Wonkette

The Republican party finds itself in a pickle this political season: how to point out subtle differences between John McCain and his future Presidential opponent without saying unpleasant words like “black” or “woman.” Several party leaders have already come up with brilliant solutions, revealed after the jump. MORE »

Differentiated only by published date and bylines, two anti-Darwin columns demonstrate conclusively that there is a higher power, and He has guided two of his most faithful (and aging, and mentally diminished) servants so well that He thought, what the hell, who’s gonna notice a repeat? It’s August! MORE »

• Reliable Source: The Bushes gave Kenny Chesney special cowboy boots to commemorate his East Room performance. . . Alberto Gonzales says it’s “unclear” whether his parents entered the country illegally. . . Rep. Dana Rohrabacher (R-Calif.) is returning $23,000 to an indicted producer. [WP]
• Under the Dome: James Gandolfini thinks Bush should “reinstate the draft, send 500,000 troops and finish it.”. . . Two members of the Grateful Dead fundraise for Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-Vt.). . . John Edwards and Jack Kemp join forces to encourage people to save for retirement. [The Hill]
• Heard on the Hill: Euan Blair is no longer a Hill intern, and one question lingers: why? [Roll Call]
• Page Six: Former NJ Gov. Jim McGreevey will be on “Oprah” in the fall. [NYP]

* Reliable Source: Bush twins and Henry Hager ran “incognito” in a Richmond marathon on Saturday. . . Jack Kemp, Terry McAuliffe, and Wesley Clark show up at GQ book party. [WP]
* Inside the Beltway: Jack Abramoff’s attorney says his client will get out of jail earlier than expected. . . Rep. Tom DeLay just one month ago: “The reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated. I’m still very much alive.”. . . Actor Seth Green: “The Democratic Party just sits and waits… The Republicans are just more focused and organized.” [WT]
* Inside Politics: Sen. Barack Obama has “rock-star-like appearance” in Vermont. . . MoveOn.org ads that link Republican lawmakers to energy and oil interests are banned by two NBC stations. . . Rep. Cynthia McKinney acknowledges misuse of funds to pay for airfare for Isaac Hayes. [WT]

Springtime in Washington isn’t just about the cherry blossoms; it’s also about the parties. Monday night found Wonkette at Viridian, for the launch party for THIS IS OUR WAR: Servicemen’s Photographs of Life in Iraq.

The party was thrown by GQ, with editor-in-chief Jim Nelson hosting, and it was just as glamorous and trendy as one might have expected. The crowd was exceptionally young, attractive, and stylish (at least by D.C. standards). One attendee quipped: “There is more Prada in this room right now than in the entire rest of the District!” Another guest speculated that Beauitful People had been brought in from New York to prettify the proceedings.

After the jump, our report card on the festivities — including an account of General Clark’s hand brushing against our crotch. That definitely made the evening complete!

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Below, a small sampling of our favorite comments left this week. Well, maybe not our favorites, but they seemed like most of the words were spelled correctly and we just need to get out of the apartment while it’s still fucking nice outside. Want to join the party? Find out how here. MORE »

Editors’ note: Don’t miss Ana Marie Cox’s Washington Post live chat, starting today at 11:30 AM. You can access it here, where you can also find a link for submitting questions to the Original Wonkette about BlackBerry disaster averted. Happy chatting!

Chatology this week slightly enlivened by the appearance of Stephen Colbert, though it was offset by Chairman of Joint Chiefs Peter Pace doing a half-Ginsburg; he has the kind of whispery monotone that made us fall asleep during filmstrips in health class. Most notable segment: Bill Kristol channeling Arianna Huffington in his disappointment in the administration, causing massive freakout on the Fox set and Chris Wallace to utter the Quote of the Week: “My whole universe has been rocked.”

Top topics: Potential (or ongoing?) civil war in Iraq; Katrina tapes; Dubai port deal.

One hit wonders: Two hits for the criminal investigation into Pat Tillman’s death (MTP and FNS); Oscar talk on “This Week”

Quotes to live by:
• Stephen Colbert on his Oscar expectation: “a lot of jokes [about] abortion… it’s a funny word, like guacamole.”
• Peter Pace moderates his view on Iraq: “I wouldn’t put a great big smiley face on it.”
• Juan Williams on DHS/FEMA infighting: “I’m going to put that off to two big boys having something in the back yard.” Well, someone saw “Brokeback Mountain.”

Full coverage continues after the jump.

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