Tag: jail

Wonkagenda: Monday, October 10, 2016

You get in here and read your news brief, RIGHT NOW!
ryan c, man's pocket Constitution says this is some bullshit, man.

Ryan Bundy Doesn’t Understand Why He Can’t Have His Guns. In Jail.

Why is jail so much like jail?
Watch out. Jessica's got her 'tired of your bullshit' face on.

Jessica Williams Talks To Gordon Klingenschmitt About Trans People Using The Terlet

Jessica Williams, one of the Daily Show's most effective weaponized comedic assets, gets sent on a search, mock, and destroy mission to take on the idiocy of "bathroom bills" like those recently passed in North Carolina and Mississippi,...

DJ Timbaland Knows Flint’s Poisoned Residents Want Him To Have His Expensive Liquor

Whenever there is a crisis that somehow captures the national attention for more than a fleeting moment, we inevitably hit the celebrity stage, where well-meaning (or just coldly calculating, but hey, their money still spends) celebs lend their names...

Flint Office Workers Got Delicious Bottled Water While Residents Guzzled Lead

On a scale of "one to rending your garments because Donald Trump actually becomes president," how mad are you already today? Maybe a six or so? Cool. We're here to nudge you up the scale, because we bring you...
Wipe that smirk off your face, boy.

Pharma Douchebro Martin Shkreli Ain’t Got No Job No More :(

Oh no, Martin Shkreli is having another terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day! Just Thursday, he was arrested for the heinous crime of being the biggest dickbag in all of U.S. America, and also for maybe the teeny-weeniest smidge of fraud....
Congratulations, no one will ever know the details, you slime

Sicko Ex-Speaker Dennis Hastert Pleads Guilty, Might Go To Jail For 5 Minutes

Sooo many House speaker SEX SCANDALS since last we checked on (alleged) sick pervert Denny Hastert, the “safe” one who only became speaker in 1999, after all the other preferred choices had to run away in disgrace. We recently lost John...
We've seen that look before, and it was on Dana Carvey's face

Megyn Kelly Lets Kim Davis Yammer About Jebus For A While

Megyn Kelly treated Kim Davis, the Rowan County court clerk in Kentucky who won't issue marriage licenses for fear of getting sodomy all over her, to the full Fox News Exclusive Interview treatment Wednesday night. Kelly was in top...
She's not a doctor, but...

Fox Chick Certain All The Man Prisoners Will Want Hoo-Has Now

You know that thing when a transgender person gets gender reassignment surgery, and everybody at Show And Tell is like "ooh, me too, this is the next hottest thing, gender reassignment surgery, MOOOOOOOMMMM, why does Jessa get gender reassignment...
Haha, what's the difference?

Texas Judge Sentences Dude To Marriage, Bible Study

An a sentencing decision that sounds like something out of a bad comedy routine, a Texas judge gave a defendant in a misdemeanor case a simple choice: Marry his girlfriend or do 15 days in jail. Hey, it's just...
Yeah, marijuana use is clearly the important part of this story.

Why Do Black People Keep Killing Themselves When They Get Arrested?

Looks like there's been another mysterious death of a black suspect in police custody, this time in Waller County, Texas, where 28-year-old Sandra Bland was found dead Monday after being arrested following a traffic stop last Friday. Bland was...
OG

Mean Judge Makes Felon Dinesh D’Souza Clean All The Freeways With Lindsay Lohan

Felonious crimer thug Dinesh D'Souza has been out of the pokey for all of a month, and he's already in trouble again. On Monday, federal judge Richard Berman (we love him) explained to D'Souza's dumb ass and his dumbass...
He calls this his 'hoodlum chic' look. Really.

Hardened Criminal Dinesh D’Souza Finally Freed From Maximum Security Sleep-Away Camp

Convicted felon Dinesh D'Souza is free at last, FREE AT LAST! from his eight-month sentence of being held in "overnight captivity" in a "community confinement center." D'Souza, as we all know because of how he has been on TV...

Mean Judge Won’t Let Felon Dinesh D’Souza Have Summer Vacay From Prison, UNFAIR!

Dinesh D'Souza -- felon, adulterer, racist, and so of course, also conservative hero -- is being SILENCED! and OPPRESSED! once more. Not by President Ghetto this time, at least not directly, but by judicial activist Richard Berman: A federal judge...
If this is a crime, then we're guilty!

Let’s All Have Sex On The Beach, And Then Go To Prison Forever!

Welcome to sunny Florida, NO FUCKING ALLOWED, at least not on the beach. Seems Florida Man has gone and gotten himself into trouble again, and he may do 15 years in the slammer, because he was so overcome by the romance...
Last tango in Washington!

Congress-Model Aaron Schock Comes Out … Of Congress

BREAKING NEWS UPDATE! Aaron Schock, our beloved globetrotting Republican congressdarling from Illinois, the one what's had all the ethics violations doggie-styling him for the last couple of months, is resigning his seat to spend more time posting hawt pictures...