning. But lately, he’s been toying with my emotions by posting late and then trying to make amends via Twitter. And now this week, he just puts up a bullshit 35-second “preview?” Not fucking cool, Arun. If you can’t give me what I need, I’ll find a man who can. And this week, that person is Jake “Sudeikis” Tapper. Read more on During Times Of Trial, It Is Then That Jake Tapper Carries You…
  sacks

White House Apologizes To Shirley Sherrod (Still Like Cowards)

White House press secretary Robert Gibbs apologized to Shirley Sherrod “on behalf of this entire administration” in his daily briefing, which Sherrod “watched live on CNN.” Gibbs said Vilsack is “trying to reach her” to talk and apologize to her. Sherrod, like a true champ, said the administration has her phone number and knows how to get in touch. As of now, Tom Vilsack is still your Secretary of Agriculture and Shirley Sherrod has no job. Read more on White House Apologizes To Shirley Sherrod (Still Like Cowards)…
  things that are impossible to overstate

It Is Impossible To Overstate How Sexist The Obama White House Is

In today’s edition of “Things That Are Impossible To Overstate, According To The News Media,” we return to that years-old question of whether Barack Obama either modestly dislikes women, or hates every single woman’s fucking guts. This was a hot topic last year when Barack Obama defeated a woman in a presidential primary, a heinous display of chauvinism. Why not crap on Susan B. Anthony’s grave and punch Lucretia Mott in the boob, while you’re at it? And now Obama has done something far worse: played various sports with coteries of men, instead of women. This is the very definition of being “pro-life.” Read more on It Is Impossible To Overstate How Sexist The Obama White House Is…
  probably means nothing but still

CBS Newsman Would Just Like To Make Note Of This Fact He Spent Hours Researching

This is one of those Jake Tapper-esque “Just sayin’, it’s a fact, just sayin’…” style twats from CBS’ Mark Knoller, who probably doesn’t mean to imply anything, but is just sayin’, this is a statistic, just puttin’ it out there, interpret it how you will, just sayin’. [Twitter] Read more on CBS Newsman Would Just Like To Make Note Of This Fact He Spent Hours Researching…
  hitler times 100

Marginalize Enemies? Sounds Like A Plan!

The cold and calculating Barack Obama is acting like just another politician with some grand “political” plan of his, the local toilet paper roll POLITICO tells us. He takes the so-called “powerful opponents” of his agenda out there and tries to weaken them, so as to “pass his agenda.” He is Richard Nixon, minus all of the massive law-breaking. Read more on Marginalize Enemies? Sounds Like A Plan!…
  warholboobgate

Jake Tapper Employs Secret War Code To Save Meghan McCain

The anonymous Internet users of Twitter all responded with a rare “sexual” tone, in their anonymous comments, to the art photo Meghan McCain posted last night of two monstrous boobs reading an Andy Warhol biography together. Meghan was terrified! Had these folks already forgotten the tenets of the Lanny Davis Civility Pledge they were required to take a few weeks ago? At least the ABC News White House correspondent hadn’t. Read more on Jake Tapper Employs Secret War Code To Save Meghan McCain…
  america's healthcare debate

The “Trig vs. The Death Squads” Fact-Check That Definitely Explains Everything

It is understandable, of course, that right now everyone’s most immediate concern is protecting Trig Palin from Obama’s Human Productivity Freikorps. There is just no time to worry about specifics like reality. Enter Meg Stapleton, whose job it is as official spokesperson to an unemployed private citizen to concern herself with such horrid, gruesome detail, like how Obama will personally expel Trig to the alabaster, horizonless Alaska of the Sky. See “HR3200 p. 425 see ‘Advance Care Planning Consultation,'” clarifies Stapleton.  Hats off everybody, please—show some respect. Read more on The “Trig vs. The Death Squads” Fact-Check That Definitely Explains Everything…
  so testy impeach him

More Of Obama Wanting To Burn Reporters With His Lit Cigarette

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy Here we have excerpted the traditional “red meat” portion of a Barack Obama press conference, in which we hear from all three network news correspondents, consecutively. Why does Obama cave to John McCain and Lindsey Graham and hate Iranian people and lie about other things such as health and money care? Health care and money? Health care and money care and Iran and John McCain and queers? Read more on More Of Obama Wanting To Burn Reporters With His Lit Cigarette…