Wonkette

The mayor of Detroit keeps getting into comical scrapes, which is great because any time the Detroit Free Press needs to fill its news hole they just look out the window and see what kind of buffoonery Kwame Kilpatrick is engaged in at that hour of the day. In our latest installment, the judge presiding over the mayor’s EIGHT FELONY CASES tells him to go to jail after he visits Canada. MORE »

HA HA, THAT LARRY GUY’S IN JAIL NOW: So that career criminal who somehow rented (with John McCain’s American Express?) the Holeman Lounge (ha ha, “holeman”) at the National Press Club today, to give a “press conference” about how he dreams of having gay drug murder sex with famous presidents such as Barack Obama, was arrested by the Police for various petty outstanding crimes against humanity, right after his pathetic performance, the end. [Reason]

Former South Dakota legislator Ted Klaudt was convicted in Blowvember for sexually abusing his foster daughters while telling them his was examining them for their suitability as egg donors. Ted, by the way, isn’t a doctor. He was sentenced yesterday to 44 years in prison and won’t be eligible to apply for parole for until 2030. Ted’s lawyer had argued for a lesser sentence because a 50 year-old, 600 pound man is likely to die in prison, but, really, that’s a fate that Ted could’ve prevented by NOT RAPING HIS FOSTER DAUGHTERS so the judge and I and probably most of the rest of the world don’t really give a shit. Enjoy prison, short eyes. [Fox News]

America’s Mayor ™ was arrested again on Saturday, but he miraculously avoided the usual DUI or drug charges. This is what they call a “Christmas Miracle.” MORE »