jail

According to CBS Houston, “McGruff The Crime Dog Actor Sentenced To 16 Years For Pot, Grenade Launcher.” At first, we thought it was a Pot Grenade Launcher, which we hoped would be like one of those cool launchers they use at sportsball games to shoot free tee shirts into the crowd, except this would be […]

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, our weekly collection of cranky crap that wasn’t worth a full post, but was too incandescently stoopid to ignore altogether. First up, Bryan Fischer told all his followers on Twitter today to go read this shocking billion-word exposé of what Teh Ghey is really all about, as explained […]

Hi, Wonkaloonies! Yr Doktor Zoom really enjoyed “sleeping in” this week! But we are back from vacation now, and ready for another Derp Roundup, our weekly Sloppy Joe of news trimmings that were too stoopid to ignore altogether but not quite enough to make a full post out of. We have to use ‘em before […]

There’s no gunshots or stripper poles, and sadly no alligators guarding a stash, but this story from Washington nonetheless warms the cockles of Yr Wonkette’s cruel dark heart: A Bellingham man wrapped a baggie of marijuana around an arrow and fired it at the second-floor recreation area of Whatcom County Jail on Tuesday morning, Aug. […]

Come, gather round ye heathens and lets us learn a little something today about Arkansas, shall we? Shut up, it won’t kill you, it’s not Texas. Okay, what do we know about this fair state? It brought us Wal-Mart, so that sucks. Then there’s all the Duggars and counting, gross. Also, Bill Clinton was its […]

California, “the industrial prison state,” has a tremendous number of people locked up in state, county and privately-operated hellholes, the only growth industry in the doomed state. And the prisoners are rioting, statewide. Tens of thousands of them, rioting against their low-paid peers in security guard outfits, rioting against starvation diets of inedible swill and […]

INSTANT COMEUPPANCE, BIYOTCHES. The killjoy police chief who fined a 65-year-old woman for hanging red Truck Nutz off her pickup truck turns out to be a bit of a “Joe Walsh” himself. He was tossed into the clink for owing $15,000 in back child support payments that he hadn’t paid since 2006. Is it sheer […]

One would think that Barack Obama, illegal Kenyan anchor baby that he is, would have special place in his heart for all the other people who live in this country even though they are not allowed. WRONG! “The Obama administration deported nearly 400,000 people last year – a record – with the number driven up […]

Post-apocalyptic America has a few rules still, like “stay out of trailer parks at night,” and “personal mobility scooters are hilarious, in every context.” Did we have to say that? NO, on to the real issue: America also has some very awful rules, like “automatically assume a black man walking into a bank with a […]

TPM has been all over that story about the terrifying private security company that secretly bought a fancy public jail from a Montana town, so as to convert it into a War Facility. The head of the company is such a dirty criminal that the best title anyone can give him is “California-based grifter.” And […]

Get ready, it’s Cherry Blossom time! Starting tomorrow all the out-of-towners you just had to accommodate, in January, will suddenly take an interest in visiting again. [DCist]

Sometimes comical ex-Detroit mayor, Kwame Kilpatrick, was released from Detroit prison after 99 days of memorable anal sex (and a possible conversion to Muslin!) He was picked up by a private driver (remember to pay taxes on that!) and emerged to the screams of a full dozen insane “fans.” He remains on probation, duh, but […]

CUT-NUT  7:22 pm October 24, 2008

Ha Ha Ha: Ashley Todd Taken To Jail

by Ken Layne

Oh god, what a bunch of bullshit. Good-bye Forever, Cut-Nut! [KDKA 2]

The mayor of Detroit keeps getting into comical scrapes, which is great because any time the Detroit Free Press needs to fill its news hole they just look out the window and see what kind of buffoonery Kwame Kilpatrick is engaged in at that hour of the day. In our latest installment, the judge presiding […]

LOSERS  7:39 pm June 18, 2008

by Ken Layne

HA HA, THAT LARRY GUY’S IN JAIL NOW: So that career criminal who somehow rented (with John McCain’s American Express?) the Holeman Lounge (ha ha, “holeman”) at the National Press Club today, to give a “press conference” about how he dreams of having gay drug murder sex with famous presidents such as Barack Obama, was […]